afternoon teas and receptions for the débutante—“thé dansant”
dress and behavior of guests—dress and etiquette for the hostess and her assistants—formal and informal occasions—who may send flowers.
afternoon teas maintain their popularity because they present the simplest and easiest way of receiving one’s circle of friends and acquaintances. like the magic cloak of fable, they expand or shrink to suit the requirements and resources of every hostess, whether she be rich or in modest circumstances, whether she wishes to ask several hundred persons to a stately city mansion or half a dozen friends to a quiet country villa. for presenting a young girl to society they are especially convenient. all the old family friends will appreciate the opportunity of seeing the débutante and welcoming her to her new sphere, without going to the trouble and expense of buying a new ball-dress and hiring a carriage. to many elderly people, evening dances, with the late hours, indigestible suppers, and fatigue necessarily involved, are very distasteful.
the guest can judge of the nature of the afternoon occasion by the style of the invitation. for a large and formal reception, it is usual to send out some little time in advance engraved cards of generous size. the name of the débutante is placed beneath that of her mother, followed by the statement that they will be at home on such and such a day and hour, at number so-and-so in a certain street. for a smaller and less pretentious occasion, or for a series of teas, the hostess uses her own visiting-cards, on which her daughter’s name may also be engraved. the day or days and hours are sometimes written in and sometimes engraved.
neither of these forms of invitation requires any answer, except that those who are unable to attend the affair send a visiting-card in time to reach the house the same day or the day after. if there are two hostesses (the débutante and her mother, for instance), a lady should send two cards. a gentleman sometimes sends three, the third being intended for the master of the house. no comments should be written on these. if one desires to express especial regret to a hostess whom one knows fairly well, a note may accompany the visiting-card.
the question is sometimes asked by correspondents, “is it obligatory to attend a series of teas or receptions to which an invitation has been received?” courtesy demands that we shall, if possible, go to one of the occasions. only an intimate friend or a person especially invited would attend all of them. should one be unable to go, it is not necessary to send cards of acknowledgment until the last of the afternoons. persons who are in deep mourning, or who are prevented by some other reason from accepting the invitation, sometimes send their cards soon after it is received and so signify their inability to be present.
the proper dress for guests at an afternoon tea or reception is street or reception costume. the latter, according to present fashion, consists of silk, brocade, velvet, or other handsome material if the wearer is a married woman or a single one who is no longer in her first youth. it should not be very light in color nor very showy if it is to be worn in a public conveyance. the woman who appears in a very handsome toilette should take a carriage, since it is in bad taste to make oneself conspicuous in train or trolley-car. or she may cover up her dress with a long outer garment—called “cache-misère” by the french. a young girl eschews brocades and other rich fabrics. her reception costume may be of woolen or silken stuff, but it should preserve the simplicity of style which is at once appropriate and becoming to young people. white gloves are demanded by the present fashion, although some ladies wear black ones, while the shortness of the skirts makes dainty footgear very desirable. it is offending against good taste as well as against common sense, however, to walk through the streets in the wintry season clad in slippers so thin and stockings so transparent that they make the beholder shiver. they look as much out-of-place as heavy furs in the heat of summer.
for teas in the country greater informality is permissible, some young and pretty women appearing in golfing or skating costume, with red sweater and cap to match. such a dress is not to be recommended for general wear, however, few persons having the air and distinction necessary to carry it off.
the conventional costume for men at an afternoon reception is “formal afternoon dress”—i.e., black cutaway or frock-coat, black or fancy waistcoat, dark, striped trousers, patent-leather shoes, and an ascot or four-in-hand tie. a dark-gray cutaway suit (coat, waistcoat, and trousers all being of the same material) may also be worn. it must be confessed, however, that men now appear in a diversity of costumes on these occasions. at tea-dances they dress as they find convenient.
the lady of the house wears a gown of silk, satin, velvet, or other handsome material made with a train, and either high or somewhat cut out in the neck. bare throats are much in vogue at the present moment, but it is thought in better taste to reserve the full décolleté dress for late dinner and evening wear. some hostesses put on gloves for a formal reception, others do not. the ladies who pour tea or assist in receiving the guests arrive early and appear in a costume similar to that of the hostess. they usually remove their hats, although the older women sometimes prefer to keep them on. a white frock of a thin, transparent material, made simply and with little trimming, is the prettiest costume for the débutante. according to the present fashion this is often cut almost as low in the neck as an evening dress. the young friends who act as her assistants wear similar gowns of some light color. if they choose silken fabrics, these should be of light weight.
on arriving, the visitor should leave her cards on the hall-table, unless the person opening the door carries a salver for them. at a large tea there is usually a dressing-room, where the guest may leave her outer wraps, with the exception of her hat. this she always retains. when she reaches the door of the drawing-room, a man-servant may ask her name for the purpose of announcing it to the hostess. at a large reception, where many people may be present whom the lady of the house knows very slightly, such a reminder is very convenient. in a small country place or suburban town, where all are acquainted, it would obviously be out of place.
if a guest hears her own name bawled out in stentorian tones, it reminds her that her first duty on entering the drawing-room is to find the hostess and shake hands with her. while the present tango craze lasts this will sometimes be difficult. with old and young spinning about the room like so many dancing dervishes, the visitor must thread her way warily between the couples, lest she be run down as by a motor-car. in order to prevent such a catastrophe, the new york hostess who is giving a tea-dance receives her guests in the tea-room; or if she does so in the drawing-room she arranges to have the end where she stands kept clear of dancers.
on the left of the hostess stands the débutante, who is presented to the women guests by her mother, the men being introduced to her. there may be assistant hostesses in the receiving-line, or they may be scattered about the rooms doing the honors of the house. the visitor would probably like to have a little chat with the lady of the house before passing on, especially if she knows few persons in the room. if she arrives at the crowded hour when a stream of people are entering, she must only delay for a moment. it is usually possible by watching one’s chance to return later when the crowd has entered the dining-room and the hostesses have a little leisure to chat with those who really wish to see them. a courteous person is careful to pay due attention to the lady of the house and to have some talk with her should opportunity offer. if the guest finds any acquaintances, she will enjoy the occasion; if she does not, she may agree with the masculine verdict that “teas are a bore.”
it is the pleasant province of the assistant hostesses—usually young friends of the daughter of the house—to look after the welfare of the guests, especially of those who appear to be strangers. the conversation, it is true, is brief and perfunctory. it is limited usually to an invitation to go into the dining-room, the visitor mumbling an acceptance and moving in the direction indicated. to be thus made welcome, however, by a young girl of gracious manners gives a personal touch of hospitality that is very agreeable. the assistant hostesses address in this way persons whom they do not know, as well as friends and acquaintances.
arrived at that mecca of afternoon teas, the dining-room, one does not on a formal occasion remove one’s gloves, albeit it seems rather a foolish fashion to hold sandwiches with fingers clad in white kid. here the young girls who assist in waiting upon the guests have the advantage, as they may remove their gloves if they please. the dining-room is the center of attraction on these occasions, not only on account of the refreshments, but because it usually seems brighter and gayer than the other apartments, unless dancing is going on elsewhere. the guests should resist the temptation to linger there, however, as the room is apt to grow hot and overcrowded. since there is not usually room for all at the same time, evidently one should take one’s turn.
it is not necessary to stay long at an afternoon tea. during the height of the season in a large city, many of these affairs take place on the same afternoon, the guests going from one to another. it suffices to remain from a quarter to a half hour. at a small and friendly “tea” or at a house where one feels much at home, people stay longer if they are amused. one should take leave of the hostess, unless she is so surrounded with people as to make this difficult.
at a large reception, the coming and going of a constant stream of guests makes it necessary for the lady of the house to remain in her place or very near it throughout the afternoon. she usually stands in the drawing-room near enough to the entrance to be readily accessible, and yet far enough away to prevent the blocking of the doorway. a crowd would be apt to form there if the guests stopped at once to speak to the hostess. she should shake hands cordially with all. the débutante does the same, although she may, if she prefer, simply bow or courtesy to the gentlemen. she remains beside her mother throughout the afternoon, or certainly until all the guests have arrived. at a small tea the hostess feels at liberty to move about more freely. she may even enter the dining-room late in the afternoon, although she must be careful to return to her position should there be late-comers.
for a large and formal occasion in the city, a carpet for the sidewalk is provided, and usually an awning. a man is stationed at the curbstone to open the doors of the carriages and to give checks to the guests and the drivers or chauffeurs. a servant, usually a man, stands at the front door, opening it as soon as a guest appears. one or more maids are in the dressing-room ready to assist the ladies. if a great many guests are expected, there are checks for the coats. we have already said that a man-servant should be stationed just outside the door of the drawing-room, if the names are to be announced. in the dining-room two or more caterer’s assistants or expert waitresses will be needed to wait upon the guests.
the pouring of the tea is such a characteristic and pleasant feature of these occasions that it is seen often, although not always, at large and formal receptions. for smaller affairs the tea-table is indispensable. an assistant hostess usually presides at each end of the table, one pouring coffee, chocolate, or bouillon, the other tea. in summer cool beverages, such as lemonade, fruit-punch, or wine-cup, may be used; but where older people are present, tea, either iced or hot, is almost indispensable. whatever the season of the year, if the day is cold and wet a warm drink should be provided. sandwiches of many kinds, little cakes, bonbons, and salted nuts are the usual refreshments, to which ices are often added, and occasionally salads and oysters. the latter are more appropriate for a reception to which men are asked than to a tea.
the young friends of the débutante should keep a watchful eye on the guests to see that all are served. they themselves often act as amateur waitresses. it is very charming to see a young and pretty girl seated behind the tea-urn. candor compels us to admit, however, that the quality of the beverage is more likely to be satisfactory when a person of some experience officiates. we do not forget that fair and blooming hebe was the cup-bearer of the gods, and we are delighted to have her modern representative serve in that capacity. but why, oh why, was she removed to make room for ganymede? in the absence of precise information, it is our opinion that she attempted not only to pour out, but to concoct, the nectar of mount olympus. being young and giddy, she presumably gave honey to some gouty old deity to whom all sweets were forbidden, hence lost her position.
it is not a very difficult thing to make a good cup of tea, but it needs a little practice and undivided attention. since most persons now like the beverage very weak, there should be a large supply of hot water, and this should be frequently replenished. little wire contrivances can be purchased to take the place of the silver tea-ball; or a number of small bags may be made by tying up a few spoonfuls of the dry leaves in a piece of cheese-cloth. boiling water is poured over the tea, or the latter is immersed for a moment in a cup which has just been filled with hot water. it should be withdrawn very quickly, in order to avoid the unpleasant and unwholesome taste produced by allowing the leaves to steep in the hot fluid.
for large and formal receptions, music of a rather subdued character is sometimes provided. a stringed orchestra of three or four pieces may be stationed in a convenient nook or corner, partially screened from view by tall plants in pots or other variety of greenery. this convention makes one smile, because the stout german musicians are plainly visible among the foliage, their spectacled faces and rotund figures contrasting curiously with the sylvan groves in which they are immured. doubtless the arrangement conduces to their comfort, however, and protects them from the careless feet of passers-by. if a costumed band is employed, it is placed where it can be seen and admired. if there is to be dancing, the music is of a louder and more pronounced character. according to the fashion of the moment, there is such a beating of drums as would delight the heart of the simple savage in his forest wilds.
the floral decorations may be few and simple or elaborate and profuse, as the taste and means of the hostess dictate. at a reception for a débutante, the drawing-rooms may be filled to overflowing with bouquets and cut flowers sent by friends and admirers. it is now the fashion to greet the young girl in this charming way, strewing her path with fragrant blossoms, figuratively speaking. many of these come, doubtless, from the family connections, but any friend or acquaintance is at liberty to send flowers in moderation. obviously, it would not be in good taste for a young man who was only slightly acquainted with the débutante to order a very large and expensive bouquet for her coming-out reception. in a large city it is possible to engage the services of a florist for an hour or two, in order to arrange the floral gifts quickly and to the best advantage. otherwise the family may be overwhelmed by the sudden avalanche of sweet blossoms, and the supply of vases available may give out early in the day.
for a formal reception in winter artificial light is ordinarily used, the shutters being closed or the shades drawn down. at an informal tea it is pleasant to have the daylight as long as it lasts; but one should turn on the electricity or the gas before the rooms begin to grow dim and gloomy. as the season advances and the days become longer, most people find it refreshing to let in the sunlight.
for a small and informal tea it suffices to have two maid-servants in attendance. the waitress removes the cups and spoons as soon as they have been used, brings in fresh supplies, and assists in passing tea and cake to the guests. the other woman opens the door, washes the tea-things in the butler’s pantry, and helps wherever she is needed. at a studio or an apartment house in the city, or in a quiet village in the country, the hostess and her friends sometimes attend to all these duties themselves. the dish-washing must, of course, be conducted in a separate room, or in case of necessity it may take place behind a screen. the young girls slip on big aprons for this task and make merry over it. tea-biscuits, little fancy cakes, and bonbons are the refreshments usually provided. sandwiches are very popular, but they are rather troublesome to make and expensive to buy because of the labor involved. a “curate’s assistant” is a convenient adjunct for a small tea. cake, buns, muffins, and buttered toast may be passed on this little three-storied stand.
a reception for a débutante is often followed by a dinner or a supper for the young friends who have assisted her. young men may be asked to this, and there will perhaps be an informal dance afterward. a supper is found by experience to be better than a dinner, because the consumption of sandwiches and other viands at the tea takes the edge off every one’s appetite.
it must be said that the thé dansant has taken the place of the ordinary afternoon tea to a considerable extent. alas for the elderly dowagers who found the latter so enjoyable! there is no room for them at the dancing-tea, and they are not invited because they would be sure to come if they were! these affairs are held at ladies’ clubs or at private houses. a number of young girls come without their hats and act as hostess’s assistants. they mingle with the guests and help in introducing partners to the young women. as has been said elsewhere in this chapter, the hostess usually receives in the tea-room on these occasions.
