my sentence had been for a period of fifteen years. allowing for a commutation for good conduct of two years and six months, i would still have to serve twelve years and six months. looking ahead, the end of that period seemed long in the future. i did not dare to dwell on my time. constant brooding over their misfortune is what sends so many prisoners to the insane asylum. i tried to spend my time in much reading and a little writing, yet the time seemed endlessly long. from five on a saturday afternoon to six on monday morning i was locked in my cell. the ventilation was poor, as i have found it so in all such places. the warden had once told me that it would do me no good to go to church, and i seldom went. the character of the[pg 100] chaplain had alienated me from thoughts of religion and i drifted into the philosophy of the atheist. i read the books of the so-called freethinkers, and in the reading assimilated some of their teachings. i took much pains that my pals in the prison should know where i stood in this matter of religion, and i was soon known among them as an atheist of the first water. strange to say, among the men in the different prisons of my experience, i have seldom found an out-and-out atheist. the great majority of them believe, and believe strongly, in their creator. it is one of the paradoxes of their nature. i am glad to say that i myself am no exception.
one day there happened to fall into my hands an announcement of a poetry contest that a certain newspaper was about to begin. i thought, that possessing a little ability along these lines, i would try for the prize of twenty-five dollars offered for the best verse. it was a contest wherein the verse offered should show the value of the want ads of the particular paper. i wrote a[pg 101] doggerel and sent my effort to the paper. some few days after, i received the welcome news that my verse had won the prize. by reason of this there came into my life two friendships that have molded my career into straight and legitimate channels.
one of these men, to whom i am directly indebted to my liberty at this moment, noticed my effort in the paper and came over to see me. i at first hesitated to meet him. i wanted no friendships, i thought, from men of the outside world. you see my nature had been so deadened by my method of living that i wanted no companionship except that coming from men of my own class. i knew the common type of the reformer and wanted no dealings with men of that kind. i finally consented to see him. his type of mind and sensible methods soon appealed to me. we saw each other frequently and corresponded. in time he brought me my pardon. there is a big spot in my heart for him.
my other friend is a minister. i have always been a little shy on meeting preachers[pg 102] of the gospel. why i do not know. but there was always something in my make-up that ever made me lukewarm toward men of that class. i had this against ministers, that the most of them whom i had met lacked, for want of a better term, the strong masculine personality all real men should possess. they appeared to me to have a sort of sticky sense of goodness about them that seems unreal for men of this life to have. they left the impression of feminism upon me. i have thought, too, somehow, that the minister of the present does not know life as it really is, that he spends too much of his time in preaching and too little in doing. of course i believe that as a class they are all doing all they can toward a betterment of social and industrial life, but i would rather they took their facts from life than from books.
have you ever met a man whose talk with you has left the impression that it is a good thing, after all, to live? such an impression did i receive from my first talk with this minister. a man with masculinity[pg 103] written all over him; a man of strong convictions, yet possessed of a nature as broad as the atlantic. he knows life as it is, not as it is written of. a true follower of the majestic christ, he takes his religion seriously, and as of the seven-days-a-week kind, never happier than when he is serving some one else. he has impressed me always as a friend to tie to.
