m. haller — my stay at lausanne — lord rosebury — the young saconai — dissertation on beauty — the young theologian
m. haller was a man six feet high and broad in a proportion; he was a well-made man, and a physical as well as a mental colossus. he received me courteously, and when he had read m. de muralt’s letter, he displayed the greatest politeness, which shews that a good letter of introduction is never out of place. this learned man displayed to me all the treasures of his knowledge, replying with exactitude to all my questions, and above all with a rare modesty which astonished me greatly, for whilst he explained the most difficult questions, he had the air of a scholar who would fain know; but on the other hand, when he asked me a scientific question, it was with so delicate an art that i could not help giving the right answer.
m. de haller was a great physiologist, a great doctor, and a great anatomist. he called morgagni his master, though he had himself made numerous discoveries relating to the frame of man. while i stayed with him he shewed me a number of letters from morgagni and pontedera, a professor of botany, a science of which haller had an extensive knowledge. hearing me speak of these learned men whose works i had read at an early age, he complained that pontedera’s letters were almost illegible and written in extremely obscure latin. he shewed me a letter from a berlin academician, whose name i have forgotten, who said that since the king had read his letter he had no more thoughts of suppressing the latin language. haller had written to frederick the great that a monarch who succeeded in the unhappy enterprise of proscribing the language of cicero and virgil from the republic of letters would raise a deathless monument to his own ignorance. if men of letters require a universal language to communicate with one another, latin is certainly the best, for greek and arabic do not adapt themselves in the same way to the genius of modern civilization.
haller was a good poet of the pindaric kind; he was also an excellent statesman, and had rendered great services to his country. his morals were irreproachable, and i remember his telling me that the only way to give precepts was to do so by example. as a good citizen he was an admirable paterfamilias, for what greater proof could he give of his love of country than by presenting it with worthy subjects in his children, and such subjects result from a good education. his wife was still young, and bore on her features the marks of good nature and discretion. he had a charming daughter of about eighteen; her appearance was modest, and at table she only opened her mouth to speak in a low tone to a young man who sat beside her. after dinner, finding myself alone with m. haller, i asked him who this young man was. he told me he was his daughter’s tutor.
“a tutor like that and so pretty a pupil might easily become lovers.”
“yes, please god.”
this socratic reply made me see how misplaced my remark had been, and i felt some confusion. finding a book to my hand i opened it to restore my composure.
it was an octavo volume of his works, and i read in it:
“utrum memoria post mortem dubito.”
“you do not think, then,” said i, “that the memory is an essential part of the soul?”
“how is that question to be answered?” m. de haller replied, cautiously, as he had his reasons for being considered orthodox.
during dinner i asked if m. de voltaire came often to see him. by way of reply he repeated these lines of the poet:—
“vetabo qui cereris sacrum vulgarit arcanum sub usdem sit trabibus.”
i spent three days with this celebrated man, but i thought myself obliged to refrain from asking his opinion on any religious questions, although i had a great desire to do so, as it would have pleased me to have had his opinion on that delicate subject; but i believe that in matters of that kind m. haller judged only by his heart. i told him, however, that i should consider a visit to voltaire as a great event, and he said i was right. he added, without the slightest bitterness,
“m. de voltaire is a man who ought to be known, although, in spite of the laws of nature, many persons have found him greater at a distance than close at hand.”
m. de haller kept a good and abundant though plain table; he only drank water. at dessert only he allowed himself a small glass of liqueur drowned in an enormous glass of water. he talked a great deal of boerhaave, whose favourite pupil he had been. he said that after hypocrates, boerhaave was the greatest doctor and the greatest chemist that had ever existed.
“how is it,” said i, “that he did not attain mature age?”
“because there is no cure for death. boerhaave was born a doctor, as homer was born a poet; otherwise he would have succumbed at the age of fourteen to a malignant ulcer which had resisted all the best treatment of the day. he cured it himself by rubbing it constantly with salt dissolved in his own urine.”
“i have been told that he possessed the philosopher’s stone.”
“yes, but i don’t believe it.”
“do you think it possible?”
“i have been working for the last thirty years to convince myself of its impossibility; i have not yet done so, but i am sure that no one who does not believe in the possibility of the great work can be a good chemist.”
when i left him he begged me to write and tell him what i thought of the great voltaire, and in, this way our french correspondence began. i possess twenty-two letters from this justly celebrated man; and the last word written six months before, his too, early death. the longer i live the more interest i take in my papers. they are the treasure which attaches me to life and makes death more hateful still.
i had been reading at berne rousseau’s “heloise,” and i asked m. haller’s opinion of it. he told me that he had once read part of it to oblige a friend, and from this part he could judge of the whole. “it is the worst of all romances, because it is the most eloquently expressed. you will see the country of vaud, but don’t expect to see the originals of the brilliant portraits which jean jacques painted. he seems to have thought that lying was allowable in a romance, but he has abused the privilege. petrarch, was a learned man, and told no lies in speaking of his love for laura, whom he loved as every man loves the woman with whom he is taken; and if laura had not contented her illustrious lover, he would not have celebrated her.”
thus haller spoke to me of petrarch, mentioning rousseau with aversion. he disliked his very eloquence, as he said it owed all its merits to antithesis and paradox. haller was a learned man of the first class, but his knowledge was not employed for the purpose of ostentation, nor in private life, nor when he was in the company of people who did not care for science. no one knew better than he how to accommodate himself to his company he was friendly with everyone, and never gave offence. but what were his qualifications? it would be much easier to say what he had not than what he had. he had no pride, self-sufficiency, nor tone of superiority — in fact, none of those defects which are often the reproach of the learned and the witty.
he was a man of austere virtue, but he took care to hide the austerity under a veil of a real and universal kindness. undoubtedly he thought little of the ignorant, who talk about everything right or wrong, instead of remaining silent, and have at bottom only contempt for the learned; but he only shewed his contempt by saying nothing. he knew that a despised ignoramus becomes an enemy, and haller wished to be loved. he neither boasted of nor concealed his knowledge, but let it run like a limpid stream flowing through the meadows. he talked well, but never absorbed the conversation. he never spoke of his works; when someone mentioned them he would turn the conversation as soon as he conveniently could. he was sorry to be obliged to contradict anyone who conversed with him.
when i reached lausanne i found myself enabled to retain my incognito for a day at any rate. i naturally gave the first place to my affections. i went straight to my sweetheart without needing to ask my way, so well had she indicated the streets through which i had to pass. i found her with her mother, but i was not a little astonished to see lebel there also. however, my surprise must have passed unnoticed, for my housekeeper, rising from her seat with a cry of joy, threw her arms about my neck, and after having kissed me affectionately presented me to her worthy mother, who welcomed me in the friendliest manner. i asked lebel after the ambassador, and how long he had been at lausanne.
he replied, with a polite and respectful air, that his master was quite well, and that he had come to lausanne on business, and had only been there a few hours; and that, wishing to pay his regards to madame dubois’s mother, he had been pleasantly surprised to see the daughter there as well.
“you know,” he added, “what my intentions are. i have to go back to- morrow, and when you have made up your minds, write to me and i will come and take her to soleure, where i will marry her.”
he could not have spoken more plainly or honourably. i said that i would never oppose the will of my sweetheart, and my dubois, interrupting me, said in her turn that she would never leave me until i sent her away.
lebel found these replies too vague, and told me with noble freedom that we must give him a definite reply, since in such cases uncertainty spoils all. at that moment i felt as if i could never agree to his wishes, and i told him that in ten days i would let him know of our resolution, whatever it was. at that he was satisfied, and left us.
after his departure my sweetheart’s mother, whose good sense stood her instead of wit, talked to us in a manner that answered our inclinations, for, amorous as we were, we could not bear the idea of parting. i agreed that my housekeeper should wait up for me till midnight, and that we could talk over our reply with our heads on the pillow.
my dubois had a separate room with a good bed and excellent furniture. she gave me a very good supper, and we spent a delicious night. in the morning we felt more in love than ever, and were not at all disposed to comply with lebel’s wishes. nevertheless, we had a serious conversation.
the reader will remember that my mistress had promised to pardon my infidelities, provided that i confessed them. i had none to confess, but in the course of conversation i told her about raton.
“we ought to think ourselves very fortunate,” said she, “for if it had not been for chance, we should have been in a fine state now.”
“yes, and i should be in despair.”
“i don’t doubt it, and you would be all the more wretched as i should never complain to you.”
“i only see one way of providing against such a misfortune. when i have been unfaithful to you i will punish myself by depriving myself of the pleasure of giving you proofs of my affection till i am certain that i can do so without danger.”
“ah! you would punish me for your faults, would you? if you love me as i love you, believe me you would find a better remedy than that.”
“what is that?”
“you would never be unfaithful to me.”
“you are right. i am sorry i was not the first to think of this plan, which i promise to follow for the future.”
“don’t make any promises,” said she, with a sigh, “it might prove too difficult to keep them.”
it is only love which can inspire such conversations, but unfortunately it gains nothing by them.
next morning, just as i was going out to take my letters, the baron de bercei, uncle of my friend bavois, entered.
“i know,” said he, “that my nephew owes his fortune to you; he is just going to be made general, and i and all the family will be enchanted to make your acquaintance. i have come to offer my services, and to beg that you will dine with me to-day, and on any other day you please when you have nothing better to do, and i hope you will always consider yourself of the family.
“at the same time i beg of you not to tell anybody that my nephew has become a catholic, as according to the prejudices of the country it would be a dishonour which would reflect on the whole family.”
i accepted his invitation, and promised to say nothing about the circumstance he had mentioned.
i left my letters of introduction, and i received everywhere a welcome of the most distinguished kind. madame de gentil-langalerie appeared the most amiable of all the ladies i called on, but i had not time to pay my court to one more than another. every day politeness called me to some dinner, supper, ball, or assembly. i was bored beyond measure, and i felt inclined to say how troublesome it is to have such a welcome. i spent a fortnight in the little town, where everyone prides himself on his liberty, and in all my life i have never experienced such a slavery, for i had not a moment to myself. i was only able to pass one night with my sweetheart, and i longed to set off with her for geneva. everybody would give me letters of introduction for m. de voltaire, and by their eagerness one would have thought the great man beloved, whereas all detested him on account of his sarcastic humour.
“what, ladies!” said i, “is not m. de voltaire good-natured, polite, and affable to you who have been kind enough to act in his plays with him?”
“not in the least. when he hears us rehearse he grumbles all the time. we never say a thing to please him: here it is a bad pronunciation, there a tone not sufficiently passionate, sometimes one speaks too softly, sometimes too loudly; and it’s worse when we are acting. what a hubbub there is if one add a syllable, or if some carelessness spoil one of his verses. he frightens us. so and so laughed badly; so and so in alzire had only pretended to weep.”
“does he want you to weep really?”
“certainly. he will have real tears. he says that if an actor wants to draw tears he must shed them himself.”
“i think he is right there; but he should not be so severe with amateurs, above all with charming actresses like you. such perfection is only to be looked for from professionals, but all authors are the same. they never think that the actor has pronounced the words with the force which the sense, as they see it, requires.”
“i told him, one day, that it was not my fault if his lines had not the proper force.”
“i am sure he laughed.”
“laughed? no, sneered, for he is a rude and impertinent man.”
“but i suppose you overlook all these failings?”
“not at all; we have sent him about his business.”
“sent him about his business?”
“yes. he left the house he had rented here, at short notice, and retired to where you will find him now. he never comes to see us now, even if we ask him.”
“oh, you do ask him, though you sent him about his business?”
“we cannot deprive ourselves of the pleasure of admiring his talents, and if we have teased him, that was only from revenge, and to teach him something of the manners of good society.”
“you have given a lesson to a great master.”
“yes; but when you see him mention lausanne, and see what he will say of us. but he will say it laughingly, that’s his way.”
during my stay i often saw lord rosebury, who had vainly courted my charming dubois. i have never known a young man more disposed to silence. i have been told that he had wit, that he was well educated, and even in high spirits at times, but he could not get over his shyness, which gave him an almost indefinable air of stupidity. at balls, assemblies — in fact, everywhere, his manners consisted of innumerable bows. when one spoke to him, he replied in good french but with the fewest possible words, and his shy manner shewed that every question was a trouble to him. one day when i was dining with him, i asked him some question about his country, which required five or six small phrases by way of answer. he gave me an excellent reply, but blushed all the time like a young girl when she comes out. the celebrated fox who was then twenty, and was at the same dinner, succeeded in making him laugh, but it was by saying something in english, which i did not understand in the least. eight months after i saw him again at turin, he was then amorous of a banker’s wife, who was able to untie his tongue.
at lausanne i saw a young girl of eleven or twelve by whose beauty i was exceedingly struck. she was the daughter of madame de saconai, whom i had known at berne. i do not know her after history, but the impression she made on me has never been effaced. nothing in nature has ever exercised such a powerful influence over me as a pretty face, even if it be a child’s.
the beautiful, as i have been told, is endowed with this power of attraction; and i would fain believe it, since that which attracts me is necessarily beautiful in my eyes, but is it so in reality? i doubt it, as that which has influenced me has not influenced others. the universal or perfect beauty does not exist, or it does not possess this power. all who have discussed the subject have hesitated to pronounce upon it, which they would not have done if they had kept to the idea of form. according to my ideas, beauty is only form, for that which is not beautiful is that which has no form, and the deformed is the opposite of the ‘pulchrum’ and ‘formosum’.
we are right to seek for the definitions of things, but when we have them to hand in the words; why should we go farther? if the word ‘forma’ is latin, we should seek for the latin meaning and not the french, which, however, often uses ‘deforme’ or ‘difforme’ instead of ‘laid’, ugly, without people’s noticing that its opposite should be a word which implies the existence of form; and this can only be beauty. we should note that ‘informe’ in french as well as in latin means shapeless, a body without any definite appearance.
we will conclude, then, that it is the beauty of woman which has always exercised an irresistible sway over me, and more especially that beauty which resides in the face. it is there the power lies, and so true is that, that the sphinxes of rome and versailles almost make me fall in love with them. though, the face excepted, they are deformed in every sense of the word. in looking at the fine proportions of their faces one forgets their deformed bodies. what, then, is beauty? we know not; and when we attempt to define it or to enumerate its qualities we become like socrates, we hesitate. the only thing that our minds can seize is the effect produced by it, and that which charms, ravishes, and makes me in love, i call beauty. it is something that can be seen with the eyes, and for my eyes i speak. if they had a voice they would speak better than i, but probably in the same sense.
no painter has surpassed raphael in the beauty of the figures which his divine pencil produced; but if this great painter had been asked what beauty was, he would probably have replied that he could not say, that he knew it by heart, and that he thought he had reproduced it whenever he had seen it, but that he did not know in what it consisted.
“that face pleases me,” he would say, “it is therefore beautiful!”
he ought to have thanked god for having given him such an exquisite eye for the beautiful; but ‘omne pulchrum difficile’.
the painters of high renown, all those whose works proclaim genius, have excelled in the delineation of the beautiful; but how small is their number compared to the vast craved who have strained every nerve to depict beauty and have only left us mediocrity!
if a painter could be dispensed from making his works beautiful, every man might be an artist; for nothing is easier than to fashion ugliness, and brush and canvas would be as easy to handle as mortar and trowel.
although portrait-painting is the most important branch of the art, it is to be noted that those who have succeeded in this line are very few. there are three kinds of portraits: ugly likenesses, perfect likenesses, and those which to a perfect likeness add an almost imperceptible character of beauty. the first class is worthy only of contempt and their authors of stoning, for to want of taste and talent they add impertinence, and yet never seem to see their failings. the second class cannot be denied to possess real merit; but the palm belongs to the third, which, unfortunately, are seldom found, and whose authors deserve the large fortunes they amass. such was the famous notier, whom i knew in paris in the year 1750. this great artist was then eighty, and in spite of his great age his talents seemed in all their freshness. he painted a plain woman; it was a speaking likeness, and in spite of that those who only saw the portrait pronounced her to be a handsome woman. nevertheless, the most minute examination would not have revealed any faithlessness to the original, but some imperceptible touches gave a real but indefinite air of beauty to the whole. whence does that magic art take its source? one day, when he had been painting the plain- looking “mesdames de france,” who on the canvas looked like two aspasias, i asked him the above question. he answered:—
“it is a magic which the god of taste distils from my brains through my brushes. it is the divinity of beauty whom all the world adores, and which no one can define, since no one knows of what it consists. that canvas shews you what a delicate shade there is between beauty and ugliness; and nevertheless this shade seems an enormous difference to those unacquainted with art.”
the greek painters made venus, the goddess of beauty, squint-eyed, and this odd idea has been praised by some; but these painters were certainly in the wrong.
two squinting eyes might be beautiful, but certainly not so beautiful as if they did not squint, for whatever beauty they had could not proceed from their deformity.
after this long digression, with which the reader may not be very well pleased, it is time for me to return to my sweetheart. the tenth day of my visit to lausanne, i went to sup and sleep with my mistress, and that night was the happiest i remember. in the morning, while we were taking coffee with her mother, i observed that we seemed in no hurry to part. at this, the mother, a woman of few words, took up the discourse in a polite and dignified manner, and told me it was my duty to undeceive lebel before i left; and at the same time she gave me a letter she had had from him the evening before. the worthy man begged her to remind me that if i could not make up my mind to separate from her daughter before i left lausanne, it would be much more difficult for me to do so when i was farther off; above all, if, as would probably be the case, she gave me a living pledge of her love. he said that he had no thoughts of drawing back from his word, but he should wish to be able to say that he had taken his wife from her mother’s hands.
when i had read the letter aloud, the worthy mother wept, and left us alone. a moment’s silence ensued, and with a sigh that shewed what it cost her, my dear dubois had the courage to tell me that i must instantly write to lebel to give up all pretensions to her, or to come and take her at once.
“if i write and tell him to think no more of you, i must marry you myself.”
“no.”
with this no she arose and left me. i thought it over for a quarter of an hour, i weighed the pros and cons and still my love shrank from the sacrifice. at last, on consideration that my housekeeper would never have such a chance again, that i was not sure that i could always make her happy, i resolved to be generous, and determined to write to lebel that madame dubois had decided of her own free will to become his wife, that i had no right to oppose her resolution, and that i would go so far as to congratulate him on a happiness i envied him. i begged him to leave soleure at once and come and receive her in my presence from the hands of her worthy mother.
i signed the letter and took it to my housekeeper, who was in her mother’s room. “take this letter, dearest, and read it, and if you approve its contents put your signature beside mine.” she read it several times, while her good mother wept, and then, with an affectionate and sorrowful air, she took the pen and signed. i begged her mother to find somebody to take the letter to soleure immediately, before my resolution was weakened by repentance.
the messenger came, and as soon as he had gone, “farewell,” said i, embracing her, with my eyes wet with tears, “farewell, we shall see each other again as soon as lebel comes.”
i went to my inn, a prey to the deepest grief. this sacrifice had given a new impetus to my love for this charming woman, and i felt a sort of spasm, which made me afraid i should get ill. i shut myself up in my room, and i ordered the servants to say i was unwell and could see no one.
in the evening of the fourth day after, lebel was announced. he embraced me, saying his happiness would be due to me. he then left me, telling me he would expect me at the house of his future bride.
“excuse me to-day, my dear fellow,” said i, “but i will dine with you there to-morrow.”
when he had left me, i told le duc to make all preparations for our leaving the next day after dinner.
i went out early on the following day to take leave of everybody, and at noon lebel came to take me to that sad repast, at which, however, i was not so sad as i had feared.
as i was leaving i begged the future madame lebel to return me the ring i had given her, and as we had agreed, i presented her with a roll of a hundred louis, which she took with a melancholy air.
“i should never have sold it,” she said, “for i have no need of money.”
“in that case i will give it back to you, but promise me never to part with it, and keep the hundred louis as some small reward of the services you have rendered me.”
she shook my hand affectionately, put on my finger her wedding ring, and left me to hide her grief. i wiped my tears away, and said to lebel,
“you are about to possess yourself of a treasure which i cannot commend too highly. you are a man of honour; you will appreciate her excellent qualities, and you will know how to make her happy. she will love you only, take care of your household, and keep no secrets from you. she is full of wit and spirits, and will easily disperse the slightest shadow of ill humour which may fall on you.”
i went in with him to the mother’s room to take leave of her, and madame dubois begged me to delay my departure and sup once more with her. i told her that my horses were put in and the carriage waiting at my door, and that such a delay would set tongues talking; but that if she liked, she, her future husband and her mother, could come and see me at an inn two leagues off on the geneva road, where we could stay as long as we liked. lebel approved of the plan, and my proposition was accepted.
when i got back to my inn i found my carriage ready, and i got in and drove to the meeting-place, and ordered a good supper for four, and an hour later my guests arrived.
the gay and even happy air of the newly betrothed surprised me, but what astonished me more was the easy way with which she threw herself into my arms as soon as she saw me. it put me quite out of countenance, but she had more wit than i. however, i mustered up sufficient strength to follow her cue, but i could not help thinking that if she had really loved me she would not have found it possible to pass thus from love to mere friendship. however, i imitated her, and made no objections to those marks of affection allowed to friendship, which are supposed to have no tincture of love in them.
at supper i thought i saw that lebel was more delighted at having such a wife than at the prospect of enjoying her and satisfying a strong passion. that calmed me; i could not be jealous of a man like that. i perceived, too, that my sweetheart’s high spirits were more feigned than real; she wished to make me share them so as to render our separation less bitter, and to tranquillise her future husband as to the nature of our feelings for one another. and when reason and time had quieted the tempest in my heart, i could not help thinking it very natural that she should be pleased at the prospect of being independent, and of enjoying a fortune.
we made an excellent supper, which we washed down so well that at last the gaiety which had been simulated ended by being real. i looked at the charming dubois with pleasure; i regarded her as a treasure which had belonged to me, and which after making me happy was with my full consent about to ensure the happiness of another. it seemed to me that i had been magnanimous enough to give her the reward she deserved, like a good mussulman who gives a favourite slave his freedom in return for his fidelity. her sallies made me laugh and recalled the happy moments i had passed with her, but the idea of her happiness prevented my regretting having yielded my rights to another.
as lebel was obliged to return to lausanne in order to get back to soleure in two days, we had to part. i embraced him and asked him to continue his friendship towards me, and he promised with great effusion to be my friend till death. as we were going down the stair, my charming friend said, with great candour,
“i am not really gay, but i oblige myself to appear so. i shall not be happy till the scar on my heart has healed. lebel can only claim my esteem, but i shall be his alone though my love be all for you. when we see each other again, as from what you say i hope we shall, we shall be able to meet as true friends, and perhaps we shall congratulate each other on the wise part we have taken. as for you, though i do not think you will forget me, i am sure that before long some more or less worthy object will replace me and banish your sorrow. i hope it will be so. be happy. i may be with child; and if it prove to be so, you shall have no cause to complain of my care of your child, which you shall take away when you please. we made an agreement on this point yesterday. we arranged that the marriage should not be consummated for two months; thus we shall be certain whether the child belongs to you or no, and we will let people think that it is the legitimate offspring of our marriage. lebel conceived this plan that he might have his mind at rest on the supposed force of blood, in which he declares he believes no more than i do. he has promised to love the child as if he were its father. if you write to me, i will keep you acquainted with everything; and if i have the happiness to give you a child, it will be much dearer to me than your ring.”
we wept, and lebel laughed to see us.
i could only reply by pressing her to my breast, and then i gave her over to her future husband, who told me as he got into the carriage that our long talk had pleased him very much.
i went to bed sadly enough. next morning when i awoke, a pastor of the church of geneva carne to ask me to give him a place in my carriage. i agreed, and was not sorry i had done so.
this priest was an eloquent man, although a theologian, who answered the most difficult religious questions i could put to him. there was no mystery with him, everything was reason. i have never found a more compliant christianity than that of this worthy man, whose morals, as i heard afterwards at geneva, were perfectly pure. but i found out that this kind of christianity was not peculiar to him, all his fellow-calvinists thought in the same way.
wishing to convince him that he was a calvinist in name only, since he did not believe that jesus christ was of the same substance as the father, he replied that calvin was only infallible where he spoke ‘ex cathedra’, but i struck him dumb by quoting the words of the gospel. he blushed when i reproached him with calvin’s belief that the pope was the antichrist of the apocalypse.
“it will be impossible to destroy this prejudice at geneva,” said he, “till the government orders the effacement of an inscription on the church door which everybody reads, and which speaks of the head of the roman church in this manner.”
“the people,” he added, “are wholly ignorant; but i have a niece of twenty, who does not belong to the people in this way. i shall have the honour of making you known to her; she is a theologian, and pretty as well.”
“i shall be delighted to see her, but god preserve me from arguing with her!”
“she will make you argue, and i can assure you that it will be a pleasure for you!”
“we shall see; but will you give me your address?”
“no sir, but i shall have the honour of conducting you to your inn and acting as your guide.”
i got down at balances, and was well lodged. it was the 20th of august, 1760. on going to the window i noticed a pane of glass on which i read these words, written with the point of a diamond: “you will forget henriette.” in a moment my thoughts flew back to the time in which henriette had written these words, thirteen years ago, and my hair stood on end. we had been lodged in this room when she separated from me to return to france. i was overwhelmed, and fell on a chair where i abandoned myself to deep thought. noble henriette, dear henriette, whom i had loved so well; where was she now? i had never heard of her; i had never asked anyone about her. comparing my present and past estates, i was obliged to confess that i was less worthy of possessing her now than then. i could still love, but i was no longer so delicate in my thoughts; i had not those feelings which justify the faults committed by the senses, nor that probity which serves as a contrast to the follies and frailties of man; but, what was worst of all, i was not so strong. nevertheless, it seemed that the remembrance of henriette restored me to my pristine vigour. i had no longer my housekeeper; i experienced a great void; and i felt so enthusiastic that if i had known where henriette was i should have gone to seek her out, despite her prohibition.
next day, at an early hour, i went to the banker tronchin, who had all my money. after seeing my account, he gave me a letter of credit on marseilles, genoa, florence and rome, and i only took twelve thousand francs in cash. i had only fifty thousand crowns, three hundred francs, but that would take me a good way. as soon as i had delivered my letters, i returned to balances, impatient to see m. de voltaire.
i found my fellow-traveller in my room. he asked me to dinner, telling me that i should have m. vilars-chandieu, who would take me after dinner to m. de voltaire, who had been expecting me for several days. i followed the worthy man, and found at his house excellent company, and the young theologian whom the uncle did not address till dessert.
i will endeavour to report as faithfully as possible the young woman’s conversation.
“what have you been doing this morning, my dear niece?”
“i have been reading st. augustine, whom i thought absurd, and i think i can refute him very shortly.”
“on what point?”
“concerning the mother of the saviour.”
“what does st. augustine say?”
“you have no doubt remarked the passage, uncle. he says that the virgin mary conceived jesus christ through the ears.”
“you do not believe that?”
“certainly not, and for three good reasons. in the first place because god, being immaterial, had no need of a hole to go in or come out by; in the second place, because the ear has no connection with the womb; and in the third place, because mary, if she had conceived by the ear, would have given birth by the same channel. this would do well enough for the catholics,” said she, giving me a glance, “as then they would be reasonable in calling her a virgin before her conception, during her pregnancy, and after she had given birth to the child.”
i was extremely astonished, and my astonishment was shared by the other guests. divine theology rises above all fleshly considerations, and after what we had heard we had either to allow her this privilege, or to consider the young theologian as a woman without shame. the learned niece did not seem to care what we thought, as she asked for my opinion on the matter.
“if i were a theologian and allowed myself an exact examination into the miracles, it is possible i should be of your opinion; but as this is by no means the case, i must limit myself to condemning st. augustine for having analysed the mystery of the annunciation. i may say, however, that if the virgin had been deaf, st. augustine would have been guilty of a manifest absurdity, since the incarnation would have been an impossibility, as in that case the nerves of the ear would have had no sort of communication with the womb, and the process would have been inconceivable; but the incarnation is a miracle.”
she replied with great politeness that i had shown myself a greater theologian than she, and her uncle thanked me for having given her a lesson. he made her discuss various subjects, but she did not shine. her only subject was the new testament. i shall have occasion to speak of this young woman when i get back to geneva.
after dinner we went to see voltaire, who was just leaving the table as we came in. he was in the middle of a court of gentlemen and ladies, which made my introduction a solemn one; but with this great man solemnity could not fail to be in my favour.
