his marriage.
"ye solvers of enigmas—ye
who deal in mystery—say,
what's cried about in london streets
and purchased every day?
"'tis that which all, both great and small,
are striving to obtain;
and yet, though common and quite cheap,
is daily sought in vain."
old riddle.
there are few subjects on which people are more agreed than the value of "good matches;" neither do they seem to differ very widely as to what that phrase is intended to convey. not that everybody's beau-idéal implies identity of composition, but they are pretty well agreed as to the more essential elements.
but if we observe the different ways by which people seek to obtain a common object, we are puzzled to know how folks that set out in such various directions should ever arrive at the same point. the travellers are said, too, to provide themselves not unfrequently with various disguises; not only in dress and externals, but even in manners and sentiments, which they do not usually entertain. thus we have heard of one who professed a great love of music, who scarcely had an idea of melody; of another who expressed an admiration of poets whom he had never read, or voted unmitigated bores. others have been known to119 avow a perfect indifference to wealth, who have had scarcely an idea unmixed with an instinctive admiration of the ?s in presenti.
we once heard a curious fellow say that he could marry any lady he liked, if he could only "bring himself to take the trouble;" and we thought how happy he would be if he could live on as good terms with his wife as he appeared to be on with himself. some start with an apothegm which they carry about like an amulet or charm; such as, "no greater rogue than he who marries only for money, and no greater fool than he who marries only for love." apothegms, however, like many things in this world—macintoshes and umbrellas inclusive—are very apt to be left at home when most wanted.
we are not informed whether table-turning or mesmerism have yet discovered any prophylactics against the undoubted perils of an expedition in search of a partner.
we are unfortunately not sufficiently versed in these mysteries to know the "latest accounts;" but from the reputed effects of platinum and other metals, we should not be surprised to hear that a person well mesmerised would be found very clairvoyant of gold. we are not aware of the achievements necessary to arrive at the exalted position of "a professor;" but it is said that "professors" find gold without the necessity of going to the "diggings."
table-turning, we hear, has not as yet been found successful. by shooting too much ahead of the slowly moving current of human affairs, it skipped over one generation, and thus recently entrapped an irish gentleman of the "highest respectability" by giving a fortune to a lady too soon; it happening to be found still in possession of its "right owner"—or, as the technical phrase is, "in expectation."
many aspirants for wedlock have sundry misgivings about certain traditionary repulsions which are said to exist between love and poverty, and, uninfluenced by the charms of matrimony, think only of the possible consequences. not a few, however, regard marriage as too serious an affair for sport or speculation. they think it very difficult for mortals who know so little of themselves to know much about other people, and that though matches in rank and money are daily seen to be very practicable, yet that120 matches in mind are still as difficult as dryden represented them—
"minds are so hardly match'd, that e'en the first,
though pair'd in heaven, in paradise were curs'd."
people of this sort contemplate marriage in a very unpoetical manner. they have great faith that correct intention and common sense are the best guides; and, although they may not feel less transported with their prospects than other people, they are apt to remember that it is "transportation for life."
a great deal has been said of the marriage of abernethy, and very much of it in proof of his eccentricity of character; but if a steady reliance on earnestness, sincerity, and common sense, on an occasion on which one or other of these qualities are sometimes laid aside, and the employment of the highest qualities of the mind for the most important purposes be wise, we must, if we admit the eccentricity of abernethy, concede to him the less-equivocal merit of practical wisdom. himself a sensible and clever man, and a great admirer of these qualifications in others, he was not very likely to ally himself to any lady who appeared deficient in such characteristics.
abernethy had a very quick perception of character, and his profession afforded him ample opportunities for the exercise and the cultivation of this faculty. he would not have been very likely to lay it aside on an occasion when a judicious and successful exercise of it, as distinguished from mere impulse or first impression, is of more consequence than on almost any other.
miss anne threlfall was the daughter of a gentleman who had retired from business, and who it appears had been residing in the town of the far-famed edmonton. this lady was intimate with the family of mr. hodgson, where abernethy was also a frequent visitor.
it was at mr. hodgson's that mr. abernethy first made the acquaintance of her who was destined to exert so considerable an influence on his future happiness.
in the unrestrained intercourse of the society of intimate mutual friends, a man of abernethy's penetration would not be long in discovering the amiable or the estimable qualities of an agreeable woman.
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mrs. abernethy added to personal attractions of no common order, great good sense, and a very lively, ladylike manner. these had not been without their influence, on their first meeting; and a few additional interviews, which the usual precursor of an undefinable pleasure in her society served to accelerate, not only confirmed his first impressions, but seem to have deepened them into sentiments of warm respect and affection. now, supposing his opinion formed, his resolution taken, there was still a difficulty—abernethy was remarkably shy, and extremely sensitive.
his whole time was absorbed in teaching, studying, and practising his profession; his rising ambition just getting success within its grasp. how was resolution or opportunity to be found for the tardigrade, time-consuming process of a regular siege? still, after all, the shyness was the real rubicon which he felt a difficulty in passing. common sense said to a sensitive conscience, "you are about to ask a lady to entrust to you her happiness for life." "ah!" said conscience, "that is indeed a great deal to ask of any one." and shyness said it was equally difficult to know what to say, how to make the request, or brook a refusal. the difficulty with abernethy was so great, that there is some reason to doubt whether he could have got over it, had he been left entirely to his own resources.
mr. hodgson, it seems, did not sympathize with abernethy's scruples and difficulties, but simply encouraged him to overcome them. it is wonderful how even the greatest minds are influenced sometimes by a timely "pat on the back." we recollect a distinguished public man, and a peculiarly single-minded one too, once observing, that few people had any idea of the comfort which public men sometimes derived from any one, whom they imagined sincere, simply saying, "you were quite right, i think." whatever abernethy might, or might not, have owed to some little help of this kind, it is quite certain that he at last opened his heart to miss threlfall, or at least essayed so to do; but, apparently not very well assured that he had said what he intended to say, he supported it by a letter, which proved successful.
this letter is still extant, and an interesting document it is. it forms a curious commentary on the numerous and dissimilar versions which have been given of it by gossip; all the versions122 we ever heard having had the common character of being in every respect entirely unlike the original. here it is:
"tuesday.
"i have felt extremely anxious, dearest lady, since i had the pleasure to be with you, lest, from my embarrassment in delivering my sentiments, i might have said any thing liable to misapprehension. this anxiety induces me to trouble you with the present letter. i had designed, in our last conversation, to have said, that i had ever regarded the marriage state as that of the greatest happiness. it always appeared to me that two persons of different sexes living together in reciprocal benevolence were placed at the summit of human felicity. hard necessity has, however, precluded me from the enjoyment of such bliss; and when i had at length relinquished even the idea of it, by accident i met with a lady in whom were concentred all the qualities which i could have wished for in the moments of fondest expectation, and from whom i was led to believe i might derive what i had ever regarded as the greatest happiness. this was to me one of those circumstances of the reality of which the mind seems doubtful, from the excess of delight that it occasions. i had wished, dearest lady, at our last interview, to have convinced you that i was capable of discerning and loving you, as well for the perfections of your mind, as for the charms of your person. i have ever been an enthusiastic admirer of intellectual excellence; and in the minds of some ladies whom i have known, i have distinguished a purity of thought and benevolence of design which i have never found, nor can i expect to find, amongst men. in addition to these simple and fascinating qualities, i have witnessed a clearness of perception and judgment, an undeviating rectitude of principle, and, as the result of these and other qualities, such a dignity of character, that i have looked up to the possessor of them as to something divine. i had wished to have made you acquainted, in some degree, with my own character, as far as i might have been supposed to have acquired that most difficultly attained information, a knowledge of myself. i perceive, however, an impropriety in saying much upon this subject; but i wish you123 to be assured, that i am incapable of uttering any thing false or deceitful, and that consequently you may rely upon my word. i have pursued every object in life with an avidity which has appeared to many disproportionate to its value; but surely, if an object be worth attaining, neither diligence should be spared nor time lost in its attainment. how anxious and earnestly interested must a person of this disposition, with respect to subjects of little importance, feel when engaged in what he considers as the most important concern of his life. i shall suffer the greatest inquietude until i am assured of your good opinion. this letter has been written by snatches, in the midst of the avocations of this day, which now so call upon me, that i can only add (what i hope may be an unnecessary assurance) that i shall ever be, with the truest affection, and most faithfully yours.
"john abernethy."
this beautiful letter is very characteristic. the simplicity and straightforwardness,—the respect and tenderness, "dearest lady,"—the brief, modest, but truthful tone in which he alludes to his own pretensions,—the plea for his earnestness deducible from his known character in ordinary pursuits,—his frank confession of anxiety and inquietude until he is assured of her "good opinion,"—and his na?veté in saying that his occupations oblige him to conclude,—all respectively sketch the natural warmth, tenderness, sincerity, and earnestness of his real disposition.
the marriage took place accordingly in the parish church of all saints, edmonton, on the 9th of january, 1800, and is thus entered in the register:
"john abernethy, bachelor, of the parish of st. andrew's, holborn, to anne threlfall, of this parish, spinster, were married in this church by licence, the 9th day of january, 1800, by me,
"d. warren, vicar.
"this marriage was solemnized between us:
"john abernethy.
"anne threlfall.
"in the presence of
"jonathan patten.
"william hodgson.
"j. hodgson.
"mary threlfall.
"charlotte hodgson."
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by marriage abernethy obtained a partner for life who to personal attractions added those social and moral excellences which combine to form a superior woman—one to whom such a man as abernethy could, and always did, to his last moment, look up with equal respect and affection, as the wife, mother, and the friend. as a husband, there can be no doubt that, during the thirty years he lived after his marriage, his conduct was a practical commentary on, and fulfilment of, the preceding letter; and he endeavoured at all times to convey to the children the warm sentiments of respect for, and reliance on, their mother that he had seen so much reason himself to entertain. on the other hand, it is impossible to overrate the grateful warmth with which mrs. abernethy returned his affection, or the veneration and respect with which she honored his memory.
few persons, if any, have experienced a longer period of uninterrupted happiness than that which followed the marriage of abernethy. mrs. abernethy survived him twenty-four years, having died in july, 1854. she had for many years been afflicted with paralysis, which at times was attended with considerable suffering. it was consolatory, however, to feel that her faculties remained without being materially impaired to the last.
mr. abernethy had, in his last illness, repeatedly expressed his anxiety that every kindness and care should be shown towards her to whom he felt so much indebted; and he had prophetically suggested, as probable, what really happened. he said, "take every care of your dear mother. she may have many and perhaps serious illnesses; but she will still be, most likely, a long-lived woman." this legacy, we have reason to know, was most fully and kindly administered.
one circumstance, on the occasion of his marriage, is very characteristic of him: namely, his not allowing it to interrupt, even for a day, a duty with which he rarely suffered anything to interfere—we mean the lecture at the hospital.
many years after this, i met him coming into the hospital one day, a little before two (the hour of lecture), and seeing him rather smartly dressed, with a white waistcoat, i said:
"you are very gay to-day, sir."
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"ay," said he; "one of the girls was married this morning."
"indeed, sir!" i said. "you should have given yourself a holiday on such an occasion, and not come down to lecture."
"nay," returned he. "egad! i came down to lecture the day i was married myself!"
on another occasion, i recollect his being sent for to a case just before lecture. the case was close in the neighbourhood, and it being a question of time, he hesitated a little; but being pressed to go, he started off. he had, however, hardly passed the gates of the hospital before the clock struck two, when, all at once, he said, "no, i'll be —— if i do!" and returned to the lecture-room.
