if she had written all this to me instead of coming and delivering it viva voce, it would probably have produced no effect; there would have been no tears, no ravishing features. she probably calculated all this, for women have a wonderful instinct in these matters.
that very evening i began my visits, and judged from my welcome that my triumph was nigh at hand. but love fills our minds with idle visions, and draws a veil over the truth.
the fortnight went by without my even kissing her hand, and every time i came i brought some expensive gift, which seemed cheap to me when i obtained such smiles of gratitude in exchange. besides these presents, not a day passed without some excursion to the country or party at the theatre; that fortnight must have cost me four hundred guineas at the least.
at last it came to an end, and i asked her in the presence of her mother where she would spend the night with me, there or at my house. the mother said that we would settle it after supper, and i made no objection, not liking to tell her that in my house the supper would be more succulent, and a better prelude for the kind of exercise i expected to enjoy.
when we had supped the mother took me aside, and asked me to leave with the company and then to come back. i obeyed, laughing to myself at this foolish mystery, and when i came back i found the mother and the daughter in the parlour, in which a bed had been laid on the floor.
though i did not much care for this arrangement, i was too amorous to raise any objection at a moment when i thought my triumph was at hand; but i was astonished when the mother asked me if i would like to pay the hundred guineas in advance.
“oh, fie!” exclaimed the girl; and her mother left the room, and we locked the door.
my amorous feelings, so long pent up within my breast, would soon find relief. i approached her with open arms; but she avoided my caress, and gently begged me to get into bed while she prepared to follow me. i watched her undress with delight, but when she had finished she put out the candles. i complained of this act of hers, but she said she could not sleep with the light shining on her. i began to suspect that i might have some difficulties thrown in my way to sharpen the pleasure, but i determined to be resigned and to overcome them all.
when i felt her in the bed i tried to clasp her in my arms, but found that she had wrapped herself up in her long night-gown; her arms were crossed, and her head buried in her chest. i entreated, scolded, cursed, but all in vain; she let me go on, and answered not a word.
at first i thought it was a joke, but i soon found out my mistake; the veil fell from my eyes and i saw myself in my true colours, the degraded dupe of a vile prostitute.
love easily becomes fury. i began to handle her roughly, but she resisted and did not speak. i tore her night-gown to rags, but i could not tear it entirely off her. my rage grew terrible, my hands became talons, and i treated her with the utmost cruelty; but all for nothing. at last, with my hand on her throat, i felt tempted to strangle her; and then i knew it was time for me to go.
it was a dreadful night. i spoke to this monster of a woman in every manner and tone-with gentleness, with argument, rage, remonstrance, prayers, tears, and abuse, but she resisted me for three hours without abandoning her painful position, in spite of the torments i made her endure.
at three o’clock in the morning, feeling my mind and body in a state of exhaustion, i got up and dressed myself by my sense of touch. i opened the parlour door, and finding the street door locked i shook it till a servant came and let me out. i went home and got into bed, but excited nature refused me the sleep i needed so. i took a cup of chocolate, but it would not stay on my stomach, and soon after a shivering fit warned me that i was feverish. i continued to be ill till the next day, and then the fever left me in a state of complete exhaustion.
as i was obliged to keep to my bed for a few days, i knew that i should soon get my health again; but my chief consolation was that at last i was cured. my shame had made me hate myself.
when i felt the fever coming on i told my man not to let anybody come to see me, and to place all my letters in my desk; for i wanted to be perfectly well before i troubled myself with anything.
on the fourth day i was better, and i told jarbe to give me my letters. i found one from pauline, dated from madrid, in which she informed me that clairmont had saved her life while they were fording a river, and she had determined to keep him till she got to lisbon, and would then send him back by sea. i congratulated myself at the time on her resolve; but it was a fatal one for clairmont, and indirectly for me also. four months after, i heard that the ship in which he had sailed had been wrecked, and as i never heard from him again i could only conclude that my faithful servant had perished amidst the waves.
amongst my london letters i found two from the infamous mother of the infamous charpillon, and one from the girl herself. the first of the mother’s letters, written before i was ill, told me that her daughter was ill in bed, covered with bruises from the blows i had given her, so that she would be obliged to institute legal proceedings against me. in the second letter she said she had heard i too was ill, and that she was sorry to hear it, her daughter having informed her that i had some reason for my anger; however, she would not fail to justify herself on the first opportunity. the charpillon said in her letter that she knew she had done wrong, and that she wondered i had not killed her when i took her by the throat. she added that no doubt i had made up my mind to visit her no more, but she hoped i would allow her one interview as she had an important communication to make to me. there was also a note from goudar, saying that he wanted to speak to me, and that he would come at noon. i gave orders that he should be admitted.
this curious individual began by astonishing me; he told me the whole story of what had taken place, the mother having been his informant.
“the charpillon,” he added, “has not got a fever, but is covered with bruises. what grieves the old woman most is that she has not got the hundred guineas.”
“she would have had them the next morning,” i said, “if her daughter had been tractable.”
“her mother had made her swear that she would not be tractable, and you need not hope to possess her without the mother’s consent.”
“why won’t she consent?”
“because she thinks that you will abandon the girl as soon as you have enjoyed her.”
“possibly, but she would have received many valuable presents, and now she is abandoned and has nothing.”
“have you made up your mind not to have anything more to do with her?”
“quite.”
“that’s your wisest plan, and i advise you to keep to it, nevertheless i want to shew you something which will surprise you. i will be back in a moment.”
he returned, followed by a porter, who carried up an arm-chair covered with a cloth. as soon as we were alone, goudar took off the covering and asked me if i would buy it.
“what should i do with it? it is not a very attractive piece of furniture.”
“nevertheless, the price of it is a hundred guineas.”
“i would not give three.”
“this arm-chair has five springs, which come into play all at once as soon as anyone sits down in it. two springs catch the two arms and hold them tightly, two others separate the legs, and the fifth lifts up the seat.”
after this description goudar sat down quite naturally in the chair and the springs came into play and forced him into the position of a woman in labour.
“get the fair charpillon to sit in this chair,” said he, “and your business is done.”
i could not help laughing at the contrivance, which struck me as at once ingenious and diabolical, but i could not make up my mind to avail myself of it.
“i won’t buy it,” said i, “but i shall be obliged if you will leave it here till to-morrow.”
“i can’t leave it here an hour unless you will buy it; the owner is waiting close by to hear your answer.”
“then take it away and come back to dinner.”
he shewed me how i was to release him from his ridiculous position, and then after covering it up again he called the porter and went away.
there could be no doubt as to the action of the machinery, and it was no feeling of avarice which hindered me from buying the chair. as i have said, it seemed rather a diabolical idea, and besides it might easily have sent me to the gallows. furthermore, i should never have had the strength of mind to enjoy the charpillon forcibly, especially by means of the wonderful chair, the mechanism of which would have frightened her out of her wits.
at dinner i told goudar that the charpillon had demanded an interview, and that i had wished to keep the chair so as to shew her that i could have her if i liked. i shewed him the letter, and he advised me to accede to her request, if only for curiosity’s sake.
i was in no hurry to see the creature while the marks on her face and neck were still fresh, so i spent seven or eight days without making up my mind to receive her. goudar came every day, and told me of the confabulations of these women who had made up their minds not to live save by trickery.
he told me that the grandmother had taken the name of anspergher without having any right to it, as she was merely the mistress of a worthy citizen of berne, by whom she had four daughters; the mother of the charpillon was the youngest of the family, and, as she was pretty and loose in her morals, the government had exiled her with her mother and sisters. they had then betaken themselves to franche- comte, where they lived for some time on the balm of life. here it was that the charpillon came into the world, her mother attributing her to a count de boulainvilliers. the child grew up pretty, and the family removed to paris under the impression that it would be the best market for such a commodity, but in the course of four years the income from the balm having dwindled greatly, the charpillon being still too young to be profitable, and debtors closing round them on every side, they resolved to come to london.
he then proceeded to tell me of the various tricks and cheats which kept them all alive. i found his narrative interesting enough then, but the reader would find it dull, and i expect will be grateful for my passing it over.
i felt that it was fortunate for me that i had goudar, who introduced me to all the most famous courtezans in london, above all to the illustrious kitty fisher, who was just beginning to be fashionable. he also introduced me to a girl of sixteen, a veritable prodigy of beauty, who served at the bar of a tavern at which we took a bottle of strong beer. she was an irishwoman and a catholic, and was named sarah. i should have liked to get possession of her, but goudar had views of his own on the subject, and carried her off in the course of the next year. he ended by marrying her, and she was the sara goudar who shone at naples, florence, venice, and elsewhere. we shall hear of her in four or five years, still with her husband. goudar had conceived the plan of making her take the place of dubarry, mistress of louis xv., but a lettre de cachet compelled him to try elsewhere. ah! happy days of lettres de cachet, you have gone never to return!
the charpillon waited a fortnight for me to reply, and then resolved to return to the charge in person. this was no doubt the result of a conference of the most secret kind, for i heard nothing of it from gondar.
she came to see my by herself in a sedan-chair, and i decided on seeing her. i was taking my chocolate and i let her come in without rising or offering her any breakfast. she asked me to give her some with great modesty, and put up her face for me to give her a kiss, but i turned my head away. however, she was not in the least disconcerted.
“i suppose the marks of the blows you gave me make my face so repulsive?”
“you lie; i never struck you.”
“no, but your tiger-like claws have left bruises all over me. look here. no, you needn’t be afraid that what you see may prove too seductive; besides, it will have no novelty for you.”
so saying the wretched creature let me see her body, on which some livid marks were still visible.
coward that i was! why did i not look another way? i will tell you: it was because she was so beautiful, and because a woman’s charms are unworthy of the name if they cannot silence reason. i affected only to look at the bruises, but it was an empty farce. i blush for myself; here was i conquered by a simple girl, ignorant of well nigh everything. but she knew well enough that i was inhaling the poison at every pore. all at once she dropped her clothes and came and sat beside me, feeling sure that i should have relished a continuance of the spectacle.
however, i made an effort and said, coldly, that it was all her own fault.
“i know it is,” said she, “for if i had been tractable as i ought to have been, you would have been loving instead of cruel. but repentance effaces sin, and i am come to beg pardon. may i hope to obtain it?”
“certainly; i am angry with you no longer, but i cannot forgive myself. now go, and trouble me no more.”
“i will if you like, but there is something you have not heard, and i beg you will listen to me a moment.”
“as i have nothing to do you can say what you have got to say, i will listen to you.”
in spite of the coldness of my words, i was really profoundly touched, and the worst of it was that i began to believe in the genuineness of her motives.
she might have relieved herself of what she had to say in a quarter of an hour, but by dint of tears, sighs, groans, digressions, and so forth, she took two hours to tell me that her mother had made her swear to pass the night as she had done. she ended by saying that she would like to be mine as she had been m. morosini’s, to live with me, and only to go out under my escort, while i might allow her a monthly sum which she would hand over to her mother, who would, in that case, leave her alone.
she dined with me, and it was in the evening that she made this proposition. i suppose because she thought me ripe for another cheat. i told her that it might be arranged, but that i should prefer to settle with her mother, and that she would see me at their house the following day, and this seemed to surprise her.
it is possible that the charpillon would have granted me any favour on that day, and then there would have been no question of deception or resistance for the future. why did i not press her? because sometimes love stupefies instead of quickens, and because i had been in a way her judge, and i thought it would be base of me to revenge myself on her by satisfying my amorous desires, and possibly because i was a fool, as i have often been in the course of my existence. she must have left me in a state of irritation, and no doubt she registered a vow to revenge herself on me for the half-contemptuous way in which i had treated her.
goudar was astonished when he heard of her visit, and of the way in which i had spent the day. i begged him to get me a small furnished house, and in the evening i went to see the infamous woman in her own house.
she was with her mother, and i laid my proposal before them.
“your daughter will have a house at chelsea,” said i to the mother, “where i can go and see her whenever i like, and also fifty guineas a month to do what she likes with.”
“i don’t care what you give her a month,” she replied, “but before i let her leave my house she must give me the hundred guineas she was to have had when she slept with you.”
“it is your fault that she didn’t have them; however, to cut the matter short, she shall give them to you.”
“and in the meanwhile, till you have found the house, i hope you will come and see me.”
“yes.”
the next day goudar shewed me a pretty house at chelsea, and i took it, paying ten guineas, a month’s rent, in advance, for which i received a receipt. in the afternoon i concluded the bargain with the mother, the charpillon being present. the mother asked me to give her the hundred guineas, and i did so, not fearing any treachery, as nearly the whole of the girl’s clothing was already at chelsea.
in due course we went to our country house. the charpillon liked the house immensely, and after a short talk we supped merrily together. after supper we went to bed, and she granted me some slight preliminary favours, but when i would have attained my end i found an obstacle which i had not expected. she gave me some physiological reasons for the circumstances, but not being a man to stop for so little, i would have gone on, but she resisted, and yet with such gentleness that i left her alone and went to sleep. i awoke sooner than she did, and determined to see whether she had imposed on me; so i raised her night-gown carefully, and took off her linen only to find that i had been duped once more. this roused her, and she tried to stop me, but it was too late. however, i gently chid her for the trick, and feeling disposed to forgive it set about making up for lost time, but she got on the high horse, and pretended to be hurt at my taking her by surprise. i tried to calm her by renewed tenderness, but the wretched creature only got more furious, and would give me nothing. i left her alone, but i expressed my opinion of her in pretty strong terms. the impudent slut honoured me with a smile of disdain, and then beginning to dress herself she proceeded to indulge in impertinent repartees. this made me angry, and i gave her a box on the ears which stretched her at full length on the floor. she shrieked, stamped her feet, and made a hideous uproar; the landlord came up, and she began to speak to him in english, while the blood gushed from her nose.
the man fortunately spoke italian, and told me that she wanted to go away, and advised me to let her do so, or she might make it awkward for me, and he himself would be obliged to witness against me.
“tell her to begone as fast as she likes,” said i, “and to keep out of my sight for ever.”
she finished dressing, staunched the blood, and went off in a sedan- chair, while i remained petrified, feeling that i did not deserve to live, and finding her conduct utterly outrageous and incomprehensible.
after an hour’s consideration i decided on sending her back her trunk, and then i went home and to bed, telling my servants i was not at home to anyone.
i spent twenty-four hours in pondering over my wrongs, and at last my reason told me that the fault was mine; i despised myself. i was on the brink of suicide, but happily i escaped that fate.
i was just going out when goudar came up and made me go in with him, as he said he wanted to speak to me. after telling me that the charpillon had come home with a swollen cheek which prevented her shewing herself, he advised me to abandon all claims on her or her mother, or the latter would bring a false accusation against me which might cost me my life. those who know england, and especially london will not need to be informed as to the nature of this accusation, which is so easily brought in england; it will suffice to say that through it sodom was overwhelmed.
“the mother has engaged me to mediate,” said goudar, “and if you will leave her alone, she will do you no harm.”
i spent the day with him, foolishly complaining, and telling him that he could assure the mother that i would take no proceedings against her, but that i should like to know if she had the courage to receive this assurance from my own lips.
“i will carry your message,” said he, “but i pity you; for you are going into their nets again, and will end in utter ruin.”
i fancied they would be ashamed to see me; but i was very much mistaken, for goudar came back laughing, and said the mother expressed a hope that i should always be the friend of the family. i ought to have refused to have anything more to do with them, but i had not the strength to play the man. i called at denmark street the same evening, and spent an hour without uttering a syllable. the charpillon sat opposite to me, with eyes lowered to a piece of embroidery, while from time to time she pretended to wipe away a tear as she let me see the ravages i had worked on her cheek.
i saw her every day and always in silence till the fatal mark had disappeared, but during these mad visits the poison of desire was so instilled into my veins that if she had known my state of mind she might have despoiled me of all i possessed for a single favour.
when she was once more as beautiful as ever i felt as if i must die if i did not hold her in my arms again, and i bought a magnificent pier-glass and a splendid breakfast service in dresden china, and sent them to her with an amorous epistle which must have made her think me either the most extravagant or the most cowardly of men. she wrote in answer that she would expect me to sup with her in her room, that she might give me the tenderest proofs of her gratitude.
this letter sent me completely mad with joy, and in a paroxysm of delight i resolved to surrender to her keeping the two bills of exchange which bolomee had given me, and which gave me power to send her mother and aunts to prison.
full of the happiness that awaited me, and enchanted with my own idiotic heroism, i went to her in the evening. she received me in the parlour with her mother, and i was delighted to see the pier- glass over the mantel, and the china displayed on a little table. after a hundred words of love and tenderness she asked me to come up to her room, and her mother wished us good night. i was overwhelmed with joy. after a delicate little supper i took out the bills of exchange, and after telling her their history gave them up to her, to shew that i had no intention of avenging myself on her mother and aunts. i made her promise that she would never part with them, and she said she would never do so, and with many expressions of gratitude and wonder at my generosity she locked them up with great care.
then i thought it was time to give her some marks of my passion, and i found her kind; but when i would have plucked the fruit, she clasped me to her arms, crossed her legs, and began to weep bitterly.
i made an effort, and asked her if she would be the same when we were in bed. she sighed, and after a moment’s pause, replied, “yes.”
for a quarter of an hour i remained silent and motionless, as if petrified. at last i rose with apparent coolness, and took my cloak and sword.
“what!” said she, “are you not going to spend the night with me?”
“no.”
“but we shall see each other to-morrow?”
“i hope so. good night.”
i left that infernal abode, and went home to bed.
