my stay at paris and my departure for strasburg, where i find the renaud — my misfortunes at munich and my sad visit to augsburg
at ten o’clock in the morning, cheered by the pleasant feeling of being once more in that paris which is so imperfect, but which is the only true town in the world, i called on my dear madame d’urfe, who received me with open arms. she told me that the young count d’aranda was quite well, and if i liked she would ask him to dinner the next day. i told her i should be delighted to see him, and then i informed her that the operation by which she was to become a man could not be performed till querilinto, one of the three chiefs of the fraternity of the rosy cross, was liberated from the dungeons of the inquisition, at lisbon.
“this is the reason,” i added, “that i am going to augsburg in the course of next month, where i shall confer with the earl of stormont as to the liberation of the adept, under the pretext of a mission from the portuguese government. for these purposes i shall require a good letter of credit, and some watches and snuff-boxes to make presents with, as we shall have to win over certain of the profane.”
“i will gladly see to all that, but you need not hurry yourself as the congress will not meet till september.”
“believe me, it will never meet at all, but the ambassadors of the belligerent powers will be there all the same. if, contrary to my expectation, the congress is held, i shall be obliged to go to lisbon. in any case, i promise to see you again in the ensuing winter. the fortnight that i have to spend here will enable me to defeat a plot of st. germain’s.”
“st. germain — he would never dare to return to paris.”
“i am certain that he is here in disguise. the state messenger who ordered him to leave london has convinced him the english minister was not duped by the demand for his person to be given up, made by the comte d’afri in the name of the king to the states-general.”
all this was mere guess-work, and it will be seen that i guessed rightly.
madame d’urfe then congratulated me on the charming girl whom i had sent from grenoble to paris. valenglard had told her the whole story.
“the king adores her,” said she, “and before long she will make him a father. i have been to see her at passi with the duchesse de l’oraguais.”
“she will give birth to a son who will make france happy, and in thirty years time you will see wondrous things, of which, unfortunately, i can tell you nothing until your transformation. did you mention my name to her?”
“no, i did not; but i am sure you will be able to see her, if only at madame varnier’s.”
she was not mistaken; but shortly afterwards an event happened which made the madness of this excellent woman much worse.
towards four o’clock, as we were talking over my travels and our designs, she took a fancy to walk in the bois du boulogne. she begged me to accompany her, and i acceded to her request. we walked into the deepest recesses of the wood and sat down under a tree. “it is eighteen years ago,” said she, “since i fell asleep on the same spot that we now occupy. during my sleep the divine horosmadis came down from the sun and stayed with me till i awoke. as i opened my eyes i saw him leave me and ascend to heaven. he left me with child, and i bore a girl which he took away from me years ago, no doubt to punish me for, having so far forgotten myself as to love a mortal after him. my lovely iriasis was like him.”
“you are quite sure that m. d’urfe was not the child’s father?”
“m. d’urfe did not know me after he saw me lying beside the divine anael.”
“that’s the genius of venus. did he squint?”
“to excess. you are aware, then, that he squints?”
“yes, and i know that at the amorous crisis he ceases to squint.”
“i did not notice that. he too, left me on account of my sinning with an arab.”
“the arab was sent to you by an enemy of anael’s, the genius of mercury.”
“it must have been so; it was a great misfortune.”
“on the contrary, it rendered you more fit for transformation.”
we were walking towards the carriage when all at once we saw st. germain, but as soon as he noticed us he turned back and we lost sight of him.
“did you see him?” said i. “he is working against us, but our genie makes him tremble.”
“i am quite thunderstruck. i will go and impart this piece of news to the duc de choiseul to-morrow morning. i am curious to hear what he will say when i tell him.”
as we were going back to paris i left madame d’urfe, and walked to the porte st. denis to see my brother. he and his wife received me with cries of joy. i thought the wife very pretty but very wretched, for providence had not allowed my brother to prove his manhood, and she was unhappily in love with him. i say unhappily, because her love kept her faithful to him, and if she had not been in love she might easily have found a cure for her misfortune as her husband allowed her perfect liberty. she grieved bitterly, for she did not know that my brother was impotent, and fancied that the reason of his abstention was that he did not return her love; and the mistake was an excusable one, for he was like a hercules, and indeed he was one, except where it was most to be desired. her grief threw her into a consumption of which she died five or six years later. she did not mean her death to be a punishment to her husband, but we shall see that it was so.
the next day i called on madame varnier to give her madame morin’s letter. i was cordially welcomed, and madame varnier was kind enough to say that she had rather see me than anybody else in the world; her niece had told her such strange things about me that she had got quite curious. this, as is well known, is a prevailing complaint with women.
“you shall see my niece,” she said, “and she will tell you all about herself.”
she wrote her a note, and put madame morin’s letter under the same envelope.
“if you want to know what my niece’s answer is,” said madame varnier, “you must dine with me.”
i accepted the invitation, and she immediately told her servant that she was not at home to anyone.
the small messenger who had taken the note to passi returned at four o’clock with the following epistle:
“the moment in which i see the chevalier de seingalt once more will be one of the happiest of my life. ask him to be at your house at ten o’clock the day after tomorrow, and if he can’t come then please let me know.”
after reading the note and promising to keep the appointment, i left madame varnier and called on madame de rumain, who told me i must spend a whole day with her as she had several questions to put to my oracle.
next day madame d’urfe told me the reply she had from the duc de choiseul, when she told him that she had seen the comte de st. germain in the bois du boulogne.
“i should not be surprised,” said the minister, “considering that he spent the night in my closet.”
the duke was a man of wit and a man of the world. he only kept secrets when they were really important ones; very different from those make-believe diplomatists, who think they give themselves importance by making a mystery of trifles of no consequence. it is true that the duc de choiseul very seldom thought anything of great importance; and, in point of fact, if there were less intrigue and more truth about diplomacy (as there ought to be), concealment would be rather ridiculous than necessary.
the duke had pretended to disgrace st. germain in france that he might use him as a spy in london; but lord halifax was by no means taken in by this stratagem. however, all governments have the politeness to afford one another these services, so that none of them can reproach the others.
the small conte d’aranda after caressing me affectionately begged me to come and breakfast with him at his boarding-house, telling me that mdlle. viar would be glad to see me.
the next day i took care not to fail in my appointment with the fair lady. i was at madame varnier’s a quarter of an hour before the arrival of the dazzling brunette, and i waited for her with a beating at the heart which shewed me that the small favours she had given me had not quenched the flame of love. when she made her appearance the stoutness of her figure carried respect with it, so that i did not feel as if i could come forward and greet her tenderly; but she was far from thinking that more respect was due to her than when she was at grenoble, poor but also pure. she kissed me affectionately and told me as much.
“they think i am happy,” said she, “and envy my lot; but can one be happy after the loss of one’s self-respect? for the last six months i have only smiled, not laughed; while at grenoble i laughed heartily from true gladness. i have diamonds, lace, a beautiful house, a superb carriage, a lovely garden, waiting- maids, and a maid of honour who perhaps despises me; and although the highest court ladies treat me like a princess, i do not pass a single day without experiencing some mortification.”
“mortification?”
“yes; people come and bring pleas before me, and i am obliged to send them away as i dare not ask the king anything.”
“why not?”
“because i cannot look on him as my lover only; he is always my sovereign, too. ah! happiness is to be sought for in simple homes, not in pompous palaces.”
“happiness is gained by complying with the duties of whatever condition of life one is in, and you must constrain yourself to rise to that exalted station in which destiny has placed you.”
“i cannot do it; i love the king and i am always afraid of vexing him. i am always thinking that he does too much for me, and thus i dare not ask for anything for others.”
“but i am sure the king would be only too glad to shew his love for you by benefiting the persons in whom you take an interest.”
“i know he would, and that thought makes me happy, but i cannot overcome my feeling of repugnance to asking favours. i have a hundred louis a month for pin-money, and i distribute it in alms and presents, but with due economy, so that i am not penniless at the end of the month. i have a foolish notion that the chief reason the king loves me is that i do not importune him.”
“and do you love him?”
“how can i help it? he is good-hearted, kindly, handsome, and polite to excess; in short, he possesses all the qualities to captivate a woman’s heart.
“he is always asking me if i am pleased with my furniture, my clothes, my servants, and my garden, and if i desire anything altered. i thank him with a kiss, and tell him that i am pleased with everything.”
“does he ever speak of the scion you are going to present to him?”
“he often says that i ought to be careful of myself in my situation. i am hoping that he will recognize my son as a prince of the blood; he ought in justice to do so, as the queen is dead.”
“to be sure he will.”
“i should be very happy if i had a son. i wish i felt sure that i would have one. but i say nothing about this to anyone. if i dared speak to the king about the horoscope, i am certain he would want to know you; but i am afraid of evil tongues.”
“so am i. continue in your discreet course and nothing will come to disturb your happiness, which may become greater, and which i am pleased to have procured for you.”
we did not part without tears. she was the first to go, after kissing me and calling me her best friend. i stayed a short time with madame varnier to compose my feelings, and i told her that i should have married her instead of drawing her horoscope.
“she would no doubt have been happier. you did not foresee, perhaps, her timidity and her lack of ambition.”
“i can assure you that i did not reckon upon her courage or ambition. i laid aside my own happiness to think only of hers. but what is done cannot be recalled, and i shall be consoled if i see her perfectly happy at last. i hope, indeed, she will be so, above all if she is delivered of a son.”
i dined with madame d’urfe, and we decided to send back aranda to his boarding-school that we might be more free to pursue our cabalistic operations; and afterwards i went to the opera, where my brother had made an appointment with me. he took me to sup at madame vanloo’s, and she received me in the friendliest manner possible.
“you will have the pleasure of meeting madame blondel and her husband,” said she.
the reader will recollect that madame blondel was manon baletti, whom i was to have married.
“does she know i am coming?” i enquired.
“no, i promise myself the pleasure of seeing her surprise.”
“i am much obliged to you for not wishing to enjoy my surprise as well. we shall see each other again, but not to-day, so i must bid you farewell; for as i am a man of honour i hope never to be under the same roof as madame blondel again.”
with this i left the room, leaving everybody in astonishment, and not knowing where to go i took a coach and went to sup with my sister-in-law, who was extremely glad to see me. but all through supper-time this charming woman did nothing but complain of her husband, saying that he had no business to marry her, knowing that he could not shew himself a man.
“why did you not make the trial before you married?”
“was it for me to propose such a thing? how should i suppose that such a fine man was impotent? but i will tell you how it all happened. as you know, i was a dancer at the comedie italienne, and i was the mistress of m. de sauci, the ecclesiastical commissioner. he brought your brother to my house, i liked him, and before long i saw that he loved me. my lover advised me that it was an opportunity for getting married and making my fortune. with this idea i conceived the plan of not granting him any favours. he used to come and see me in the morning, and often found me in bed; we talked together, and his passions seemed to be aroused, but it all ended in kissing. on my part, i was waiting for a formal declaration and a proposal of marriage. at that period, m. de sauci settled an annuity of a thousand crowns on me on the condition that i left the stage.
“in the spring m. de sauci invited your brother to spend a month in his country house. i was of the party, but for propriety’s sake it was agreed that i should pass as your brother’s wife. casanova enjoyed the idea, looking upon it as a jest, and not thinking of the consequences. i was therefore introduced as his wife to my lover’s family, as also to his relations, who were judges, officers, and men about town, and to their wives, who were all women of fashion. your brother was in high glee that to play our parts properly we were obliged to sleep together. for my part, i was far from disliking the idea, or at all events i looked upon it as a short cut to the marriage i desired.
“but how can i tell you? though tender and affectionate in everything, your brother slept with me for a month without our attaining what seemed the natural result under the circumstances.”
“you might have concluded, then, that he was impotent; for unless he were made of stone, or had taken a vow of chastity, his conduct was inexplicable.”
“the fact is, that i had no means of knowing whether he was capable or incapable of giving me substantial proof of his love.”
“why did you not ascertain his condition for yourself?”
“a feeling of foolish pride prevented me from putting him to the test. i did not suspect the truth, but imagined reasons flattering to myself. i thought that he loved me so truly that he would not do anything before i was his wife. that idea prevented me humiliating myself by making him give me some positive proof of his powers.”
“that supposition would have been tenable, though highly improbable, if you had been an innocent young maid, but he knew perfectly well that your novitiate was long over.”
“very true; but what can you expect of a woman impelled by love and vanity?”
“your reasoning is excellent, but it comes rather late.” “well, at last we went back to paris, your brother to his house, and i to mine, while he continued his courtship, and i could not understand what he meant by such strange behaviour. m. de sauci, who knew that nothing serious had taken place between us, tried in vain to solve the enigma. ‘no doubt he is afraid of getting you with child,’ he said, ‘and of thus being obliged to marry you.’ i began to be of the same opinion, but i thought it a strange line for a man in love to take.
“m. de nesle, an officer in the french guards, who had a pretty wife i had met in the country, went to your brother’s to call on me. not finding me there he asked why we did not live together. your brother replied openly that our marriage had been a mere jest. m. de nesle then came to me to enquire if this were the truth, and when he heard that it was he asked me how i would like him to make casanova marry me. i answered that i should be delighted, and that was enough for him. he went again to your brother, and told him that his wife would never have associated with me on equal terms if i had not been introduced to her as a married woman; that the deceit was an insult to all the company at the country-house, which must be wiped out by his marrying me within the week or by fighting a duel. m. de nesle added that if he fell he would be avenged by all the gentlemen who had been offended in the same way. casanova replied, laughing, that so far from fighting to escape marrying me, he was ready to break a lance to get me. ‘i love her,’ he said, ‘and if she loves me i am quite ready to give her my hand. be kind enough,’ he added, ‘to prepare the way for me, and i will marry her whenever you like.’
“m. de nesle embraced him, and promised to see to everything; he brought me the joyful news, and in a week all was over. m. de nesle gave us a splendid supper on our wedding-day, and since then i have had the title of his wife. it is an empty title, however, for, despite the ceremony and the fatal yes, i am no wife, for your brother is completely impotent. i am an unhappy wretch, and it is all his fault, for he ought to have known his own condition. he has deceived me horribly.”
“but he was obliged to act as he did; he is more to be pitied than to be blamed. i also pity you, but i think you are in the wrong, for after his sleeping with you for a month without giving any proof of his manhood you might have guessed the truth. even if you had been a perfect novice, m. de sauci ought to have known what was the matter; he must be aware that it is beyond the power of man to sleep beside a pretty woman, and to press her naked body to his breast without becoming, in spite of himself, in a state which would admit of no concealment; that is, in case he were not impotent.”
“all that seems very reasonable, but nevertheless neither of us thought of it; your brother looks such a hercules.”
“there are two remedies open to you; you can either have your marriage annulled, or you can take a lover; and i am sure that my brother is too reasonable a man to offer any opposition to the latter course.”
“i am perfectly free, but i can neither avail myself of a divorce nor of a lover; for the wretch treats me so kindly that i love him more and more, which doubtless makes my misfortune harder to bear.”
the poor woman was so unhappy that i should have been delighted to console her, but it was out of the question. however, the mere telling of her story had afforded her some solace, and after kissing her in such a way as to convince her that i was not like my brother, i wished her good night.
the next day i called on madame vanloo, who informed me that madame blondel had charged her to thank me for having gone away, while her husband wished me to know that he was sorry not to have seen me to express his gratitude.
“he seems to have found his wife a maid, but that’s no fault of mine; and manon baletti is the only person he ought to be grateful to. they tell me that he has a pretty baby, and that he lives at the louvre, while she has another house in the rue neuve-des- petits-champs.”
“yes, but he has supper with her every evening.”
“it’s an odd way of living.”
“i assure you it answers capitally. blondel regards his wife as his mistress. he says that that keeps the flame of love alight, and that as he never had a mistress worthy of being a wife, he is delighted to have a wife worthy of being a mistress.”
the next day i devoted entirely to madame de rumain, and we were occupied with knotty questions till the evening. i left her well pleased. the marriage of her daughter, mdlle. cotenfau, with m. de polignac, which took place five or six years later, was the result of our cabalistic calculations.
the fair stocking-seller of the rue des prouveres, whom i had loved so well, was no longer in paris. she had gone off with a m. de langlade, and her husband was inconsolable. camille was ill. coralline had become the titulary mistress of the comte de la marche, son of the prince of conti, and the issue of this union was a son, whom i knew twenty years later. he called himself the chevalier de montreal, and wore the cross of the knights of malta. several other girls i had known were widowed and in the country, or had become inaccessible in other ways.
such was the paris of my day. the actors on its stage changed as rapidly as the fashions.
i devoted a whole day to my old friend baletti, who had left the theatre and married a pretty ballet-girl on the death of his father; he was making experiments with a view to finding the philosopher’s stone.
i was agreeably surprised at meeting the poet poinsinet at the comedic francaise. he embraced me again and again, and told me that m. du tillot had overwhelmed him with kindness at parma.
“he would not get me anything to do,” said poinsinet, “because a french poet is rather at a discount in italy.”
“have you heard anything of lord lismore?”
“yes, he wrote to his mother from leghorn, telling her that he was going to the indies, and that if you had not been good enough to give him a thousand louis he would have been a prisoner at rome.”
“his fate interests me extremely, and i should be glad to call on his lady-mother with you.”
“i will tell her that you are in paris, and i am sure that she will invite you to supper, for she has the greatest desire to talk to you.”
“how are you getting on here? are you still content to serve apollo?”
“he is not the god of wealth by any means. i have no money and no room, and i shall be glad of a supper, if you will ask me. i will read you my play, the ‘cercle’, which has been accepted. i am sure it will be successful?”
the ‘cercle’ was a short prose play, in which the poet satirised the jargon of dr. herrenschwand, brother of the doctor i had consulted at soleure. the play proved to be a great success.
i took poinsinet home to supper, and the poor nursling of the muses ate for four. in the morning he came to tell me that the countess of lismore expected me to supper.
i found the lady, still pretty, in company with her aged lover, m. de st. albin, archbishop of cambrai, who spent all the revenues of his see on her. this worthy prelate was one of the illegitimate children of the duc d’orleans, the famous regent, by an actress. he supped with us, but he only opened his mouth to eat, and his mistress only spoke of her son, whose talents she lauded to the skies, though he was in reality a mere scamp; but i felt in duty bound to echo what she said. it would have been cruel to contradict her. i promised to let her know if i saw anything more of him.
poinsinet, who was hearthless and homeless, as they say, spent the night in my room, and in the morning i gave him two cups of chocolate and some money wherewith to get a lodging. i never saw him again, and a few years after he was drowned, not in the fountain of hippocrene, but in the guadalquivir. he told me that he had spent a week with m. de voltaire, and that he had hastened his return to paris to obtain the release of the abbe morellet from the bastile.
i had nothing more to do at paris, and i was only waiting for some clothes to be made and for a cross of the order, with which the holy father had decorated me, to be set with diamonds and rubies.
i had waited for five or six days when an unfortunate incident obliged me to take a hasty departure. i am loth to write what follows, for it was all my own fault that i was nearly losing my life and my honour. i pity those simpletons who blame fortune and not themselves for their misfortunes.
i was walking in the tuileries at ten o’clock in the morning, when i was unlucky enough to meet the dangenancour and another girl. this dangenancour was a dancer at the opera-house, whom i had desired to meet previously to my last departure from paris. i congratulated myself on the lucky chance which threw her in my way, and accosted her, and had not much trouble in inducing her to dine with me at choisi.
we walked towards the pont-royal, where we took a coach. after dinner had been ordered we were taking a turn in the garden, when i saw a carriage stop and two adventurers whom i knew getting out of it, with two girls, friends of the ones i had with me. the wretched landlady, who was standing at the door, said that if we liked to sit down together she could give us an excellent dinner, and i said nothing, or rather i assented to the yes of my two nymphs. the dinner was excellent, and after the bill was paid, and we were on the point of returning to paris, i noticed that a ring, which i had taken off to shew to one of the adventurers named santis, was still missing. it was an exceedingly pretty miniature, and the diamond setting had cost me twenty-five louis. i politely begged santis to return me the ring, and he replied with the utmost coolness that he had done so already.
“if you had returned it,” said i, “it would be on my finger, and you see that it is not.”
he persisted in his assertion; the girls said nothing, but santis’s friend, a portuguese, named xavier, dared to tell me that he had seen the ring returned.
“you’re a liar,” i exclaimed; and without more ado i took hold of santis by the collar, and swore i would rot let him go till he returned me my ring. the portuguese rose to come to his friend’s rescue, while i stepped back and drew my sword, repeating my determination not to let them go. the landlady came on the scene and began to shriek, and santis asked me to give him a few words apart. i thought in all good faith that he was ashamed to restore the ring before company, but that he would give it me as soon as we were alone. i sheathed my sword, and told him to come with me. xavier got into the carriage with the four girls, and they all went back to paris.
santis followed me to the back of the inn, and then assuming a pleasant smile he told me that he had put the ring into his friend’s pocket for a joke, but that i should have it back at paris.
“that’s an idle tale,” i exclaimed, “your friend said that he saw you return it, and now he has escaped me. do you think that i am green enough to be taken in by this sort of thing? you’re a couple of robbers.”
so saying, i stretched out my hand for his watch-chain, but he stepped back and drew his sword. i drew mine, and we had scarcely crossed swords when he thrust, and i parrying rushed in and ran him through and through. he fell to the ground calling, “help!” i sheathed my sword, and, without troubling myself about him, got into my coach and drove back to paris.
i got down in the place maubert, and walked by a circuitous way to my hotel. i was sure that no one could have come after me there, as my landlord did not even know my name.
i spent the rest of the day in packing up my trunks, and after telling costa to place them on my carriage i went to madame d’urfe. after i had told her of what had happened, i begged her, as soon as that which she had for me was ready, to send it to me at augsburg by costa. i should have told her to entrust it to one of her own servants, but my good genius had left me that day. besides i did not look upon costa as a thief.
when i got back to the hotel i gave the rascal his instructions, telling him to be quick and to keep his own counsel, and then i gave him money for the journey.
i left paris in my carriage, drawn by four hired horses, which took me as far as the second post, and i did not stop till i got to strasburg, where i found desarmoises and my spaniard.
there was nothing to keep me in strasburg, so i wanted to cross the rhine immediately; but desarmoises persuaded me to come with him to see an extremely pretty woman who had only delayed her departure for augsburg in the hope that we might journey there together.
“you know the lady,” said the false marquis, “but she made me give my word of honour that i would not tell you. she has only her maid with her, and i am sure you will be pleased to see her.”
my curiosity made me give in. i followed desarmoises, and came into a room where i saw a nice-looking woman whom i did not recognize at first. i collected my thoughts, and the lady turned out to be a dancer whom i had admired on the dresden boards eight years before. she was then mistress to count bruhl, but i had not even attempted to win her favour. she had an excellent carriage, and as she was ready to go to augsburg i immediately concluded that we could make the journey together very pleasantly.
after the usual compliments had passed, we decided on leaving for augsburg the following morning. the lady was going to munich, but as i had no business there we agreed that she should go by herself.
“i am quite sure,” she said, afterwards, “that you will come too, for the ambassadors do not assemble at augsburg till next september.”
we supped together, and next morning we started on our way; she in her carriage with her maid, and i in mine with desarmoises, preceded by le duc on horseback. at rastadt, however, we made a change, the renaud (as she was called) thinking that she would give less opportunity for curious surmises by riding with me while desarmoises went with the servant. we soon became intimate. she told me about herself, or pretended to, and i told her all that i did not want to conceal. i informed her that i was an agent of the court of lisbon, and she believed me, while, for my part, i believed that she was only going to munich and augsburg to sell her diamonds.
we began to talk about desarmoises, and she said that it was well enough for me to associate with him, but i should not countenance his styling himself marquis.
“but,” said i, “he is the son of the marquis desarmoises, of nancy.”
“no, he isn’t; he is only a retired messenger, with a small pension from the department of foreign affairs. i know the marquis desarmoises; he lives at nancy, and is not so old as our friend.”
“then one can’t see how he can be desarmoises’s father.”
“the landlord of the inn at strasburg knew him when he was a messenger.”
“how did you make his acquaintance?”
“we met at the table d’hote. after dinner he came up to my room, and told me he was waiting for a gentleman who was going to augsburg, and that we might make the journey together. he told me the name, and after questioning him i concluded that the gentleman was yourself, so here we are, and i am very glad of it. but listen to me; i advise you to drop all false styles and titles. why do you call yourself seingalt?”
“because it’s my name, but that doesn’t prevent my old friends calling me casanova, for i am both. you understand?”
“oh, yes! i understand. your mother is at prague, and as she doesn’t get her pension on account of the war, i am afraid she must be rather in difficulties.”
“i know it, but i do not forget my filial duties. i have sent her some money.”
“that’s right. where are you going to stay at augsburg?”
“i shall take a house, and if you like you shall be the mistress and do the honours.”
“that would be delightful! we will give little suppers, and play cards all night.”
“your programme is an excellent one.”
“i will see that you get a good cook; all the bavarian cooks are good. we shall cut a fine figure, and people will say we love each other madly.”
“you must know, dearest, that i do not understand jokes at the expense of fidelity.”
“you may trust me for that. you know how i lived at dresden.”
“i will trust you, but not blindly, i promise you. and now let us address each other in the same way; you must call me tu. you must remember we are lovers.”
“kiss me!”
the fair renaud did not like traveling by night; she preferred to eat a good supper, to drink heavily, and to go to bed just as her head began to whirl. the heat of the wine made her into a bacchante, hard to appease; but when i could do no more i told her to leave me alone, and she had to obey.
when we reached augsburg we alighted at the “three moors,” but the landlord told us that though he could give us a good dinner he could not put us up, as the whole of the hotel had been engaged by the french ambassador. i called on m. corti, the banker to whom i was accredited, and he soon got me a furnished house with a garden, which i took for six months. the renaud liked it immensely.
no one had yet arrived at augsburg. the renaud contrived to make me feel that i should be lonely at augsburg without her, and succeeded in persuading me to come with her to munich. we put up at the “stag,” and made ourselves very comfortable, while desarmoises went to stay somewhere else. as my business and that of my new mate had nothing in common, i gave her a servant and a carriage to herself, and made myself the same allowance.
the abbe gama had given me a letter from the commendatore almada for lord stormont, the english ambassador at the court of bavaria. this nobleman being then at munich i hastened to deliver the letter. he received me very well, and promised to do all he could as soon as he had time, as lord halifax had told him all about it. on leaving his britannic lordship’s i called on m. de folard, the french ambassador, and gave him a letter from m. de choiseul. m. de folard gave me a hearty welcome, and asked me to dine with him the next day, and the day after introduced me to the elector.
during the four fatal weeks i spent at munich, the ambassador’s house was the only one i frequented. i call these weeks fatal, and with reason, for in then i lost all my money, i pledged jewels (which i never recovered) to the amount of forty thousand francs, and finally i lost my health. my assassins were the renaud and desarmoises, who owed me so much and paid me so badly.
the third day after my arrival i had to call on the dowager electress of saxony. it was my brother-in-law, who was in her train, that made me go, by telling me that it must be done, as she knew me and had been enquiring for me. i had no reason to repent of my politeness in going, as the electress gave me a good reception, and made me talk to any extent. she was extremely curious, like most people who have no employment, and have not sufficient intelligence to amuse themselves.
i have done a good many foolish things in the course of my existence. i confess it as frankly as rousseau, and my memoirs are not so egotistic as those of that unfortunate genius; but i never committed such an act of folly as i did when i went to munich, where i had nothing to do. but it was a crisis in my life. my evil genius had made me commit one folly after another since i left turin. the evening at lord lismore’s, my connection with desarmoises, my party at choisi, my trust in costa, my union with the renaud, and worse than all, my folly in letting myself play at faro at a place where the knavery of the gamesters is renowned all over europe, followed one another in fatal succession. among the players was the famous, or rather infamous, affisio, the friend of the duc de deux-ponts, whom the duke called his aide-decamp, and who was known for the keenest rogue in the world.
i played every day, and as i often lost money on my word of honour, the necessity of paying the next day often caused me the utmost anxiety. when i had exhausted my credit with the bankers, i had recourse to the jews who require pledges, and in this desarmoises and the renaud were my agents, the latter of whom ended by making herself mistress of all my property. this was not the worst thing she did to me; for she, gave me a disease, which devoured her interior parts and left no marks outwardly, and was thus all the more dangerous, as the freshness of her complexion seemed to indicate the most perfect health. in short, this serpent, who must have come from hell to destroy me, had acquired such a mastery over me that she persuaded me that she would be dishonoured if i called in a doctor during our stay at munich, as everybody knew that we were living together as man and wife.
i cannot imagine what had become of my wits to let myself be so beguiled, while every day i renewed the poison that she had poured into my veins.
my stay at munich was a kind of curse; throughout that dreadful month i seemed to have a foretaste of the pains of the damned. the renaud loved gaming, and desarmoises was her partner. i took care not to play with them, for the false marquis was an unmitigated cheat and often tricked with less skill than impudence. he asked disreputable people to my house and treated them at my expense; every evening scenes of a disgraceful character took place.
the dowager electress mortified me extremely by the way she addressed me on my last two visits to her.
“everybody knows what kind of a life you lead here, and the way the renaud behaves, possibly without your knowing it. i advise you to have done with her, as your character is suffering.”
she did not know what a thraldom i was under. i had left paris for a month, and i had neither heard of madame d’urfe nor of costa. i could not guess the reason, but i began to suspect my italian’s fidelity. i also feared lest my good madame d’urfe might be dead or have come to her senses, which would have come to the same thing so far as i was concerned; and i could not possibly return to paris to obtain the information which was so necessary both for calming my mind and refilling my purse.
i was in a terrible state, and my sharpest pang was that i began to experience a certain abatement of my vigors, the natural result of advancing years. i had no longer that daring born of youth and the knowledge of one’s strength, and i was not yet old enough to have learnt how to husband my forces. nevertheless, i made an effort and took a sudden leave of my mistress, telling her i would await her at augsburg. she did not try to detain me, but promised to rejoin me as soon as possible; she was engaged in selling her jewellery. i set out preceded by le duc, feeling very glad that desarmoises had chosen to stay with the wretched woman to whom he had introduced me. when i reached my pretty house at augsburg i took to my bed, determined not to rise till i was cured or dead. m. carli, my banker, recommended to me a doctor named cephalides, a pupil of the famous fayet, who had cured me of a similar complaint several years before. this cephalides was considered the best doctor in augsburg. he examined me and declared he could cure me by sudorifics without having recourse to the knife. he began his treatment by putting me on a severe regimen, ordering baths, and applying mercury locally. i endured this treatment for six weeks, at the end of which time i found myself worse than at the beginning. i had become terribly thin, and i had two enormous inguinal tumours. i had to make up my mind to have them lanced, but though the operation nearly killed me it did not to make me any better. he was so clumsy as to cut the artery, causing great loss of blood which was arrested with difficulty, and would have proved fatal if it had not been for the care of m. algardi, a bolognese doctor in the service of the prince-bishop of augsburg.
i had enough of cephalides, and dr. algardi prepared in my presence eighty-six pills containing eighteen grains of manna. i took one of these pills every morning, drinking a large glass of curds after it, and in the evening i had another pill with barley water, and this was the only sustenance i had. this heroic treatment gave me back my health in two months and a half, in which i suffered a great deal of pain; but i did not begin to put on flesh and get back my strength till the end of the year.
it was during this time that i heard about costa’s flight with my diamonds, watches, snuff-box, linen, rich suits, and a hundred louis which madame d’urfe had given him for the journey. the worthy lady sent me a bill of exchange for fifty thousand francs, which she had happily not entrusted to the robber, and the money rescued me very opportunely from the state to which my imprudence had reduced me.
at this period i made another discovery of an extremely vexatious character; namely, that le duc had robbed me. i would have forgiven him if he had not forced me to a public exposure, which i could only have avoided with the loss of my honour. however, i kept him in my service till my return to paris at the commencement of the following year.
towards the end of september, when everybody knew that the congress would not take place, the renaud passed through augsburg with desarrnoises on her way to paris; but she dared not come and see me for fear i should make her return my goods, of which she had taken possession without telling me. four or five years later she married a man named bohmer, the same that gave the cardinal de rohan the famous necklace, which he supposed was destined for the unfortunate marie antoinette. the renaud was at paris when i returned, but i made no endeavour to see her, as i wished, if possible, to forget the past. i had every reason to do so, for amongst all the misfortunes i had gone through during that wretched year the person i found most at fault was myself. nevertheless, i would have given myself the pleasure of cutting off desarmoises’s ears; but the old rascal, who, no doubt, foresaw what kind of treatment i was likely to mete to him, made his escape. shortly after, he died miserably of consumption in normandy.
my health had scarcely returned, when i forgot all my woes and began once more to amuse myself. my excellent cook, anna midel, who had been idle so long, had to work hard to satisfy my ravenous appetite. my landlord and pretty gertrude, his daughter, looked at me with astonishment as i ate, fearing some disastrous results. dr. algardi, who had saved my life, prophesied a dyspepsia which would bring me to the tomb, but my need of food was stronger than his arguments, to which i paid no kind of attention; and i was right, for i required an immense quantity of nourishment to recover my former state, and i soon felt in a condition to renew my sacrifices to the deity for whom i had suffered so much.
i fell in love with the cook and gertrude, who were both young and pretty. i imparted my love to both of them at once, for i had foreseen that if i attacked them separately i should conquer neither. besides, i felt that i had not much time to lose, as i had promised to sup with madame, d’urfe on the first night of the year 1761 in a suite of rooms she had furnished for me in the rue de bac. she had adorned the rooms with superb tapestry made for rene of savoy, on which were depicted all the operations of the great work. she wrote to me that she had heard that santis had recovered from the wound i had given him, and had been committed to the bicetre for fraud.
gertrude and anna midel occupied my leisure moments agreeably enough during the rest of my stay at augsburg, but they did not make me neglect society. i spent my evenings in a very agreeable manner with count max de lamberg, who occupied the position of field-marshal to the prince-bishop. his wife had all the attractions which collect good company together. at this house i made the acquaintance of the baron von selentin, a captain in the prussian service, who was recruiting for the king of prussia at augsburg. i was particularly drawn to the count lamberg by his taste for literature. he was an extremely learned man, and has published some excellent works. i kept up a correspondence with him till his death, by his own fault, in 1792, four years from the time of my writing. i say by his fault, but i should have said by the fault of his doctors, who treated him mercurially for a disease which was not venereal; and this treatment not only killed him but took away his good name.
his widow is still alive, and lives in bavaria, loved by her friends and her daughters, who all made excellent marriages.
at this time a miserable company of italian actors made their appearance in augsburg, and i got them permission to play in a small and wretched theatre. as this was the occasion of an incident which diverted me, the hero, i shall impart it to my readers in the hope of its amusing them also.
