very early in life, very soon after i had become a clerk in st. martin’s le grand, when i was utterly impecunious and beginning to fall grievously into debt, i was asked by an uncle of mine, who was himself a clerk in the war office, what destination i should like best for my future life. he probably meant to inquire whether i wished to live married or single, whether to remain in the post office or to leave it, whether i should prefer the town or the country. i replied that i should like to be a member of parliament. my uncle, who was given to sarcasm, rejoined that, as far a he knew, few clerks in the post office did become members of parliament. i think it was the remembrance of this jeer which stirred me up to look for a seat as soon as i had made myself capable of holding one by leaving the public service. my uncle was dead, but if i could get a seat, the knowledge that i had done so might travel to that bourne from whence he was not likely to return, and he might there feel that he had done me wrong.

independently of this, i have always thought that to sit in the british parliament should be the highest object of ambition to every educated englishman. i do not by this mean to suggest that every educated englishman should set before himself a seat in parliament as a probable or even a possible career; but that the man in parliament has reached a higher position than the man out — that to serve one’s country without pay is the grandest work that a man can do — that of all studies the study of politics is the one in which a man may make himself most useful to his fellow-creatures — and that of all lives, public political lives are capable of the highest efforts. so thinking — though i was aware that fifty-three was too late an age at which to commence a new career — i resolved with much hesitation that i would make the attempt. writing now at an age beyond sixty, i can say that my political feelings and convictions have never undergone any change. they are now what they became when i first began to have political feelings and convictions. nor do i find in myself any tendency to modify them as i have found generally in men as they grow old. i consider myself to be an advanced, but still a conservative-liberal, which i regard not only as a possible, but as a rational and consistent phase of political existence. i can, i believe, in a very few words, make known my political theory; and, as i am anxious that any who know aught of me should know that, i will endeavour to do so.

it must, i think, be painful to all men to feel inferiority. it should, i think, be a matter of some pain to all men to feel superiority, unless when it has been won by their own efforts. we do not understand the operations of almighty wisdom, and are, therefore, unable to tell the causes of the terrible inequalities that we see — why some, why so many, should have so little to make life enjoyable, so much to make it painful, while a few others, not through their own merit, have had gifts poured out to them from a full hand. we acknowledge the hand of god and his wisdom, but still we are struck with awe and horror at the misery of many of our brethren. we who have been born to the superior condition — for, in this matter, i consider myself to be standing on a platform with dukes and princes, and all others to whom plenty and education and liberty have been given — cannot, i think, look upon the inane, unintellectual, and tossed-bound life of those who cannot even feed themselves sufficiently by their sweat, without some feeling of injustice, some feeling of pain.

this consciousness of wrong has induced in many enthusiastic but unbalanced minds a desire to set all things right by a proclaimed equality. in their efforts such men have shown how powerless they are in opposing the ordinances of the creator. for the mind of the thinker and the student is driven to admit, though it be awestruck by apparent injustice, that this inequality is the work of god. make all men equal to-day, and god has so created them that they shall be all unequal to-morrow. the so-called conservative, the conscientious, philanthropic conservative, seeing this, and being surely convinced that such inequalities are of divine origin, tells himself that it is his duty to preserve them. he thinks that the preservation of the welfare of the world depends on the maintenance of those distances between the prince and the peasant by which he finds himself to be surrounded; and, perhaps, i may add, that the duty is not unpleasant, as he feels himself to be one of the princes.

but this man, though he sees something, and sees that very clearly, sees only a little. the divine inequality is apparent to him, but not the equally divine diminution of that inequality. that such diminution is taking place on all sides is apparent enough; but it is apparent to him as an evil, the consummation of which it is his duty to retard. he cannot prevent it; and, therefore, the society to which he belongs is, in his eyes, retrograding. he will even, at times, assist it; and will do so conscientiously, feeling that, under the gentle pressure supplied by him, and with the drags and holdfasts which he may add, the movement would be slower than it would become if subjected to his proclaimed and absolute opponents. such, i think, are conservatives; and i speak of men who, with the fear of god before their eyes and the love of their neighbours warm in their hearts, endeavour to do their duty to the best of their ability.

using the term which is now common, and which will be best understood, i will endeavour to explain how the equally conscientious liberal is opposed to the conservative. he is equally aware that these distances are of divine origin, equally averse to any sudden disruption of society in quest of some utopian blessedness; but he is alive to the fact that these distances are day by day becoming less, and he regards this continual diminution as a series of steps towards that human millennium of which he dreams. he is even willing to help the many to ascend the ladder a little, though he knows, as they come up towards him, he must go down to meet them. what is really in his mind is — i will not say equality, for the word is offensive, and presents to the imagination of men ideas of communism, of ruin, and insane democracy — but a tendency towards equality. in following that, however, he knows that he must be hemmed in by safeguards, lest he be tempted to travel too quickly; and, therefore, he is glad to be accompanied on his way by the repressive action of a conservative opponent. holding such views, i think i am guilty of no absurdity in calling myself an advanced conservative-liberal. a man who entertains in his mind any political doctrine, except as a means of improving the condition of his fellows, i regard as a political intriguer, a charlatan, and a conjurer — as one who thinks that, by a certain amount of wary wire-pulling, he may raise himself in the estimation of the world.

i am aware that this theory of politics will seem to many to be stilted, overstrained, and, as the americans would say, high-faluten. many will declare that the majority even of those who call themselves politicians — perhaps even of those who take an active part in politics — are stirred by no such feelings as these, and acknowledge no such motives. men become tories or whigs, liberals or conservatives, partly by education — following their fathers — partly by chance, partly as openings come, partly in accordance with the bent of their minds, but still without any far-fetched reasonings as to distances and the diminution of distances. no doubt it is so; and in the battle of politics, as it goes, men are led further and further away from first causes, till at last a measure is opposed by one simply because it is advocated by another, and members of parliament swarm into lobbies, following the dictation of their leaders, and not their own individual judgments. but the principle is at work throughout. to many, though hardly acknowledged, it is still apparent. on almost all it has its effect; though there are the intriguers, the clever conjurers, to whom politics is simply such a game as is billiards or rackets, only played with greater results. to the minds that create and lead and sway political opinion, some such theory is, i think, ever present.

the truth of all this i had long since taken home to myself. i had now been thinking of it for thirty years, and had never doubted. but i had always been aware of a certain visionary weakness about myself in regard to politics. a man, to be useful in parliament, must be able to confine himself and conform himself, to be satisfied with doing a little bit of a little thing at a time. he must patiently get up everything connected with the duty on mushrooms, and then be satisfied with himself when at last he has induced a chancellor of the exchequer to say that he will consider the impost at the first opportunity. he must be content to be beaten six times in order that, on a seventh, his work may be found to be of assistance to some one else. he must remember that he is one out of 650, and be content with 1-650th part of the attention of the nation. if he have grand ideas, he must keep them to himself, unless by chance, he can work his way up to the top of the tree. in short, he must be a practical man. now i knew that in politics i could never become a practical man. i should never be satisfied with a soft word from the chancellor of the exchequer, but would always be flinging my overtaxed ketchup in his face.

nor did it seem to me to be possible that i should ever become a good speaker. i had no special gifts that way, and had not studied the art early enough in life to overcome natural difficulties. i had found that, with infinite labour, i could learn a few sentences by heart, and deliver them, monotonously indeed, but clearly. or, again, if there were something special to be said, i could say it in a commonplace fashion — but always as though i were in a hurry, and with the fear before me of being thought to be prolix. but i had no power of combining, as a public speaker should always do, that which i had studied with that which occurred to me at the moment. it must be all lesson — which i found to be best; or else all impromptu — which was very bad, indeed, unless i had something special on my mind. i was thus aware that i could do no good by going into parliament — that the time for it, if there could have been a time, had gone by. but still i had an almost insane desire to sit there, and be able to assure myself that my uncle’s scorn had not been deserved.

in 1867 it had been suggested to me that, in the event of a dissolution, i should stand for one division of the county of essex; and i had promised that i would do so, though the promise at that time was as rash a one as a man could make. i was instigated to this by the late charles buxton, a man whom i greatly loved, and who was very anxious that the county for which his brother had sat, and with which the family were connected, should be relieved from what he regarded as the thraldom of toryism. but there was no dissolution then. mr. disraeli passed his reform bill, by the help of the liberal member for newark, and the summoning of a new parliament was postponed till the next year. by this new reform bill essex was portioned out into three instead of two electoral divisions, one of which — that adjacent to london — would, it was thought, be altogether liberal. after the promise which i had given, the performance of which would have cost me a large sum of money absolutely in vain, it was felt by some that i should be selected as one of the candidates for the new division — and as such i was proposed by mr. charles buxton. but another gentleman, who would have been bound by previous pledges to support me, was put forward by what i believe to have been the defeating interest, and i had to give way. at the election this gentleman, with another liberal, who had often stood for the county, was returned without a contest. alas! alas! they were both unseated at the next election, when the great conservative reaction took place.

in the spring of 1868 i was sent to the united states on a postal mission, of which i will speak presently. while i was absent the dissolution took place. on my return i was somewhat too late to look out for a seat, but i had friends who knew the weakness of my ambition; and it was not likely, therefore, that i should escape the peril of being put forward for some impossible borough as to which the liberal party would not choose that it should go to the conservatives without a struggle. at last, after one or two others, beverley was proposed to me, and to beverley i went.

i must, however, exculpate the gentleman who acted as my agent, from undue persuasion exercised towards me. he was a man who thoroughly understood parliament, having sat there himself — and he sits there now at this moment. he understood yorkshire — or, at least, the east riding of yorkshire, in which beverley is situated — certainly better than any one alive. he understood all the mysteries of canvassing, and he knew well the traditions, the condition, and the prospect of the liberal party. i will not give his name, but they who knew yorkshire in 1868 will not be at a loss to find it. “so,” said he, “you are going to stand for beverley?” i replied gravely that i was thinking of doing so. “you don’t expect to get in?” he said. again i was grave. i would not, i said, be sanguine, but, nevertheless, i was disposed to hope for the best. “oh, no!” continued he, with good-humoured raillery, “you won’t get in. i don’t suppose you really expect it. but there is a fine career open to you. you will spend ￡1000, and lose the election. then you will petition, and spend another ￡1000. you will throw out the elected members. there will be a commission, and the borough will be disfranchised. for a beginner such as you are, that will be a great success.” and yet, in the teeth of this, from a man who knew all about it, i persisted in going to beverley!

the borough, which returned two members, had long been represented by sir henry edwards, of whom, i think, i am justified in saying that he had contracted a close intimacy with it for the sake of the seat. there had been many contests, many petitions, many void elections, many members, but, through it all, sir henry had kept his seat, if not with permanence, yet with a fixity of tenure next door to permanence. i fancy that with a little management between the parties the borough might at this time have returned a member of each colour quietly; but there were spirits there who did not love political quietude, and it was at last decided that there should be two liberal and two conservative candidates. sir henry was joined by a young man of fortune in quest of a seat, and i was grouped with mr. maxwell, the eldest son of lord herries, a scotch roman catholic peer, who lives in the neighbourhood.

when the time came i went down to canvass, and spent, i think, the most wretched fortnight of my manhood. in the first place, i was subject to a bitter tyranny from grinding vulgar tyrants. they were doing what they could, or said that they were doing so, to secure me a seat in parliament, and i was to be in their hands, at any rate, the period of my candidature. on one day both of us, mr. maxwell and i, wanted to go out hunting. we proposed to ourselves but the one holiday during this period of intense labour; but i was assured, as was he also, by a publican who was working for us, that if we committed such a crime he and all beverley would desert us. from morning to evening every day i was taken round the lanes and by-ways of that uninteresting town, canvassing every voter, exposed to the rain, up to my knees in slush, and utterly unable to assume that air of triumphant joy with which a jolly, successful candidate should he invested. at night, every night i had to speak somewhere — which was bad; and to listen to the speaking of others — which was much worse. when, on one sunday, i proposed to go to the minster church, i was told that was quite useless, as the church party were all certain to support sir henry! “indeed,” said the publican, my tyrant, “he goes there in a kind of official profession, and you had better not allow yourself to be seen in the same place.” so i stayed away and omitted my prayers. no church of england church in beverley would on such an occasion have welcomed a liberal candidate. i felt myself to be a kind of pariah in the borough, to whom was opposed all that was pretty, and all that was nice, and all that was — ostensibly — good.

but perhaps my strongest sense of discomfort arose from the conviction that my political ideas were all leather and prunella to the men whose votes i was soliciting. they cared nothing for my doctrines, and could not be made to understand that i should have any. i had been brought to beverley either to beat sir henry edwards — which, however, no one probably thought to be feasible — or to cause him the greatest possible amount of trouble, inconvenience, and expense. there were, indeed, two points on which a portion of my wished-for supporters seemed to have opinions, and on both these two points i was driven by my opinions to oppose them. some were anxious for the ballot — which had not then become law — and some desired the permissive bill. i hated, and do hate, both these measures, thinking it to be unworthy of a great people to free itself from the evil results of vicious conduct by unmanly restraints. undue influence on voters is a great evil from which this country had already done much to emancipate itself by extending electoral divisions and by an increase of independent feeling. these, i thought, and not secret voting, were the weapons by which electoral intimidation should be overcome. and as for drink, i believe in no parlimentary restraint; but i do believe in the gradual effect of moral teaching and education. but a liberal, to do any good at beverley, should have been able to swallow such gnats as those. i would swallow nothing, and was altogether the wrong man.

i knew, from the commencement of my candidature, how it would be. of course that well-trained gentleman who condescended to act as my agent, had understood the case, and i ought to have taken his thoroughly kind advice. he had seen it all, and had told himself that it was wrong that one so innocent in such ways as i, so utterly unable to fight such a battle, should be carried down into yorkshire merely to spend money and to be annoyed. he could not have said more than he did say, and i suffered for my obstinacy. of course i was not elected. sir henry edwards and his comrade became members for beverley, and i was at the bottom of the poll. i paid ￡400 for my expenses, and then returned to london.

my friendly agent in his raillery had of course exaggerated the cost. he had, when i arrived at beverley, asked me for a cheque for ￡400, and told me that that sum would suffice. it did suffice. how it came to pass that exactly that sum should be required i never knew, but such was the case. then there came a petition — not from me, but from the town. the inquiry was made, the two gentlemen were unseated, the borough was disfranchised, sir henry edwards was put on his trial for some kind of parliamentary offence and was acquitted. in this way beverley’s privilege as a borough and my parliamentary ambition were brought to an end at the same time.

when i knew the result i did not altogether regret it. it may be that beverley might have been brought to political confusion and sir henry edwards relegated to private life without the expenditure of my hard-earned money, and without that fortnight of misery; but connecting the things together, as it was natural that i should do, i did flatter myself that i had done some good. it had seemed to me that nothing could be worse, nothing more unpatriotic, nothing more absolutely opposed to the system of representative government, than the time-honoured practices of the borough of beverley. it had come to pass that political cleanliness was odious to the citizens. there was something grand in the scorn with which a leading liberal there turned up his nose at me when i told him that there should be no bribery, no treating, not even a pot of beer on one side. it was a matter for study to see how at beverley politics were appreciated because they might subserve electoral purposes, and how little it was understood that electoral purposes, which are in themselves a nuisance, should be endured in order that they may subserve politics. and then the time, the money, the mental energy, which had been expended in making the borough a secure seat for a gentleman who had realised the idea that it would become him to be a member of parliament! this use of the borough seemed to be realised and approved in the borough generally. the inhabitants had taught themselves to think that it was for such purposes that boroughs were intended! to have assisted in putting an end to this, even in one town, was to a certain extent a satisfaction.