there was also an understanding, consecrated by the piety of their renunciation, that wilkinson was only waiting for his wife's death to marry mrs. norman.
and wilkinson's wife was a long time in dying. it was not to be supposed that she would die quickly, as long as she could interfere with his happiness by living.
with her genius for frustrating and tormenting, she kept the poor man on tenter-hooks with perpetual relapses and recoveries. she jerked him on the chain. he was always a prisoner on the verge of his release. she was at death's door in march. in april she was to be seen, convalescent, in a bath-chair, being wheeled slowly up and down the spaniard's road. and wilkinson walked by the chair, his shoulders bent, his eyes fixed on the ground, his face set in an expression of illimitable patience.
in the summer she gave it up and died; and in the following spring wilkinson resumed his converse with [pg 91] mrs. norman. all things considered, he had left a decent interval.
by autumn mrs. norman's friends were all on tiptoe and craning their necks with expectation. it was assumed among them that wilkinson would propose to her the following summer, when the first year of his widowhood should be ended. when summer came there was nothing between them that anybody could see. but it by no means followed that there was nothing to be seen. mrs. norman seemed perfectly sure of him. in her intense sympathy for wilkinson she knew how to account for all his hesitations and delays. she could not look for any passionate, decisive step from the broken creature he had become; she was prepared to accept him as he was, with all his humiliating fears and waverings. the tragic things his wife had done to him could not be undone in a day.
another year divided wilkinson from his tragedy, and still he stood trembling weakly on the verge. mrs. norman began to grow thin. she lost her bright air of defiance, and showed herself vulnerable by the hand of time. and nothing, positively nothing, stood between them, except wilkinson's morbid diffidence. so absurdly manifest was their case that somebody (the troubadour man, in fact) interposed discreetly. in the most delicate manner possible, he gave wilkinson to understand that he would not necessarily make himself obnoxious to mrs. norman were he to approach her with—well, with a view to securing their joint happiness—happiness which they had both earned by their admirable behavior.
that was all that was needed: a tactful friend of both parties to put it to wilkinson simply and in the right way. wilkinson rose from his abasement. there was a light in his eye that rejoiced the tactful friend; his face had a look of sudden, virile determination.
"i will go to her," he said, "now."
it was a dark, unpleasant evening, full of cold and sleet.
wilkinson thrust his arms into an overcoat, jammed a cap down on his forehead, and strode into the weather. he strode into mrs. norman's drawing-room.
when mrs. norman saw that look on his face she knew that it was all right. her youth rose in her again to meet it.
"forgive me," said wilkinson. "i had to come."
"why not?" she said.
"it's so late."
"not too late for me."
he sat down, still with his air of determination, in the chair she indicated. he waved away, with unconcealed impatience, the trivialities she used to soften the violence of his invasion.
"i've come," he said, "because i've had something on my mind. it strikes me that i've never really thanked you."
"thanked me?"
"for your great kindness to my wife."
mrs. norman looked away.
"i shall always be grateful to you," said wilkinson. "you were very good to her."
"oh, no, no," she moaned.
"i assure you," he insisted, "she felt it very much. i thought you would like to know that."
"oh, yes." mrs. norman's voice went very low with the sinking of her heart.
"she used to say you did more for her—you and your sister, with her beautiful music—than all the [pg 93] doctors. you found the thing that eased her. i suppose you knew how ill she was—all the time? i mean before her last illness."
"i don't think," said she, "i did know."
his face, which had grown grave, brightened. "no? well, you see, she was so plucky. nobody could have known; i didn't always realize it myself."
then he told her that for five years his wife had suffered from a nervous malady that made her subject to strange excitements and depressions.
"we fought it," he said, "together. through it all, even on her worst days, she was always the same to me."
he sank deeper into memory.
"nobody knows what she was to me. she wasn't one much for society. she went into it" (his manner implied that she had adorned it) "to please me, because i thought it might do her good. it was one of the things we tried."
mrs. norman stared at him. she stared through him and beyond him, and saw a strange man. she listened to a strange voice that sounded far off, from somewhere beyond forgetfulness.
"there were times," she heard him saying, "when we could not go out or see anyone. all we wanted was to be alone together. we could sit, she and i, a whole evening without saying a word. we each knew what the other wanted to say without saying it. i was always sure of her; she understood me as nobody else ever can." he paused. "all that's gone."
"oh, no," mrs. norman said, "it isn't."
"it is." he illuminated himself with a faint flame of passion.
"don't say that, when you have friends who understand." [pg 94]
"they don't. they can't. and," said wilkinson, "i don't want them to."
mrs. norman sat silent, as in the presence of something sacred and supreme.
she confessed afterward that what had attracted her to peter wilkinson was his tremendous capacity for devotion. only (this she did not confess) she never dreamed that it had been given to his wife.
