i was ninety-nine point nine percent sure i was dreaming.
the reasons i was so certain were that, first, i was standing in a bright shaft of sunlight—the kind ofblinding clear sun that never shone on my drizzly new hometown in forks, washington—and second, iwas looking at my grandma marie. gran had been dead for six years now, so that was solid evidencetoward the dream theory.
gran hadn't changed much; her face looked just the same as i remembered it. the skin was soft andwithered, bent into a thousand tiny creases that clung gently to the bone underneath. like a dried apricot,but with a puff of thick white hair standing out in a cloud around it.
our mouths—hers a wizened picker—spread into the same surprised half-smile at just the same time.
apparently, she hadn't been expecting to see me, either.
i was about to ask her a question; i had so many—what was she doing here in my cream? what had she been up to in the past six years? was pop okay, and had they found each other, wherever theywere?—but she opened her mouth when i did, so i stopped to let her go first. she paused, too, and thenwe goth smiled at the little awkwardness.
"bella!"it wasn't gran who called my name, and we both turned to see the addition to our small reunion. i didn'thave to look to know who it was; this was a voice i would know anywhere—know, and respond to,whether i was awake or asleep… or even dead, i'd bet. the voice i'd walk through fire for—or, lessdramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for.
edward.
even though i was always thrilled to see him—conscious or otherwise—and even though i was almostpositive that i was dreaming, i panicked as edward walked toward us through the glaring sunlight.
i panicked because gran didn't know that i was in love with a vampire—nobody knew that—so howwas i supposed to explain the fact that the brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin into a thousandrainbow shards like he was made of crystal or diamond?
well, gran, yon might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. it's just something he does in thesun. don't worry about it…what was he doing? the whole reason he lived in forks, the rainiest place in the world, was so that hecould be outside in the daytime without exposing his family's secret. yet here he was, strolling gracefullytoward me—with the most beautiful smile on his angel's face—as if i were the only one here.
in that second, i wished that i was not the one exception to his mysterious talent; i usually felt gratefulthat i was the only person whose thoughts he couldn't hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud.
but now i wished he could hear me, too, so that he could hear the warning i was screaming in my head.
i shot a panicked glance back at gran, and saw that it was too late. she was just turning to stare back atme, her eyes as alarmed as mine.
edward—still smiling so beautifully that my heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst through mychest—put his arm around my shoulder and turned to face my grandmother.
gran's expression surprised me. instead of looking horrified, she was staring at me sheepishly, as ifwaiting for a scolding. and she was standing in such a strange position—one arm held awkwardly awayfrom her body, stretched out and then curled around the air. like she had her arm around someone icouldn't see, someone invisible…only then, as i looked at the bigger picture, did i notice the huge gilt frame that enclosed mygrandmother's form. uncomprehending, i raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around edward's waistand reached out to touch her. she mimicked the movement exactly, mirrored it. but where our fingersshould have met, there was nothing but cold glass…with a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare.
there was no gran.
that was me. me in a mirror. me—ancient, creased, and withered.
edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen.
he pressed his icy, perfect lips against my wasted cheek.
"happy birthday," he whispered.
i woke with a start—my eyelids popping open wide—and gasped. dull gray light, the familiar light of anovercast morning, took the place of the blinding sun in my dream.
just a dream, i told myself. it was only a dream. i took a deep breath, and then jumped again whenmy alarm went off. the little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today wasseptember thirteenth.
only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. today was my birthday. i was officiallyeighteen years old.
i'd been dreading this day for months.
all through the perfect summer—the happiest summer i had ever had, the happiest summer anyoneanywhere had ever had, and the rainiest summer in the history of the olympic peninsula—this bleak datehad lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.
and now that it had hit, it was even worse than i'd feared it would be. i could feel it—i was older. everyday i got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable. i was eighteen.
and edward never would be.
when i went to brush my teeth, i was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed. i staredat myself, looking for some sign of impending wrinkles in my ivory skin. the only creases were the oneson my forehead, though, and i knew that if i could manage to relax, they would disappear. i couldn't. myeyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over my anxious brown eyes.
it was just a dream, i reminded myself again. just a dream… but also my worst nightmare.
i skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible. i wasn't entirely able toavoid my dad, and so i had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. i honestly tried to be excited aboutthe gifts i'd asked him not to get me, but every time i had to smile, it felt like i might start crying.
i struggled to get a grip on myself as i drove to school. the vision of gran—i would not think of it asme—was hard to get out of my head. i couldn't feel anything but despair until i pulled into the familiarparking lot behind forks high school and spotted edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silvervolvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty. the dream had not done him justice.
and he was waiting there for me, just the same as every other day.
despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. even after half a year with him, i still couldn'tbelieve that i deserved this degree of good fortune.
his sister alice was standing by his side, waiting for me, too.
of course edward and alice weren't really related (in forks the story was that all the cullen siblingswere adopted by dr. carlisle culler and his wife, esme, both plainly too young to have teenage children),but their skin was precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange golden tint, with thesame deep, bruise-like shadows beneath them. her face, like his, was also startlingly beautiful. tosomeone in the know—someone like me—these similarities marked them for what they were.
the sight of alice waiting there—her tawny eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver-wrappedsquare in her hands—made me frown. i'd told alice i didn't want anything, anything, not gifts or evenattention, for my birthday. obviously, my wishes were being ignored.
i slammed the door of my '53 chevy truck—a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wetblacktop—and walked slowly toward where they waited. alice skipped forward to meet me, her pixieface glowing under her spiky black hair.
"happy birthday, bella!""shh!" i hissed, glancing around the lot to make sure no one had heard her. the last thing i wanted wassome kind of celebration of the black event.
she ignored me. "do you want to open your present now or later?" she asked eagerly as we made ourway to where edward still waited.
"no presents," i protested in a mumble.
she finally seemed to process my mood. "okay… later, then. did you like the scrapbook your mom sentyou? and the camera from charlie?"i sighed. of course she would know what my birthday presents were. edward wasn't the only memberof his family with unusual skills. alice would have "seen" what my parents were planning as soon as they'ddecided that themselves.
"yeah. they're great.""i think it's a nice idea. you're only a senior once. might as well document the experience.""how many times have you been a senior?""that's different."we reached edward then, and he held out his hand for mine. i took it eagerly, forgetting, for a moment,my glum mood. his skin was, as always, smooth, hard, and very cold. he gave my fingers a gentlesqueeze. i looked into his liquid topa2 eyes, and my heart gave a not-quite-so-gentle squeeze of its own.
hearing the stutter in my heartbeats, he smiled again.
he lifted his free hand and traced one cool fingertip around the outside of my lips as he spoke. "so, asdiscussed, i am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?""yes. that is correct." i could never quite mimic the flow of his perfect, formal articulation. it wassomething that could only be picked up in an earlier century.
"just checking." he ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair. "you might have changed your mind.
most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts."alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. "of course you'll enjoy it. everyone issupposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, bella. what's the worst that could happen?"she meant it as a rhetorical question.
"getting older," i answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as i wanted it to be.
beside me, edward's smile tightened into a hard line.
"eighteen isn't very old," alice said. "don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset overbirthdays?""it's older than edward," i mumbled.
he sighed.
"technically," she said, keeping her tone light. "just by one little year, though."and i supposed… if i could be sure of the future i wanted, sure that i would get to spend forever withedward, and alice and the rest of the cullens (preferably not as a wrinkled little old lady)… then a yearor two one direction or the other wouldn't matter to me so much. but edward was dead set against anyfuture that changed me. any future that made me like him—that made me immortal, too.
an impasse, he called it.
i couldn't really see edward's point, to be honest. what was so great about mortality? being a vampiredidn't look like such a terrible thing—not the way the cullens did it, anyway.
"what time will you be at the house?" alice continued, changing the subject. from her expression, shewas up to exactly the kind of thing i'd been hoping to avoid.
"i didn't know i had plans to be there.""oh, be fair, bella!" she complained. "you aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?""i thought my birthday was about what i want.""i'll get her from charlie's right after school," edward told her, ignoring me altogether.
"i have to work," i protested.
"you don't, actually," alice told me smugly. "i already spoke to mrs. newton about it. she's trading yourshifts. she said to tell you 'happy birthday.'""i—i still can't come over," i stammered, scrambling for an excuse. "i, well, i haven't watched romeoand juliet yet for english."alice snorted. "you have romeo and juliet memorized.""but mr. berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it—that's how shakespeareintended it to be presented."edward rolled his eyes.
"you've already seen the movie," alice accused.
"but not the nineteen-sixties version. mr. berty said it was the best."finally, alice lost the smug smile and glared at me. "this can be easy, or this can be hard, bella, but oneway or the other—"edward interrupted her threat. "relax, alice. if bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. it's herbirthday.""so there," i added.
"i'll bring her over around seven," he continued. "that will give you more time to set up."alice's laughter chimed again. "sounds good. see you tonight, bella! it'll be fun, you'll see." shegrinned—the wide smile exposed all her perfect, glistening teeth—then pecked me on the cheek anddanced off toward her first class before i could respond.
"edward, please—" i started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger to my lips.
"let's discuss it later. we're going to be late for class."no one bothered to stare at us as we took our usual seats in the back of the classroom (we had almostevery class together now—it was amazing the favors edward could get the female administrators to dofor him). edward and i had been together too long now to be an object of gossip anymore. even mikenewton didn't bother to give me the glum stare that used to make me feel a little guilty. he smiled nowinstead, and i was glad he seemed to have accepted that we could only be friends. mike had changedover the summer—his face had lost some of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, andhe was wearing his pale blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer and gelled into a carefullycasual disarray. it was easy to see where his inspiration came from—but edward's look wasn'tsomething that could be achieved through imitation.
as the day progressed, i considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the cullen housetonight. it would be bad enough to have to celebrate when i was in the mood to mourn. but, worse thanthat, this was sure to involve attention and gifts.
attention is never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree. no one wants a spotlightwhen they're likely to fall on their face.
and i'd very pointedly asked—well, ordered really—that no one give me any presents this year. itlooked like charlie and renee weren't the only ones who had decided to overlook that.
i'd never had much money, and that had never bothered me. renee had raised me on a kindergartenteacher's salary. charlie wasn't getting rich at his job, either—he was the police chief here in the tiny townof forks. my only personal income came from the three days a week i worked at the local sportinggoods store. in a town this small, i was lucky to have a job. every penny i made went into mymicroscopic college fund. (college was plan b. i was still hoping for plan a, but edward was just sostubborn about leaving me human…)edward had a lot of money—i didn't even want to think about how much. money meant next to nothingto edward or the rest of the cullens. it was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited timeon your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market. edwarddidn't seem to understand why i objected to him spending money on me—why it made meuncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in seattle, why he wasn't allowed to buy me a carthat could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour, or why i wouldn't let him pay my college tuition (hewas ridiculously enthusiastic about plan b). edward thought i was being unnecessarily difficult.
but how could i let him give me things when i had nothing to reciprocate with? he, for someunfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more outof balance.
as the day went on, neither edward nor alice brought my birthday up again, and i began to relax a little.
we sat at our usual table for lunch.
a strange kind of truce existed at that table. the three of us—edward, alice, and i—sat on the extremesouthern end of the table. now that the "older" and somewhat scarier (in emmett's case, certainly) cullensiblings had graduated, alice and edward did not seem quite so intimidating, and we did not sit herealone. my other friends, mike and jessica (who were in the awkward post-breakup friendship phase),angela and ben (whose relationship had survived the summer), eric, conner, tyler, and lauren (thoughthat last one didn't really count in the friend category) all sat at the same table, on the other side of aninvisible line. that line dissolved on sunny days when edward and alice always skipped school, and thenthe conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me.
edward and alice didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way i would have. they barelynoticed it. people always felt strangely ill at ease with the cullens, almost afraid for some reason theycouldn't explain to themselves. i was a rare exception to that rule. sometimes it bothered edward howvery comfortable i was with being close to him. he thought he was hazardous to my health—an opinion irejected vehemently whenever he voiced it.
the afternoon passed quickly. school ended, and edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. butthis time, he held the passenger door open for me. alice must have been taking his car home so that hecould keep me from making a run for it.
i folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain. "it's my birthday, don't i get to drive?""i'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished.""if it's not my birthday, then i don't have to go to your house tonight…""all right." he shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the driver's side. "happy birthday.""shh," i shushed him halfheartedly. i climbed in the opened door, wishing he'd taken the other offer.
edward played with the radio while i drove, shaking his head in disapproval.
"your radio has horrible reception."i frowned. i didn't like it when he picked on my truck. the truck was great—it had personality.
"you want a nice stereo? drive your own car." i was so nervous about alice's plans, on top of myalready gloomy mood, that the words came out sharper than i'd meant them. i was hardly everbad-tempered with edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling.
when i parked in front of charlie's house, he reached over to take my face in his hands. he handled mevery carefully, pressing just the tips of his fingers softly against my temples, my cheekbones, my jawline.
like i was especially breakable. which was exactly the case—compared with him, at least.
"you should be in a good mood, today of all days," he whispered. his sweet breath fanned across myface.
"and if i don't want to be in a good mood?" i asked, my breathing uneven.
his golden eyes smoldered. "too bad."my head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy lips against mine. as heintended, no doubt, i forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale andexhale.
his mouth lingered on mine, cold and smooth and gentle, until i wrapped my arms around his neck andthrew myself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm. i could feel his lips curve upward as he let goof my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him.
edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive.
though i respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp,venom-coated teeth, i tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.
"be good, please," he breathed against my cheek. he pressed his lips gently to mine one more time andthen pulled away, folding my arms across my stomach.
my pulse was thudding in my ears. i put one hand over my heart. it drummed hyperactively under mypalm.
"do you think i'll ever get better at this?" i wondered, mostly to myself. "that my heart might somedaystop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?""i really hope not," he said, a bit smug.
i rolled my eyes. "let's go watch the capulets and montagues hack each other up, all right?""your wish, my command."edward sprawled across the couch while i started the movie, fast-forwarding through the openingcredits.
when i perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulledme against his chest. it wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chestbeing hard and cold—and perfect—as an ice sculpture, but it was definitely preferable. he pulled the oldafghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so i wouldn't freeze beside his body.
"you know, i've never had much patience with romeo," he commented as the movie started.
"what's wrong with romeo?" i asked, a little offended. romeo was one of my favorite fictionalcharacters. until i'd met edward, i'd sort of had a thing for him.
"well, first of all, he's in love with this rosaline—don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? andthen, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills juliet's cousin. that's not very brilliant. mistake aftermistake. could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"i sighed. "do you want me to watch this alone?""no, i'll mostly be watching you, anyway." his fingers traced patterns across the skin of my arm, raisinggoose bumps. "will you cry?""probably," i admitted, "if i'm paying attention.""i won't distract you then." but i felt his lips on my hair, and it was very distracting.
the movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to edward whispering romeo's lines inmy ear—his irresistible, velvet voice made the actor's voice sound weak and coarse by comparison. andi did cry, to his amusement, when juliet woke and found her new husband dead.
"i'll admit, i do sort of envy him here," edward said, drying the tears with a lock of my hair.
"she's very pretty."he made a disgusted sound. "i don't envy him the girl—just the ease of the suicide," he clarified in ateasing tone. "you humans have it so easy! all you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plantextracts…""what?" i gasped.
"it's something i had to think about once, and i knew from carlisle's experience that it wouldn't besimple. i'm not even sure how many ways carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he realizedwhat he'd become…" his voice, which had grown serious, turned light again. "and he's clearly still inexcellent health."i twisted around so that i could read his face. "what are you talking about?" i demanded. "what do youmean, this something you had to think about once?""last spring, when you were… nearly killed…" he paused to take a deep breath, snuggling to return tohis teasing tone. "of course i was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was makingcontingency plans. like i said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."for one second, the memory of my last trip to phoenix washed through my head and made me feel dizzy.
i could see it all so clearly—the blinding sun, the heat waves coming off the concrete as i ran withdesperate haste to find the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture me to death. james, waiting in themirrored room with my mother as his hostage—or so i'd thought. i hadn't known it was all a ruse. just asjames hadn't known that edward was racing to save me; edward made it in time, but it had been a closeone. unthinkingly, my fingers traced the crescent-shaped scar on my hand that was always just a fewdegrees cooler than the rest of my skin.
i shook my head—as if i could shake away the bad memories—and tried to grasp what edward meant.
my stomach plunged uncomfortably. "contingency plans?" i repeated.
"well, i wasn't going to live without you." he rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious. "but iwasn't sure how to do it—i knew emmett and jasper would never help… so i was thinking maybe iwould go to italy and do something to provoke the volturi."i didn't want to believe he was serious, but his golden eyes were brooding, focused on something faraway in the distance as he contemplated ways to end his own life. abruptly, i was furious.
"what is a volturi?" i demanded.
"the volturi are a family," he explained, his eyes still remote. "a very old, very powerful family of ourkind. they are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, i suppose. carlisle lived with them brieflyin his early years, in italy, before he settled in america—do you remember the story?""of course i remember."i would never forget the first time i'd gone to his home, the huge white mansion buried deep in the forestbeside the river, or the room where carlisle—edward's father in so many real ways—kept a wall ofpaintings that illustrated his personal history. the most vivid, most wildly colorful canvas there, the largest,was from carlisle's time in italy. of course i remembered the calm quartet of men, each with theexquisite face of a seraph, painted into the highest balcony overlooking the swirling mayhem of color.
though the painting was centuries old, carlisle—the blond angel—remained unchanged. and iremembered the three others, carlisle's early acquaintances. edward had never used the name volturi for the beautiful trio, two black-haired, one snow white. he'd called them aro, caius, and marcus,nighttime patrons of the arts…"anyway, you don't irritate the volturi," edward went on, interrupting ray reverie. "not unless you wantto die—or whatever it is we do." his voice was so calm, it made him sound almost bored by theprospect.
my anger turned to horror. i took his marble face between my hands and held it very tightly.
"you must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" i said. "no matter what might everhappen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!""i'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point.""put me in danger! i thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?" i was getting angrier.
"how dare you even think like that?" the idea of edward ceasing to exist, even if i were dead, wasimpossiblypainful.
"what would you do, if the situation were reversed?" he asked.
"that's not the same thing."he didn't seem to understand the difference. he chuckled.
"what if something did happen to you?" i blanched at the thought. "would you want me to go offmyself?"a trace of pain touched his perfect features.
"i guess i see your point… a little," he admitted. "but what would i do without you?""whatever you were doing before i came along and complicated your existence."he sighed. "you make that sound so easy.""it should be. i'm not really that interesting."he was about to argue, but then he let it go. "moot point," he reminded me. abruptly, he pulled himselfup into a more formal posture, shifting me to the side so that we were no longer touching.
"charlie?" i guessed.
edward smiled. after a moment, i heard the sound of the police cruiser pulling into the driveway. ireached out and took his hand firmly. my dad could deal with that much.
charlie came in with a pizza box in his hands.
"hey, kids." he grinned at me. "i thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for yourbirthday. hungry?""sure. thanks, dad."charlie didn't comment on edward's apparent lack of appetite. he was used to edward passing ondinner.
"do you mind if i borrow bella for the evening?" edward asked when charlie and i were done.
i looked at charlie hopefully. maybe he had some concept of birthdays as stay-at-home, familyaffairs—this was my first birthday with him, the first birthday since my mom, renee, had remarried andgone to live in florida, so i didn't know what he would expect.
"that's fine—the mariners are playing the sox tonight," charlie explained, and my hope disappeared.
"so i won't be any kind of company… here." he scooped up the camera he'd gotten me on renee'ssuggestion (because i would need pictures to fill up my scrap-book), and threw it to me.
he ought to know better than that—i'd always been coordinationally challenged. the camera glanced offthe tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor. edward snagged it before it could crash onto thelinoleum.
"nice save," charlie noted. "if they're doing something fun at the cullens' tonight, bella, you should takesome pictures. you know how your mother gets—she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than youcan take them.""good idea, charlie," edward said, handing me the camera.
i turned the camera on edward, and snapped the first picture. "it works.""that's good. hey, say hi to alice for me. she hasn't been over in a while." charlie's mouth pulled downat one corner.
"it's been three days, dad," i reminded him. charlie was crazy about alice. he'd become attached lastspring when she'd helped me through my awkward convalescence; charlie would be fore'ter grateful toher for saving him from the horror of an almost-adult daughter who needed help showering. "i'll tell her.""okay. you kids have fun tonight." it was clearly a dismissal. charlie was already edging toward theliving room and the tv.
edward smiled, triumphant, and took my hand to pull me from the kitchen.
when we got to the truck, he opened the passenger door for me again, and this time i didn't argue. i stillhad a hard time finding the obscure turnoff to his house in the dark.
edward drove north through forks, visibly chafing at the speed limit enforced by my prehistoric chevy.
the engine groaned even louder than usual as he pushed it over fifty.
"take it easy," i warned him.
"you know what you would love? a nice little audi coupe. very quiet, lots of power…""there's nothing wrong with my truck. and speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what'sgood for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents.""not a dime," he said virtuously.
"good.""can you do me a favor?""that depends on what it is."he sighed, his lovely face serious. "bella, the last real birthday any of us had was emmett in 1935. cut usa little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. they're all very excited." it always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. "fine, i'll behave.""i probably should warn you…""please do.""when i say they're all excited… i do mean all of them.""everyone?" i choked. "i thought emmett and rosalie were in africa." the rest of forks was under theimpression that the older cullens had gone off to college this year, to dartmouth, but i knew better.
"emmett wanted to be here.""but… rosalie?""i know, bella. don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."i didn't answer. like i could just not worry, that easy. unlike alice, edward's other "adopted" sister, thegolden blond and exquisite rosalie, didn't like me much. actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger thanjust dislike. as far as rosalie was concerned, i was an unwelcome intruder into her family's secret life.
i felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that rosalie and emmett's prolonged absencewas my fault, even as i furtively enjoyed not having to see her emmett, edward's playful bear of abrother, i did miss. he was in many ways just like the big brother i'd always wanted… only much, muchmore terrifying.
edward decided to change the subject. "so, if you won't let me get you the audi, isn't there anything thatyou'd like for your birthday?"the words came out in a whisper. "you know what i want."a deep frown carved creases into his marble forehead. he obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject ofrosalie.
it felt like we'd had this argument a lot today.
"not tonight, bella. please.""well, maybe alice will give me what i want."edward growled—a deep, menacing sound. "this isn't going to be your last birthday, bella," he vowed.
"that's not fair!"i thought i heard his teeth clench together.
we were pulling up to the house now. bright light shined from every window on the first two floors. along line of glowing japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the hugecedars that surrounded the house. big bowls of flowers—pink roses—lined the wide stairs up to thefront doors.
i moaned.
edward took a few deep breaths to calm himself. "this is a party," he reminded me. "try to be a goodsport." "sure," i muttered.
he came around to get my door, and offered me his hand.
"i have a question."he waited warily.
"if i develop this film," i said, toying with the camera in my hands, "will you show up in the picture?"edward started laughing. he helped me out of the car, pulled me up the stairs, and was still laughing as heopened the door for me.
they were all waiting in the huge white living room; when i walked through the door, they greeted mewith a loud chorus of "happy birthday, bella!" while i blushed and looked down. alice, i assumed, hadcovered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses.
there was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to edward's grand piano, holding a pink birthdaycake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents.
it was a hundred times worse than i'd imagined.
edward, sensing my distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around my waist and kissed the top of myhead.
edward's parents, carlisle and esme—impossibly youthful and lovely as ever—were the closest to thedoor. esme hugged me carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against my cheek as she kissedmy forehead, and then carlisle put his arm around my shoulders.
"sorry about this, bella," he stage-whispered. "we couldn't rein alice in."rosalie and emmett stood behind them. rosalie didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare. emmett's facewas stretched into a huge grin. it had been months since i'd seen them; i'd forgotten how gloriouslybeautiful rosalie was—it almost hurt to look at her. and had emmett always been so… big?
"you haven't changed at all," emmett said with mock disappointment. "i expected a perceptibledifference, but here you are, red-faced just like always.""thanks a lot, emmett," i said, blushing deeper.
he laughed, "i have to step out for a second"—he paused to wink conspicuously at alice—"don't doanything funny while i'm gone.""i'lltry."alice let go of jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light. jasper smiled,too, but kept his distance. he leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. during thedays we'd had to spend cooped up together in phoenix, i'd thought he'd gotten over his aversion to me.
but he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before—avoiding me as much as possible—the momenthe was free from that temporary obligation to protect me. i knew it wasn't personal, just a precaution,and i tried not to be overly sensitive about it. jasper had more trouble sticking to the cullens' diet thanthe rest of them; the scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the others—he hadn'tbeen trying as long.
"time to open presents," alice declared. she put her cool hand under my elbow and towed me to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.
i put on my best martyr face. "alice, i know i told you i didn't want anything—""but i didn't listen," she interrupted, smug. "open it." she took the camera from my hands and replaced itwith a big, square silver box.
the box was so light that it felt empty. the tag on top said that it was from emmett, rosalie, and jasper.
selfconsciously, i tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed.
it was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. i opened the box, hoping for furtherillumination. but the box was empty.
"um… thanks."rosalie actually cracked a smile. jasper laughed. "it's a stereo for your truck," he explained. "emmett'sinstalling it right now so that you can't return it."alice was always one step ahead of me. "thanks, jasper, rosalie," i told them, grinning as i rememberededward's complaints about my radio this afternoon—all a setup, apparently. "thanks, emmett!" i calledmore loudly.
i heard his booming laugh from my truck, and i couldn't help laughing, too.
"open mine and edward's next," alice said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill. she held asmall, flat square in her hand.
i turned to give edward a basilisk glare. "you promised."before he could answer, emmett bounded through the door. "just in time!" he crowed. he pushed inbehind jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a good look.
"i didn't spend a dime," edward assured me. he brushed a strand of hair from my face, leaving my skintingling from his touch.
i inhaled deeply and turned to alice. "give it to me," i sighed.
emmett chuckled with delight.
i took the little package, rolling my eyes at edward while i stuck my finger under the edge of the paperand jerked it under the tape.
"shoot," i muttered when the paper sliced my finger; i pulled it out to examine the damage. a single dropof blood oozed from the tiny cut.
it all happened very quickly then.
"no!" edward roared.
he threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. it fell, as i did, scattering the cake and thepresents, the flowers and the plates. i landed in the mess of shattered crystal.
jasper slammed into edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide.
there was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in jasper's chest. jasper tried to shove past edward, snapping his teeth just inches from edward's face.
emmett grabbed jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, butjasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me.
beyond the shock, there was also pain. i'd tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrownout instinctively to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. only now did i feel the searing, stingingpain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow.
dazed and disoriented, i looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm—into the feveredeyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.
1． 派对
我百分之九十九点九地确定我是在做梦。
我之所以如此确信的理由是：第一，我正站在一束明亮的阳光下——那种令人目眩的，明净的太阳从未照耀在我的新家乡——华盛顿州的福克斯镇上，这里常年笼罩在如烟似雾的绵绵细雨之中；第二，我正注视着玛丽祖母，奶奶至今去世已经有六年多了，因此，这一确凿的证据足以证明我是在做梦。
奶奶没有发生很大的变化；她的脸庞还是我记忆中的模样。她的皮肤柔软而松弛，形成一道道弯弯曲曲的小的细纹，轻轻地依附在骨骼上；她像一棵干瘪的杏树，只不过她头上还顶着一团蓬松浓密的白发，像云朵一样盘旋在她的周围，漂浮在空中。
我们的嘴唇——她的嘴巴干瘪，嘴角布满褶皱——就在同一时间向两边咧开，露出同样惊讶的半个笑容。显而易见，她也没料到会见到我。
我正准备问她问题；我有好多问题想要问奶奶——她在我的梦里做什么？她过去六年过得怎么样？爷爷还好吗？无论他们在哪里，他们找到彼此了吗？——但是，她在我开口的时候也张开了嘴巴，所以我停了下来，让她先说。奶奶也停顿了一下，接着，我们俩都感到有些笨拙，笑了起来。
"是贝拉吗？"
不过不是奶奶在叫我，我们俩都转过身来看着加入到我们两个人的小团聚中的那个人。我没必要看就知道是谁；不管在哪里我都能认出这个声音——它是那么熟悉，无论是在我清醒的时候，还是在睡梦中，…… 我敢打赌,就算我死了,我都能感应到它的存在。这个声音是我宁愿穿越火海都要寻找到的，——或者，不那么夸张地说，它是我宁愿每天跋涉在寒冷无尽的雨中都要寻找到的。
这个人当然是爱德华。
尽管我看到他的时候总会兴奋不已——有意或无意地——即使我几乎肯定我正在做梦，当爱德华穿过耀眼的阳光向我们走来的时候，我仍然感到惊慌失措。
我惊慌失措是因为奶奶不知道我和一个吸血鬼相爱了——没有人知道这件事——那么，一束束光辉灿烂的光柱散落成千万颗彩虹般的光珠，洒落到爱德华的皮肤上，使他看起来像是由水晶或钻石做成的一样，我该如何解释这一事实呢？
那么，奶奶，您可能已经注意到我的男朋友闪闪发光。只不过他在阳光下就会这样。别担心……
他正在做什么？他住在福克斯这个世界上最阴雨绵绵的地方的全部原因就是他能够在白天外出，同时又不会暴露他的家族秘密。然而，爱德华现在正优雅地向我款款走来——他天使般的脸庞上挂着最美丽的微笑——仿佛这里只有我一个人一样。
就在那一刻，我希望我没有被排除在他神秘的天赋之外；而我原先也一直很庆幸他唯独不能看透我的心思，但是现在我希望他也能听清我的想法，这样的话他就能听见我脑海里尖声喊出的警告。
我大惊失色地朝身后瞥了一眼奶奶，但一切都太迟了。奶奶正好转过身来瞪大眼睛盯着我，她的双眼和我的一样充满警觉。
爱德华——仍然带着如此美丽的微笑，我的心仿佛要从胸口膨胀迸裂出来一样——他伸出手臂抱住我的肩膀，转过身来面向祖母。
奶奶的表情令我惊讶不已。她看起来毫不恐惧，相反，她怯懦地盯着我，仿佛在等待责备一样。而且她站立的姿势也很奇怪——一只手臂笨拙地抬了起来，向外伸出去，接着环绕着空气弯曲起来，就像她的胳臂环抱着某个我看不见的人——某个隐形的人一样……
正大画面逐渐变大的时候，我才注意到围绕着我祖母的巨大的镀金镜框。我根本想不通这是怎么回事，于是我抬起那只没有搂着爱德华的腰的手臂，伸出手想要触摸她。奶奶一模一样地模仿着我的动作，简直就像从镜子里反射出来的一样。但是就在我们的手指头应该相遇的地方，我却只感觉到冷冰冰的玻璃……
仿佛遭到狠狠的打击一样，我感到头晕眼花，梦突然变成了梦魇。
那根本不是奶奶。
那是我。镜子里的我。我——年老色衰，满脸皱纹，神情枯槁。
爱德华站在我的身边，镜子中也没有他的映像，他如此可爱，永远保持着十七岁的模样，这一切令人如此痛苦不堪。
他把冰冷完美的嘴唇贴近我消瘦的脸颊。
"生日快乐。"他呢喃道。
我突然一惊，猛地醒了过来——眼睑突然睁得大大的——大口地喘着气。又是一个多云的早晨，一缕缕熟悉的昏暗的灰色光线取代了梦中令人眩目的阳光。
只不过是个梦而已，我告诉自己。这只不过是个梦。我深深吸了一口气，就在这时，闹钟冷不防地响了起来，我又吓了一跳。闹钟钟面角落里的小日历显示今天是九月十三日。
尽管不过是个梦而已，但从某种意义上来说至少预示着什么。今天是我的生日。我就要正式地步入十八岁了。
几个月以来我一直害怕这一天的到来。
在整整一个完美的夏天里——我曾度过的最快乐的夏天，那是任何地方的任何人曾经度过的最快乐的夏天，当然，那也是奥林匹克半岛历史上最多雨的夏天——这个令人沮丧的日子却秘密地潜伏着，等待着迸发出来。
而现在它突然袭来，其打击比我恐惧的情况还要糟糕。我能感受到这一点——我变老了。虽然每天我都在变老，但是这是不一样的，这种感觉更糟糕，而且是可以用数字计算的。我十八岁了。
而爱德华永远都不会变老。
我刷牙的时候看见镜子中的脸庞并没有改变，这着实令人惊讶不已。我紧盯着镜子中的自己，试图在象牙般的皮肤上寻找即将到来的皱纹的蛛丝马迹。不过，我脸上唯一的褶皱是额头上的，虽然我知道，如果我能够让自己放松一下的话，它们就会消失不见。但我做不到。我的眉毛纠结在一起，在焦虑的深褐色眼睛上方形成一道直线，呈现出忧虑的表情。
这不过是个梦而已，我再次提醒自己。只不过是个梦……但也是我曾做过的最糟糕的噩梦。
我没吃早餐，就急匆匆地想尽可能快地跑出家门，但我没能完全避开爸爸，因此不得不花几分钟时间假装高兴。看到他给我的那些我要他不要买的礼物，我认真地努力露出兴奋的表情，但是每次当我不得不笑的时候，我觉得自己好像就要开始哭泣一样。
在开车到学校去的路上，我努力地控制住自己的情绪。奶奶的幻景——尽管我不会把它当成自己——但是却很难把它从脑海中驱逐出去。除了绝望我毫无感觉，直到当我把车开到福克斯高中后面熟悉的停车场，发现爱德华仿佛一尊美神大理石雕像——那位被遗忘了的异教神——一动不动地靠在他的抛过光的银色沃尔沃轿车上。我的梦没有公正地对待他，他比梦境中更加迷人。爱德华每天都会等我，就像往常一样，他现在正在那儿等我呢。
绝望暂时烟消云散；取而代之的是奇迹。即使在我与他交往半年之后，我仍然不敢相信我配得上如此这般的幸运。
他的妹妹爱丽丝站在他身边，也在等我。
当然，爱德华和爱丽丝并没有血缘关系（在福克斯流传着这样的故事，卡伦家族所有的兄弟姐妹都是由卡莱尔·卡伦医生和他的妻子埃斯梅领养回来的，他们两个人太年轻了，不可能有十几岁大的孩子），但是他们的脸庞蒙着一层如出一辙的苍白与朦胧，双眸也闪烁着同样奇异的金色光芒，淤青般的阴影笼罩着深深的眼窝。爱丽丝的脸庞像爱德华的一样，美丽得令人惊叹。在知悉内情的人心中——就像我这样的知情人一样——他们的相似之处正是他们真实身份的标记。
一看到爱丽丝在那里等我——她黄褐色的眼眸闪烁着兴奋的光芒，手中握着一个银色包装的小方盒——一看见她手里的东西我就忍不住皱了皱眉头。我告诉过她我什么也不要，无论是什么，我的生日不需要礼物，甚至不需要别人的注意。显而易见，此刻他们完全无视我的愿望。
我"砰"的一声关上了我的雪佛兰53型卡车的门——一阵灰尘轻轻地飘落到湿漉漉的柏油路面上——我向他们等我的地方缓步走去。爱丽丝蹦蹦跳跳地向我跑来，她的脸庞在长长的直发下熠熠生辉，像小精灵一样。
"生日快乐，贝拉！"
"嘘！"我一边示意让她小点儿声音，一边看了看停车场周围，想确定没有人听见她说的话。我最不想发生的事情就是因为这次黑色事件而进行任何形式的庆祝活动。
她根本无视我的示意。爱德华还在原地等待，我们朝他走过去的时候，爱丽丝迫不及待地问道："你想现在还是晚些时候打开礼物？"
"不要礼物！"我咕哝着抗议道。
她终于好像弄明白了我脑子里在想什么似的，说道："好吧……那晚些时候再打开看吧。你喜欢你妈妈送给你的剪贴簿吗？还有查理送给你的照相机，你喜欢吗？"
我叹了口气。她当然会知道我会得到什么样的生日礼物。爱德华并不是他们家族唯一有特异功能的人。我的父母他们一旦决定要给我买什么，爱丽丝就能"看见"他们正在计划的事情。
"是啊，它们棒极了！"
"我认为那个主意不错。你只有一次当高年级学生的机会。不妨把你的经历存档起来。"
"你当过多少次高年级学生了？"
"那不一样。"
此时我们来到爱德华等我们的地方，他伸出手来牵住我的手。我急不可待地握住他的手，暂时遗忘了忧郁的情绪。他的皮肤和平常一样，光滑，结实，也很冰冷。他轻轻地掐了一下我的手指头，我望向他那明亮的黄褐色双眸，心脏一阵紧缩，那种心头一紧的感觉决不是那么轻柔。爱德华听见我不平伏的心跳之后又微笑了起来。
他抬起那只闲着手，用冰冷的指尖轻轻地在我的嘴唇周围滑动，并温柔地说："那么，和我们讨论的一样，你不允许我祝你生日快乐，是这样吗？"
"是的，就是这样。"我从来都没办法模仿他的遣词造句，那么完美，那么流畅，那么正式。那是只有一个世纪以前的人们才学得会的措辞。
"只是确定一下，"他用手理了理凌乱的金发，说道，"你可能改变主意了。大多数人好像喜欢像生日、礼物这样的事情。"
爱丽丝大声笑了起来，她的声音清脆而动听，就像风铃在风中发出阵阵响声一样，"你当然喜欢的，今天每个人都应该对你友好，让着你，宠着你，贝拉。难不成还会发生什么最糟糕的事情吗？"她反问道。
"变老啊。"我还是回答了她的问题，但我的声音并不像我想要的那么坚定。
站在我身边的爱德华咧着嘴巴笑了起来。
"十八岁并不老呀，"爱丽丝说，"难道女人们不是直到要过二十九岁生日的时候才会感到难过吗？"
"可我比爱德华老一些啊。"我喃喃自语道。
爱德华叹了叹气。
"就技术层面上而言，"她说道，语调还是那么轻松，"不过大了一岁而已。"
而我觉得……如果我对我想要的未来有把握的话，如果我将与爱德华、爱丽丝还有卡伦家族的人永远在一起的话（最好不要变成一个满脸皱纹、身材娇小的老妇人）……那么不论是大一两岁，还是小一两岁，我都不会如此介怀。但是爱德华完全反对任何让我发生改变的计划。任何让我与他一样的未来——而那样也会让我永生。
那是死路一条，他是这样说的。
老实说，我无法真正地理解爱德华的意思。什么让死亡如此了不起？做吸血鬼看起来并不是那么可怕的事情——至少卡伦家族的人看起来一点儿也不可怕。
"你几点钟到我们家？"爱丽丝继续问道，她改变了话题。看她的表情，她想要做的事就是我一直希望逃避的。
"我并没想过要来你们家呢。"
"哦，公平些，贝拉！"她抱怨道，"你不是真的打算那样扫我们的兴吧？"
"我以为我的生日应该是按照我想要的方式来过的。"
"放学后我会在查理家接她过来。"爱德华告诉她，他根本无视我的话。
"我得打工。"我抗议道。
"实际上，你不用去的，"爱丽丝得意地对我说，"我已经跟牛顿夫人说过了，她给你换了班。 她还让我转告你"生日快乐"。"
"可我——我还是不能过来，"我结结巴巴地说，搜肠刮肚地想找个借口，"我，噢，我还没有看英语课上要看的《罗密欧与朱丽叶》呢。"
"但是贝尔蒂先生说过我们要看上映的戏剧才能完全欣赏它——那才是莎士比亚想要的演绎方式。"
爱德华转了转眼睛。
"你已经看过电影了。"爱丽丝责备道。
"但是，那不是19世纪60年代版的。贝尔蒂先生说过那才是最好看的。"
最后，爱丽丝再也没法得意地笑了，她恶狠狠地盯着我："这事儿要么很简单，要么很难，贝拉，不过，非此即彼……"
爱德华打断她的威胁，宽慰道："爱丽丝，放松点儿。要是贝拉想要看电影的话，那么就让她看吧。这是她的生日。"
"就是啊！"我补充道。
"我七点左右带她过来，"他继续说道，""这样你们会有更多时间准备。"
爱丽丝大笑着插话道，"听起来不错。晚上见，贝拉！今晚肯定很有意思，你会发现的。"她露齿一笑——这样的笑容使她完美无瑕、闪闪发光的牙齿全部露在嘴唇外面——接着她轻轻地吻了一下我的脸，我还没来得及反应她就手舞足蹈地跑去上第一节课了。
"爱德华，求你——"我开始乞求了，但是他用一根冰冷的手指压住我的嘴唇。
"我们待会儿再讨论，上课要迟到了。"
我们和往常一样坐在了教室的后面，也没人费心盯着我们俩儿（我们现在差不多天天坐在一起上课——爱德华得到女行政助理们的特别关照帮他做成了这事儿，这简直棒极了！）爱德华和我在一起拍拖的时间已经很久了，现在这件事情已经不会再成为人们茶余饭后的谈资了。就连迈克·牛顿也没有再像以前一样忧郁地盯着我了，他的目光曾让我感到有些内疚。相反，现在微笑又出现在他的脸庞上，他似乎已经接受了我们两个人只能成为朋友的事实，这也让我感到很高兴。经过一个夏天，迈克改变了不少——圆圆的脸型已经稍有改变，颧骨更加突出，苍白的金发换了个新发型；和以前粗硬的长发不一样，现在他的头发更长了，用发胶精心地固定成随意零乱的造型。要了解这种灵感来自何处并非难事——但是爱德华的外表不是通过模仿就能实现的，
时间在往前推移，我却在想逃离今晚在卡伦家的大房子里可能发生的任何事情。我还沉湎于哀悼的情绪时却要举行庆生会，这已经够糟糕透顶的了。但是，比这更糟糕的是这肯定会引起别人的注意，还会收到许多礼物。
引人注意决不是什么好事情，其他像我一样老惹麻烦、笨手笨脚的人都会同意这一点。没有人想在自己很可能扑倒在地、丢脸万分的时候成为人们关注的焦点。
我曾直截了当地要求过——噢，实际上是命令过——今年任何人都不要给我送礼物。看起来查理和蕾妮并不是唯一决心对此熟视无睹的人。
我一直没什么钱，不过这也没让我烦心。蕾妮是靠幼儿园老师的薪水把我养大的，而查理的工作也赚不了什么钱——他是福克斯这个小镇上的警察局长。我个人唯一的收入来源于一周三天在当地一家运动品商店打工赚来的钱。在像福克斯这样小的小镇上，我能有份工作已经算是很幸运的了。我赚的每一分钱都存进了我的微型大学基金。（上大学是我的b计划。我仍然希望实现a计划，但是爱德华对于让我一直当人类的想法坚定不移。）
爱德华有许多钱——我甚至不想去想他到底有多少钱。金钱对于爱德华或卡伦家族的其他人而言毫无意义。他们认为金钱不过是当你手头拥有无限的光阴，而且有个姊妹具有预测股票市场行情的神秘能力的时候所积累的东西。爱德华似乎并不明白为什么我反对他在我身上花钱——他不理解要是他带我到西雅图一家昂贵的餐厅吃饭，为什么这会让我感到不舒服；他也不理解为什么我不允许他给我买一辆时速达到55英里的车；他更不理解为什么我不让他为我付上大学的学费（他荒谬地热衷于b计划）。在他眼里，我根本没必要自讨苦吃。
但是我怎能让他给我买东西却没法回赠呢？他，因为某种深不可测的原因，想要和我在一起。基于此种理由之上的任何馈赠都会让我们的关系愈加失去平衡。
白天仍在继续，爱德华和爱丽丝都没有再提我生日的事情，我开始放松了一点。
我们坐在常坐的座位上吃午饭。
这张餐桌上弥漫着一种奇怪的缓和气氛。我们三个人——爱德华、爱丽丝和我——坐在桌子的最南端。既然那几位还有些令人恐惧的"高年级学生"（当然是埃美特了）卡伦兄妹们都已经毕业了，爱丽丝和爱德华看起来就没那么令人畏惧了。除了我们之外，还有其他人坐在这里吃饭。我的其他朋友，迈克和杰西卡（他们俩正处于分手后仍是朋友的尴尬阶段），安吉拉和本（他们的关系经过一个暑期延续了下来），埃里克、康纳、泰勒和劳伦（尽管最后那个并不算真正意义上的朋友），全都坐在一张餐桌上吃饭上，餐桌上似乎有一条隐形的分界线，他们全都坐在另一端。这条隐形的分界线在阳光明媚的日子就自行消解了，通常这时候爱德华和爱丽丝都会翘课；这样一来，他们的谈话就会毫不费力地展开，我也会加入进来。
我常常感到这种微妙的放逐感，它令我感到很落单，也很受伤，而爱德华和爱丽丝却没有相同的体会。他们根本没注意到它的存在。人们对卡伦家族的人莫名其妙地感到不安，往往会因为某种他们自己也无法解释的原因而感到害怕。我则算个例外了。我和爱德华靠得很近的时候会感到无比地舒适，有时候，爱德华还会因此而烦恼。他认为他对我的健康有害——无论何时他发表这样的看法，我都会激烈地反对。
下午过得很快。放学后，爱德华和平常一样送我去取车。但是，这一次，他为我拉开的是乘客车门，爱丽丝这会儿肯定正开着他的车在回家的路上呢，这样一来他就可以防备我逃跑了。
我抱起双臂，没有任何避雨的意思，"这是我的生日，难道不应该由我来开车吗？"
"我正假装这不是你的生日呢，这正是你希望的啊。"
"要是这不是我的生日的话，那么我今晚就不必到你们家……"
"好吧！"他关上了乘客车门，从我面前走过打开了驾驶座的车门。"生日快乐。"
"嘘！"我毫无兴趣地嘘了一下，从打开的车门爬进了驾驶座，希望他接受的是另一个提议。
我开车的时候爱德华在拨弄我的收音机，满脸不以为然地摇着头。
我皱了皱眉头。我不喜欢他对我的卡车挑三拣四。这辆卡车棒极了——它很有个性！
"你想要买个漂亮的立体音响吧？那么开你自己的车去。"我对爱丽丝的计划感到如此不安，特别是当我本来就很郁闷的时候，我的话听起来比我原本的意思还要尖锐。我几乎从没对爱德华发过脾气，我的语调使他闭上了嘴巴，笑容僵在那里。
我把车停在查理的家门口，他则伸出双手捧住我的脸，小心翼翼地用指尖轻轻地划过我的太阳穴、颧骨和我的下巴，仿佛我特别容易破碎似的。的确如此——至少跟他比起来我是这样的。
"你应该心情很好才对，尤其是今天。"他轻声地说着，温柔的气息拂过我的脸。
"要是我不想心情好呢?"我问道，呼吸变得急促起来。
他金色的双眼布满忧郁："那就太糟糕了。"
当他向我靠近，把冰冷的嘴唇压在我的嘴唇上的时候，我已经开始晕头转向了。毫无疑问，他是故意的，顷刻间，我忘却了所有的烦恼，精力全用在记住如何吸气和呼气上了。
他的嘴唇冰冷而光滑，温柔地游移在我的嘴唇上，直到我用胳膊环抱住他的脖子，过于热情地回应着他的吻。当他松手放开我的头的时候，我感觉到他回避着我将嘴唇移开，转而用手掰开我紧紧环抱着他的手。
爱德华在我们身体接触方面定下了许多条条框框，他想让我活下去。尽管我一直使我的皮肤和他锋利无比、布满毒液的牙齿之间保持一定的安全距离，但我总是会忘记一些琐碎的事情，譬如当他吻我的时候我也要注意这些。
"乖乖的，求你了。"他在我脸旁温柔地说道。他又轻轻地吻了一下我的唇，然后又移开了，把我的手合在一起放在我的肚子上。
我几乎能听见自己的心跳，脑中嗡嗡作响，一片混乱。我用手捂住胸口，心脏在我的掌心下疯狂地跳动着，像拨浪鼓一样发出"嘭嘭嘭嘭"的声音。
"你觉得我能更好地应付这样的情况吗？"我几乎是自言自语，惊讶地说道， "无论何时你抚摸我，某一天我的心可能不会再努力地蹦出我的胸口。"
"我真的希望不要。"他说道，语气中有些沾沾自喜。
我转动了一下眼睛："我们去看看凯普莱特和蒙塔古是怎样互相攻击的，好吗？"
"你许下心愿，我就来实现。"
爱德华趴在长沙发椅上，我则把电影打开，按着快进键跳过片头字幕。我在他面前的沙发边缘上坐下来，他用胳膊环住了我的腰，紧紧地把我抱在他的胸前。其实，他的胸膛坚硬而冰冷——也很完美——和冰雕一样，靠在上面并不会比靠在一只沙发垫子更舒服，但是我当然更喜欢这样。他从长沙发椅上拉下一条阿富汗毛毯，裹在我身上，这样我就不会因为靠在他身边而感到寒冷。
"你知道，我对罗密欧一直就没什么耐心。"电影开始的时候他就评论道。
"罗密欧有什么不好？"我感到有些受到冒犯地问道。罗密欧是我最喜欢的虚构人物之一。在我遇到爱德华之前，我对他还真有些好感呢。
"哦，首先，他爱上了罗莎琳——你不觉得这使他看起来有些花心吗？接着，他和朱丽叶结婚之后不到几分钟就杀死了朱丽叶的表兄。那真不怎么聪明，他是一错再错!难道他不是彻头彻尾地毁掉了自己的幸福吗？"
我叹了口气："你让我一个人看这部电影好吗？"
"好吧，那我主要注视你好了。"他的指头摩挲着我胳膊上的皮肤纹理，所到之处起了一层鸡皮疙瘩。"你会哭吗？"
"可能吧，"我承认道，"要是我集
