how pantagruel finally conquers the thirsty people, and the strange business panurge finds for king anarchus.
after this marvellous victory, pantagruel sent carpalim before him into the city to let everybody know that king anarchus had been taken prisoner, and that all his giants had been killed. on receiving this message, the people flocked out of the walls to welcome their own prince. everywhere, crowds were making merry around fine, round tables, filled with good victuals, and set out in the middle of the streets. so good was the cheer, and so bright were the bonfires that blazed on every side, that the people said it looked like the golden age come again. pantagruel called the wise men of the city before him. when they had gathered together, he spoke these words:—
"my masters, i am not satisfied with getting back my own city. i shall not rest until i capture all the cities, towns, and villages in the kingdom of the thirsty people. i noted to-day that this city of yours is so full of people that they can't turn about in the streets. i know what i shall do for them. i shall plant my ancient and tried utopians as a colony in dipsodie, so that they can teach the thirsty people how to be true and loyal. by to-morrow at daylight, let men of all trades be in the public square. i shall be ready to march at that hour."
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welcome to pantagruel.
of course, this was soon noised about the city. the next morning a vast multitude swarmed into the great square before the palace to the number of one million eight hundred and fifty-six thousand and eleven—not counting the women and children. at break of day, this great army was all ready to march in good order straight into the country of the thirsty people.
but, before they all get away. i must tell you one of the cunning tricks of our old friend panurge. he had not forgotten that the wretched little king anarchus, whom pantagruel had given to him as a present, had been the chief cause of the invasion of the peaceful kingdom of utopia. if anarchus had shown the spirit of a brave man among the stout and faithful giants, who had fought to the death to keep his mean little body from harm, panurge would never have dared touch him. but anarchus had been all along such a coward that he wasn't worth anybody's pity. so, on the evening of pantagruel's triumphant entrance into the city, panurge, after some hard thinking, got up a new dress for the little king. there was nothing at all royal about the dress. it was very far from being that, as it consisted of a pretty canvas doublet, all braided and pranked out; a pair of wide sailor trousers; and stockings without shoes.
"for," as panurge said, "shoes would only spoil his sight."
he then put on the head of anarchus a little pink cap, trimmed with a great capon-feather,—maybe i am wrong, because i have been told that there were two of these feathers,—besides a fine belt of blue and green. this was the ridiculous figure which panurge dragged before pantagruel.
"do you know this fellow?"
"not i," said pantagruel.
"why, this is the king of the thirsty people! i am going to make an honest man of him. he was a pitiful rogue when he wore the crown. now that he wears this gay dress, he is an honest man. i have given him a trade. he is a crier of green sauce, at your service. now, little king, begin! call out, 'green sauce! green sauce! who wants to buy green sauce?'"
the poor king, from pure shame, piped out too low.
"that is not half loud enough," cried panurge, catching him by the ear, and saying, "sing higher, little king; sing higher in ge, sol, re, ut."
pantagruel made himself merry at all this. i dare say the little king was the drollest man he had ever seen.
and this was how king anarchus got to be a crier of green sauce.
two days after this, panurge married the little king with an old lantern-jawed hag. to have everything pass off gaily, and to make sure of good dancing, he hired a blind man to give the music. for their wedding-supper, he ordered fine sheep-heads, plenty of eels served with mustard, and tripe spiced with garlic. the drink was watered wine and fine cider.
pantagruel gave the couple a little cottage in one of the side streets, and a stone-mortar in which to pound their sauce. here they carried on their trade, and the little king might have been happier than when he lived in a palace and had giants to guard him, but for his wife, who beat him in time as flat as a mummy.
when pantagruel marched from the city, along the high road, he looked a grander and mightier giant than ever. every town and city surrendered to him as he drew near, and every noble of the country came to offer him homage. only the city of the almirodes held out; and that would have kept its gates shut to the end had it not been for a story its people happened to hear of the giant and of an awful storm which came up one day, while he was on his way there with his army. there being no danger of his being drowned,—so the story ran,—pantagruel put his big tongue half way out of his mouth and covered the whole army as snugly as a hen covers her chicks. when the people of the stubborn city heard that, they opened their gates wide!—wide!!—wide!!!—to let the giant pass. "there is no use resisting such a man as that," everybody said.
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grander and mightier than ever.
and so ended the bad war which the thirsty people had begun against the utopians when their good king gargantua had been carried to fairy-land.
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pantagruel returns.
pantagruel, having ended his tour through all the cities of his new kingdom of dipsodie, finally reached the palace where he had been born, and on leaving which, one sad day, to go on his long journey to school, he had seen for the last time his dear and honored father. all these thoughts made the tender-hearted giant sad; but he had no time for weeping. there were many wrongs in his own kingdom of utopia to make right. there were many rights to make strong. there were a thousand other things to do for his faithful people, who had at once proclaimed him king when gargantua had been taken to fairy-land,—even when he had been leagues upon leagues away.
