the day of the month came into my mind as soon as i awoke. another year is separated from the chain of ages, and drops into the gulf of the past! the crowd hasten to welcome her young sister. but while all looks are turned toward the future, mine revert to the past. everyone smiles upon the new queen; but, in spite of myself, i think of her whom time has just wrapped in her winding-sheet. the past year! — at least i know what she was, and what she has given me; while this one comes surrounded by all the forebodings of the unknown. what does she hide in the clouds that mantle her? is it the storm or the sunshine? just now it rains, and i feel my mind as gloomy as the sky. i have a holiday today; but what can one do on a rainy day? i walk up and down my attic out of temper, and i determine to light my fire.
unfortunately the matches are bad, the chimney smokes, the wood goes out! i throw down my bellows in disgust, and sink into my old armchair.
in truth, why should i rejoice to see the birth of a new year? all those who are already in the streets, with holiday looks and smiling faces — do they understand what makes them so gay? do they even know what is the meaning of this holiday, or whence comes the custom of new-year’s gifts?
here my mind pauses to prove to itself its superiority over that of the vulgar. i make a parenthesis in my ill-temper in favor of my vanity, and i bring together all the evidence which my knowledge can produce.
(the old romans divided the year into ten months only; it was numa pompilius who added january and february. the former took its name from janus, to whom it was dedicated. as it opened the new year, they surrounded its beginning with good omens, and thence came the custom of visits between neighbors, of wishing happiness, and of new-year’s gifts. the presents given by the romans were symbolic. they consisted of dry figs, dates, honeycomb, as emblems of “the sweetness of the auspices under which the year should begin its course,” and a small piece of money called stips, which foreboded riches.)
here i close the parenthesis, and return to my ill-humor. the little speech i have just addressed to myself has restored me my self-satisfaction, but made me more dissatisfied with others. i could now enjoy my breakfast; but the portress has forgotten my morning’s milk, and the pot of preserves is empty! anyone else would have been vexed: as for me, i affect the most supreme indifference. there remains a hard crust, which i break by main strength, and which i carelessly nibble, as a man far above the vanities of the world and of fresh rolls.
however, i do not know why my thoughts should grow more gloomy by reason of the difficulties of mastication. i once read the story of an englishman who hanged himself because they had brought him his tea without sugar. there are hours in life when the most trifling cross takes the form of a calamity. our tempers are like an opera-glass, which makes the object small or great according to the end you look through.
usually, the prospect that opens out before my window delights me. it is a mountain-range of roofs, with ridges crossing, interlacing, and piled on one another, and upon which tall chimneys raise their peaks. it was but yesterday that they had an alpine aspect to me, and i waited for the first snowstorm to see glaciers among them; to-day, i only see tiles and stone flues. the pigeons, which assisted my rural illusions, seem no more than miserable birds which have mistaken the roof for the back yard; the smoke, which rises in light clouds, instead of making me dream of the panting of vesuvius, reminds me of kitchen preparations and dishwater; and lastly, the telegraph, that i see far off on the old tower of montmartre, has the effect of a vile gallows stretching its arms over the city.
my eyes, thus hurt by all they meet, fall upon the great man’s house which faces my attic.
the influence of new-year’s day is visible there. the servants have an air of eagerness proportioned to the value of their new-year’s gifts, received or expected. i see the master of the house crossing the court with the morose look of a man who is forced to be generous; and the visitors increase, followed by shop porters who carry flowers, bandboxes, or toys. suddenly the great gates are opened, and a new carriage, drawn by thoroughbred horses, draws up before the doorsteps. they are, without doubt, the new-year’s gift presented to the mistress of the house by her husband; for she comes herself to look at the new equipage. very soon she gets into it with a little girl, all streaming with laces, feathers and velvets, and loaded with parcels which she goes to distribute as new-year’s gifts. the door is shut, the windows are drawn up, the carriage sets off.
thus all the world are exchanging good wishes and presents to-day. i alone have nothing to give or to receive. poor solitary! i do not even know one chosen being for whom i might offer a prayer.
then let my wishes for a happy new year go and seek out all my unknown friends — lost in the multitude which murmurs like the ocean at my feet!
to you first, hermits in cities, for whom death and poverty have created a solitude in the midst of the crowd! unhappy laborers, who are condemned to toil in melancholy, and eat your daily bread in silence and desertion, and whom god has withdrawn from the intoxicating pangs of love and friendship!
to you, fond dreamers, who pass through life with your eyes turned toward some polar star, while you tread with indifference over the rich harvests of reality!
to you, honest fathers, who lengthen out the evening to maintain your families! to you, poor widows, weeping and working by a cradle! to you, young men, resolutely set to open for yourselves a path in life, large enough to lead through it the wife of your choice! to you, all brave soldiers of work and of self-sacrifice!
to you, lastly, whatever your title and your name, who love good, who pity the suffering; who walk through the world like the symbolical virgin of byzantium, with both arms open to the human race!
here i am suddenly interrupted by loud and increasing chirpings. i look about me: my window is surrounded with sparrows picking up the crumbs of bread which in my brown study i had just scattered on the roof. at this sight a flash of light broke upon my saddened heart. i deceived myself just now, when i complained that i had nothing to give: thanks to me, the sparrows of this part of the town will have their new-year’s gifts!
twelve o’clock. — a knock at my door; a poor girl comes in, and greets me by name. at first i do not recollect her; but she looks at me, and smiles. ah! it is paulette! but it is almost a year since i have seen her, and paulette is no longer the same: the other day she was a child, now she is almost a young woman.
paulette is thin, pale, and miserably clad; but she has always the same open and straightforward look — the same mouth, smiling at every word, as if to court your sympathy — the same voice, somewhat timid, yet expressing fondness. paulette is not pretty — she is even thought plain; as for me, i think her charming. perhaps that is not on her account, but on my own. paulette appears to me as one of my happiest recollections.
it was the evening of a public holiday. our principal buildings were illuminated with festoons of fire, a thousand flags waved in the night winds, and the fireworks had just shot forth their spouts of flame into the midst of the champ de mars. suddenly, one of those unaccountable alarms which strike a multitude with panic fell upon the dense crowd: they cry out, they rush on headlong; the weaker ones fall, and the frightened crowd tramples them down in its convulsive struggles. i escaped from the confusion by a miracle, and was hastening away, when the cries of a perishing child arrested me: i reentered that human chaos, and, after unheard-of exertions, i brought paulette out of it at the peril of my life.
that was two years ago: since then i had not seen the child again but at long intervals, and i had almost forgotten her; but paulette’s memory was that of a grateful heart, and she came at the beginning of the year to offer me her wishes for my happiness. she brought me, besides, a wallflower in full bloom; she herself had planted and reared it: it was something that belonged wholly to herself; for it was by her care, her perseverance, and her patience, that she had obtained it.
the wallflower had grown in a common pot; but paulette, who is a bandbox-maker, had put it into a case of varnished paper, ornamented with arabesques. these might have been in better taste, but i did not feel the attention and good-will the less.
this unexpected present, the little girl’s modest blushes, the compliments she stammered out, dispelled, as by a sunbeam, the kind of mist which had gathered round my mind; my thoughts suddenly changed from the leaden tints of evening to the brightest colors of dawn. i made paulette sit down, and questioned her with a light heart.
at first the little girl replied in monosyllables; but very soon the tables were turned, and it was i who interrupted with short interjections her long and confidential talk. the poor child leads a hard life. she was left an orphan long since, with a brother and sister, and lives with an old grandmother, who has “brought them up to poverty,” as she always calls it.
however, paulette now helps her to make bandboxes, her little sister perrine begins to use the needle, and her brother henry is apprentice to a printer. all would go well if it were not for losses and want of work — if it were not for clothes which wear out, for appetites which grow larger, and for the winter, when you cannot get sunshine for nothing. paulette complains that her candles go too quickly, and that her wood costs too much. the fireplace in their garret is so large that a fagot makes no more show in it than a match; it is so near the roof that the wind blows the rain down it, and in winter it hails upon the hearth; so they have left off using it. henceforth they must be content with an earthen chafing-dish, upon which they cook their meals. the grandmother had often spoken of a stove that was for sale at the broker’s close by; but he asked seven francs for it, and the times are too hard for such an expense: the family, therefore, resign themselves to cold for economy!
as paulette spoke, i felt more and more that i was losing my fretfulness and low spirits. the first disclosures of the little bandbox-maker created within me a wish that soon became a plan. i questioned her about her daily occupations, and she informed me that on leaving me she must go, with her brother, her sister, and grandmother, to the different people for whom they work. my plan was immediately settled. i told the child that i would go to see her in the evening, and i sent her away with fresh thanks.
i placed the wallflower in the open window, where a ray of sunshine bid it welcome; the birds were singing around, the sky had cleared up, and the day, which began so loweringly, had become bright. i sang as i moved about my room, and, having hastily put on my hat and coat, i went out.
three o’clock. — all is settled with my neighbor, the chimney-doctor; he will repair my old stove, and answers for its being as good as new. at five o’clock we are to set out, and put it up in paulette’s grandmother’s room.
midnight. — all has gone off well. at the hour agreed upon, i was at the old bandbox-maker’s; she was still out. my piedmontese* fixed the stove, while i arranged a dozen logs in the great fireplace, taken from my winter stock. i shall make up for them by warming myself with walking, or by going to bed earlier.
[* in paris a chimney-sweeper is named “piedmontese” or “savoyard,” as they usually come from that country.]
my heart beat at every step that was heard on the staircase; i trembled lest they should interrupt me in my preparations, and should thus spoil my intended surprise. but no! — see everything ready: the lighted stove murmurs gently, the little lamp burns upon the table, and a bottle of oil for it is provided on the shelf. the chimney-doctor is gone. now my fear lest they should come is changed into impatience at their not coming. at last i hear children’s voices; here they are: they push open the door and rush in — but they all stop in astonishment.
at the sight of the lamp, the stove, and the visitor, who stands there like a magician in the midst of these wonders, they draw back almost frightened. paulette is the first to comprehend it, and the arrival of the grandmother, who is more slowly mounting the stairs, finishes the explanation. then come tears, ecstasies, thanks!
but the wonders are not yet ended. the little sister opens the oven, and discovers some chestnuts just roasted; the grandmother puts her hand on the bottles of cider arranged on the dresser; and i draw forth from the basket that i have hidden a cold tongue, a pot of butter, and some fresh rolls.
now their wonder turns into admiration; the little family have never seen such a feast! they lay the cloth, they sit down, they eat; it is a complete banquet for all, and each contributes his share to it. i had brought only the supper: and the bandbox-maker and her children supplied the enjoyment.
what bursts of laughter at nothing! what a hubbub of questions which waited for no reply, of replies which answered no question! the old woman herself shared in the wild merriment of the little ones! i have always been struck at the ease with which the poor forget their wretchedness. being used to live only for the present, they make a gain of every pleasure as soon as it offers itself. but the surfeited rich are more difficult to satisfy: they require time and everything to suit before they will consent to be happy.
the evening has passed like a moment. the old woman told me the history of her life, sometimes smiling, sometimes drying her eyes. perrine sang an old ballad with her fresh young voice. henry told us what he knows of the great writers of the day, to whom he has to carry their proofs. at last we were obliged to separate, not without fresh thanks on the part of the happy family.
i have come home slowly, ruminating with a full heart, and pure enjoyment, on the simple events of my evening. it has given me much comfort and much instruction. now, no new-year’s day will come amiss to me; i know that no one is so unhappy as to have nothing to give and nothing to receive.
as i came in, i met my rich neighbor’s new equipage. she, too, had just returned from her evening’s party; and, as she sprang from the carriage-step with feverish impatience, i heard her murmur “at last!”
i, when i left paulette’s family, said “so soon!”
