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CHAPTER 20

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he walked away from her slowly, turning half unconsciously in the direction of his house. his mind was a swirl of confusion. he tried to think. he needed to get it all straightened out.

the sense of inferiority, she'd said, the constant sense of inferiority. let's not fool ourselves, she'd said. there isn't one of them that isn't superior to every terran here.

and he'd just sat there, stupefied, not denying it.

because once it was spoken, put into words, it had a certain rightness. a certain obviousness. he'd known it all the time.

he hadn't let himself know it, though. he'd struggled against it, choking it back when it started seeping up from his unconscious. he'd worked so hard and kept himself so busy and exhausted he didn't have time to think. he'd thought so hard about other things he didn't have time to think about the truth.

he'd arrived here looking for the answer to a mystery. thinking maybe the planet had a secret value, hoping maybe it held an explosive or new weapon that was classified as super top secret, wondering if maybe it weren't really primitive.

and nobody could have told him: it does have a secret value—secret because you're too blind to see it. nobody could have told him; these people are more advanced than you are. because advanced meant machines. advanced didn't mean happy, loving, graceful, courageous, honest.

they couldn't have told him with words if he couldn't see it with his eyes—if he couldn't see that the glowing faces of the natives held a secret worth learning.

the only secret that really mattered.

how to be happy.

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