i sat with a newspaper in the university club reading room forthe third day in succession. i wanted this to look accidental.
from my position, i could observe the queue at the counterwhere rosie sometimes purchased her lunch, even though shewas not qualified to be a member. gene had given me thisinformation, reluctantly.
‘don, i think it’s time to leave this one alone. you’re going toget hurt.’
i disagreed. i am very good at dealing with emotions. i wasprepared for rejection.
rosie walked in and joined the queue. i got up and slipped inbehind her.
‘don,’ she said. ‘what a coincidence.’
‘i have news on the project.’
‘there’s no project. i’m sorry about … last time you saw me.
shit!
you embarrass me and i say sorry.’
‘apology accepted,’ i said. ‘i need you to come to new yorkwith me.’
167/290‘what? no. no, don. absolutely not.’
we had reached the cash register and failed to select any foodand had to return to the tail of the queue. by the time we satdown, i had explained the asperger’s research project. ‘i hadto invent an entire proposal – three hundred and seventy-onepages – for this one professor. i’m now an expert on thesavant phenomenon.’
it was difficult to decode rosie’s reaction but she appeared tobe more amazed than impressed.
‘an unemployed expert if you get caught,’ she said. ‘i gatherhe’s not my father.’
‘correct.’ i had been relieved when lefebvre’s sample hadtested negative, even after the considerable effort that had beenrequired to obtain it. i had already made plans, and a positivetest would have disrupted them.
‘there are now only three possibilities left. two are in newyork, and both refused to participate in the study. hence, ihave categorised them as difficult, and hence i need you tocome to new york with me.’
‘new york! don, no. no, no, no, no. you’re not going to newyork and neither am i.’
i had considered the possibility that rosie would refuse. butdaphne’s legacy had been sufficient to purchase two tickets.
‘if necessary i will go alone. but i’m not confident i canhandle the social aspects of the collection.’
rosie shook her head. ‘this is seriously crazy.’
‘you don’t want to know who they are?’ i said. ‘two of thethree men who may be your father?’
‘go on.’
‘isaac esler. psychiatrist.’
i could see rosie digging deep into her memory.
‘maybe. isaac. i think so. maybe a friend of someone. shit, it’sso long ago.’ she paused. ‘and?’
168/290‘solomon freyberg. surgeon.’
‘no relation to max freyberg?’
‘maxwell is his middle name.’
‘shit. max freyberg. he’s gone to new york now? no way.
you’re saying i’ve got one chance in three of being hisdaughter. and two chances in three of being jewish.’
‘assuming your mother told the truth.’
‘my mother wouldn’t have lied.’
‘how old were you when she died?’
‘ten. i know what you’re thinking. but i know i’m right.’
it was obviously not possible to discuss this issue rationally. imoved to her other statement.
‘is there a problem with being jewish?’
‘jewish is fine. freyberg is not fine. but if it’s freyberg itwould explain why my mother kept mum. no pun intended.
you’ve never heard of him?’
‘only as a result of this project.’
‘if you followed football you would have.’
‘he was a footballer?’
‘a club president. and well-known jerk. what about the thirdperson?’
‘geoffrey case.’
‘oh my god.’ rosie went white. ‘he died.’
‘correct.’
‘mum talked about him a lot. he had an accident. or someillness –maybe cancer. something bad, obviously. but i didn’t think hewas in her year.’
it struck me now that we had been extremely careless in theway we had addressed the project, primarily because of themisunderstand-ings that had led to temporary abandonmentsfollowed by restarts. if169/290we had worked through the names at the outset, such obviouspossibilities would not have been overlooked.
‘do you know any more about him?’
‘no. mum was really sad about what happened to him. shit. itmakes total sense, doesn’t it? why she wouldn’t tell me.’
it made no sense to me.
‘he was from the country,’ rosie said. ‘i think his father had apractice out in the sticks.’
the website had provided the information that geoffrey casewas from moree in northern new south wales, but this hardlyexplained why rosie’s mother would have hidden his identity ifhe was the father. his only other distinguishing feature wasthat he was dead, so perhaps it was this to which rosie wasreferring – her mother not wanting to tell her that her fatherhad died. but surely phil could have been given thisinformation to pass on when rosie was old enough to dealwith it.
while we were talking, gene entered. with bianca! they wavedto us then went upstairs to the private dining section.
incredible.
‘gross,’ said rosie.
‘he’s researching attraction to different nationalities.’
‘right. i just pity his wife.’
i told rosie that gene and claudia had an open marriage.
‘lucky her,’ said rosie. ‘are you planning to offer the samedeal to the winner of the wife project?’
‘of course,’ i said.
‘of course,’ said rosie.
‘if that was what she wanted,’ i added in case rosie hadmisinterpreted.
‘you think that’s likely?’
170/290‘if i find a partner, which seems increasingly unlikely, iwouldn’t want a sexual relationship with anyone else. but i’mnot good at understanding what other people want.’
‘tell me something i don’t know,’ said rosie for no obviousreason.
i quickly searched my mind for an interesting fact. ‘ahhh …the testicles of drone bees and wasp spiders explode duringsex.’
it was annoying that the first thing that occurred to me wasrelated to sex. as a psychology graduate, rosie may havemade some sort of freudian interpretation. but she looked atme and shook her head.
then she laughed. ‘i can’t afford to go to new york. butyou’re not safe by yourself.’
there was a phone number listed for an m. case in moree.
the woman who answered told me that dr case, sr, whosename was confusingly also geoffrey, had passed away someyears ago and that his widow margaret had been in the localnursing home with alzheimer’s disease for the past two years.
this was good news. better that the mother was alive than thefather – there is seldom any doubt about the identity of thebiological mother.
i could have asked rosie to come with me, but she hadalready agreed to the new york visit and i did not want tocreate an opportunity for a social error that might jeopardisethe trip. i knew from my experience with daphne that it wouldbe easy to collect a dna sample from a person withalzheimer’s disease. i hired a car and packed swabs,cheek-scraper, zip-lock bags and tweezers. i also took auniversity business card from before i was promoted toassociate professor. doctor don tillman receives superiorservice in medical facilities.
moree is one thousand two hundred and thirty kilometres frommelbourne. i collected the hire car at 3.43 p.m. after my lastlecture on the friday. the internet route-planner estimatedfourteen hours and thirty-four minutes of driving each way.
171/290when i was a university student, i had regularly driven to andfrom my parents’ home in shepparton, and found that thelong journeys had a similar effect to my market jogs. researchhas shown that creativity is enhanced when performingstraightforward mechanical tasks such as jogging, cooking anddriving. unobstructed thinking time is always useful.
i took the hume highway north, and used the precise speedindication on the gps to set the cruise control to the exactspeed limit, rather than relying on the artificially inflated figureprovided by the speedometer. this would save me someminutes without the risk of law-breaking. alone in the car, ihad the feeling that my whole life had been transformed intoan adventure, which would culminate in the trip to new york.
i had decided not to play podcasts on the journey in order toreduce cognitive load and encourage my subconscious toprocess its recent inputs. but after three hours i found myselfbecoming bored. i take little notice of my surroundings beyondthe need to avoid accidents, and in any case the freeway waslargely devoid of interest. the radio would be as distracting aspodcasts, so i decided to purchase my first cd since the bachexperiment. the service station just short of the new southwales border had a limited selection but i recognised a fewalbums from my father’s collection. i settled on jacksonbrowne’s running on empty. with the repeat button on, itbecame the soundtrack to my driving and reflections over threedays. unlike many people, i am very comfortable withrepetition. it was probably fortunate that i was driving alone.
with my unconscious failing to deliver anything, i attempted anobjective analysis of the state of the father project.
what did i know?
172/2901. i had tested forty-one of forty-four candidates. (and alsoseveral of those of incompatible ethnic appearance.) none hadmatched. there was the possibility that one of the sevenasperger’s survey respondents who had returned samples hadsent someone else’s cheek scraping.
i considered it unlikely. it would be easier simply not toparticipate, as isaac esler and max freyberg had done.
2. rosie had identified four candidates as being known to hermother – eamonn hughes, peter enticott, alan mcphee and,recently, geoffrey case. she had considered the first three ashigh probability, and this would also apply to geoffrey case. hewas now clearly the most likely candidate.
3. the entire project was reliant on rosie’s mother’s testi-monythat she had performed the critical sexual act at the graduationparty. it was possible that she had lied because the biologicalfather was someone less prestigious. this would explain herfailure to reveal his identity.
4. rosie’s mother had chosen to remain with phil. this was myfirst new thought. it supported the idea that the biologicalfather was less appealing or perhaps unavailable for marriage. itwould be interesting to know whether esler or freyberg werealready married or with partners at that time.
5. geoffrey case’s death occurred within months of rosie’sbirth and presumably the realisation that phil was not thefather. it might have taken some time for rosie’s mother toorganise a confirmatory dna test, by which time geoffrey casemight have been dead and hence unavailable as an alternativepartner.
173/290this was a useful exercise. the project status was clearer inmy mind, i had added some minor insights and i was certainthat my journey was justified by the probability that geoffreycase was rosie’s father.
i decided to drive until i was tired – a radical decision, as iwould normally have scheduled my driving time according topublished studies on fatigue and booked accommodationaccordingly. but i had been too busy to plan. nevertheless, istopped for rest breaks every two hours and found myself ableto maintain concentration. at 11.43 p.m., i detected tiredness,but rather than sleep i stopped at a service station, refuelledand ordered four double espressos. i opened the sun-roof andturned up the cd player volume to combat fatigue, and at 7.19a.m. on saturday, with the caffeine still running all around mybrain, jackson browne and i pulled into moree.
