the eve of the trial had now come, and still there had been no confidence between the mother and the son. no words of kindness had been spoken with reference to that terrible event which was so near at hand. lucius had in his manner been courteous to his mother, but he had at the same time been very stern. he had seemed to make no allowance for her sorrows, never saying to her one of those soft words which we all love to hear from those around us when we are suffering. why should she suffer thus? had she chosen to lean upon him, he would have borne on her behalf all this trouble and vexation. as to her being guilty—as to her being found guilty by any twelve jurymen in england,—no such idea ever entered his head. i have said that many people had begun to suspect; but no such suspicions had reached his ears. what man, unless it should be dockwrath, would whisper to the son the possibility of his mother's guilt? dockwrath had done more than whisper it; but the words of such a man could have no avail with him against his mother's character.
on that day mrs. orme had been with lady mason for some hours, and had used all her eloquence to induce the mother even then to divulge her secret to her son. mrs. orme had suggested that sir peregrine should tell him; she had offered to tell him herself; she had proposed that lady mason should write to lucius. but all had been of no avail. lady mason had argued, and had argued with some truth, that it was too late to tell him now, with the view of obtaining from him support during the trial. if he were now told, he would not recover from the first shock of the blow in time to appear in court without showing on his brow the perturbation of his spirit. his terrible grief would reveal the secret to every one. "when it is over,"—she had whispered at last, as mrs. orme continued to press upon her the absolute necessity that lucius should give up the property,—"when it is over, you shall do it."
with this mrs. orme was obliged to rest contented. she had not the heart to remind lady mason how probable it was that the truth might be told out to all the world during the next two or three days;—that a verdict of guilty might make any further telling unnecessary. and indeed it was not needed that she should do so. in this respect lady mason was fully aware of the nature of the ground on which she stood.
mrs. orme had sat with her the whole afternoon, only leaving herself time to be ready for sir peregrine's dinner; and as she left her she promised to be with her early on the following morning to go with her down to the court. mr. aram was also to come to the farm for her, and a closed carriage had been ordered from the inn for the occasion.
"you won't let him prevent you?" were the last words she spoke, as mrs. orme then left her.
"he will not wish to do so," said mrs. orme. "he has already given me his permission. he never goes back from his word, you know."
this had been said in allusion to sir peregrine. when mrs. orme had first proposed to accompany lady mason to the court and to sit by her side during the whole trial, he had been much startled. he had been startled, and for a time had been very unwilling to accede to such a step. the place which she now proposed to fill was one which he had intended to fill himself;—but he had intended to stand by an innocent, injured lady, not a perpetrator of midnight forgery. he had intended to support a spotless being, who would then be his wife,—not a woman who for years had lived on the proceeds of fraud and felony, committed by herself!
"edith," he had said, "you know that i am unwilling to oppose you; but i think that in this your feelings are carrying you too far."
"no, father," she answered, not giving way at all, or showing herself minded to be turned from her purpose by anything he might say. "do not think so; think of her misery. how could she endure it by herself?"
"think of her guilt, edith!"
"i will leave others to think of that. but, father, her guilt will not stain me. are we not bound to remember what injury she might have done to us, and how we might still have been ignorant of all this, had not she herself confessed it—for our sakes—for our sakes, father?"
and then sir peregrine gave way. when this argument was used to him, he was forced to yield. it was true that, had not that woman been as generous as she was guilty, he would now have been bound to share her shame. the whole of this affair, taken together, had nearly laid him prostrate; but that which had gone the farthest towards effecting this ruin, was the feeling that he owed so much to lady mason. as regarded the outer world, the injury to him would have been much more terrible had he married her; men would then have declared that all was over with him; but as regards the inner man, i doubt whether he would not have borne that better. it was easier for him to sustain an injury than a favour,—than a favour from one whom his judgment compelled him to disown as a friend.
but he had given way, and it was understood at the cleeve that mrs. orme was to remain by lady mason's side during the trial. to the general household there was nothing in this that was wonderful. they knew only of the old friendship. to them the question of her guilt was still an open question. as others had begun to doubt, so had they; but no one then presumed that sir peregrine or mrs. orme had any doubt. that they were assured of her innocence was the conviction of all hamworth and its neighbourhood.
"he never goes back from his word, you know," mrs. orme had said; and then she kissed lady mason, and went her way. she had never left her without a kiss, had never greeted her without a warm pressure of the hand, since that day on which the secret had been told in sir peregrine's library. it would be impossible to describe how great had been the worth of this affection to lady mason; but it may almost be said that it had kept her alive. she herself had said but little about it, uttering but few thanks; but not the less had she recognised the value of what had been done for her. she had even become more free herself in her intercourse with mrs. orme,—more open in her mode of speech,—had put herself more on an equality with her friend, since there had ceased to be anything hidden between them. previously lady mason had felt, and had occasionally expressed the feeling, that she was hardly fit to associate on equal terms with mrs. orme; but now there was none of this,—now, as they sat together for hours and hours, they spoke, and argued, and lived together as though they were equal. but nevertheless, could she have shown her love by any great deed, there was nothing which lady mason would not have done for mrs. orme.
she was now left alone, and according to her daily custom would remain there till the servant told her that mr. lucius was waiting for her in the dining-room. in an early part of this story i have endeavoured to describe how this woman sat alone, with deep sorrow in her heart and deep thought on her mind, when she first learned what terrible things were coming on her. the idea, however, which the reader will have conceived of her as she sat there will have come to him from the skill of the artist, and not from the words of the writer. if that drawing is now near him, let him go back to it. lady mason was again sitting in the same room—that pleasant room, looking out through the verandah on to the sloping lawn, and in the same chair; one hand again rested open on the arm of the chair, while the other supported her face as she leaned upon her elbow; and the sorrow was still in her heart, and the deep thought in her mind. but the lines of her face were altered, and the spirit expressed by it was changed. there was less of beauty, less of charm, less of softness; but in spite of all that she had gone through there was more of strength,—more of the power to resist all that this world could do to her.
it would be wrong to say that she was in any degree a hypocrite. a man is no more a hypocrite because his manner and gait when he is alone are different from those which he assumes in company, than he is for wearing a dressing-gown in the morning, whereas he puts on a black coat in the evening. lady mason in the present crisis of her life endeavoured to be true in all her dealings with mrs. orme; but nevertheless mrs. orme had not yet read her character. as she now sat thinking of what the morrow would bring upon her,—thinking of all that the malice of that man dockwrath had brought upon her,—she resolved that she would still struggle on with a bold front. it had been brought home to her that he, her son, the being for whom her soul had been imperilled, and all her hopes for this world destroyed,—that he must be told of his mother's guilt and shame. let him be told, and then let him leave her while his anguish and the feeling of his shame were hot upon him. should she be still a free woman when this trial was over she would move herself away at once, and then let him be told. but still it would be well—well for his sake, that his mother should not be found guilty by the law. it was still worth her while to struggle. the world was very hard to her, bruising her to the very soul at every turn, allowing her no hope, offering to her no drop of cool water in her thirst. but still for him there was some future career; and that career perhaps need not be blotted by the public notice of his mother's guilt. she would still fight against her foes,—still show to that court, and to the world that would then gaze at her, a front on which guilt should not seem to have laid its hideous, defacing hand.
there was much that was wonderful about this woman. while she was with those who regarded her with kindness she could be so soft and womanly; and then, when alone, she could be so stern and hard! and it may be said that she felt but little pity for herself. though she recognised the extent of her misery, she did not complain of it. even in her inmost thoughts her plaint was this,—that he, her son, should be doomed to suffer so deeply for her sin! sometimes she would utter to that other mother a word of wailing, in that he would not be soft to her; but even in that she did not mean to complain of him. she knew in her heart of hearts that she had no right to expect such softness. she knew that it was better that it should be as it now was. had he stayed with her from morn till evening, speaking kind words to her, how could she have failed to tell him? in sickness it may irk us because we are not allowed to take the cool drink that would be grateful; but what man in his senses would willingly swallow that by which his very life would be endangered? it was thus she thought of her son, and what his love might have been to her.
yes; she would still bear up, as she had borne up at that other trial. she would dress herself with care, and go down into the court with a smooth brow. men, as they looked at her, should not at once say, "behold the face of a guilty woman!" there was still a chance in the battle, though the odds were so tremendously against her. it might be that there was but little to which she could look forward, even though the verdict of the jury should be in her favour; but all that she regarded as removed from her by a great interval. she had promised that lucius should know all after the trial,—that he should know all, so that the property might be restored to its rightful owner; and she was fully resolved that this promise should be kept. but nevertheless there was a long interval. if she could battle through this first danger,—if by the skill of her lawyers she could avert the public declaration of her guilt, might not the chances of war still take some further turn in her favour? and thus, though her face was pale with suffering and thin with care, though she had realised the fact that nothing short of a miracle could save her,—still she would hope for that miracle.
but the absolute bodily labour which she was forced to endure was so hard upon her! she would dress herself, and smooth her brow for the trial; but that dressing herself, and that maintenance of a smooth brow would impose upon her an amount of toil which would almost overtask her physical strength. o reader, have you ever known what it is to rouse yourself and go out to the world on your daily business, when all the inner man has revolted against work, when a day of rest has seemed to you to be worth a year of life? if she could have rested now, it would have been worth many years of life,—worth all her life. she longed for rest,—to be able to lay aside the terrible fatigue of being ever on the watch. from the burden of that necessity she had never been free since her crime had been first committed. she had never known true rest. she had not once trusted herself to sleep without the feeling that her first waking thought would be one of horror, as the remembrance of her position came upon her. in every word she spoke, in every trifling action of her life, it was necessary that she should ask herself how that word and action might tell upon her chances of escape. she had striven to be true and honest,—true and honest with the exception of that one deed. but that one deed had communicated its poison to her whole life. truth and honesty,—fair, unblemished truth and open-handed, fearless honesty,—had been impossible to her. before she could be true and honest it would be necessary that she should go back and cleanse herself from the poison of that deed. such cleansing is to be done. men have sinned deep as she had sinned, and, lepers though they have been, they have afterwards been clean. but that task of cleansing oneself is not an easy one;—the waters of that jordan in which it is needful to wash are scalding hot. the cool neighbouring streams of life's pleasant valleys will by no means suffice.
since she had been home at orley farm she had been very scrupulous as to going down into the parlour both at breakfast and at dinner, so that she might take her meals with her son. she had not as yet omitted this on one occasion, although sometimes the task of sitting through the dinner was very severe upon her. on the present occasion, the last day that remained to her before the trial—perhaps the last evening on which she would ever watch the sun set from those windows, she thought that she would spare herself. "tell mr. lucius," she said to the servant who came to summon her, "that i would be obliged to him if he would sit down without me. tell him that i am not ill, but that i would rather not go down to dinner!" but before the girl was on the stairs she had changed her mind. why should she now ask for this mercy? what did it matter? so she gathered herself up from the chair, and going forth from the room, stopped the message before it was delivered. she would bear on to the end.
she sat through the dinner, and answered the ordinary questions which lucius put to her with her ordinary voice, and then, as was her custom, she kissed his brow as she left the room. it must be remembered that they were still mother and son, and that there had been no quarrel between them. and now, as she went up stairs, he followed her into the drawing-room. his custom had been to remain below, and though he had usually seen her again during the evening, there had seldom or never been any social intercourse between them. on the present occasion, however, he followed her, and closing the door for her as he entered the room, he sat himself down on the sofa, close to her chair.
"mother," he said, putting out his hand and touching her arm, "things between us are not as they should be."
she shuddered, not at the touch, but at the words. things were not as they should be between them. "no," she said. "but i am sure of this, lucius, that you never had an unkind thought in your heart towards me."
"never, mother. how could i,—to my own mother, who has ever been so good to me? but for the last three months we have been to each other nearly as though we were strangers."
"but we have loved each other all the same," said she.
"but love should beget close social intimacy, and above all close confidence in times of sorrow. there has been none such between us."
what could she say to him? it was on her lips to promise him that such love should again prevail between them as soon as this trial should be over; but the words stuck in her throat. she did not dare to give him so false an assurance. "dear lucius," she said, "if it has been my fault, i have suffered for it."
"i do not say that it is your fault;—nor will i say that it has been my own. if i have seemed harsh to you, i beg your pardon."
"no, lucius, no; you have not been harsh. i have understood you through it all."
"i have been grieved because you did not seem to trust me;—but let that pass now. mother, i wish that there may be no unpleasant feeling between us when you enter on this ordeal to-morrow."
"there is none;—there shall be none."
"no one can feel more keenly,—no one can feel so keenly as i do, the cruelty with which you are treated. the sight of your sorrow has made me wretched."
"oh, lucius!"
"i know how pure and innocent you are—"
"no, lucius, no."
"but i say yes; and knowing that, it has cut me to the quick to see them going about a defence of your innocence by quips and quibbles, as though they were struggling for the escape of a criminal."
"lucius!" and she put her hands up, praying for mercy, though she could not explain to him how terribly severe were his words.
"wait a moment, mother. to me such men as mr. chaffanbrass and his comrades are odious. i will not, and do not believe that their services are necessary to you—"
"but, lucius, mr. furnival—"
"yes; mr. furnival! it is he that has done it all. in my heart i wish that you had never known mr. furnival;—never known him as a lawyer that is," he added, thinking of his own strong love for the lawyer's daughter.
"do not upbraid me now, lucius. wait till it is all over."
"upbraid you! no. i have come to you now that we may be friends. as things have gone so far, this plan of defence must of course be carried on. i will say no more about that. but, mother, i will go into the court with you to-morrow. that support i can at any rate give you, and they shall see that there is no quarrel between us."
but lady mason did not desire this. she would have wished that he might have been miles away from the court had that been possible. "mrs. orme is to be with me," she said.
then again there came a black frown upon his brow,—a frown such as there had often been there of late. "and will mrs. orme's presence make the attendance of your own son improper?"
"oh, no; of course not. i did not mean that, lucius."
"do you not like to have me near you?" he asked; and as he spoke he rose up, and took her hand as he stood before her.
she gazed for a moment into his face while the tears streamed down from her eyes, and then rising from her chair, she threw herself on to his bosom and clasped him in her arms. "my boy! my boy!" she said. "oh, if you could be near me, and away from this—away from this!"
she had not intended thus to give way, but the temptation had been too strong for her. when she had seen mrs. orme and peregrine together,—when she had heard peregrine's mother, with words expressed in a joyful tone, affect to complain of the inroads which her son made upon her, she had envied her that joy. "oh, if it could be so with me also!" she always thought; and the words too had more than once been spoken. now at last, in this last moment, as it might be, of her life at home, he had come to her with kindly voice, and she could not repress her yearning.
"lucius," she said; "dearest lucius! my own boy!" and then the tears from her eyes streamed hot on to his bosom.
"mother," he said, "it shall be so. i will be with you."
but she was now thinking of more than this—of much more. was it possible for her to tell him now? as she held him in her arms, hiding her face upon his breast, she struggled hard to speak the word. then in the midst of that struggle, while there was still something like a hope within her that it might be done, she raised her head and looked up into his face. it was not a face pleasant to look at, as was that of peregrine orme. it was hard in its outlines, and perhaps too manly for his age. but she was his mother, and she loved it well. she looked up at it, and raising her hands she stroked his cheeks. she then kissed him again and again, with warm, clinging kisses. she clung to him, holding him close to her, while the sobs which she had so long repressed came forth from her with a violence that terrified him. then again she looked up into his face with one long wishful gaze; and after that she sank upon the sofa and hid her face within her hands. she had made the struggle, but it had been of no avail. she could not tell him that tale with her own voice.
"mother," he said, "what does this mean? i cannot understand such grief as this." but for a while she was quite unable to answer. the flood-gates were at length opened, and she could not restrain the torrent of her sobbings.
"you do not understand how weak a woman can be," she said at last.
but in truth he understood nothing of a woman's strength. he sat down by her, now and then taking her by the hand when she would leave it to him, and in his way endeavoured to comfort her. all comfort, we may say, was out of the question; but by degrees she again became tranquil. "it shall be to-morrow as you will have it. you will not object to her being with me also?"
he did object, but he could not say so. he would have much preferred to be the only friend near to her, but he felt that he could not deny her the solace of a woman's aid and a woman's countenance. "oh no," he said, "if you wish it." he would have found it impossible to define even to himself the reason for his dislike to any assistance coming from the family of the ormes; but the feeling was there, strong within his bosom.
"and when this is over, mother, we will go away," he said. "if you would wish to live elsewhere, i will sell the property. it will be better perhaps after all that has passed. we will go abroad for a while."
she could make no answer to this except pressing his hand. ah, if he had been told—if she had allowed mrs. orme to do that kindness for her, how much better for her would it now have been! sell the property! ah, me! were they not words of fearful sound in her ears,—words of terrible import?
"yes, it shall be so," she said, putting aside that last proposition of his. "we will go together to-morrow. mr. aram said that he would sit at my side, but he cannot object to your being there between us." mr. aram's name was odious to lucius mason. his close presence would be odious to him. but he felt that he could urge nothing against an arrangement that had now become necessary. mr. aram, with all his quibbles, had been engaged, and the trial must now be carried through with all the aram tactics.
after that lucius left his mother, and took himself out into the dark night, walking up and down on the road between his house and the outer gate, endeavouring to understand why his mother should be so despondent. that she must fear the result of the trial, he thought, was certain, but he could not bring himself to have any such fear. as to any suspicion of her guilt,—no such idea had even for one moment cast a shadow upon his peace of mind.
