yet more grimly bitter than the day of december the thirtieth fell the night. i wandered by the bank of the river, where the sedges rustled lonely and dry by the marge, whispering and chuckling to each other that a forlorn, broken man was passing by. a “smurr” of rain had begun to fall at the hour of dusk, and the slight ice of the morning had long since broken up. the water lisped and sobbed as the wind of winter lapped at the ripples, and the peat-brew of the hills took its sluggish way to the sea.
over against me, set on its hill, i saw the lighted windows of the kirk of crossmichael. well i knew what that meant. mine enemies were sitting there in conclave. they would not rise till i was no more minister of the kirk of scotland. they would thrust me out, and whither should i go? to what folk could i{241} minister—an it were not, like alexander-jonita, to the wild beasts of the hills? a day before i should have been elated at the thought. but now, for the first time, i saw myself unworthy.
who was i, that thought so highly of myself, that i should appoint me standard bearer of the noble banner of the covenants. a man weak as other men! nay, infinitely weaker and worse. the meanest hind who worked in the fields to bring home four silver shillings a week to his wife and bairns was better than i.
a standard bearer! i laughed now at the thought, and the rushes by the water’s edges chuckled and sneered in answering derision.
a standard bearer, god wot! renegade and traitor, rather; a man who could not keep his plain vows, whose erring and wandering heart went after vanities; one that had broken a maiden’s heart—unwitting and unintending, did he pretend? faugh! that was what every lovelace alleged as his excuse.
i had thought myself worthy to do battle for the purity of the kirk of my fathers. i had pretended that her independence, her position and her power were dearer than life to me. i saw it all now. it was mine own place and position i had been warring for.{242}
also had i not set myself above my brethren? had i not said, “get far from me, for am i not holier than thou?”
and god, who does not pay his wages on saturday night, had waited. so now he came to me and said, “who art thou, quintin macclellan, that thou shouldst dare to touch the ark of god?”
and as i looked across the dark waters i saw the light burn clearer and clearer in the kirk of crossmichael. they were lighting more candles that they might see the better to make an end.
“god speed them,” cried i, in the darkness; “they are doing god’s work. for they could do nothing except it were permitted of him. shall i step into the boat that rocks and clatters with the little wavelets leaping against its side? shall i call john the ferryman and go over and make my submission before them all?”
i could tell them what an unworthy, forsworn, ill-hearted man i am.
thus i stood by the riverside. almost i had lifted up my voice to cry aloud that i would make this acknowledgment and reparation, when through the darkness i saw a shape approach.{243}
a voice said in my ear, “come—jean gemmell is taken suddenly ill. she would see you at once.”
then i was aware that this 30th of december was to be my great day of judgment and wrath, when the six vials were to be loosed upon me. i knew that the lord whose name i had taken in vain was that day to smite me with a great smiting, because, being unworthy, i had put out my hand to stay the ark of the covenant of god.
“hob,” said i, for it was my brother who had come to summon me, “is she yet alive?”
“alive!” said he, abruptly. “why, bless the man, she wants you to marry her.”
“marry——” said i, “i am a minister of the kirk. i have ever spoken against irregular marriages. how can i marry without another minister?”
hob laughed a short laugh. he never thought much of my love-making.
“better marry than burn!” quoth he, abruptly. “mr. hepburn, of buittle kirk, is here. he came over to hearten you in the day of your adversity.”
then i recognised the hand of god in the thing and bowed my head.{244}
so in an aching expectant silence, hearing only a poor divided heart pulse within me, i followed hob over the moor, and up by the sides of the frozen mosses to the house of drumglass. he knew the way blindfold, which shows what a wonderful gift he had among the hills. for i myself had gone that way ten times for his once. yet that night, save for my brother, i had stumbled to my hurt among the crags.
presently we came to the entering in of the farmyard. lights were gleaming here and there, and i saw some of the servant men clustered at the stable door.
there was a hush of expectation about the place, as if they were waiting for some notable thing which was about to happen.
nathan gemmell met me in the outer hall, and shook me by the hand silently, like a chief mourner at a funeral. then he led the way into the inner room. hepburn came forward also, and took my hand. he was a man of dark and determined countenance, yet with singularly lovable eyes which now and then unexpectedly beaconed kindliness.
jean sat on a great chair, and beside her stood alexander-jonita.{245}
when i came in jean rose firmly to her feet. she looked about her with a proud look like one that would say, “see, all ye people, this is he!”
“quintin!” she said, and laying her thin fingers on my shoulders, she looked deep into my eyes.
never did i meet such a look. it seemed to be compound of life and death, of the love earthly and the love eternal.
“good friends,” she said, calmly turning to them as though she had been the minister and accustomed to speak in the hearing of men, “i have summoned my love hastily. i have somewhat to say to him. will you leave us alone for ten minutes? i have a word to say in his ear alone. it is not strange, is it, at such a time?”
and she smiled brightly upon them, while i stood dumb and astonished. for i knew not whence the lass, ordinarily so still and fond, had gotten her language. she spoke as one who has long made up his mind, and to whom fit and prepared words come without effort.
when they were gone she sat down on the chair again, and, taking my hand, motioned me to kneel down beside her.{246}
then she laid her hand to my hair and touched it lightly.
“quintin,” she said, “you and i have not long to sit sweethearting together. i must say quickly that which i have to say. i am, you will peradventure think, a bold, immodest lass. you remember it was i who courted you, compelled you, followed you, spied on you. but then, you see, i loved you. now i want to ask you to marry me!”
“nay,” she said, interrupting my words more with her hand than her voice, “misjudge me not. i am to die—to die soon. it has been revealed to me that i have bartered the life eternal for this. and, since so it is, i desire to drink the sweetness of it to the cup’s bottom. i have made a bargain with god. i have prayed, and i have promised that if he will put it in your heart to wed with me for an hour, i will take with gratitude and thankfulness all that lies waiting over there, beyond the black river.”
she waved her hand down toward the dee water.
i smiled and nodded hopefully and comfortingly to her. at that moment i felt that nothing was too great for me to do. and it{247} mattered little when i married her. i had ever meant to be true to her—save in that which i could not help, the love of my heart of hearts, which, having been another’s from the beginning was not mine to give.
jean gemmell smiled.
“i thank you, quintin,” she said, “this is like you, and better than i deserve. had it been a matter of days or weeks i would never have troubled you. but ’tis only the matter of an hour or two!”
she paused a little, stroking my head fondly.
“and afterwards you will say, remembering me, ‘poor young thing, she loved me, loved me truly!’ ah, quintin, i think i should have made you a good wife. love helps all things, they say. put your hand below my head, quintin. tell me again that you love me. sweetheart” (now she was whispering), “do you know i have to tell you all that you should say to me? is that fair—that i should make love to you and to myself too?”
i groaned aloud.
“god help us, jean,” i said, “we shall yet be happy together.” and at the moment i meant it. i felt that a lifetime of sacrifice would not make up for such love.{248}
she patted me on the head pacifyingly as if i had been a fractious bairn that needed humouring.
“yes, yes, then,” she said, soothingly, “we shall be happy, you and i. what was it you said the other sabbath day? i knew not what it meant then. but methinks i begin to understand now—‘passing the love of woman!’”
the cough shook her, but she strove to hide it, going on quickly with her words like one who has no time to lose.
“that is the way i love you, quintin, ‘passing the love of women,’ why, i do not even grudge you to her.”
she smiled again, and said cheerfully, “now we will call them in.”
i was going to the door to do it according to her word, for that night we all obeyed her as though she had been the queen. i was almost at the door when she rose all trembling to her feet and held out her arms entreatingly.
“quintin, quintin, kiss me once,” she said, “once before they come.”
i ran to her and kissed her on the brow. “oh, not there! on the mouth. it is my{249} right. i have paid for it!” she cried. and so i did.
then she drew down my head and set her lips to my ear. “i lied to you, laddie—yes, i lied. i do grudge you to her. oh, i do, i do!”
and for the first time one mighty sob caught her by the throat and rent her.
nevertheless she straightened herself with her hand to her breast, like a wounded soldier who salutes his general ere he dies, and commanded her emotion. “yes,” she said, looking upwards and speaking as if to one unseen, “i will play the game fairly; i have promised and i will not repine, nor go back on my word!”
she turned to me, “it is not a time for bairn’s greeting. we are to be married, you and i, are we not? call them in.”
and she laughed a little bashfully and fitly as the folk came in and smiled to one and the other as they entered.
then to me she beckoned.
“come and hold my hand all the time. clasp my fingers firmly. do not let them go lest i slip away too soon, quintin. i need your hand in mine—for to-night, quintin, just only for this one night!”{250}
even thus jean gemmell and i were married.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
and after all was done i laid her on her bed, and she rested there till near the dawning with my hand firmly held in hers. mostly her eyes were shut, but every now and then she would smile up at me like one that encourages another in a weary wait.
once she said, “isn’t it sweet?”
and then again, and near to the gloaming of the morn, she whispered, “it will not be long now, laddie mine?”
nor was it, for within an hour the soul of jean gemmell went out in one long loving look, and with the faintest murmur of her lips which only my ear could catch—“passing the love of women,” she said, and again—“passing the love of women!”
and it was my hand alone that spread the fair white cloth over her dead face which still had the smile upon it, and over the pale lips that she had asked me to kiss.
then, as i stumbled blindly down the hill, i looked beyond the dark and sluggish river rolling beneath over to the kirk of crossmichael. and even as i stood looking, the{251} lights in the windows went out. it was done. i was a man in one day widowed, forsaken, outcast.
but more than kirk or ministry or even christ’s own covenant, i thought upon jean gemmell.
