on a saturday evening some weeks later, humphrey sat in the dismantled room in clifford's inn, in which he and kenneth carr had shared so many hours of grateful friendship.
the room looked forlorn enough. square gaping patches on the wall marked the places where pictures had once hung; the windows were bared of curtains and the floor was dismal without the carpet, littered with scraps of paper and little pieces of destroyed letters. trunks and boxes ready for the leaving were in the small entrance hall, now robbed of its curtains and its comfort. a pair of old boots, a broken pipe, a row of empty bottles and siphons, a chipped cup or two—these alone formed the salvage which the room would rescue from kenneth's presence.
"this," said kenneth, taking the pipe-rack from the mantelpiece, "this, my son, i give and bequeath to you." he laughed, and tossed it over to humphrey, who caught it neatly.
kenneth waved his arm comprehensively round the room. "now if there's any other little thing you fancy," he said, "take your choice. i'm afraid there's nothing but old boots and broken glass left. you might fancy a bottle or two for candlesticks."
"the only thing of yours i coveted was your green edition of thackeray, and you took jolly good care to pack that before i came," humphrey remarked.
"i'll send you one for your next birthday. i shall be rolling in money when i get to work. meanwhile, just hold this lid up, while i put these photographs in."
the light glinted on the silver of the frames.[255] humphrey knew nothing of two of them, but the third was a photograph that he had always observed. he could see it now as it lay, face upwards, in kenneth's hand—the photograph of elizabeth, very sweet and beautiful, with soft eyes that seemed to be full of infinite regret.
"do you know, old man," he said, "i wish you'd let me have that photograph."
"which one?"
"the one of elizabeth." closer acquaintance had led to the dropping of the formal "miss" and "mister."
"what will elizabeth say: it was a special and exclusive birthday present to me, frame and all."
"you can easily get another one. keep the frame if you want to. honest, i'd like to have the photograph. it would remind me of you and all the jolly talks we've had."
"best beloved," laughed kenneth, jovially, "i can refuse you nothing. it is yours, with half my kingdom." he slipped the photograph from the frame. "you know, i feel exhilarated at the thought of leaving it all. i walk on air. i am free." he slammed the lid on the last box and pirouetted across the room.
"thanks," said humphrey, placing the photograph in his letter-case.
"think of it," kenneth cried, "from to-morrow i'm a free man—free to write as i will: free to say at such and such a time, 'now i shall have luncheon,' 'now i shall have dinner,' or, 'now i will go to bed.' free to say, 'to-morrow week at three-thirty i shall do such and such a thing,' in the sure and certain knowledge that i shall be able to do it. henceforth, i am the captain of my soul."
"oh yes, you feel pretty chirpy now, but just you wait. you wait till there's a big story on, and you read all the other fellows' stories—you'll start guessing who[256] did this one, or who got that scoop—and you'll wish you were back again."
"not i! i shall sit in the seclusion of my arm-chair, and gloat over it all the next morning. and i shall think, 'poor devils, they're still at it—and all that they think so splendid to-day will be forgotten by to-morrow.' i've had my fill of fleet street.... besides, i don't quite break with it."
"why?"
"didn't i tell you? old macalister of the herald is a brick. he's the literary editor, you know, a regular spider in a web of books. he's put me on the reviewers' list, so you'll see my work in the literary page of the herald. and it's another guinea or so."
"good old macalister," humphrey said. "the literary editors are the only people who give us a little sympathy sometimes. i believe that whenever they see a reporter they say: 'there, but for the grace of god, go i.'"
kenneth surveyed the room. "there," he said, brushing the dust of packing from him. "it's finished. in an hour i shall be gone."
"what train are you catching?"
"the eight-twenty. i shall be in the west country two hours later, and a trap will be waiting to take me to my cottage. you should see it, old man—just three rooms, low ceilings and oaken beams, and a door that is sunk two steps below the roadway. five bob a week, and all mine for a year. there's a room for you when you come."
"sounds jolly enough!..." humphrey sighed. "by george, i shall miss you when you've gone, kenneth," he said. "there'll only be willoughby left. it's funny how few real, social friendships there are in the street, isn't it? fellows know each other and all that, and feed together, but they always keep their private family lives apart...."
[257]
"i'll tell you a secret if you promise not to crow. i am sorry to leave. i'm pretending to be light-hearted and gay, as a sort of rehearsal for elizabeth—she'll be here soon—but, really and truly, i feel as if i were leaving part of myself behind in fleet street. say something ludicrous, humphrey; be ridiculous and save me from becoming mawkish over the parting."
"i can't," humphrey admitted miserably. "it gives me the hump to sit in this bare room, and to think of all the talks we've had—"
"you've got to come here on monday again, and see that carter paterson takes away the big box."
"i shall send a boy from the office: i won't set foot in the room again.... wonder who'll live here next?" he added inconsequently.
"donno," kenneth replied, absently looking at his watch. "they're not bad rooms for the price. i say, it's time elizabeth were here."
their talk drifted aimlessly to and fro for the next quarter of an hour. they had already said everything they had to say on the subject of the journey. a feeling of depression and loneliness stole over humphrey: his mind travelled to the days of his friendship with wratten, and he was experiencing once more the sharp sense of loss that he had experienced when wratten died.
there came a knock at the door, and elizabeth appeared, bringing with her, as she always did, an atmosphere of gladness and peace. her beautiful face, in the shadows of her large brimmed hat, her brilliant eyes, and the supple grace of her figure elated him: he came forward to greet her gaily. sorrow could not live in her presence.
"i'm sorry i'm late," she said. "but i've kept the cab waiting.... well, have you two said your sobbing farewells?"
kenneth kissed her. "don't make a joke of the[258] sacred moments ... we were on the verge of a tearful breakdown. my tears spring from the fact that he has given me no parting gift."
"good lord! i forgot all about it." humphrey produced from his pocket a small brown-paper parcel. "it's a pipe—smoke it, and see in the smoke visions of fleet street."
"well, i'm hanged!" said kenneth, conjuring up a similar parcel; "that's just what i bought for you. a five-and-sixpenny one, too."
"then i've lost," humphrey said, with mock gloom. "mine cost six-and-six. he'll have to pay the cab, elizabeth, won't he?"
"if you two are going to stand there talking nonsense kenneth will miss the train. come along! i'll carry the little bag. can you both manage the big one?"
both of them cunningly kept up their artificially high spirits. even when kenneth switched off the electric light, and the room was in darkness, except for a pallid moonbeam that accentuated the bareness of the floor and walls, they parodied their own feelings. they were both a little ashamed of the sentimental that was in them.
but as the cab drove out of fleet street, they were silent. the lights were flaming in the upper rooms, but the offices of the herald and the day and the rest of the large dailies were unlit and silent, for sunday gave peace to them on saturday night. but fleet street itself was still alive, and the offices of the sunday papers were active, and the noise of the presses, without which no day passes in the street, would soon be heard....
half an hour later, under the great glass roof of paddington station, the last farewells had been said.
nothing but a "so long, old man," and a "good-bye" and a tight handshake marked the breaking of another thread of friendship. humphrey watched the train curve outwards and away into the darkness with that queer[259] emotion that always comes when one is left standing on a railway platform, and a lighted train has moved out, full of life behind its lit windows, leaving in its place a glistening, empty stretch of rails.
elizabeth was fluttering a valedictory handkerchief to the shadows. humphrey touched her arm gently.
"shall we go now?" he said.
"i suppose we'd better." these were awkward, uneasy moments. he would have liked to have told her how much he felt the passing of kenneth, but he was afraid of hurting her, for he knew that she, too, was saddened at his departure.
"you'll let me see you home, won't you?" he asked.
"would you? thanks, so much."
they passed out of the station, and he called a hansom. his hand held her arm firmly as he helped her into the cab. she thanked him with her eyes. the moment was precious. it seemed that he had taken kenneth's place; that, henceforth, she would look to him for protection.
they rode in silence through the lamp-lit terraces, where the white houses stood tall and ghostly, flinging their shadows across the road. there was nothing for him to say. he knew that their thoughts were running in the same groove. the sudden clear ray of a lamp flashed intermittently as the cab came into the range of its light, and he could see her face, serene, thoughtful, and very beautiful. it made him think of the photograph that lay in his pocket, against his heart.... she was very close to him, closer than she had ever been before, so close that he had but to put out his arms and draw her lips to his. never again, he thought, would she be as close to him as she was at this moment. and the memory of lilian intruded ... and with the memory came a vision of just such a ride homewards in a hansom.... ah, but elizabeth was of a finer fibre,—a[260] higher being altogether. his body tingled at his thoughts. his imagination ran riot in the long silence, and he did not seek to check it.
he was seized by an indefinite impulse to hazard all his future in the rashness of a moment, to take her and kiss her, and tell her that he loved her.
"here we are," she said, with a sudden movement as the cab jolted to a standstill.
he sighed. how calm and remote she seemed from love.
"you must come in for a moment and have something."
he hesitated from conventional politeness.
"the drive has been cold," she said. "i will ask ellen to mix you a whisky and soda; and i daresay she's left some sandwiches for us."
"for us!" there was an inestimable touch of intimacy about those words.
"thanks," he said (was his voice really as strange and as husky as it sounded to his ears?) "thanks—if i won't be keeping you up."
again, that suggestion of close acquaintance and absolute familiarity, as she let herself and him into the house with her latchkey, and closed the door softly on the world outside. it was all nothing to her. she moved about with perfect self-possession, unaware of the agitation within him.
"let me turn up the light," she said, leading the way into the sitting-room.
he stumbled against something in the feeble light.
"mind," she cried, laughingly. "don't knock my treasures over."
and then, suddenly, the room was in utter darkness.
he heard her make an impatient murmur of annoyance. "there! i've turned it the wrong way.... don't move ... i know where the matches are."
[261]
he heard the rustle of her dress, and her breathing, and the faint fragrance of her pervaded the darkness. he stood there in the black room with the blood surging in his veins, and pulses that seemed to be hammering against the silence. he could feel the throbbing of his temples. she moved about the room, and once she came near to him, so near that her hair seemed to float across his face with a caress that was soft and silken ... clearly in his brain he pictured her, smiling, pure and beautiful ... this darkness was becoming intolerable. he made a step towards her....
and the room was lit with a brightness that blurred his sight with the sudden transition from darkness. he saw her standing by the gas-bracket, with a look of concern on her face.
"humphrey!" she cried, "is anything the matter with you?"
he was standing in a direct line with the oval mirror on the wall, and he caught the glimpse of a white face, with straining eyes and blanched lips, that he scarcely recognized as his own. she came to his side, tenderly solicitous.
he could bear it no longer. the words came from him in faltering sentences.
"elizabeth," he cried. "don't you know ... i love you, i love you."
her face flushed with perfect beauty.
"oh—humphrey ..." she said.
and by the intimation of her voice, half-reproachful, and yet charged with infinite pity and love, he knew that, if he were bold enough, he could take her and hold her for evermore.
"i love you.... i love you ..." he said, drawing her unresistingly towards him. and there was nothing in life comparable to the exquisite happiness of that miraculous moment when her lips met his.
