when mr apjohn had gone, cousin henry sat for an hour, not thinking,—men so afflicted have generally lost the power to think,—but paralysed by the weight of his sorrow, simply repeating to himself assertions that said no man had ever been used so cruelly. had he been as other men are, he would have turned the lawyer out of the house at the first expression of an injurious suspicion, but his strength had not sufficed for such action. he confessed to himself his own weakness, though he could not bring himself to confess his own guilt. why did they not find it and have done with it? feeling at last how incapable he was of collecting his thoughts while he sat there in the book-room, and aware, at the same time, that he must determine on some course of action, he took his hat and strolled out towards the cliffs.
there was a month remaining to him, just a month before the day named on which he was to put himself into the witness-box. that, at any rate, must be avoided. he did after some fashion resolve that, let the result be what it might, he would not submit himself to a cross-examination. they could not drag him from his bed were he to say that he was ill. they could not send policemen to find him, were he to hide himself in london. unless he gave evidence against himself as to his own guilty knowledge, they could bring no open charge against him; or if he could but summon courage to throw himself from off the rocks, then, at any rate, he would escape from their hands.
what was it all about? this he asked himself as he sat some way down the cliff, looking out over the sea. what was it all about? if they wanted the property for his cousin isabel, they were welcome to take it. he desired nothing but to be allowed to get away from this accursed country, to escape, and never more to be heard of there or to hear of it. could he not give up the property with the signing of some sufficient deed, and thus put an end to their cruel clamour? he could do it all without any signing, by a simple act of honesty, by taking down the book with the will and giving it at once to the lawyer! it was possible,—possible as far as the knowledge of any one but himself was concerned,—that such a thing might be done not only with honesty, but with high-minded magnanimity. how would it be if in truth the document were first found by him on this very day? had it been so, were it so, then his conduct would be honest. and it was still open to him to simulate that it was so. he had taken down the book, let him say, for spiritual comfort in his great trouble, and lo, the will had been found there between the leaves! no one would believe him. he declared to himself that such was already his character in the county that no one would believe him. but what though they disbelieved him? surely they would accept restitution without further reproach. then there would be no witness-box, no savage terrier of a barrister to tear him in pieces with his fierce words and fiercer eyes. whether they believed him or not, they would let him go. it would be told of him, at any rate, that having the will in his hands, he had not destroyed it. up in london, where men would not know all the details of this last miserable month, some good would be spoken of him. and then there would be time left to him to relieve his conscience by repentance.
but to whom should he deliver up the will, and how should he frame the words? he was conscious of his own impotence in deceit. for such a purpose mr apjohn, no doubt, would be the proper person, but there was no one of whom he stood so much in dread as of mr apjohn. were he to carry the book and the paper to the lawyer and attempt to tell his story, the real truth would be drawn out from him in the first minute of their interview. the man's eyes looking at him, the man's brow bent against him, would extract from him instantly the one truth which it was his purpose to hold within his own keeping. he would find no thankfulness, no mercy, not even justice in the lawyer. the lawyer would accept restitution, and would crush him afterwards. would it not be better to go off to hereford, without saying a word to any one in carmarthenshire, and give up the deed to his cousin isabel? but then she had scorned him. she had treated him with foul contempt. as he feared mr apjohn, so did he hate his cousin isabel. the only approach to manliness left in his bosom was a true hatred of his cousin.
the single voice which had been kind to him since he had come to this horrid place had been that of old farmer griffith. even his voice had been stern at last, but yet, with the sternness, there had been something of compassion. he thought that he could tell the tale to mr griffith, if to any one. and so thinking, he resolved at once to go to coed. there was still before him that other means of escape which the rocks and the sea afforded him. as he had made his way on this morning to the spot on which he was now lying that idea was still present to him. he did not think that he could do a deed of such daring. he was almost sure of himself that the power of doing it would be utterly wanting when the moment came. but still it was present to his mind. the courage might reach him at the instant. were a sudden impulse to carry him away, he thought the lord would surely forgive him because of all his sufferings. but now, as he looked at the spot, and saw that he could not reach the placid deep water, he considered it again, and remembered that the lord would not forgive him a sin as to which there would be no moment for repentance. as he could not escape in that way, he must carry out his purpose with farmer griffith.
"so you be here again prowling about on father's lands?"
cousin henry knew at once the voice of that bitter enemy of his, young cantor; and, wretched as he was, he felt also something of the spirit of the landlord in being thus rebuked for trespassing on his ground. "i suppose i have a right to walk about on my own estate?" said he.
"i know nothing about your own estate," replied the farmer's son. "i say nothin' about that. they do be talking about it, but i say nothin'. i has my own opinions, but i say nothin'. others do be saying a great deal, as i suppose you hear, mr jones, but i say nothin'."
"how dare you be so impudent to your landlord?"
"i know nothin' about landlords. i know father has a lease of this land, and pays his rent, whether you get it or another; and you have no more right, it's my belief, to intrude here nor any other stranger. so, if you please, you'll walk."
"i shall stay here just as long as it suits me," said cousin henry.
"oh, very well. then father will have his action against you for trespass, and so you'll be brought into a court of law. you are bound to go off when you are warned. you ain't no right here because you call yourself landlord. you come up here and i'll thrash you, that's what i will. you wouldn't dare show yourself before a magistrate, that's what you wouldn't."
the young man stood there for a while waiting, and then walked off with a loud laugh.
any one might insult him, any one might beat him, and he could seek for no redress because he would not dare to submit himself to the ordeal of a witness-box. all those around him knew that it was so. he was beyond the protection of the law because of the misery of his position. it was clear that he must do something, and as he could not drown himself, there was nothing better than that telling of his tale to mr griffith. he would go to mr griffith at once. he had not the book and the document with him, but perhaps he could tell the tale better without their immediate presence.
at coed he found the farmer in his own farmyard.
"i have come to you in great trouble," said cousin henry, beginning his story.
"well, squire, what is it?" then the farmer seated himself on a low, movable bar which protected the entrance into an open barn, and cousin henry sat beside him.
"that young man cantor insulted me grossly just now."
"he shouldn't have done that. whatever comes of it all, he shouldn't have done that. he was always a forward young puppy."
"i do think i have been treated very badly among you."
"as to that, mr jones, opinion does run very high about the squire's will. i explained to you all that when i was with you yesterday."
"something has occurred since that,—something that i was coming on purpose to tell you."
"what has occurred?" cousin henry groaned terribly as the moment for revelation came upon him. and he felt that he had made the moment altogether unfit for revelation by that ill-judged observation as to young cantor. he should have rushed at his story at once. "oh, mr griffith, i have found the will!" it should have been told after that fashion. he felt it now,—felt that he had allowed the opportunity to slip by him.
"what is it that has occurred, mr jones, since i was up at llanfeare yesterday?"
"i don't think that i could tell you here."
"where, then?"
"not yet to-day. that young man, cantor, has so put me out that i hardly know what i am saying."
"couldn't you speak it out, sir, if it's just something to be said?"
"it's something to be shown too," replied cousin henry, "and if you wouldn't mind coming up to the house to-morrow, or next day, then i could explain it all."
"to-morrow it shall be," said the farmer. "on the day after i shall be in carmarthen to market. if eleven o'clock to-morrow morning won't be too early, i shall be there, sir."
one, or three, or five o'clock would have been better, or the day following better still, so that the evil hour might have been postponed. but cousin henry assented to the proposition and took his departure. now he had committed himself to some revelation, and the revelation must be made. he felt acutely the folly of his own conduct during the last quarter of an hour. if it might have been possible to make the old man believe that the document had only been that morning found, such belief could only have been achieved by an impulsive telling of the story. he was aware that at every step he took he created fresh difficulties by his own folly and want of foresight. how could he now act the sudden emotion of a man startled by surprise? nevertheless, he must go on with his scheme. there was now nothing before him; but still he might be able to achieve that purpose which he had in view of escaping from llanfeare and carmarthenshire.
he sat up late that night thinking of it. for many days past he had not touched the volume, or allowed his eye to rest upon the document. he had declared to himself that it might remain there or be taken away, as it might chance to others. it should no longer be anything to him. for aught that he knew, it might already have been removed. such had been his resolution during the last fortnight, and in accordance with that he had acted. but now his purpose was again changed. now he intended to reveal the will with his own hands, and it might be well that he should see that it was there.
he took down the book, and there it was. he opened it out, and carefully read through every word of its complicated details. for it had been arranged and drawn out in a lawyer's office, with all the legal want of punctuation and unintelligible phraseology. it had been copied verbatim by the old squire, and was no doubt a properly binding and effective will. never before had he dwelt over it so tediously. he had feared lest a finger-mark, a blot, or a spark might betray his acquaintance with the deed. but now he was about to give it up and let all the world know that it had been in his hands. he felt, therefore, that he was entitled to read it, and that there was no longer ground to fear any accident. though the women in the house should see him reading it, what matter?
thrice he read it, sitting there late into the night. thrice he read the deed which had been prepared with such devilish industry to rob him of the estate which had been promised him! if he had been wicked to conceal it,—no, not to conceal it, but only to be silent as to its whereabouts,—how much greater had been the sin of that dying old man who had taken so much trouble in robbing him? now that the time had come, almost the hour in which he had lately so truly loathed, there came again upon him a love of money, a feeling of the privilege which attached to him as an owner of broad acres, and a sudden remembrance that with a little courage, with a little perseverance, with a little power of endurance, he might live down the evils of the present day. when he thought of what it might be to be squire of llanfeare in perhaps five years' time, with the rents in his pocket, he became angry at his own feebleness. let them ask him what questions they would, there could be no evidence against him. if he were to burn the will, there could certainly be no evidence against him. if the will were still hidden, they might, perhaps, extract that secret from him; but no lawyer would be strong enough to make him own that he had thrust the paper between the bars of the fire.
he sat looking at it, gnashing his teeth together, and clenching his fists. if only he dared to do it! if only he could do it! he did during a moment, make up his mind; but had no sooner done so than there rose clearly before his mind's eye the judge and the jury, the paraphernalia of the court, and all the long horrors of a prison life. even now those prying women might have their eyes turned upon what he was doing. and should there be no women prying, no trial, no conviction, still there would be the damning guilt on his own soul,—a guilt which would admit of no repentance except by giving himself up to the hands of the law! no sooner had he resolved to destroy the will than he was unable to destroy it. no sooner had he felt his inability than again he longed to do the deed. when at three o'clock he dragged himself up wearily to his bed, the will was again within the sermon, and the book was at rest upon its old ground.
punctually at eleven mr griffith was with him, and it was evident from his manner that he had thought the matter over, and was determined to be kind and gracious.
"now, squire," said he, "let us hear it; and i do hope it may be something that may make your mind quiet at last. you've had, i fear, a bad time of it since the old squire died."
"indeed i have, mr griffith."
"what is it now? whatever it be, you may be sure of this, i will take it charitable like. i won't take nothing amiss; and if so be i can help you, i will."
cousin henry, as the door had been opened, and as the man's footstep had been heard, had made up his mind that on this occasion he could not reveal the secret. he had disabled himself by that unfortunate manner of his yesterday. he would not even turn his eyes upon the book, but sat looking into the empty grate. "what is it, mr jones?" asked the farmer.
"my uncle did make a will," said cousin henry feebly.
"of course he made a will. he made a many,—one or two more than was wise, i am thinking."
"he made a will after the last one."
"after that in your favour?"
"yes; after that. i know that he did, by what i saw him doing; and so i thought i'd tell you."
"is that all?"
"i thought i'd let you know that i was sure of it. what became of it after it was made, that, you know, is quite another question. i do think it must be in the house, and if so, search ought to be made. if they believe there is such a will, why don't they come and search more regularly? i shouldn't hinder them."
"is that all you've got to say?"
"as i have been thinking about it so much and as you are so kind to me, i thought i had better tell you."
"but there was something you were to show me."
"oh, yes; i did say so. if you will come upstairs, i'll point out the very spot where the old man sat when he was writing it."
"there is nothing more than that?"
"nothing more than that, mr griffith."
"then good morning, mr jones. i am afraid we have not got to the end of the matter yet."
