wishing will do nothing. if a man has sufficient cause for action he should act. "letting i dare not wait upon i would, like the poor cat i' the adage," never can produce results. cherries will not fall into your mouth without picking. "if it were done, when 'tis done then 'twere well it were done quickly." if grapes hang too high what is the use of thinking of them? nevertheless,—"where there's a will there's a way." but certainly no way will be found amidst difficulties, unless a man set himself to work seriously to look for it. with such self-given admonitions, counsels, and tags of old quotations as these, mr. greenwood went to work with himself on monday night, and came to a conclusion that if anything were to be done it must be done at once.
then came the question—what was the thing to be done, and what at once meant? when a thing has to be done which requires a special summoning of resolution, it is too often something which ought not to be done. to virtuous deeds, if they recommend themselves to us at all, we can generally make up our minds more easily. it was pleasanter to mr. greenwood to think of the thing as something in the future, as something which might possibly get itself done for him by accident, than as an act the doing of which must fall into his own hands. then came the "cat i' the adage," and the "when 'tis done then 'twere well," and the rest of it. thursday morning, between four and five o' clock, when it would be pitch dark, with neither star nor moon in the heavens, when lord hampstead would certainly be alone in a certain spot, unattended and easily assailable;—would thursday morning be the fittest time for any such deed as that which he had now in truth began to contemplate?
when the thing presented itself to him in this new form, he recoiled from it. it cannot be said that mr. greenwood was a man of any strong religious feelings. he had been ordained early in life to a curacy, having probably followed, in choosing his profession, the bent given to him by his family connections, and had thus from circumstances fallen into the household of his present patron's uncle. from that to this he had never performed a service in a church, and his domestic services as chaplain had very soon become nothing.
the old lord kingsbury had died very soon afterwards, and mr. greenwood's services had been continued rather as private secretary and librarian than as domestic chaplain. he had been crafty, willing, and, though anxious, he had been able to conceal his anxiety in that respect, and ready to obey when he found it necessary. in this manner he had come to his present condition of life, and had but few of the manners or feelings of a clergyman about him. he was quite willing to take a living if it should come in his way,—but to take it with a purpose that the duties should be chiefly performed by a curate. he was not a religious man; but when he came to look the matter in the face, not on that account could he regard himself as a possible murderer without terrible doubts.
as he thought of it his first and prevailing fear did not come from the ignominious punishment which is attached to, and which generally attends, the crime. he has been described as a man flabby in appearance, as one who seemed to tremble in his shoes when called upon for any special words, as one who might be supposed to be devoid of strong physical daring. but the true character of the man was opposed to his outward bearing. courage is a virtue of too high a nature to be included among his gifts; but he had that command of his own nerves, that free action of blood round his heart, that personal audacity coming from self-confidence, which is often taken to represent courage. given the fact that he wanted an enemy out of the way, he could go to work to prepare to put him out of the way without exaggerated dread of the consequences as far as this world is concerned. he trusted much in himself, and thought it possible that he could so look through all the concomitant incidents of such an act as that he contemplated without allowing one to escape him which might lead to detection. he could so look at the matter, he thought, as to be sure whether this or the other plot might or might not be safe. it might be that no safe plot were possible, and that the attempt must therefore be abandoned. these, at any rate, were not the dangers which made him creep about in dismay at his own intentions.
there were other dangers of which he could not shake off the dread. whether he had any clear hope as to eternal bliss in another life, it may be doubted. he probably drove from his mind thoughts on the subject, not caring to investigate his own belief. it is the practice of many to have their minds utterly callous in that respect. to suppose that such men think this or think the other as to future rewards and punishments is to give them credit for a condition of mind to which they have never risen. such a one was probably mr. greenwood; but nevertheless he feared something when this idea respecting lord hampstead presented itself to him. it was as is some boggy-bo to a child, some half-belief in a spectre to a nervous woman, some dread of undefined evil to an imaginative but melancholy man. he did not think that by meditating such a deed, by hardening his heart to the necessary resolution, by steeling himself up to its perpetration, he would bring himself into a condition unfitted for a life of bliss. his thoughts did not take any such direction. but though there might be no punishment in this world,—even though there were to be no other world in which punishment could come,—still something of evil would surely fall upon him. the convictions of the world since the days of cain have all gone in that direction. it was thus that he allowed himself to be cowed, and to be made to declare to himself again and again that the project must be abandoned.
but "the cat i' the adage" succeeded so far on the tuesday in getting the better of his scruples, that he absolutely did form a plot. he did not as yet quite see his way to that security which would be indispensable;—but he did form a plot. then came the bitter reflection that what he would do would be done for the benefit of others rather than his own. what would lord frederic know of his benefactor when he should come to the throne—as in such case he would do—as marquis of kingsbury? lord frederic would give him no thanks, even were he to know it,—which of course could never be the case. and why had not that woman assisted him,—she who had instigated him to the doing of the deed? "for banquo's issue have i filed my mind," he said to himself over and over again, not, however, in truth thinking of the deed with any of the true remorse to which macbeth was a prey. the "filing of his mind" only occurred to him because the words were otherwise apt. would she even be grateful when she should tell herself,—as she surely would do,—that the deed had been done by the partner of her confidences?
when he thought of the reward which was to come to him in payment of the intended deed something like a feeling of true conscience did arise within him. might it not be the case that even he, callous as he was to most things, should find himself unable to go down to appleslocombe and read himself in, as the phrase goes, as rector and pastor of the parish? he thought of this as he lay in his bed, and acknowledged to himself that his own audacity would probably be insufficient to carry him through such a struggle. but still on the morning when he rose he had not altogether rejected the idea. the young man had scorned him and had insulted him, and was hateful to him. but still why should he be the macbeth, seeing that the lady macbeth of the occasion was untrue to him? in all this he was unaware how very little his lady macbeth had really meant when she had allowed herself in his presence to express wishes as to her stepson's death.
he thought he saw his plan. the weapon was there ready to his hand;—a weapon which he had not bought, which could not be traced to him, which would certainly be fatal if used with the assurance of which he was confident. and there would be ample time for retreat. but still as he arranged it all in his mind he regarded it all not as a thing fixed, but as a thing which was barely possible. it was thus that it might be done, had the lady macbeth of the occasion really shown herself competent to such a task. why should he trouble himself on such a matter? why should he file his mind for banquo's issue? yet he looked at the pistol and at the window as he prepared to go up to her ladyship's room before lunch on the wednesday morning. it certainly could be done, he said to himself, telling himself at the same time that all that had been passing in his own mind was no more than a vague speculation. a man is apt to speculate on things which have no reality to him, till they become real.
he had assumed the practice of going to her ladyship's sitting-room up-stairs without a special summons, latterly to her ladyship's great disgust. when her quarrel had first become strong with lady frances she had no doubt received comfort from his support. but now she had become weary of him, and had sometimes been almost dismayed by the words he spoke to her. at half-past twelve punctually she went down to her husband's room, and it was now customary with the chaplain to visit her before she did so. she had more than once almost resolved to tell him that she preferred to be left alone during the morning. but she had not as yet assumed the courage to do this. she was aware that words had fallen from her in her anger which it was possible he might use against her, were she to subject herself to his displeasure. "lord hampstead will be here at half-past four—what you may call the middle of the night—to-morrow morning, lady kingsbury," said he, repeating an assertion which he had already made to her two or three times. as he did so he stood in the middle of the room, looking down upon her with a gaze under which she had often suffered, but which she did not in the least understand.
"of course i know he's coming."
"don't you think it a very improper time, with a sick man in the house?"
"he won't disturb his father."
"i don't know. there will be the opening and the shutting of the door, and the servant will be going about the passages, and there will be the bringing in of the luggage."
"he won't have any luggage." mr. greenwood had been aware of this; but it might be well that he should affect ignorance.
"it is like everything else that he does," he said, being anxious to induce the stepmother to speak ill of her stepson. but the bent of her mind had been turned. she was not conscious of the cause which had produced the change, but she was determined to speak no further evil of her stepchildren before mr. greenwood. "i suppose there is nothing to be done?" said mr. greenwood.
"what should there be to be done? if you do remain here i wish you would sit down, mr. greenwood. you oppress me by standing up in that way in the middle of the room."
"i do not wonder that you should be oppressed," he said, seating himself, as was his wont, on the edge of a chair. "i am oppressed, i know. no one ever says a word to comfort me. what am i to do if anything should happen?"
"mr. greenwood, what is the use of all this?"
"what would you think, lady kingsbury, if you had to live all the rest of your life on an income arising from a thousand pounds?"
"it isn't my fault. what's the good of your coming to me with all that? i have had nothing to do with the arrangement which lord kingsbury has made with you. you know very well that i do not dare even to mention your name to him, lest he should order that you should be turned out of the house."
"turned out of the house!" he said, jumping off his chair on to his legs with an alacrity which was quite unusual to him. "turned out of the house?—as if i were a dog! no man alive would stand such language."
"you know very well that i've always stood your friend," said the marchioness, alarmed by the man's impetuosity.
"and you tell me that i'm to be turned out of the house."
"i only say that it would be better not to mention your name to him. i must go now, because he will be waiting for me."
"he doesn't care a straw for you; not a straw."
"mr. greenwood!"
"he cares only for his son and daughter;—for the son and daughter of his first wife; for those two ignoble young persons who, as you have said so often, are altogether unworthy of their name."
"mr. greenwood, i cannot admit this."
"have you not said it over and over again? have you not declared how good a thing it would be that lord hampstead should die? you cannot go back from all that, lady kingsbury."
"i must go now, mr. greenwood," she said, shuffling out of the room. he had altogether frightened her, and, as she went down-stairs, she determined that at whatever cost she must save herself from further private conversation with the chaplain.
mr. greenwood, when he was thus left alone, did not at once leave the room. he had reseated himself, and there he remained still gazing as though there had been some one for him to gaze at, and still seated on the edge of his chair as though there were some one to see the affected humility of his position. but in truth the gazing and the manner of sitting had become so customary to him that they were assumed without thought. his mind was now full of the injury done to him by the marchioness. she had made him her confidant; she had poured her secret thoughts into his ears; she had done her best to inspire him with her hatred and her desires;—and now, when she had almost taught him to be the minister of her wishes, she turned upon him, and upbraided him and deserted him! of course when he had sympathized with her as to her ill-used darlings he had expected her to sympathize with him as to the hardships inflicted upon him. but she cared nothing for his hardships, and was anxious to repudiate the memory of all the hard words which she had spoken as to her husband's children. it should not be so! she should not escape from him in this manner! when confidences have been made, the persons making them must abide the consequences. when a partnership has been formed, neither partner has a right to retreat at once, leaving the burden of all debts upon the other. had not all these thoughts, and plottings, which had been so heavy on his mind since that telegram had come, which had been so heavy on his soul, been her doing? had not the idea come from her? had there not been an unspoken understanding between them that in consequence of certain mutual troubles and mutual aspirations there should be a plan of action arranged between them? now she was deserting him! well;—he thought that he could so contrive things that she should not do so with impunity. having considered all this he got up from his chair and slowly walked down to his own room.
he lunched by himself, and then sat himself down with a novel, as was his wont at that hour of the day. there could be no man more punctual in all his daily avocations than mr. greenwood. after lunch there always came the novel; but there was seldom much of it read. he would generally go to sleep, and would remain so, enjoying perfect tranquillity for the best part of an hour. then he would go out for his constitutional walk, after which he would again take up the novel till the time came for her ladyship's tea. on this occasion he did not read at all, but neither did he at once sleep. there had been that on his mind which, even though it had not been perfected, banished sleep from him for some minutes. there was no need of any further conversation as to safety or danger. the deed, whether it would or could not have been done in the manner he had premeditated, certainly would not be done now. certainly not now would he file his mind for banquo's issue. but after half-an-hour of silent meditation he did sleep.
when he arose and went out for a walk he felt that his heart was light within him. he had done nothing by which he had compromised himself. he had bound himself to no deed. as he walked up and down the road he assured himself that he had never really thought of doing it. he had only speculated as to the probability,—which is so common for men to do as to performances which they had no thought of attempting. there was a great burden gone from him. had he desired to get rid of lord hampstead, it was in that way that he would have done it;—and he would so have done it that he would never have been suspected of the deed. he had never intended more than that. as he returned to the house he assured himself that he had never intended anything more. and yet there was a great burden gone from him.
at five o'clock a message was brought to him that her ladyship, finding herself to be rather unwell, begged to be excused from asking him up to tea. the message was brought by the butler himself, with a suggestion that he should have tea in his own room. "i think i will, harris," he said, "just take a cup. by-the-bye, harris, have you seen my lord to-day?" harris declared that he had seen his lordship, in a tone of voice which implied that he at any rate had not been banished from my lord's presence. "and how do you find him?" harris thought that the marquis was a little more like himself to-day than he had been for the last three days. "that's right. i am very glad to hear that. lord hampstead's coming to-morrow will be a great comfort to him."
"yes, indeed," said harris, who was quite on lord hampstead's side in the family quarrels. he had not been pleased with the idea of the roden marriage, which certainly was unfortunate for the daughter of a marquis; but he was by no means inclined to take part against the heir to the family honours.
"i wish he were coming at a little more reasonable hour in the day," said mr. greenwood with a smile. but harris thought that the time of the day would do very well. it was the kind of thing which his lordship very often did, and harris did not see any harm in it. this harris said with his hand on the lock of the door, showing that he was not anxious for a prolonged conversation with the chaplain.
