chapter thirteen is an unlucky one for mr. bingle. many unpleasant things are crowded into the space devoted to this division of the narrative, although in the matter of time we leap from early march to the fifth of july with all the swiftness of one who races at break-neck speed to get away from consequences, or to put a disagreeable task as far behind as possible.
in the first place, kathleen was permitted to remain with the bingles far beyond the date set for her departure in the custody of a new set of parents. it so happened that on the very day selected for her departure, which was early in march, rutherford and imogene came down with a fever and a rash. dr. fiddler was summoned from the city. just as he entered the broad portals at the front of the house, two of the nurse-maids, stokes and brown, walked swiftly down the back stairs with their suitcases and bandboxes in their hands.
mr. bingle was notified that they wanted to see him at once in the library. they appeared to be in a great hurry to catch a train for the city. from time to time, while they waited for the master of the house, they cast nervous, apprehensive looks in the direction of the door through which they had entered the room. their apprehensions apparently were justified by the abrupt arrival upon the scene of wright and quinlan, the other nurse-maids, both of whom were hot and flushed and still in a state of frowsy preparation for a journey. they too had their suitcases and bundles and they too were trying to balance unfastened hats upon the top of agitated heads.
mr. bingle came into the room just in time to hear each of the four accusing all of the others of trying to sneak off and leave her with the bag to hold, or words to that effect. with his entrance, however, each of the hasty nurse-maids was reminded of a dreadfully sick relative in town and of the necessity for instant departure. what they wanted of mr. bingle was their pay—and a reference.
the poor gentleman was flabbergasted. he wanted to know what had happened. they told him in one voice that it was nearly train-time and that nothing had happened, and would he please hurry. when he suggested that they should wait and see mrs. bingle, they asked him to say good-bye for them, and made for the door, crowding one another rudely in their eagerness to be off. brown saved the situation for herself and her companions by shrilly declaring that she would drop him a line from new york, advising him where to send her money and the reference, and for him not to bother now, she would trust him, of course. and then they all trooped out of the library and rushed for the front door. three of them reached the outer air and were gone forever, but one of them, miss stokes, was turned back by the determined watson, who clutched her by the arm and whispered a few sharp, convincing sentences into her ear. she set down her suitcase and began to cry, whereupon the footman kissed her and said that he'd despise her if she didn't stand by mr. bingle now that he needed her so much; and stokes said that she was crying because she hated herself for even thinking of leaving and that the other girls were the scum of the earth, take it from her.
well, it turned out that the two children had scarlet fever. brown happened to know that imogene had been exposed to the disease during a surreptitious visit to the cottage of the station agent, whose wife it appears was a close friend of the nursemaid, and whose baby thrived immensely on the rich foods from the bingle establishment. so the instant the rash appeared, brown began packing her suitcase and trunk. she tried to get away without letting the other girls into the secret, but they suspected. what might have been a dignified resignation on brown's part, became a stampede.
that afternoon the force automobile came for kathleen. mr. and mrs. force were confronted by diggs as they came up the steps. he gave them the news.
"the deuce you say," said force, backing down the steps. "has she been exposed?"
mr. bingle appeared in the doorway. "come in, please," he said, covering his bare head with a newspaper. "got some bad news for you."
"what the devil do you mean, bingle, by running around among the riff-raff of all new york, picking up germs and bringing 'em out here to a house full of children? see what you've done, gallivanting around with rouquin's cheap—"
"oh, come now, force! don't blame poor little napoleon. it takes ten days or so for a case to develop and i saw napoleon only two days ago. come in, won't you? i can't stand here in the—"
"no, thank you," exploded mr. force. "i've never had the infernal thing, and it's usually fatal in adults. i wouldn't expose myself to it for a million dollars. shut the door, diggs, confound you! do you want to have the microbes blowing out here into my very face? get back in the car, dear! lord, what a nice mess it is. hang it all, bingle, didn't i tell you in so many words not to let kathleen play around with all those little—"
"kathleen hasn't got it—yet," said mr. bingle hotly. "only two of 'em have shown—"
"we cannot consider taking her away with us now," said mrs. force, with decision. "you can't expect us to expose ourselves to—"
"no, you can't, bingle," broke in mr. force. "it's not to be thought of. she's got to stay here until—until the thing's over."
"that is to say, until she gets well or dies," said mr. bingle, raising his voice.
"oh, i'll send out a good doctor and a couple of nurses. and, see here, i don't want this child cooped up with all the rest of 'em. i want her placed in a separate room, as far as possible from the—"
"by jingo!" cried mr. bingle. "i believe it would be a good thing for the child if she caught it and died. good day, mrs. force. better move rapidly, force. you see, i've been exposed—and so has diggs. we're alive with microbes."
and that is why kathleen did not go south early in march—not until late in april, for that matter, when she had completely recovered from a particularly stubborn illness, and long after all of the others, except little imogene, were up and about. imogene died.
miss fairweather was the angel in this season of tribulation. she was true blue. day and night she gave up to the care of the sick ones, and when it was all over the roses in her cheeks were missing, but the light in her eyes was bright.
then kathleen went away. mr. force, considerably humbled, apologised to mr. bingle for as many things as he could remember, and mrs. force, after all, did condescend to introduce mrs. bingle to her own exclusive dressmaker. napoleon came. mr. bingle watched the newspapers for an account of the suicide of monsieur and madame rousseau, but no such event was reported. no doubt the approach of spring deterred them. they would probably wait until cold weather set in again.
in order to encourage the struggling rousseau, he bought, through rouquin, a rather startling painting by the young artist, in which a herd of red cattle partook placidly of the skyline and a pallid windmill dominated the foreground. later on, an expert informed him that the red cattle were rocks on the edge of a pool and the windmill was a lady making ready to dive into the water for a lonely swim. the painting was signed, but the name was not rousseau. it was fauret. rouquin explained the discrepancy. he said that young rousseau preferred to paint under an assumed name—in truth, it was his maternal grandmother's name—rather than to have his canvases confused with those of the academic, old-school barbizon painter. he was above trading on a name that was fast becoming obsolete!
then there came the astonishing disappearance of young frederick. the third day after kathleen's departure, frederick turned up missing. a week passed before the detectives found him in washington, penniless, half-starved but valiant. he had run away from home to find kathleen, for, in his fickle heart, he had come to realise that it was she whom he loved and not old miss fairweather at all. extreme hunger and an acute attack of home-sickness dampened his ardent regard for the distant kathleen, for the time being at least, and he was quite content to return to seawood, where, after all, he could have all he wanted to eat and at the same time reflect audibly on the fact that he was a real hero.
envy induced wilberforce to run away a few days after frederick returned with his great tales of adventure, privation and gallantry. he got no farther from home than white plains, and was back at seawood before nine o'clock at night on the day of his flight, yet he had enjoyed so many hair-raising experiences, rescued so many lovely girls from all manner of perils, and soundly thrashed so many unprincipled varlets, that even melissa's narratives became weak and puerile when put up against the tales he told to his pop-eyed brothers and sisters. he did not mention the sound thrashing that he sustained at the hands of mrs. bingle, however, nor did he attempt to account for the bitter howls that began to issue from behind the closed library doors almost simultaneously with his return to seawood. these howls, it may be added, had a great deal to do with the decline of enthusiasm among the other boys. wilberforce's adventure in the library was the one that made the deepest impression on them.
and this summary paddling of young wilberforce, in direct opposition to the wishes of his foster-father, who would have punished him in a less drastic fashion, brings us to the gravest of mr. bingle's worries: the curious change in mrs. bingle's attitude toward the children.
from being a loving, kind, sympathetic mother she lapsed into the opposite in every particular. her querulousness, impatience, even antipathy became more and more marked as the summer advanced and mr. bingle, in dire distress, consulted dr. fiddler. she scolded incessantly, spanked frequently, complained from morning till night, and suffered headaches, neuritis and kindred ailments to such an extent that the good doctor might well have been pardoned for looking a bit wiser than ever before and suggesting a change of scene and environment for the lady, whose nerves undoubtedly had been affected by the troubles of the past few weeks.
every one about the place observed and secretly commented on the amazing change in the mistress of the house. the calm, serene, level-headed manager of mr. bingle's household had developed into a cranky, dyspeptic tyrant whose pleasure it was to be unfailingly displeased with everything, and who, despite the fact that she was not yet forty-three, declared that she was a broken old woman without the remotest hope of ever seeing a well day again in her life. she was quite positive that she suffered from a dreadful and incurable malady. she knew the symptoms, she had every one of them, and no doctor in the world could convince her to the contrary—so she said. her greatest desire was to go to peekskill, where she could find peace and quiet and unutterable relief from the annoyances caused by the little nuisances that mr. bingle had taken under his wing. in peekskill her mother and sister still lived the simple life, and that was what she wanted more than anything else.
mr. bingle's gentle argument that he could not go to peekskill with her met with a petulant response. she made it plain to him that she realised his preference for the children and that she was no longer of any use to him as a companion or helpmate. for her own part, she'd like to see them all in jericho—meaning the children, of course. all of which shocked and distressed poor mr. bingle beyond expression.
"what is it, doctor? physically she seems to be all right. can it be that she is going to pieces mentally? why, she's always been the most loving, gentle—"
"nerves, bingle—plain nerves. she'll be all right in a little while, i'm sure. i'll have a look at her again next week. in the meantime, don't pull such a long face. she is as sound as a dollar physically, as you say. leave her to me, old fellow. don't cross her, don't let her see too much of the children, and don't object to her going to visit her mother in—where is it?—if she wants to do so. by the way, bingle, i wouldn't adopt any more children at present, if i were you. wait for a year or two and see how she feels about it."
"would you advise a trip to europe? we've been contemplating it for the past ten years, but—i'm ashamed to admit it—we're both scared out of our boots when we think of being out there on the atlantic with two or three miles of water under our beds every night and icebergs floating all around us. we want to see paris and london, of course. every one ought to see 'em if he can afford it. if you think it advisable, i'll take her across this summer. maybe if she got to paris she'd forget she ever wanted to go to peekskill."
"i'll let you know what i think of it later on, bingle. we'll see. i've never seen your garden looking better than it looks this summer. you have a treasure in that man edgecomb. come, let's stroll down to the italian—"
"not just now, doctor," said mr. bingle hastily. "i think miss fairweather and flanders are down there enjoying the shade and the music of the fountain."
the servant question was another bothersome thing for him to contend with. they were dissatisfied and on the point of leaving, especially the new nursemaids. a general increase in wages served as a temporary restraint, and a second increase was plainly in sight. for the first time in his life mr. bingle possessed a secret unshared with his wife: he did not tell her of the raise in wages.
flanders announced that rehearsals for the play would be started early in july. the company had been chosen and a theatre taken in his own name. mr. bingle preferred to remain a silent and unrecognised instrument in the enterprise. he remembered in time that he was a deacon in the church hard by, and was sorely afraid that while his own conscience might be perfectly clear in the matter it wasn't by any means certain that the congregation possessed the same kind of a conscience.
it became necessary, therefore, for miss fairweather to give up her place and prepare for the task ahead of her, especially as her role called for a bit of dancing in the second act, demanding considerable preliminary work under the instruction of a teacher. mrs. bingle was rather glad to see her go. secretly she was beginning to mistrust the young lady's intentions where mr. bingle was concerned. it was her recently formed opinion that one can never trust an actress, no matter how closely she is watched or how frankly she looks you in the eye while you are watching.
mr. bingle called miss fairweather and the good-looking flanders into his study a few days before the time set for her departure. he closed the door carefully behind them and then crossed over to glance out of the window into the garden, where mrs. bingle was chatting earnestly with dr. fiddler in the shade of a glorious oak. mr. bingle had had something on his mind for a long, long time. the fate of agnes glenn was at the back of it.
"when do you two expect to be married?" he asked bluntly, taking them both by surprise. they turned quite red and looked at each other in evident dismay.
"why, we—er—really, mr. bingle," began flanders, "we thought we'd wait until we see how the piece gets over and then—" he looked to the embarrassed miss fairweather for help.
"if everything goes well, mr. bingle," she said, nervously, "we sha'n't hesitate an instant. of course, if it is a failure, we'll—well, it really would be wise to wait for a little while until—"
"that's just the thing i want to get at," said mr. bingle. "don't put it off, my friends. get married here, miss fairweather, to-morrow, next day. i am your friend, and yours, dick. my wedding present shall be—well, i must ask you to leave it to me. i love you both. you have meant a great deal to me. there is nothing i would not do for you, nothing i would not shield you from if it lay in my power to do so. so, i ask you, my friends, to be married here in my house before—" emotion choked him. he had been standing near the window at the beginning of his disjointed remarks. as they progressed, he approached them with his hands extended.
the young couple grasped his hands and flanders spoke.
"we can't do it, mr. bingle. it is out of the question. i'm sorry—terribly sorry. you are a corker, sir. i—"
"for goodness' sake," began mr. bingle, imploringly.
"we would jump at the chance, mr. bingle, to be married here, if it were not for one thing," went on flanders, and then looked at miss fairweather.
"and what in the world can that be?" cried mr. bingle.
"we were married two months ago, mr. bingle," said mrs. richard
flanders guiltily.
it was some time before they could make him believe it. she revealed her wedding ring—suspended about her neck—and then mr. bingle kissed her very soberly and with tears in his eyes.
"two months ago!" he said, waveringly. "and god bless my soul, you spent your honeymoon nursing a lot of sick children! well, well, it beats all! it isn't too late for a wedding present. i'll—"
flanders interrupted him. "it is too late, sir," he said firmly. "we only ask for your blessing and your good wishes, mr. bingle. you have already given us too much. we shall never be out of debt to you. the play, the theatre—"
"ah, but i haven't spent a nickel on the play, you blundering booby," cried mr. bingle heartily. "that is still to come. i want to do something now."
"it will come soon enough, sir," said flanders firmly. "we can't abuse a friendship like yours."
"by george," cried mr. bingle; "you are a fine fellow, dick, as i've always said. you are a gentleman."
"thank you, sir," said flanders simply, for he was a gentleman.
on the first day of july the incomparable diggs gave notice. it was like a clap out of a clear sky.
"my goodness, diggs, you don't—you can't mean it," gasped mr. bingle.
"i do mean it, sir, i'm sorry to say, sir," said diggs. "it was on my mind to mention the matter last spring, sir, but the hunfortunate quarantine made it quite out of the question. i wish to state, sir, that i would not 'ave left your service at a time like that. you 'ave been the kindest, most thoughtful of masters, sir, and i trust i shall never be the man to go back on a gentleman who—er—i mean to say, sir, a gentleman who deserves the best of treatment from his servants."
"i'm sure i appreciate your good opinion, diggs. but, tell me, is it a matter of wages? if it is, i think we may be able to arbitrate the question."
"no, sir. wages has nothing to do with it, sir. my wages 'ave been quite satisfactory, as my savings will prove. as a matter of fact, mr. bingle, i 'ave laid by a very neat little sum, which i took the liberty of investing in a small business before giving notice, sir, the hopportunity presenting itself while you were so worried over the sickness that i felt it would be quite wrong to disturb you with my affairs. we 'ave purchased a green-grocer's business in columbus avenue—you might call it a sort of general business, fruit, vegetables, hegg—eggs, coal, firewood and vinous liquors, sir. we hexpect to take possession in a fortnight, sir."
"we? have you a partner?"
"yes, sir. watson, sir."
"watson? is—is he leaving me, too? upon my soul, diggs—this is too bad!"
"yes, sir, it really is. i happreciate what it means, sir, as i told
watson when he gave notice to me. i says to him, says i: 'watson, mr.
bingle will 'ave a time of it getting any one to fill your place,' and
watson says to me: 'and what about you, mr. diggs?' and i says 'pooh!'"
"watson gave notice to you, did he? when did this happen?"
"yes, sir. the servants usually give notice to the butler. he did it the day we bought out the business, sir," said diggs, surprised that mr. bingle should have asked so simple a question.
"i see. well, diggs, i can't tell you how sorry i am to have you go. you have been here for eight years. you are the best butler i've ever known—and the only one, i may as well add. i wish you the best of luck. shake hands, diggs. it may interest you to know that i look upon you as the best friend i've ever had. you are the only man i've known in the past ten years who has really treated me as an equal. you've done this, diggs, knowing full well that by rights i am nothing more than a bookkeeper and never will be more than that, no matter how many millions i may possess. you have made it your business to live down to me, and so i am your debtor. everybody else, from mr. force to the telegraph operator over in the railroad station, looks—but, why go into all this? you are going, and i wish you the best of luck. the same to watson, too, if you please!"
"i shall mention it to watson, sir. he will be very much gratified."
"and i may be able to throw quite a little business in your way, diggs. we shall make it a point to buy our supplies from the firm of—is it to be diggs & watson?
"no, sir. it is to be called the covent garden consolidated fruit
company, sir. there is another little matter i'd like to speak about,
mr. bingle." diggs was quite red in the face. "ahem! i am also
compelled to say that melissa has given notice, sir."
"melissa! impossible! not melissa?"
"melissa taylor, sir."
"why, she is the last one that i—" words failed him. he looked quite helpless in the face of this staggering blow.
"i 'ad a great deal of difficulty, sir, in persuading 'er to leave your employment. she was most determined about it at first, sir."
"you—you, diggs, persuaded her to leave? 'pon my soul, that was rather a shabby thing to—"
"oh, i trust you won't look at it in the wrong way, sir," cried diggs in distress. "melissa 'as merely consented to become my wife, sire. no offence intended, i hassure you. no underhanded work on my—"
"god bless my soul!" cried mr. bingle. "melissa is going to marry you?"
"yes, sir. next thursday week, sir. and also, sir, i am obliged to announce that miss stokes, the first nurse-maid, is to become mrs. watson on the same day."
mr. bingle sat down again. "my gracious!"
"she also gives notice, sir, through me. did i thank you, sir, for your generous offer to trade with us when we take over the business? i was that rattled, sir, i fear i forgot to—"
"it is taken for granted, diggs. and you—you all leave us on the fourteenth of july?"
"if quite convenient, mr. bingle."
"the anniversary of the fall of the bastile," mused the distressed master of the house.
"oh, i hassure you, sir, that really had nothing to do with it," said
diggs.
"well, i suppose i shall have to train a new lot to take your places."
"i would suggest that you advance hughes to the place of butler. he is a very competent man."
"we'll see. and now you may say to the other three members of the covent garden fruit company that i accept their resignations with regret, and wish all of them joy."
"thank you, sir. i shall speak to watson and miss stokes, and i shall ask watson to carry your message to miss taylor."
"can't you attend to that part of it yourself, diggs?"
diggs stiffened. "i regret to say, sir, that miss taylor and i 'ave had a—what you might describe, sir, as a bit of a tiff. she hasn't permitted me to speak to her since yesterday morning. it will be quite all right, however, to 'ave watson 'andle the matter. thank you, sir."
the fifth of july, as usual, came close upon the heels of the one day in the year that men with large families of growing children feel perfectly justified in characterizing as all-fools' day. the bingle youngsters, regardless of their missing antecedents, celebrated the day as unqualified american citizens. they set fire to the stables, shot roman candles into the kitchen, bounced torpedoes off of the statuary in the gardens, hurled firecrackers great and small at one another, and came through the day with one thumb missing, four faces powder-burnt, and one arm fractured in two places. (rutherford fell off of the balcony while being chased by an escaped pin-wheel.)
"but," said mr. bingle, after relating the horrors of the day to dr. fiddler on the morning of the fifth, "i am glad to say that we got through with it alive. how did you find mrs. bingle? she was pretty well done-up by the noise."
"she's all right, bingle. don't worry. who is this coming up the drive in such haste?"
mr. bingle peered intently over his glasses.
"that? why, 'pon my soul, fiddler, that is mr. sigsbee. my lawyer, you know. now, what in the world can be bringing him out here? by george, i—i wonder!" he leaned against a porch pillar, assailed by a sudden weakness.
"you wonder—what?"
"i wonder if the supreme court sits on the day after the fourth of
july."
"the court is late this year in arriving at the summer recess, that much i can tell you. are you expecting a decision in the case of hooper et al. vs. bingle?"
"i am," said mr. bingle, mopping his brow, which was wet with a very chilly moisture.
