1834-1841

while i was still learning my duty as an usher at mr. drury’s school at brussels, i was summoned to my clerkship in the london post office, and on my way passed through bruges. i then saw my father and my brother henry for the last time. a sadder household never was held together. they were all dying; except my mother, who would sit up night after night nursing the dying ones and writing novels the while — so that there might be a decent roof for them to die under. had she failed to write the novels, i do not know where the roof would have been found. it is now more that forty years ago, and looking back over so long a lapse of time i can tell the story, though it be the story of my own father and mother, of my own brother and sister, almost as coldly as i have often done some scene of intended pathos in fiction; but that scene was indeed full of pathos. i was then becoming alive to the blighted ambition of my father’s life, and becoming alive also to the violence of the strain which my mother was enduring. but i could do nothing but go and leave them. there was something that comforted me in the idea that i need no longer be a burden — a fallacious idea, as it soon proved. my salary was to be ￡90 a year, and on that i was to live in ￡ondon, keep up my character as a gentleman, and be happy. that i should have thought this possible at the age of nineteen, and should have been delighted at being able to make the attempt, does not surprise me now; but that others should have thought it possible, friends who knew something of the world, does astonish me. a lad might have done so, no doubt, or might do so even in these days, who was properly looked after and kept under control — on whose behalf some law of life had been laid down. let him pay so much a week for his board and lodging, so much for his clothes, so much for his washing, and then let him understand that he has — shall we say? — sixpence a day left for pocket-money and omnibuses. any one making the calculation will find the sixpence far too much. no such calculation was made for me or by me. it was supposed that a sufficient income had been secured to me, and that i should live upon it as other clerks lived.

but as yet the ￡90 a year was not secured to me. on reaching london i went to my friend clayton freeling, who was then secretary at the stamp office, and was taken by him to the scene of my future labours in st. martin’s le grand. sir francis freeling was the secretary, but he was greatly too high an official to be seen at first by a new junior clerk. i was taken, therefore, to his eldest son henry freeling, who was the assistant secretary, and by him i was examined as to my fitness. the story of that examination is given accurately in one of the opening chapters of a novel written by me, called the three clerks. if any reader of this memoir would refer to that chapter and see how charley tudor was supposed to have been admitted into the internal navigation office, that reader will learn how anthony trollope was actually admitted into the secretary’s office of the general post office in 1834. i was asked to copy some lines from the times newspaper with an old quill pen, and at once made a series of blots and false spellings. “that won’t do, you know,” said henry freeling to his brother clayton. clayton, who was my friend, urged that i was nervous, and asked that i might be allowed to do a bit of writing at home and bring it as a sample on the next day. i was then asked whether i was a proficient in arithmetic. what could i say? i had never learned the multiplication table, and had no more idea of the rule of three than of conic sections. “i know a little of it,” i said humbly, whereupon i was sternly assured that on the morrow, should i succeed in showing that my handwriting was all that it ought to be, i should be examined as to that little of arithmetic. if that little should not be found to comprise a thorough knowledge of all the ordinary rules, together with practised and quick skill, my career in life could not be made at the post office. going down the main stairs of the building — stairs which have i believe been now pulled down to make room for sorters and stampers — clayton freeling told me not to be too down-hearted. i was myself inclined to think that i had better go back to the school in brussels. but nevertheless i went to work, and under the surveillance of my elder brother made a beautiful transcript of four or five pages of gibbon. with a faltering heart i took these on the next day to the office. with my caligraphy i was contented, but was certain that i should come to the ground among the figures. but when i got to “the grand,” as we used to call our office in those days, from its site in st. martin’s le grand, i was seated at a desk without any further reference to my competency. no one condescended even to look at my beautiful penmanship.

that was the way in which candidates for the civil service were examined in my young days. it was at any rate the way in which i was examined. since that time there has been a very great change indeed — and in some respects a great improvement. but in regard to the absolute fitness of the young men selected for the public service, i doubt whether more harm has not been done than good. and i think that good might have been done without the harm. the rule of the present day is, that every place shall be open to public competition, and that it shall be given to the best among the comers. i object to this, that at present there exists no known mode of learning who is best, and that the method employed has no tendency to elicit the best. that method pretends only to decide who among a certain number of lads will best answer a string of questions, for the answering of which they are prepared by tutors, who have sprung up for the purpose since this fashion of election has been adopted. when it is decided in a family that a boy shall “try the civil service,” he is made to undergo a certain amount of cramming. but such treatment has, i maintain, no connection whatever with education. the lad is no better fitted after it than he was before for the future work of his life. but his very success fills him with false ideas of his own educational standing, and so far unfits him. and, by the plan now in vogue, it has come to pass that no one is in truth responsible either for the conduct, the manners, or even for the character of the youth. the responsibility was perhaps slight before; but existed, and was on the increase.

there might have been — in some future time of still increased wisdom, there yet may be — a department established to test the fitness of acolytes without recourse to the dangerous optimism of competitive choice. i will not say but that there should have been some one to reject me — though i will have the hardihood to say that, had i been so rejected, the civil service would have lost a valuable public servant. this is a statement that will not, i think, be denied by those who, after i am gone, may remember anything of my work. lads, no doubt, should not be admitted who have none of the small acquirements that are wanted. our offices should not be schools in which writing and early lessons in geography, arithmetic, or french should be learned. but all that could be ascertained without the perils of competitive examination.

the desire to insure the efficiency of the young men selected, has not been the only object — perhaps not the chief object — of those who have yielded in this matter to the arguments of the reformers. there had arisen in england a system of patronage, under which it had become gradually necessary for politicians to use their influence for the purchase of political support. a member of the house of commons, holding office, who might chance to have five clerkships to give away in a year, found himself compelled to distribute them among those who sent him to the house. in this there was nothing pleasant to the distributer of patronage. do away with the system altogether, and he would have as much chance of support as another. he bartered his patronage only because another did so also. the beggings, the refusings, the jealousies, the correspondence, were simply troublesome. gentlemen in office were not therefore indisposed to rid themselves of the care of patronage. i have no doubt their hands are the cleaner and their hearts are the lighter; but i do doubt whether the offices are on the whole better manned.

as what i now write will certainly never be read till i am dead, i may dare to say what no one now does dare to say in print — though some of us whisper it occasionally into our friends’ ears. there are places in life which can hardly be well filled except by “gentlemen.” the word is one the use of which almost subjects one to ignominy. if i say that a judge should be a gentleman, or a bishop, i am met with a scornful allusion to “nature’s gentlemen.” were i to make such an assertion with reference to the house of commons, nothing that i ever said again would receive the slightest attention. a man in public life could not do himself a greater injury than by saying in public that the commissions in the army or navy, or berths in the civil service, should be given exclusively to gentlemen. he would be defied to define the term — and would fail should he attempt to do so. but he would know what he meant, and so very probably would they who defied him. it may be that the son of a butcher of the village shall become as well fitted for employments requiring gentle culture as the son of the parson. such is often the case. when such is the case, no one has been more prone to give the butcher’s son all the welcome he has merited than i myself; but the chances are greatly in favour of the parson’s son. the gates of the one class should be open to the other; but neither to the one class nor to the other can good be done by declaring that there are no gates, no barrier, no difference. the system of competitive examination is, i think, based on a supposition that there is no difference.

i got into my place without any examining. looking back now, i think i can see with accuracy what was then the condition of my own mind and intelligence. of things to be learned by lessons i knew almost less than could be supposed possible after the amount of schooling i had received. i could read neither french, latin, nor greek. i could speak no foreign language — and i may as well say here as elsewhere that i never acquired the power of really talking french. i have been able to order my dinner and take a railway ticket, but never got much beyond that. of the merest rudiments of the sciences i was completely ignorant. my handwriting was in truth wretched. my spelling was imperfect. there was no subject as to which examination would have been possible on which i could have gone through an examination otherwise than disgracefully. and yet i think i knew more than the average young men of the same rank who began life at nineteen. i could have given a fuller list of the names of the poets of all countries, with their subjects and periods — and probably of historians — than many others; and had, perhaps, a more accurate idea of the manner in which my own country was governed. i knew the names of all the bishops, all the judges, all the heads of colleges, and all the cabinet ministers — not a very useful knowledge indeed, but one that had not been acquired without other matter which was more useful. i had read shakespeare and byron and scott, and could talk about them. the music of the miltonic line was familiar to me. i had already made up my mind that pride and prejudice was the best novel in the english language — a palm which i only partially withdrew after a second reading of ivanhoe, and did not completely bestow elsewhere till esmond was written. and though i would occasionally break down in my spelling, i could write a letter. if i had a thing to say, i could so say it in written words that the readers should know what i meant — a power which is by no means at the command of all those who come out from these competitive examinations with triumph. early in life, at the age of fifteen, i had commenced the dangerous habit of keeping a journal, and this i maintained for ten years. the volumes remained in my possession unregarded — never looked at — till 1870, when i examined them, and, with many blushes, destroyed them. they convicted me of folly, ignorance, indiscretion, idleness, extravagance, and conceit. but they had habituated me to the rapid use of pen and ink, and taught me how to express myself with faculty.

i will mention here another habit which had grown upon me from still earlier years — which i myself often regarded with dismay when i thought of the hours devoted to it, but which, i suppose, must have tended to make me what i have been. as a boy, even as a child, i was thrown much upon myself. i have explained, when speaking of my school-days, how it came to pass that other boys would not play with me. i was therefore alone, and had to form my plays within myself. play of some kind was necessary to me then, as it always has been. study was not my bent, and i could not please myself by being all idle. thus it came to pass that i was always going about with some castle in the air firmly build within my mind. nor were these efforts in architecture spasmodic, or subject to constant change from day to day. for weeks, for months, if i remember rightly, from year to year, i would carry on the same tale, binding myself down to certain laws, to certain proportions, and proprieties, and unities. nothing impossible was ever introduced — nor even anything which, from outward circumstances, would seem to be violently improbable. i myself was of course my own hero. such is a necessity of castle-building. but i never became a king, or a duke — much less when my height and personal appearance were fixed could i be an antinous, or six feet high. i never was a learned man, nor even a philosopher. but i was a very clever person, and beautiful young women used to be fond of me. and i strove to be kind of heart, and open of hand, and noble in thought, despising mean things; and altogether i was a very much better fellow than i have ever succeeded in being since. this had been the occupation of my life for six or seven years before i went to the post office, and was by no means abandoned when i commenced my work. there can, i imagine, hardly be a more dangerous mental practice; but i have often doubted whether, had it not been my practice, i should ever have written a novel. i learned in this way to maintain an interest in a fictitious story, to dwell on a work created by my own imagination, and to live in a world altogether outside the world of my own material life. in after years i have done the same — with this difference, that i have discarded the hero of my early dreams, and have been able to lay my own identity aside.

i must certainly acknowledge that the first seven years of my official life were neither creditable to myself nor useful to the public service. these seven years were passed in london, and during this period of my life it was my duty to be present every morning at the office punctually at 10 a.m. i think i commenced my quarrels with the authorities there by having in my possession a watch which was always ten minutes late. i know that i very soon achieved a character for irregularity, and came to be regarded as a black sheep by men around me who were not themselves, i think, very good public servants. from time to time rumours reached me that if i did not take care i should be dismissed; especially one rumour in my early days, through my dearly beloved friend mrs. clayton freeling — who, as i write this, is still living, and who, with tears in her eyes, besought me to think of my mother. that was during the life of sir francis freeling, who died — still in harness — a little more than twelve months after i joined the office. and yet the old man showed me signs of almost affectionate kindness, writing to me with his own hand more than once from his death-bed.

sir francis freeling was followed at the post office by colonel maberly, who certainly was not my friend. i do not know that i deserved to find a friend in my new master, but i think that a man with better judgment would not have formed so low an opinion of me as he did. years have gone by, and i can write now, and almost feel, without anger; but i can remember well the keenness of my anguish when i was treated as though i were unfit for any useful work. i did struggle — not to do the work, for there was nothing which was not easy without any struggling — but to show that i was willing to do it. my bad character nevertheless stuck to me, and was not to be got rid of by any efforts within my power. i do admit that i was irregular. it was not considered to be much in my favour that i could write letters — which was mainly the work of our office — rapidly, correctly, and to the purpose. the man who came at ten, and who was always still at his desk at half-past four, was preferred before me, though when at his desk he might be less efficient. such preference was no doubt proper; but, with a little encouragement, i also would have been punctual. i got credit for nothing and was reckless.

as it was, the conduct of some of us was very bad. there was a comfortable sitting-room up-stairs, devoted to the use of some one of our number who in turn was required to remain in the place all night. hither one or two of us would adjourn after lunch, and play ecarte for an hour or two. i do not know whether such ways are possible now in our public offices. and here we used to have suppers and card-parties at night — great symposiums, with much smoking of tobacco; for in our part of the building there lived a whole bevy of clerks. these were gentlemen whose duty it then was to make up and receive the foreign mails. i do not remember that they worked later or earlier than the other sorting-clerks; but there was supposed to be something special in foreign letters, which required that the men who handled them should have minds undistracted by the outer world. their salaries, too, were higher than those of their more homely brethren; and they paid nothing for their lodgings. consequently there was a somewhat fast set in those apartments, given to cards and to tobacco, who drank spirits and water in preference to tea. i was not one of them, but was a good deal with them.

i do not know that i should interest my readers by saying much of my post office experiences in those days. i was always on the eve of being dismissed, and yet was always striving to show how good a public servant i could become, if only a chance were given me. but the chance went the wrong way. on one occasion, in the performance of my duty, i had to put a private letter containing bank-notes on the secretary’s table — which letter i had duly opened, as it was not marked private. the letter was seen by the colonel, but had not been moved by him when he left the room. on his return it was gone. in the meantime i had returned to the room, again in the performance of some duty. when the letter was missed i was sent for, and there i found the colonel much moved about his letter, and a certain chief clerk, who, with a long face, was making suggestions as to the probable fate of the money. “the letter has been taken,” said the colonel, turning to me angrily, “and, by g——! there has been nobody in the room but you and i.” as he spoke, he thundered his fist down upon the table. “then,” said i, “by g——! you have taken it.” and i also thundered my fist down — but, accidentally, not upon the table. there was there a standing movable desk, at which, i presume, it was the colonel’s habit to write, and on this movable desk was a large bottle full of ink. my fist unfortunately came on the desk, and the ink at once flew up, covering the colonel’s face and shirt-front. then it was a sight to see that senior clerk, as he seized a quite of blotting-paper, and rushed to the aid of his superior officer, striving to mop up the ink; and a sight also to see the colonel, in his agony, hit right out through the blotting-paper at that senior clerk’s unoffending stomach. at that moment there came in the colonel’s private secretary, with the letter and the money, and i was desired to go back to my own room. this was an incident not much in my favour, though i do not know that it did me special harm.

i was always in trouble. a young woman down in the country had taken it into her head that she would like to marry me — and a very foolish young woman she must have been to entertain such a wish. i need not tell that part of the story more at length, otherwise than by protesting that no young man in such a position was ever much less to blame than i had been in this. the invitation had come from her, and i had lacked the pluck to give it a decided negative; but i had left the house within half an hour, going away without my dinner, and had never returned to it. then there was a correspondence — if that can be called a correspondence in which all the letters came from one side. at last the mother appeared at the post office. my hair almost stands on my head now as i remember the figure of the woman walking into the big room in which i sat with six or seven other clerks, having a large basket on her arm and an immense bonnet on her head. the messenger had vainly endeavoured to persuade her to remain in the ante-room. she followed the man in, and walking up the centre of the room, addressed me in a loud voice: “anthony trollope, when are you going to marry my daughter?” we have all had our worst moments, and that was one of my worst. i lived through it, however, and did not marry the young lady. these little incidents were all against me in the office.

and then a certain other phase of my private life crept into official view, and did me a damage. as i shall explain just now, i rarely at this time had any money wherewith to pay my bills. in this state of things a certain tailor had taken from me an acceptance for, i think, ￡12, which found its way into the hands of a money-lender. with that man, who lived in a little street near mecklenburgh square, i formed a most heart-rending but a most intimate acquaintance. in cash i once received from him ￡4. for that and for the original amount of the tailor’s bill, which grew monstrously under repeated renewals, i paid ultimately something over ￡200. that is so common a story as to be hardly worth the telling; but the peculiarity of this man was that he became so attached to me as to visit me every day at my office. for a long period he found it to be worth his while to walk up those stone steps daily, and come and stand behind my chair, whispering to me always the same words: “now i wish you would be punctual. if you only would be punctual, i should like you to have anything you want.” he was a little, clean, old man, who always wore a high starched white cravat inside of which he had a habit of twisting his chin as he uttered his caution. when i remember the constant persistency of his visits, i cannot but feel that he was paid very badly for his time and trouble. those visits were very terrible, and can have hardly been of service to me in the office.

of one other misfortune which happened to me in those days i must tell the tale. a junior clerk in the secretary’s office was always told off to sleep upon the premises, and he was supposed to be the presiding genius of the establishment when the other members of the secretary’s department had left the building. on an occasion when i was still little more than a lad — perhaps one-and-twenty years old — i was filling this responsible position. at about seven in the evening word was brought to me that the queen of — i think saxony, but i am sure it was a queen — wanted to see the night mails sent out. at this time, when there were many mail-coaches, this was a show, and august visitors would sometimes come to see it. but preparation was generally made beforehand, and some pundit of the office would be at hand to do the honours. on this occasion we were taken by surprise, and there was no pundit. i therefore gave the orders, and accompanied her majesty around the building, walking backwards, as i conceived to be proper, and often in great peril as i did so, up and down the stairs. i was, however, quite satisfied with my own manner of performing an unaccustomed and most important duty. there were two old gentlemen with her majesty, who, no doubt, were german barons, and an ancient baroness also. they had come and, when they had seen the sights, took their departure in two glass coaches. as they were preparing to go, i saw the two barons consulting together in deep whispers, and then as the result of that conversation one of them handed me a half-a-crown! that also was a bad moment.

i came up to town, as i said before, purporting to live a jolly life upon ￡90 per annum. i remained seven years in the general post office, and when i left it my income was ￡140. during the whole of this time i was hopelessly in debt. there were two intervals, amounting together to nearly two years, in which i lived with my mother, and therefore lived in comfort — but even then i was overwhelmed with debt. she paid much for me — paid all that i asked her to pay, and all that she could find out that i owed. but who in such a condition ever tells all and makes a clean breast of it? the debts, of course, were not large, but i cannot think now how i could have lived, and sometimes have enjoyed life, with such a burden of duns as i endured. sheriff’s officers with uncanny documents, of which i never understood anything, were common attendants on me. and yet i do not remember that i was ever locked up, though i think i was twice a prisoner. in such emergencies some one paid for me. and now, looking back at it, i have to ask myself whether my youth was very wicked. i did no good in it; but was there fair ground for expecting good from me? when i reached london no mode of life was prepared for me — no advice even given to me. i went into lodgings, and then had to dispose of my time. i belonged to no club, and knew very few friends who would receive me into their houses. in such a condition of life a young man should no doubt go home after his work, and spend the long hours of the evening in reading good books and drinking tea. a lad brought up by strict parents, and without having had even a view of gayer things, might perhaps do so. i had passed all my life at public schools, where i had seen gay things, but had never enjoyed them. towards the good books and tea no training had been given me. there was no house in which i could habitually see a lady’s face and hear a lady’s voice. no allurement to decent respectability came in my way. it seems to me that in such circumstances the temptations of loose life will almost certainly prevail with a young man. of course if the mind be strong enough, and the general stuff knitted together of sufficiently stern material, the temptations will not prevail. but such minds and such material are, i think, uncommon. the temptation at any rate prevailed with me.

i wonder how many young men fall utterly to pieces from being turned loose into london after the same fashion. mine was, i think, of all phases of such life the most dangerous. the lad who is sent to mechanical work has longer hours, during which he is kept from danger, and has not generally been taught in his boyhood to anticipate pleasure. he looks for hard work and grinding circumstances. i certainly had enjoyed but little pleasure, but i had been among those who did enjoy it and were taught to expect it. and i had filled my mind with the ideas of such joys.

and now, except during official hours, i was entirely without control — without the influences of any decent household around me. i have said something of the comedy of such life, but it certainly had its tragic aspect. turning it all over in my own mind, as i have constantly done in after years, the tragedy has always been uppermost. and so it was as the time was passing. could there be any escape from such dirt? i would ask myself; and i always answered that there was no escape. the mode of life was itself wretched. i hated the office. i hated my work. more than all i hated my idleness. i had often told myself since i left school that the only career in life within my reach was that of an author, and the only mode of authorship open to me that of a writer of novels. in the journal which i read and destroyed a few years since, i found the matter argued out before i had been in the post office two years. parliament was out of the question. i had not means to go to the bar. in official life, such as that to which i had been introduced, there did not seem to be any opening for real success. pens and paper i could command. poetry i did not believe to be within my grasp. the drama, too, which i would fain have chosen, i believed to be above me. for history, biography, or essay writing i had not sufficient erudition. but i thought it possible that i might write a novel. i had resolved very early that in that shape must the attempt be made. but the months and years ran on, and no attempt was made. and yet no day was passed without thoughts of attempting, and a mental acknowledgment of the disgrace of postponing it. what reader will not understand the agony of remorse produced by such a condition of mind? the gentleman from mecklenburgh square was always with me in the morning — always angering me by his hateful presence — but when the evening came i could make no struggle towards getting rid of him.

in those days i read a little, and did learn to read french and latin. i made myself familiar with horace, and became acquainted with the works of our own greatest poets. i had my strong enthusiasms, and remember throwing out of the window in northumberland street, where i lived, a volume of johnson’s lives of the poets, because he spoke sneeringly of lycidas. that was northumberland street by the marylebone workhouse, on to the back-door of which establishment my room looked out — a most dreary abode, at which i fancy i must have almost ruined the good-natured lodging-house keeper by my constant inability to pay her what i owed.

how i got my daily bread i can hardly remember. but i do remember that i was often unable to get myself a dinner. young men generally now have their meals provided for them. i kept house, as it were. every day i had to find myself with the day’s food. for my breakfast i could get some credit at the lodgings, though that credit would frequently come to an end. but for all that i had often breakfast to pay day by day; and at your eating-house credit is not given. i had no friends on whom i could sponge regularly. out on the fulham road i had an uncle, but his house was four miles from the post office, and almost as far from my own lodgings. then came borrowings of money, sometimes absolute want, and almost constant misery.

before i tell how it came about that i left this wretched life, i must say a word or two of the friendships which lessened its misfortunes. my earliest friend in life was john merivale, with whom i had been at school at sunbury and harrow, and who was a nephew of my tutor, harry drury. herman merivale, who afterwards became my friend, was his brother, as is also charles merivale, the historian and dean of ely. i knew john when i was ten years old, and am happy to be able to say that he is going to dine with me one day this week. i hope i may not injure his character by stating that in those days i lived very much with him. he, too, was impecunious, but he had a home in london, and knew but little of the sort of penury which i endured. for more than fifty years he and i have been close friends. and then there was one w—— a— — whose misfortunes in life will not permit me to give his full name, but whom i dearly loved. he had been at winchester and at oxford, and at both places had fallen into trouble. he then became a schoolmaster — or perhaps i had better say usher — and finally he took orders. but he was unfortunate in all things, and died some years ago in poverty. he was most perverse; bashful to very fear of a lady’s dress; unable to restrain himself in anything, but yet with a conscience that was always stinging him; a loving friend, though very quarrelsome; and, perhaps, of all men i have known, the most humorous. and he was entirely unconscious of his own humour. he did not know that he could so handle all matters as to create infinite amusement out of them. poor w—— a——! to him there came no happy turning-point at which life loomed seriously on him, and then became prosperous.

w—— a— — merivale, and i formed a little club, which we called the tramp society, and subjected to certain rules, in obedience to which we wandered on foot about the counties adjacent to london. southampton was the furthest point we ever reached; but buckinghamshire and hertfordshire were more dear to us. these were the happiest hours of my then life — and perhaps not the least innocent, although we were frequently in peril from the village authorities whom we outraged. not to pay for any conveyance, never to spend above five shillings a day, to obey all orders from the elected ruler of the hour (this enforced under heavy fines), were among our statutes. i would fain tell here some of our adventures:— how a—— enacted an escaped madman and we his pursuing keepers, and so got ourselves a lift in a cart, from which we ran away as we approached the lunatic asylum; how we were turned out of a little town at night, the townsfolk frightened by the loudness of our mirth; and how we once crept into a hayloft and were wakened in the dark morning by a pitchfork — and how the juvenile owner of that pitchfork fled through the window when he heard the complaints of the wounded man! but the fun was the fun of w—— a— — and would cease to be fun as told by me.

it was during these years that john tilley, who has now been for many years the permanent senior officer of the post office, married my sister, whom he took with him into cumberland, where he was stationed as one of our surveyors. he has been my friend for more than forty years; as has also peregrine birch, a clerk in the house of lords, who married one of those daughters of colonel grant who assisted us in the raid we made on the goods which had been seized by the sheriff’s officer at harrow. these have been the oldest and dearest friends of my life, and i can thank god that three of them are still alive.

when i had been nearly seven years in the secretary’s office of the post office, always hating my position there, and yet always fearing that i should be dismissed from it, there came a way of escape. there had latterly been created in the service a new body of officers called surveyors’ clerks. there were at that time seven surveyors in england, two in scotland and three in ireland. to each of these officers a clerk had been lately attached, whose duty it was to travel about the country under the surveyor’s orders. there had been much doubt among the young men in the office whether they should or should not apply for these places. the emoluments were good and the work alluring; but there was at first supposed to be something derogatory in the position. there was a rumour that the first surveyor who got a clerk sent the clerk out to fetch his beer, and that another had called upon his clerk to send the linen to the wash. there was, however, a conviction that nothing could be worse than the berth of a surveyor’s clerk in ireland. the clerks were all appointed, however. to me it had not occurred to ask for anything, nor would anything have been given me. but after a while there came a report from the far west of ireland that the man sent there was absurdly incapable. it was probably thought then that none but a man absurdly incapable would go on such a mission to the west of ireland. when the report reached the london office i was the first to read it. i was at that time in dire trouble, having debts on my head and quarrels with our secretary-colonel, and a full conviction that my life was taking me downwards to the lowest pits. so i went to the colonel boldly, and volunteered for ireland if he would send me. he was glad to be so rid of me, and i went. this happened in august, 1841, when i was twenty-six years old. my salary in ireland was to be but ￡100 a year; but i was to receive fifteen shillings a day for every day that i was away from home, and sixpence for every mile that i travelled. the same allowances were made in england; but at that time travelling in ireland was done at half the english prices. my income in ireland, after paying my expenses, became at once ￡400. this was the first good fortune of my life.