it was very hard, in the morning, to argue with the part of me that wassure last night was a dream. logic wasn't on my side, or common sense. iclung to the parts i couldn't have imagined — like his smell. i was surei could never have dreamed that up on my own.
it was foggy and dark outside my window, absolutely perfect. he had noreason not to be in school today. i dressed in my heavy clothes,remembering i didn't have a jacket. further proof that my memory was real.
when i got downstairs, charlie was gone again — i was running later thani'd realized. i swallowed a granola bar in three bites, chased it downwith milk straight from the carton, and then hurried out the door.
hopefully the rain would hold off until i could find jessica.
it was unusually foggy; the air was almost smoky with it. the mist wasice cold where it clung to the exposed skin on my face and neck. icouldn't wait to get the heat going in my truck. it was such a thick fogthat i was a few feet down the driveway before i realized there was a carin it: a silver car. my heart thudded, stuttered, and then picked upagain in double time.
i didn't see where he came from, but suddenly he was there, pulling thedoor open for me.
"do you want to ride with me today?" he asked, amused by my expression ashe caught me by surprise yet again. there was uncertainty in his voice.
he was really giving me a choice — i was free to refuse, and part of himhoped for that. it was a vain hope.
"yes, thank you," i said, trying to keep my voice calm. as i stepped intothe warm car, i noticed his tan jacket was slung over the headrest of thepassenger seat. the door closed behind me, and, sooner than should bepossible, he was sitting next to me, starting the car.
"i brought the jacket for you. i didn't want you to get sick orsomething." his voice was guarded. i noticed that he wore no jackethimself, just a light gray knit v-neck shirt with long sleeves. again,the fabric clung to his perfectly muscled chest. it was a colossaltribute to his face that it kept my eyes away from his body.
"i'm not quite that delicate," i said, but i pulled the jacket onto mylap, pushing my arms through the too-long sleeves, curious to see if thescent could possibly be as good as i remembered. it was better.
"aren't you?" he contradicted in a voice so low i wasn't sure if he meantfor me to hear.
we drove through the fog-shrouded streets, always too fast, feelingawkward. i was, at least. last night all the walls were down… almost all.
i didn't know if we were still being as candid today. it left metongue-tied. i waited for him to speak.
he turned to smirk at me. "what, no twenty questions today?""do my questions bother you?" i asked, relieved.
"not as much as your reactions do." he looked like he was joking, but icouldn't be sure.
i frowned. "do i react badly?""no, that's the problem. you take everything so coolly — it's unnatural.
it makes me wonder what you're really thinking.""i always tell you what i'm really thinking.""you edit," he accused.
"not very much.""enough to drive me insane.""you don't want to hear it," i mumbled, almost whispered. as soon as thewords were out, i regretted them. the pain in my voice was very faint; icould only hope he hadn't noticed it.
he didn't respond, and i wondered if i had ruined the mood. his face wasunreadable as we drove into the school parking lot. something occurred tome belatedly.
"where's the rest of your family?" i asked — more than glad to be alonewith him, but remembering that his car was usually full.
"they took rosalie's car." he shrugged as he parked next to a glossy redconvertible with the top up. "ostentatious, isn't it?""um, wow," i breathed. "if she has that, why does she ride with you?""like i said, it's ostentatious. we try to blend in.""you don't succeed." i laughed and shook my head as we got out of thecar. i wasn't late anymore; his lunatic driving had gotten me to schoolin plenty of time. "so why did rosalie drive today if it's moreconspicuous?""hadn't you noticed? i'm breaking all the rules now." he met me at thefront of the car, staying very close to my side as we walked onto campus.
i wanted to close that little distance, to reach out and touch him, but iwas afraid he wouldn't like me to.
"why do you have cars like that at all?" i wondered aloud. "if you'relooking for privacy?""an indulgence," he admitted with an impish smile. "we all like to drivefast.""figures," i muttered under my breath.
under the shelter of the cafeteria roof's overhang, jessica was waiting,her eyes about to bug out of their sockets. over her arm, bless her, wasmy jacket.
"hey, jessica," i said when we were a few feet away. "thanks forremembering." she handed me my jacket without speaking.
"good morning, jessica," edward said politely. it wasn't really his faultthat his voice was so irresistible. or what his eyes were capable of.
"er… hi." she shifted her wide eyes to me, trying to gather her jumbledthoughts. "i guess i'll see you in trig." she gave me a meaningful look,and i suppressed a sigh. what on earth was i going to tell her?
"yeah, i'll see you then."she walked away, pausing twice to peek back over her shoulder at us.
"what are you going to tell her?" edward murmured.
"hey, i thought you couldn't read my mind!" i hissed.
"i can't," he said, startled. then understanding brightened his eyes.
"however, i can read hers — she'll be waiting to ambush you in class."i groaned as i pulled off his jacket and handed it to him, replacing itwith my own. he folded it over his arm.
"so what are you going to tell her?""a little help?" i pleaded. "what does she want to know?"he shook his head, grinning wickedly. "that's not fair.""no, you not sharing what you know — now that's not fair."he deliberated for a moment as we walked. we stopped outside the door tomy first class.
"she wants to know if we're secretly dating. and she wants to know howyou feel about me," he finally said.
"yikes. what should i say?" i tried to keep my expression very innocent.
people were passing us on their way to class, probably staring, but i wasbarely aware of them.
"hmmm." he paused to catch a stray lock of hair that was escaping thetwist on my neck and wound it back into place. my heart splutteredhyperactively. "i suppose you could say yes to the first… if you don'tmind — it's easier than any other explanation.""i don't mind," i said in a faint voice.
"and as for her other question… well, i'll be listening to hear theanswer to that one myself." one side of his mouth pulled up into myfavorite uneven smile. i couldn't catch my breath soon enough to respondto that remark. he turned and walked away.
"i'll see you at lunch," he called over his shoulder. three peoplewalking in the door stopped to stare at me.
i hurried into class, flushed and irritated. he was such a cheater. now iwas even more worried about what i was going to say to jessica. i sat inmy usual seat, slamming my bag down in aggravation.
"morning, bella," mike said from the seat next to me. i looked up to seean odd, almost resigned look on his face. "how was port angeles?""it was…" there was no honest way to sum it up. "great," i finishedlamely. "jessica got a really cute dress.""did she say anything about monday night?" he asked, his eyesbrightening. i smiled at the turn the conversation had taken.
"she said she had a really good time," i assured him.
"she did?" he said eagerly.
"most definitely."mr. mason called the class to order then, asking us to turn in ourpapers. english and then government passed in a blur, while i worriedabout how to explain things to jessica and agonized over whether edwardwould really be listening to what i said through the medium of jess'sthoughts. how very inconvenient his little talent could be — when it wasn't saving my life.
the fog had almost dissolved by the end of the second hour, but the daywas still dark with low, oppressing clouds. i smiled up at the sky.
edward was right, of course. when i walked into trig jessica was sittingin the back row, nearly bouncing off her seat in agitation. i reluctantlywent to sit by her, trying to convince myself it would be better to getit over with as soon as possible.
"tell me everything!" she commanded before i was in the seat.
"what do you want to know?" i hedged.
"what happened last night?""he bought me dinner, and then he drove me home."she glared at me, her expression stiff with skepticism. "how did you gethome so fast?""he drives like a maniac. it was terrifying." i hoped he heard that.
"was it like a date — did you tell him to meet you there?"i hadn't thought of that. "no — i was very surprised to see him there."her lips puckered in disappointment at the transparent honesty in myvoice.
"but he picked you up for school today?" she probed.
"yes — that was a surprise, too. he noticed i didn't have a jacket lastnight," i explained.
"so are you going out again?""he offered to drive me to seattle saturday because he thinks toy truckisn't up to it — does that count?""yes." she nodded.
"well, then, yes.""w-o-w." she exaggerated the word into three syllables. "edward cullen.""i know," i agreed. "wow" didn't even cover it.
"wait!" her hands flew up, palms toward me like she was stopping traffic.
"has he kissed you?""no," i mumbled. "it's not like that."she looked disappointed. i'm sure i did, too.
"do you think saturday… ?" she raised her eyebrows.
"i really doubt it." the discontent in my voice was poorly disguised.
"what did you talk about?" she pushed for more information in a whisper.
class had started but mr. varner wasn't paying close attention and weweren't the only ones still talking.
"i don't know, jess, lots of stuff," i whispered back. "we talked aboutthe english essay a little." a very, very little. i think he mentioned itin passing.
"please, bella," she begged. "give me some details.""well… okay, i've got one. you should have seen the waitress flirtingwith him — it was over the top. but he didn't pay any attention to her atall." let him make what he could of that.
"that's a good sign," she nodded. "was she pretty?""very — and probably nineteen or twenty.""even better. he must like you.""i think so, but it's hard to tell. he's always so cryptic," i threw infor his benefit, sighing.
"i don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him," she breathed.
"why?" i was shocked, but she didn't understand my reaction.
"he's so… intimidating. i wouldn't know what to say to him." she made aface, probably remembering this morning or last night, when he'd turnedthe overwhelming force of his eyes on her.
"i do have some trouble with incoherency when i'm around him," i admitted.
"oh well. he is unbelievably gorgeous." jessica shrugged as if thisexcused any flaws. which, in her book, it probably did.
"there's a lot more to him than that.""really? like what?"i wished i had let it go. almost as much as i was hoping he'd beenkidding about listening in.
"i can't explain it right… but he's even more unbelievable behind theface." the vampire who wanted to be good — who ran around saving people'slives so he wouldn't be a monster… i stared toward the front of the room.
"is that possible?" she giggled.
i ignored her, trying to look like i was paying attention to mr. varner.
"so you like him, then?" she wasn't about to give up.
"yes," i said curtly.
"i mean, do you really like him?" she urged.
"yes," i said again, blushing. i hoped that detail wouldn't register inher thoughts.
she'd had enough with the single syllable answers. "how much do you likehim?""too much," i whispered back. "more than he likes me. but i don't see howi can help that." i sighed, one blush blending into the next.
then, thankfully, mr. varner called on jessica for an answer.
she didn't get a chance to start on the subject again during class, andas soon as the bell rang, i took evasive action.
"in english, mike asked me if you said anything about monday night," itold her.
"you're kidding! what did you say?!" she gasped, completely sidetracked.
"i told him you said you had a lot of fun — he looked pleased.""tell me exactly what he said, and your exact answer!"we spent the rest of the walk dissecting sentence structures and most ofspanish on a minute description of mike's facial expressions. i wouldn'thave helped draw it out for as long as i did if i wasn't worried aboutthe subject returning to me.
and then the bell rang for lunch. as i jumped up out of my seat, shovingmy books roughly in my bag, my uplifted expression must have tippedjessica off.
"you're not sitting with us today, are you?" she guessed.
"i don't think so." i couldn't be sure that he wouldn't disappearinconveniently again.
but outside the door to our spanish class, leaning against the wall —looking more like a greek god than anyone had a right to — edward waswaiting for me. jessica took one look, rolled her eyes, and departed.
"see you later, bella." her voice was thick with implications. i mighthave to turn off the ringer on the phone.
"hello." his voice was amused and irritated at the same time. he had beenlistening, it was obvious.
"hi."i couldn't think of anything else to say, and he didn't speak — bidinghis time, i presumed — so it was a quiet walk to the cafeteria. walkingwith edward through the crowded lunchtime rush was a lot like my firstday here; everyone stared.
he led the way into the line, still not speaking, though his eyesreturned to my face every few seconds, their expression speculative. itseemed to me that irritation was winning out over amusement as thedominant emotion in his face. i fidgeted nervously with the zipper on myjacket.
he stepped up to the counter and filled a tray with food.
"what are you doing?" i objected. "you're not getting all that for me?"he shook his head, stepping forward to buy the food.
"half is for me, of course."i raised one eyebrow.
he led the way to the same place we'd sat that one time before. from theother end of the long table, a group of seniors gazed at us in amazementas we sat across from each other. edward seemed oblivious.
"take whatever you want," he said, pushing the tray toward me.
"i'm curious," i said as i picked up an apple, turning it around in myhands, "what would you do if someone dared you to eat food?""you're always curious." he grimaced, shaking his head. he glared at me,holding my eyes as he lifted the slice of pizza off the tray, anddeliberately bit off a mouthful, chewed quickly, and then swallowed. iwatched, eyes wide.
"if someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?" he askedcondescendingly.
i wrinkled my nose. "i did once… on a dare," i admitted. "it wasn't sobad."he laughed. "i suppose i'm not surprised." something over my shoulderseemed to catch his attention.
"jessica's analyzing everything i do — she'll break it down for youlater." he pushed the rest of the pizza toward me. the mention of jessicabrought a hint of his former irritation back to his features.
i put down the apple and took a bite of the pizza, looking away, knowinghe was about to start.
"so the waitress was pretty, was she?" he asked casually.
"you really didn't notice?""no. i wasn't paying attention. i had a lot on my mind.""poor girl." i could afford to be generous now.
"something you said to jessica… well, it bothers me." he refused to bedistracted. his voice was husky, and he glanced up from under his lasheswith troubled eyes.
"i'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. you know whatthey say about eavesdropners," i reminded him.
"i warned you i would be listening.""and i warned you that you didn't want to know everything i was thinking.""you did," he agreed, but his voice was still rough. "you aren'tprecisely right, though. i do want to know what you're thinking —everything. i just wish… that you wouldn't be thinking some things."i scowled. "that's quite a distinction.""but that's not really the point at the moment.""then what is?" we were inclined toward each other across the table now.
he had his large white hands folded under his chin; i leaned forward, myright hand cupped around my neck. i had to remind myself that we were ina crowded lunchroom, with probably many curious eyes on us. it was tooeasy to get wrapped up in our own private, tense little bubble.
"do you truly believe that you care more for me than i do for you?" hemurmured, leaning closer to me as he spoke, his dark golden eyes piercing.
i tried to remember how to exhale. i had to look away before it came backto me.
"you're doing it again," i muttered.
his eyes opened wide with surprise. "what?""dazzling me," i admitted, trying to concentrate as i looked back at him.
"oh." he frowned.
"it's not your fault," i sighed. "you can't help it.""are you going to answer the question?"i looked down. "yes.""yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" he wasirritated again.
"yes, i really think that." i kept my eyes down on the table, my eyestracing the pattern of the faux wood grains printed on the laminate. thesilence dragged on. i stubbornly refused to be the first to break it thistime, fighting hard against the temptation to peek at his expression.
finally he spoke, voice velvet soft. "you're wrong."i glanced up to see that his eyes were gentle.
"you can't know that," i disagreed in a whisper. i shook my head indoubt, though my heart throbbed at his words and i wanted so badly tobelieve them.
"what makes you think so?" his liquid topaz eyes were penetrating —trying futilely, i assumed, to lift the truth straight from my mind.
i stared back, struggling to think clearly in spite of his face, to findsome way to explain. as i searched for the words, i could see him gettingimpatient; frustrated by my silence, he started to scowl. i lifted myhand from my neck, and held up one finger.
"let me think," i insisted. his expression cleared, now that he wassatisfied that i was planning to answer. i dropped my hand to the table,moving my left hand so that my palms were pressed together. i stared atmy hands, twisting and untwisting my fingers, as i finally spoke.
"well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…" i hesitated. "i can't be sure— i don't know how to read minds — but sometimes it seems like you'retrying to say goodbye when you're saying something else." that was thebest i could sum up the sensation of anguish that his words triggered inme at times.
"perceptive," he whispered. and there was the anguish again, surfacing ashe confirmed my fear. "that's exactly why you're wrong, though," he beganto explain, but then his eyes narrowed. "what do you mean, 'the obvious'?""well, look at me," i said, unnecessarily as he was already staring. "i'mabsolutely ordinary — well, except for bad things like all the near-deathexperiences and being so clumsy that i'm almost disabled. and look atyou." i waved my hand toward him and all his bewildering perfection.
his brow creased angrily for a moment, then smoothed as his eyes took ona knowing look. "you don't see yourself very clearly, you know. i'lladmit you're dead-on about the bad things," he chuckled blackly, "but youdidn't hear what every human male in this school was thinking on yourfirst day."i blinked, astonished. "i don't believe it…" i mumbled to myself.
"trust me just this once — you are the opposite of ordinary."my embarrassment was much stronger than my pleasure at the look that cameinto his eyes when he said this. i quickly reminded him of my originalargument.
"but i'm not saying goodbye," i pointed out.
"don't you see? that's what proves me right. i care the most, because ifi can do it" — he shook his head, seeming to struggle with the thought —"if leaving is the right thing to do, then i'll hurt myself to keep fromhurting you, to keep you safe."i glared. "and you don't think i would do the same?""you'd never have to make the choice."abruptly, his unpredictable mood shifted again; a mischievous,devastating smile rearranged his features. "of course, keeping you safeis beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires myconstant presence.""no one has tried to do away with me today," i reminded him, grateful forthe lighter subject. i didn't want him to talk about goodbyes anymore. ifi had to, i supposed i could purposefully put myself in danger to keephim close… i banished that thought before his quick eyes read it on myface. that idea would definitely get me in trouble.
"yet," he added.
"yet," i agreed; i would have argued, but now i wanted him to beexpecting disasters.
"i have another question for you." his face was still casual.
"shoot.""do you really need to go to seattle this saturday, or was that just anexcuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?" i made a face at the memory. "you know, i haven't forgiven you for thetyler thing yet," i warned him. "it's your fault that he's deludedhimself into thinking i'm going to prom with him.""oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me — i just reallywanted to watch your face," he chuckled, i would have been angrier if hislaughter wasn't so fascinating. "if i'd asked you, would you have turnedme down?" he asked, still laughing to himself.
"probably not," i admitted. "but i would have canceled later — faked anillness or a sprained ankle."he was puzzled. "why would you do that?"i shook my head sadly. "you've never seen me in gym, i guess, but i wouldhave thought you would understand.""are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stablesurface without finding something to trip over?""obviously.""that wouldn't be a problem." he was very confident. "it's all in theleading." he could see that i was about to protest, and he cut me off.
"but you never told me — are you resolved on going to seattle, or do youmind if we do something different?"as long as the "we" part was in, i didn't care about anything else.
"i'm open to alternatives," i allowed. "but i do have a favor to ask."he looked wary, as he always did when i asked an open-ended question.
"what?""can i drive?"he frowned. "why?""well, mostly because when i told charlie i was going to seattle, hespecifically asked if i was going alone and, at the time, i was. if heasked again, i probably wouldn't lie, but i don't think he will askagain, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subjectunnecessarily. and also, because your driving frightens me."he rolled his eyes. "of all the things about me that could frighten you,you worry about my driving." he shook his head in disgust, but then hiseyes were serious again. "won't you want to tell your father that you'respending the day with me?" there was an undercurrent to his question thati didn't understand.
"with charlie, less is always more." i was definite about that. "whereare we going, anyway?""the weather will be nice, so i'll be staying out of the public eye… andyou can stay with me, if you'd like to." again, he was leaving the choiceup to me.
"and you'll show me what you meant, about the sun?" i asked, excited bythe idea of unraveling another of the unknowns.
"yes." he smiled, and then paused. "but if you don't want to be… alonewith me, i'd still rather you didn't go to seattle by yourself. i shudderto think of the trouble you could find in a city that size."i was miffed. "phoenix is three times bigger than seattle — just inpopulation. in physical size —""but apparently," he interrupted me, "your number wasn't up in phoenix.
so i'd rather you stayed near me." his eyes did that unfair smolderingthing again.
i couldn't argue, with the eyes or the motivation, and it was a mootpoint anyway. "as it happens, i don't mind being alone with you.""i know," he sighed, brooding. "you should tell charlie, though.""why in the world would i do that?"his eyes were suddenly fierce. "to give me some small incentive to bringyou back."i gulped. but, after a moment of thought, i was sure. "i think i'll takemy chances."he exhaled angrily, and looked away.
"let's talk about something else," i suggested.
"what do you want to talk about?" he asked. he was still annoyed.
i glanced around us, making sure we were well out of anyone's hearing. asi cast my eyes around the room, i caught the eyes of his sister, alice,staring at me. the others were looking at edward. i looked away swiftly,back to him, and i. asked the first thing that came to mind.
"why did you go to that goat rocks place last weekend… to hunt? charliesaid it wasn't a good place to hike, because of bears."he stared at me as if i was missing something very obvious.
"bears?" i gasped, and he smirked. "you know, bears are not in season," iadded sternly, to hide my shock.
"if you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons," heinformed me.
he watched my face with enjoyment as that slowly sank in.
"bears?" i repeated with difficulty.
"grizzly is emmett's favorite." his voice was still offhand, but his eyeswere scrutinizing my reaction. i tried to pull myself together.
"hmmm," i said, taking another bite of pizza as an excuse to look down. ichewed slowly, and then took a long drink of coke without looking up.
"so," i said after a moment, finally meeting his now-anxious gaze.
"what's your favorite?"he raised an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down indisapproval. "mountain lion.""ah," i said in a politely disinterested tone, looking for my soda again.
"of course," he said, and his tone mirrored mine, "we have to be carefulnot to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. we try to focuson areas with an overpopulation of predators — ranging as far away as weneed. there's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, butwhere's the fun in that?" he smiled teasingly.
"where indeed," i murmured around another bite of pizza.
"early spring is emmett's favorite bear season — they're just coming outof hibernation, so they're more irritable." he smiled at some rememberedjoke.
"nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear," i agreed, nodding.
he snickered, shaking his head. "tell me what you're really thinking,please.""i'm trying to picture it — but i can't," i admitted. "how do you hunt abear without weapons?" "oh, we have weapons." he flashed his bright teeth in a brief,threatening smile. i fought back a shiver before it could expose me.
"just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. if you'veever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualizeemmett hunting."i couldn't stop the next shiver that flashed down my spine. i peekedacross the cafeteria toward emmett, grateful that he wasn't looking myway. the thick bands of muscle that wrapped his arms and torso weresomehow even more menacing now.
edward followed my gaze and chuckled. i stared at him, unnerved.
"are you like a bear, too?" i asked in a low voice.
"more like the lion, or so they tell me," he said lightly. "perhaps ourpreferences are indicative."i tried to smile. "perhaps," i repeated. but my mind was filled withopposing images that i couldn't merge together. "is that something imight get to see?""absolutely not!" his face turned even whiter than usual, and his eyeswere suddenly furious. i leaned back, stunned and — though i'd neveradmit it to him — frightened by his reaction. he leaned back as well,folding his arms across his chest.
"too scary for me?" i asked when i could control my voice again.
"if that were it, i would take you out tonight," he said, his voicecutting. "you need a healthy dose of fear. nothing could be morebeneficial for you.""then why?" i pressed, trying to ignore his angry expression.
he glared at me for a long minute.
"later," he finally said. he was on his feet in one lithe movement.
"we're going to be late."i glanced around, startled to see that he was right and the cafeteria wasnearly vacant. when i was with him, the time and the place were such amuddled blur that i completely lost track of both. i jumped up, grabbingmy bag from the back of my chair.
"later, then," i agreed. i wouldn't forget.
第十章 审问
早上，我的某一部分非常肯定昨晚的一切都只是一场梦，而与之辩驳实在是件非常艰难的事。逻辑并不站在我这边，或者说，常识。我抱定了自己绝对想象不出来的那个部分——比方说他的香味。我相当确定，我永远都不可能自己梦到这种事的。
窗外雾蒙蒙，阴沉沉的，实在是好极了。他今天可没有理由不来学校了。我想起来自己的夹克不在，便穿上了层层叠叠的厚衣服。这进一步证实了我的记忆是真实的。
当我下楼的时候，查理也已经走了——我的动作比我意识到的还慢。我三口就咽下了一个格兰诺拉燕麦棒，直接用一盒牛奶把它送下去，（通常燕麦棒是泡在牛奶里吃的。。。贝拉把碗省掉了。。。），然后匆忙地奔出门外。这场雨很有希望能拖延到我找到杰西卡以后才下。
这雾大得不可思议：空气里几乎浸透了浓雾，一片模糊。雾气侵袭着我暴露在空气中的脸部和脖子的肌肤，冰冷刺骨。我迫不及待地想要钻进车里取暖。这雾太浓了，当我离车道只有几英尺远的时候，我才注意到那里有一辆银色的车。我的心砰砰直响，如小鹿乱撞，然后很快又找回了自己的节奏。（stuttered。。。in double time。。。我又要开始撞墙了。。。）
我没看见他是从哪里冒出来的，但忽然间他就在那里了，为我拉开车门。
“今天你愿意搭我的车吗？”他问道，被我的表情逗乐了。他又一次出其不意地抓到了我。他的声音里充满了不确定。他确实给了我一个选择的机会——我完全可以拒绝，而且他的一部分希望我这样做。这是一种徒劳的希望。
“是的，谢谢。”我说道，试图让自己的声音保持镇静。当我钻进温暖的车里时，我注意到他那件棕褐色的夹克正搭在乘客座的靠背上。我身后的门被关上了，然后，在短得几乎不可能的时间里，他坐到了我旁边，发动了车子。
“我带了这件夹克给你，我不希望你生病或者怎么样。”他的声音警惕着。我注意到他自己并没有穿着夹克，只穿了一件浅灰色的v领长袖恤衫。和上次一样，布料紧紧地贴着他完美的，肌肉结实的胸膛。他的脸为我能把视线从他身体上移开作出了巨大贡献。
“我没那么柔弱。”我说道，但还是把那件夹克拉到了膝上，把胳膊伸进对我来说太长的袖子里，好奇地想要知道那股香味是不是真的和我记忆中的一样美好。有过之而无不及。
“真的？”他反驳的声音太低了，我不能确定他是不是说给我听的。
我们开着车穿过覆满浓雾的街道，但总是开得太快，至少，让我感到很不自在。昨天晚上，所有的隔阂都消失了……几乎是全部。我不知道今天我们还能不能这样坦诚相待。这个想法让我舌头打结。我等着他先开口。
他转过头来，向我坏笑着。“怎么，今天没有二十个问题了吗？”（今天没有好奇宝宝二十问了吗？）
“我的问题让你困扰了吗？”我如释重负地问道。
“没有你的反应带来的多。”他看上去像是在开玩笑，但我不敢肯定。
我皱起眉：“我的反应有那么糟吗？”
“没有。这才是问题所在。你对待每件事都是那么冷淡——这太不寻常了。这让我很想知道你究竟在想些什么。”
“我通常都会告诉你我在想些什么。”
“你编辑过了。”他控诉道。
“没改动多少。”
“足够让我发疯了。”
“你不会想要听到的。”我低声说道，几近耳语。但话一说出口，我就后悔了。我声音里的痛苦非常地微弱，我只能希望他没有注意到。
他没有回答。我想知道我是不是把气氛给毁了。当我们开进学校停车场的时候，他的表情让人捉摸不透。我后知后觉地想起来了。
“你的家人在哪里？”我问道——不仅仅是因为和他独处而快乐，更多的是因为想起来他的车通常都是满的。
“他们坐罗莎莉的车。”他耸耸肩，把车停到了一辆闪闪发光的，车篷敞开着的火红色敞篷车旁。“太浮夸了，不是吗？”
“呃，哇噢，”我喘息着说。“既然她有这辆车，为什么她还要坐你的车呢？”
“就像我说的，这样太浮夸了。我们努力保持低调。”
“你没成功。”我们一起走出车外时，我大笑着摇了摇头。我不会迟到了。他疯狂的驾驶让我提前了不少时间到学校。“如果这样更引人注目的话，为什么今天罗莎莉还要开车呢？”
“你没注意到吗？现在我把所有的规则都打破了。”他和我在车前碰头，当我们走进校园里的时候，他一直紧挨着我。我很想把这段小小的距离消灭掉，想要伸出手触碰他，但我很怕他不喜欢我这样做。
“为什么你们的车都是那样的呢？”我大声地表达了自己的疑问。“如果你们想要保持隐私的话？”
“一个嗜好。”他顽皮地笑着，承认道。“我们都喜欢开快车。”
“有道理。”我低声呢喃道。（“德性。”其实我很想这样翻来着。。。figures。。。但人家是俚语。。。）
自助餐厅的屋顶伸出的屋檐下，杰西卡在等待着。她的眼球几乎要掉出眼眶来了。在她手臂上的——上帝保佑她——是我的夹克。
“嗨，杰西卡。”当我们走到几英尺外的时候，我说道。“谢谢你还记得。”她把夹克递给我，什么也没说。
“早上好，杰西卡。”爱德华礼貌地说。他的声音是如此地让人难以抗拒，但这真的不是他的错。也许他的双眸要负上一点责任。
“唔……嗨。”她把那双大眼睛移向我，试图找回混乱的思绪。“我猜，我们三角函数课上见。”她意味深长地看了我一眼，我抑制住了一声叹息。我到底要告诉她什么呢？
“好的，待会儿见。”
她走开了，但途中停顿了两次，从肩膀上偷瞄我们。
“你准备告诉她什么？”爱德华低声说道。
“嘿，我以为你不能读我的心！”我嘘声说着。
“我确实不能。”他惊愕地说。然后，心领神会的神情点亮了他的眼睛。“但是，我能读她的心——她正等着在课堂上伏击你呢。”
我呻吟了一声，把他的夹克拉下来，递给他，穿上了我自己的夹克。他把它搭在了手臂上。
“那么，你打算告诉她什么？”
“给点提示？”我恳求道。“她想知道什么？”
他摇了摇头，坏心地咧嘴一笑：“这不公平。”
“不，你不分享你知道的内容——那才叫不公平。”
我们一边走，他一边仔细思考着。我们停在了我要上第一堂课的教室外。
“她想知道我们是不是在偷偷地约合。还有她想知道你对我的感觉。”他最终说道。
“呀。那我该怎么说？”我努力让自己的表情显得非常无辜。人们从我们身旁走过去上课，也许在盯着我们看，但我几乎没有注意到他们。
“呃。”他停下来，抓住一缕迷路的，从我脖子上的发卷里逃离出来的头发，把它缠绕回原处。我的心过度亢奋地砰砰乱跳。“我料想，你最好对第一个问题说是……如果你不介意的话——这比任何其他解释都要容易得多。”
“我不介意。”我用微弱的声音说道。
“至于另一个问题……嗯，我会自己去听答案的。”他的一侧嘴角微微扬起，露出我最喜欢那个不对称的撇嘴坏笑。我来不及稳住自己的呼吸，对那个备注作出回应。他转身走开了。
“我们午餐时见。”他从肩膀上向我喊道。三个人正要走进门的人停下来盯着我看。
我冲进教室，又羞又恼。他这个卑鄙小人。现在我更担心自己要跟杰西卡说什么了，我愤怒地把包砰地一声扔在座位上。
“早上好，贝拉。”迈克坐在我旁边的位置上招呼道。我抬起头，看见了他脸上古怪，甚至有些讨好的神情。“天使港怎么样？”
“这……”这可没办法如实汇报。“棒极了。”虽然我的情况不完全是这样。“杰西卡买了一条非常可爱的裙子。”
“她有谈到周一晚上的事吗？”他问道，他的眼睛闪闪发亮。话题居然转到了这上面，我不由得笑了起来。
“她说她过得非常愉快。”我让他放心。
“她真的这样说？”他急切地问道。
“千真万确。”
马森老师让全班都听他说话，要我们把论文交上去。英语课和gov_erment课都在一片模糊中过去了，我一直在担心着要怎么跟杰西卡解释，同时为爱德华是否真的会以杰西的思想为媒介听到我说的话而焦虑不安。他的小小天赋是多么的让人不便啊——当它不是用来救我的命的时候。
第二堂课结束的时候，雾已经散得差不多了，但天空依然阴沉沉的，云层低低地压在天边。我微笑地看着天空。（。。。到这里贝拉已经被洗脑得差不多了。。。呜呼哀哉。。）
当然，爱德华是对的。当我走进三角函数教室的时候，杰西卡正坐在最后一排，兴奋得几乎要从座位上跳起来了。我勉强走过去坐到她旁边，努力说服自己该来的总是要来的，不如让它早些了结。（横竖是死，早死早超生）
“告诉我每件事！”我还没坐下来，她就命令道。
“你想知道什么？”我不想正面回答她。
“昨晚发生了什么事？”
“他带我去吃晚餐，然后他开车送我回家。”
她瞪着我，板起的脸上写满了怀疑。“你怎么会那么快到家呢？”
“他开起车来像个疯子。那太吓人了。”我希望他能听到这句话。
“那像是个约会——你告诉他在那里和你见面吗？”
我完全没有想到这一点。“不——看到他时我吓了一跳。”
她撅起嘴，对我话里再明白不过的坦诚很是失望。
“可他今天去接你来上学了？”她试探着。
“是的——那也很让人意外。他注意到我昨晚没穿夹克。”我解释道。
“那么你们会再一起出去吗？”
“他主动提出载我去西雅图，因为他觉得那玩意儿，就是我那辆卡车，没法撑到那里——这算吗？”
“算。”她点点头。
“嗯，那，是的。”
“呜-哇-哦。”她夸张地把这个词拖成三个音节。“爱德华?卡伦。”
“我知道。”我很赞同。“哇”根本不足以概括它。
“等等！”她飞快地伸出手，掌心冲着我，就好像她在拦截车流一样。“他吻你了吗？”
“没有。”我含糊地说道。“根本没那回事。”
她看上去很失望。我敢肯定，我也是。
“你觉得星期六……？”她扬起眉毛。
“我相当怀疑。”很难掩饰我声音里的不满。
“你们都说了些什么？”她耳语道，迫切地想要知道更多详情。已经开始上课了，但温纳老师没怎么注意我们俩，教室里不止我们一对在说话。
“我不知道，杰西。说了很多话。”我对她耳语道。“我们稍微讨论了一下英语课的论文。”非常，非常少。我想他曾经提到过这个。
“求你了，贝拉，”她恳求道。“再跟我说得详细些。”
“嗯……好吧。我想到了一个。你真应该看看那个女招待是怎么向他卖弄风情的——简直太过分了。但他根本没注意到她。”让他自行理解这件事吧。（让他自己一边琢磨去。）
“这是个好兆头。”她点点头。“她漂亮吗？”
“非常漂亮——大概是十九岁或者二十岁的样子。”
“更好了。他一定很喜欢你。”
“我也是这样想的。但这实在很难说。他总是含糊其辞。”为着他的缘故，我叹息着，加上了这句。
“我不知道你是怎么有勇气和他独处的。”她喘息着说。
“为什么？”我震惊了，但她误解了我的反应。
“他太……吓人了。我不知道该怎么形容他。”她做了个鬼脸，大概想起了今天早上或者昨晚的事，那时候他把那种充满了压倒性的魔力的眼神施展到了她身上。
“当我在他身旁的时候，我确实很难让自己保持理性。”我坦承道。
“哦是的。他俊美得不可思议。”杰西卡耸耸肩，就像这是某种可以原谅的缺点一样。这个，在她的字典里，也许是这样。
“他不仅仅是这样。”
“真的？例如？”
我希望我能把这话说出来。这种愿望几乎和我所希望的他只是开玩笑说要偷听一样强烈。
“我没法确切地解释……但他比表面上看起来的还要让人难以置信。”一个想要做个好人的吸血鬼——他四处奔忙，去拯救别人的性命，那样他就不会是一个怪物了……我注视着教室的前方。
“这可能吗？”她咯咯地笑了起来。
我不去理会她，试图装出正在专心听温纳老师讲课的样子。
“那么，你是喜欢他的咯？”她不打算放弃。
“是的。”我简略地说道。
“我是说，你真的喜欢他？”她催促着。
“是的。”我叹息着说道，两颊飞红。我希望她没有把这个细节纳入她的思路里。
她受够了这种单音节的回答。“你有多喜欢他？”
“非常喜欢。”我向她耳语道。“比他对我的喜欢还要多。但我不知道该怎么办。”我叹息着，羞怯一阵接一阵涌上我的脸来。
然后，谢天谢地，温纳老师把杰西卡叫起来，让她回答一个问题。
整堂课她都没有机会再继续开展这个话题，当铃声响起的时候，我采取了规避话题的行动。
“英语课的时候，迈克问我你有没有提到周一晚上的事。”我告诉她。
“你一定是在开玩笑！你是怎么说的？”她渴望地喘着气说道，完全被转移了话题。
“我告诉你说你过得很开心——他看上去很高兴。”
“确切地告诉我他是怎么说的，还有你确切的回答！”
我们把走路的时间都花在了剖析句子结构上，而大部分的西班牙语课都用在了描述那一分钟里迈克的面部表情上。（天杀的接力。。。翻译成西班牙语课上用来分析句子结构的时间以及走路的时候被我们用来描述迈克的表情。。。大意如此。。。我居然被荼毒了四五遍。。。）我本不会禁得住花那么多的时间在绘声绘色地讲述这一切上，但我不想让话题回到自己身上。
而后，铃声响了起来，提醒我们午餐时间到了。当我从座位上跳起来，粗暴地把书塞进书包里的时候，我亢奋的表情铁定向杰西卡出卖了我。
“你今天不跟我们一起坐，对吧？”她猜测着。
“我不这样想。”我不便下定论，他可能会又一次消失不见。
但就在我们的西班牙语课教室外，倚着墙的——看上去比任何人都有权利更像一位希腊神祗的——爱德华正等着我。杰西卡只看了一眼，转了转眼睛，然后速速闪人。
“待会儿见，贝拉。”她的话里充满了浓浓的暗示。也许我得把电话的铃声关掉。
“你好。”（哈罗……）他的声音同时充满了快乐和懊恼。显而易见，他一定偷听了。
“嗨。”
我想不出别的话可说，而他也没说话——我猜想，是为了让他等会儿的时间更显得宝贵些（bidding his time。。。这个真的不会翻译了。。。勉强搪塞一下）——所以我们一路沉默着向自助餐厅走去。和爱德华一起走在午餐时段蜂拥的人潮里很像我第一天来这里的时候，每个人都在盯着看。
他带头向排成长龙的队伍走去，还是什么也不说，但每隔几秒钟他的目光就会落在我脸上，里面有着不确定的神情。懊恼似乎压倒了快乐，成为了他脸上的主要表情。我惴惴不安地把玩着夹克上的拉锁。
他走到柜台前，拿了满满一盘食物。
“你在做什么？”我伉仪道。“你该不会全都是拿给我的吧？”
他摇摇头，走上前去交款。
“当然，有一半是我的。”
我扬起一侧眉头。
他带路向我们上次坐过的同一个地方走去。当我们面对面地坐下来时，长桌的另一头，一群学长们惊奇地注视我们。爱德华似乎根本没注意到。（oblivious。。。接力这里翻成edward似乎很健忘。。。）
“想吃什么，随便拿。”他说着，把那盘食物推向我。
“我很好奇。”我说着，拿起了一个苹果，让它在我手里转着圈。“如果别人问你敢不敢吃食物，你会怎么办？”
“你总是很好奇。”他扮了个鬼脸，摇了摇头。他注视着我，抓住了我的目光，然后从盘子里拿起一片披萨，故意咬了一大口，很快地咀嚼了几下，然后咽下去。我看着这一切，不由得瞪大了眼睛。
“如果有人问你敢不敢吃土，你也会吃的，对吧？”他谦逊地问道。
我皱起了鼻子。“我吃过一次……在一次‘敢不敢’大冒险的时候。”我承认道。“味道没那么糟。”
他大笑起来：“我猜我不会惊讶的。”我背后的某些事物吸引了他的注意力。
“杰西卡正在分析我的一举一动——稍后她会为你一一分解的。”他把剩下的披萨推给我。提到杰西卡像是一种暗示，他早先的懊恼又回到了他脸上。
我放下苹果，咬了一口披萨，然后看向别处，想知道他将要怎样开口。
“那么，那个女招待很漂亮，对吗？”他若无其事地问道。
“你真的没注意到？”
“没有。我完全没在注意她。我脑子里有太多事情要想。”
“可怜的女孩。”现在我能够表示宽容了。
“你和杰西卡说的某件事……嗯，困扰着我。”他拒绝被转移话题。他的声音沙哑着，他不平静的双眼从睫毛下凝视着我。
“我对你会听到你不喜欢的内容毫不惊讶。你知道他们是怎么谈论窃听者的。”我提醒他。
“我预先告诉过你我会听的。”
“而我预先告诉过你你不会想要知道我在想的每一件事的。”
“你有提过。”他同意道，但他的声音还是很沙哑。“但你说得并不贴切。我确实想要知道你在想什么——每一个细节。我只是希望……你不应该那样认为某件事。”
我皱起眉。“这确实有很大区别。”
“但这不是现在我要说的重点。”
“那么，重点是？”现在我们都从桌子上方向对方倾斜过去。他把那双雪白的大手交叠在下鄂之下。我向前侧着身子，我的右手握成杯形放在脖子下。我不得不提醒自己我们是在坐满了人的午餐室里，也许还有很多双好奇的眼睛注视着我们。我们太容易陷入我们两人私有的世界里，这是紧绷的气氛带来的少许幻觉。（, tense little bubble。。。）
“你真的相信，你对我的喜欢比我对你的还要多吗？”他低声说着，说话间他向我靠得更近了，他黑金色的眼眸极具穿透力。
我努力想要回想起如何呼吸。我不得不看向别处，直到我重又开始呼吸为止。
“你又来了。”我低声抱怨道。
他的眼睛因为惊讶而睁大了。“什么？”
“把我迷得晕头转向。”我坦白道。当我再次看向他时，我努力让自己集中精神。
“哦。”他皱起眉。
“这不是你的错。”我叹息道。“你没法控制这个。”
“你打算回答我的问题了吗？”
我低下头。“是的。”
“是的，你正准备回答，或者是的，你确实是这样认为的？”他再次烦躁起来。
“是的，我确实这样认为。”我继续低头看着桌面，我的目光描摹着喷绘在三合板上的人造木纹的图案。沉默仍在延续着。这次我固执地拒绝成为第一个打破沉默的人，艰难地与偷瞄他的神情的诱或斗争着。
最终，他说话了，声音像天鹅绒一样柔软：“你错了。”
我抬起头，看见了他温柔的眼眸。
“你不会知道那种事的。”我耳语着，不同意他的观点。我怀疑着摇了摇头，尽管我的心为他的话悸动着，我是那么的想要相信他的话。
“是什么让你这样想的？”他清澈如黄水晶般的眼眸十分锐利——我认为，是在徒劳地尝试着，直接从我的心里挖出真相。
我回视着他，挣扎着不去注意他的脸，仔细地思考着，想要找到合适的解释。当我搜肠刮肚地想着合适的话的时候，我看得出，他开始不耐烦了。他被我的沉默挫败着，开始沉下脸来。我把手从脖子下移开，向他竖起一根手指。
“让我想想。”我坚持着。他的脸立刻明朗起来，他很满意，因为我正计划着回答他的问题。我把手放到桌子上，伸出左手，然后掌心相抵着。我看着自己的双手，十指时伸时屈。最终，我说话了。
“嗯，除去那些显而易见的表现，有时候……”我迟疑着。“我不能肯定——我可不会读心术——可有时候当你在说别的事时，你像是努力要说再见一样。”这是我对他的话时不时在我心里引起的那些痛苦的感觉的最好的总结。
“非常敏锐。”他耳语道。又一阵痛苦袭来，表面上看他似乎证实了我的恐惧。“但是，那确实是你错了的原因。”他正要开始解释，但随即，他的眼睛眯缝起来。“你是什么意思，‘那些显而易见的表现’？”
“好吧，看着我。”我说道，但这毫无必要，因为他已经在注视着我了。“我无比平凡——嗯，除了一些不好的事，比方说所有这些与死神擦肩而过的经历，还有笨拙得像个残障人士一样。而看看你。”我挥手示意着他，还有他所有的让人迷乱的极致之处。
他的眉头愤怒地纠结了片刻，然后平缓下来，他露出了知晓一切的眼神。“你没有看清楚自己，你知道的。我承认在那些不好的事情上你完全正确，”他阴郁地轻笑着，“可惜你没听到当你第一天来到这里的时候，学校里的每一个人类男性都在想什么。”
我眨了眨眼睛，惊讶不已。“我不敢相信……”我低声自言自语着。
“相信我，哪怕就这一次——你完全是平凡的反义词。”
我的窘迫运甚于他说这些时的眼神给我带来的愉悦。我赶紧提醒他我最初的论点。
“可我没有说再见。”我指出来。
“你没看出来吗？这正是证明了我是对的。我的喜爱最深，因为如果我能做到”——他摇了摇头，似乎在和那个想法斗争着——“如果离开是正确的做法，那我宁可伤害自己以免伤害到你，只要能确保你的安全无虞。”
我怒目而视：“而你不认为我能做到同样的事？”
“你永远都不必作出这样的选择。”
突然，他喜怒无常的情绪又变了。一个顽劣的，讥讽的笑容重又出现在他脸上。
“当然，确保你的安全无虞正在变成一件全时制的工作，需要我永不间断地守在你身旁。”
“今天可没人想要干掉我。”我提醒着他，很高兴能够转到一个相对轻松的话题。我不想让他再谈到任何关于别离的问题了。如果我非得这样做的话，我猜想我会刻意让自己处于险境之中，好让他靠近我……在他敏锐的眼睛从我脸上看出这个念头以前，我把它赶出了脑海。这个想法显然会给我带来麻烦的。
“是目前为止还没有。”他补充道。（yet。。。edward啊，您还能再简洁一点不？）
“是啊。”我赞同道。（yet。。。）我本应该和他争论的，但现在我只想让他的期望落空。
“我还有另一个问题要问你。”他依然是一脸漫不经心的神情。
“有话直说。”（shoot。。。两位，就不能不说单音节词么。。。）
“这周六你真的需要去西雅图吗，或者这只是用来对你所有的倾慕者说不的借口？”
想起这件事，我就不由得做了个鬼脸：“你要知道，我还没原谅你泰勒那件事呢。”我警告他。“都是你的错，他才会自欺欺人地想着我会和他一起去正式舞会。”
“噢，就算没有我他也会找到机会邀请你的——我只是想看看你的表情，”他轻笑着。如果不是他的笑声如此迷人的话，我本来会更生气些的。“如果我曾邀请你，你会拒绝我吗？”他问道，依然向自己大笑着。
“也许不会。”我坦承道。“但稍后我会食言的——捏造病情或者假装扭伤脚踝。”
他很困惑：“为什么你要这样做呢？”
我悲哀地摇了摇头。“我猜，你没见过我上体育课的样子，但我原本以为你会理解的。”
“你是在谈论你没法走过一段平坦的，稳固的路面而找不到任何东西来绊倒你的这个事实吗？”
“很显然。”
“那不会是个问题。”他很有把握地说。“这取决于谁来领你跳舞。”他看得出我正要提出异议，于是他打断了我。“可你还没告诉我——你是不是非去西雅图不可，或者说，你是否介意我们去做点别的事？”
一听到“我们”这个词，我就什么都不在乎了。
“哪个我都能接受。”我要求道。“但我有个不情之请。”
他看上去很警惕，每当我提出一个开放性的问题时他总是这样。“什么？”
“能让我开车吗？”
他皱起眉：“为什么？”
“嗯，主要是因为当我告诉查理我要去西雅图时，他特意问过我是不是一个人去，而那时，我是一个人。如果他再问的话，我大概也不会撒谎，但我不认为他会再问一次。而把我的卡车留在家里只会毫不必要地引起这个话题。另外，因为你的疯狂驾驶把我吓坏了。”
他转了转眼睛。“在所有关于我的能把你吓坏的事中，你只担心我的驾驶。”他厌恶地摇了摇头，但随即他的眼神又严肃起来。“你不想告诉你父亲你要和我呆一整天吗？”他的问题里涌动着我无法理解的暗流。（隐含着我无法理解的深意）
“跟查理在一起，少言为妙。”（less is more。。。此时无声胜有声。。。）我对此很有把我。“总之，我们要去哪里？”
“那天的天气会很好，所以我不能待在众目睽睽之下……当然你可以和我一起，如果你愿意的话。”又一次，他给出了选择，让我自己决定。
“而你将向我展示你所指的，关于阳光的事？”我问道，为即将解开又一个未解之谜的念头兴奋着。
“是的。”他微笑起来，然后顿了顿。“但即使你不想……和我单独相处，我还是希望你不要独自去西雅图。一想到你在那么大的城市里可能会遇到的危险我就不寒而栗。”
我有点恼火：“凤凰城是西雅图的三倍大——这仅仅是指人口。在面积上——”
“但很显然，”他打断我的话。“在凤凰城的时候你还没有大难临头。所以我希望你能待在我附近。”他的眼睛又开始那种不公平的催眠了。
我没有争论，也许是因为他的眼睛，又或许是因为他的动机。更何况无论如何，争论这一点毫无意义。“碰巧，我不介意和你单独相处。”
“我知道。”他担忧地叹息道。“但是，你必须告诉查理。”
“我究竟是为了什么要这样做呢？”
他的眼神忽然尖锐起来：“为了给我一点小小的，把你带回来的动力。”（第一次看这里的时候我还以为edward有带bella私奔的冲动。。。）
我吞咽了一下。但是，思考了片刻以后，我决定了。“我想我会试着碰碰运气的。”
他生气地哼了一声，看向别处。
“让我们聊点别的事情。”我建议道。
“你想聊点什么？”他问道。他依然很气恼。
我环顾四周，确认我们不在任何人的听力范围内。当我的目光梭巡着整个房间的时候，我遇上了他妹妹的视线，爱丽丝正注视着我。别的人则都看着爱德华。我立刻移开了视线，落回他身上。然后，我问了自己想到的第一件事。
“为什么上周末你要去山羊岩荒野……去打猎呢？查理说那不是个野营的好地方，因为到处都是熊。”
他凝视着我，就好像我忽略了某件显而易见的事情。
“熊？”我喘着气说道，而他坏笑起来。“你知道，还没到可以捕猎熊的季节。”我坚决地补充道，想要掩饰自己的震惊。
“如果你有仔细看的话，你会发现法律只针对使用武器狩猎的行为。”他告诉我。
他饶有趣味地看着我的脸，看着我一点一点地消化这个认知。
“熊？”我艰难地重复道。
“灰熊是艾美特的最爱。”他的口气依然很随意，但他的眼睛密切关注着我的反应。我努力让自己恢复镇定。（拉回自己的神志）
“呃嗯”我说着，又咬了一口披萨，借机低下了头。我慢慢地咀嚼着，然后啜饮了许久可乐，依然没有抬头。
“那么，”过了一会儿我才说道，最终对上了他变得焦虑不安的注视。“你的最爱是什么？”
他挑起一侧眉头，不赞成地弯下了嘴角。（撅起嘴就撅起嘴嘛。。。）“美洲狮。”
“啊。”我用一种礼貌的，不感兴趣的语气说道，又开始喝我的苏打水了。
“当然，”他说道，他的口吻像镜子一样反映着我的语气。（他学着我的口吻说道）“我们不得不当心，避免让有失妥当的捕猎破坏环境。我们努力把捕猎范围集中在食肉动物数量过剩的地区——变动的范围会根据我们的需要尽可能广泛些。那里通常有许多的野鹿和麋鹿，猎食它们也是可以的，但这有什么乐趣可言呢？”他自嘲地笑了笑。
“说得更确切些。”（where indeed。。。）我又咬了一口披萨，含糊地说道。
“早春是艾美特最喜欢的猎熊季节——它们刚从冬眠中醒来，所以它们更容易被激怒。”他似乎想起了某个玩笑，于是笑了起来。
“没什么能比一只被激怒的灰熊更有趣了。”我赞同着，点了点头。
他窃笑着，摇了摇头：“告诉我你真正在想的事情，求你了。”
“我试着想象出这一切——可我不能。”我承认道。“你怎么能赤手空拳猎熊呢？”
“哦，我们有武器。”他飞快地露了一下他明亮的牙齿，险恶地笑着。我击溃了一阵战栗，在它出卖我以前。“只不过不是那种他们在写狩猎法时能想到的武器。如果你在电视上看过熊进攻的样子，你就能想象出艾美特狩猎的样子。”
我没法制止住飞掠过我的脊柱的又一阵颤栗。我偷偷看了一眼自助餐厅对面的艾美特，为他并没有看着我的方向而感激着。健壮的肌肉群裹满了他的手臂和躯干，不知怎的他身上的肌肉现在看起来更吓人了。
爱德华循着我的视线望去，然后轻笑起来。我气馁地看着他。
“你也像一只熊吗？”我压低声音问道。
“更像狮子，或者说，他们是这样告诉我的。”他轻快地说道。“也许我们的偏好是有象征意义的。”
我努力微笑。“也许。”我重复道。但我的脑海里充斥着各种对立的画面，我没法把它们糅合在一起。“我能去看看吗？”
“绝对不行！”他的脸变得甚至比平时还要苍白，他的眼神忽然狂暴起来。我受惊地向后退去——尽管我永远都不想向他承认——被他的反应吓坏了。他也退回去了，两臂交叠在胸前。
“对我来说太恐怖了？”当我能再度控制自己的声音的时候，我问道。
“如果是这个原因，我今晚就会带你出去。”他斩钉截铁地说道。“你需要补充一剂量有益健康的恐惧。（你需要正常的恐惧感）对你来说没什么能比这更有好处。”
“那究竟是为什么呢？”我催促着，努力不去理会他愤怒的神情。
他怒视了我一分钟，漫长的一分钟。
“下次吧。”他最终说道。他用一种轻盈的动作站起来。“我们要迟到了。”
我环顾四周，惊愕地发现他是对的，自助餐厅里几乎全空了。当我和他在一起的时候，时间和空间都会变得模糊起来，而我会完全失去对它们的感觉。我跳起来，从椅背上抓起我
