the early-planted sweet-peas are in flower; so, too, are the nasturtiums. it was margery’s plan always to sow seeds very early in the year; indeed, she was supposed to have been seen sowing in a snowstorm. then she used to cover the earth up with matting if it was very cold, and uncover it for any glint of sun. her gardening was of the most unorthodox order. she would pull up seedlings to see how their roots were getting on, disturb sown earth to see what was occurring below; if a plant looked sickly, she took it up and shook it, and replanted it again with a warning; but everything answered with her, and it was she who taught me to sow sweet-peas in march, so that you got the first flowers early in june.
the year after the events of this may, i remember, she sowed a long row of sweet-peas,{124} running right up from the house to the end of the garden. the garden was not a large one, any more than was the house, for she and dick were not rich, and the whole row was not a hundred feet long. but there was a pleasant piece of lawn, with a thicket of lilac and syringa at one end, and on each side of the path she had placed old petroleum barrels, sawn in half, for flower-tubs. these she and i had painted green, and in the process had painted ourselves too, and everything tasted and smelt of green paint for a week afterwards. in these she planted nasturtiums and love-lies-bleeding, and both sweet-peas and nasturtiums were in flower early in june, just as mine are flowering now. she always loved sweet-peas. they gave her ‘a feeling,’ she said; therefore they grow thick in a certain place.
dick and she had been married in the september of the same year when they were engaged. in october the boer war broke out, and dick’s regiment was among the first to go out, and she and i went down to southampton to see the maplemore off. it was a bleak, gray day, with an angry, fretful wind which raised little ripples on{125} the water, and, as soon as raised, cut their heads off. there was a good deal of delay, and she did not sail for two hours after the advertised time, and we all three said openly to each other that we wished she would be quick. but when the time came i think that margery would have given her life for half an hour more—had she known.
then in december came the week which no one can think of even now without a shudder, when stormberg was succeeded by magersfontein, and magersfontein by colenso. but those wintry days passed, and the scars they left in many homes began to heal, and the year and the tide turned.
i saw margery many times that spring, and i went to stay with her for two days on the 24th of may, for the 25th was the anniversary of her engagement to dick, and she had long ago settled that we should spend it together. the 24th had been a very hot day, close and sultry, and by a curious coincidence late that night the storm which had for several hours flickered and grumbled in the west came very quickly closer, and burst over us in appalling riot. sleep was out of the question,{126} and about two in the morning i got up and sat at the window watching it, thinking very intently of how just a year ago dick and i had sat together through it, until the ivory calmness of the moon and the dove-coloured dawn had succeeded the tumult. step by step i went through the talk we had had together, while overhead the violence of the storm abated and passed into the distance again. and whether i actually went to sleep or not i do not know, though in any case i was unconscious of having done so; but suddenly i heard dick’s voice, as i thought, close to me.
‘and whatever happens, jack,’ he said.
then, whether i had been asleep or not, i was awake now, and alone. outside a moon rode high and clear amid the swarming stars, and in the east the sky was dove-coloured with the approaching dawn.
the next day we spent very quietly. there was no one there but margery’s mother and myself, and we hardly went beyond the garden; for margery’s time, you will understand, was nearly come, and in a week or two she would be the mother of dick’s child. after tea that{127} afternoon we had a long talk together, for her mother had gone out on some household business, and she spoke to me of that which was coming to her, with all the simplicity of her nature, all the triumph and glory of her loving heart.
‘i want you to come down again as soon as possible after it,’ she said, ‘because it seems so inevitable that you must be here to take part in this great joy of dick’s and mine. you see, jack, i can’t remember a single joy or sorrow of my life with which you and dick were not bound up, as it were. and this—the greatest of all. do come as soon as mother writes to you.’
the dusk began to fall in layers over the sky, and the evening breeze got up and tossed the incense of the flowers’ evensong over the garden. then, as night closed in, the smell of syringa and lilac fell asleep, and the sweet-peas closed, and the benediction of the stars shone from the heights of heaven. then margery rose from her chair, and held out both hands to me.
‘oh, my dear,’ she said, ‘every day i thank god for giving me you as my friend and dick’s.{128} for years i have done that, even when i was a child. and now that i am a woman, and the crown of womanhood is coming to me, i tell you this, and i ask you to continue to be the friend of all of us. i thank you, jack; i bless you with my whole heart.’
and once again she kissed me.
my god, how content i was at that moment! for at that moment the foe which i had been fighting all the year, whose sword was jealousy of dick, whose spear was bitterness of heart, whose armour was the human longing and the crying of the flesh for this woman, dropped dead. no longer would i have had anything different: all was utterly good; and she whom i loved stood over me in the gathering silence of the night, and under her feet lay that devilish enemy whom her goodness and sweetness had slain.
we dined with great gaiety and foolishness, and dinner was succeeded by absurd games, in which the two members of the alliance of laughter did wonders for the cause. then margery and her mother went upstairs, and i strolled into the garden again to smoke for half an hour before{129} going to bed, with the reaction of laughter rather strong upon me, and feeling, in spite of what had happened before dinner, vaguely disquieted and depressed, and my mind went back and dwelt with curious insistence on the hallucination of dick’s voice the night before. then, even while i was pondering on the strangeness of it, and telling myself that i must have been asleep, i suddenly heard the clang of the gate leading from the road to the front-door on the other side of the house, followed by the crunching of gravel, and after a moment the sound of the front-door bell. at that a sudden nameless fear leaped into my heart, and before the bell sounded again i was at the front-door. outside was a telegraph-boy, with a war office telegram addressed to margery. i took it from him, closed the door quietly, and stood there with it in my hand, struck motionless and incapable of thought.
then upstairs i heard a door open, and next moment my name was called by margery, her voice half strangled and struggling for utterance. ‘jack, jack, what is it?’ she called. ‘what is it? what is it?’ next moment i saw her leaning{130} over the banisters of the landing above, her hair down, and with a dressing-gown on, and she saw what i held in my hand.
‘will you bring it up to me, please, jack, or open it there?’ she said faintly, and i heard the banisters creak as she leaned on them and clutched them. then her mother hurried out of her room and put her arm round her.
i can hear the tearing of that envelope now, the rustle of the unfolding sheet. the few words it contained for a moment meant nothing. then they became coherent.
‘is it about dick?’ whispered margery. ‘is he wounded? tell me quick.’
i looked up, and i do not remember whether i said anything or not. but she knew, and in the dim light from the turned-down lamp in the hall i saw her rise to her full height, with arms outstretched, then sway, and fall back into her mother’s arms.
the telegram fluttered to the ground, and i ran upstairs. together we lifted her up, carried her into her room, and laid her on the bed.{131}
‘dick is killed?’ whispered her mother to me, and i nodded. then at her request i left them, and ran to wake one of the servants.
‘don’t go to bed,’ she said, as i left the room; ‘you may be wanted. would you sit up till i see you? have your bicycle ready.’
the drawing-room, through which i had come a minute before in answer to the bell, looked out through french windows on to the garden, and here i sat waiting for her mother. as yet the news to me was inconceivable; it seemed merely impossible that it should be so. something would happen: another telegraph-boy would come, or, what seemed more likely, i should wake to find that i was not here and the time was not now. perhaps the place would be braceton, perhaps the time would be a year ago. yet how could that be? for she had spoken to me of dick, and of dick’s child. there was nothing in the world so real as those minutes. and in this dumb, dazed mood i went once into the hall to see if my bicycle was there; for if these things were a dream, surely i should find some incongruity, and perhaps that which should have been a bicycle might be dick.{132} but the bicycle stood there, with its lamp already lit, as i had left it.
then came quick steps descending the stairs, and i went out into the hall.
‘please go into the town at once, jack,’ said her mother, ‘and bring dr. carlton. make him come at once. if he is not in, bring somebody.’
‘what—what! oh, tell me something!’ i said.
‘her child will be born sooner than we expected,’ said she. ‘oh, be quick!’
the road was empty of passengers and very dark. once a man—a policeman, i think—shouted something after me; once the shadow of a dog raced me for awhile, snarling and snapping. otherwise all i know of that four miles is a round space of illumination on the road cast by my lamp, i seemingly motionless, while to right and left trees and houses went noiselessly by, and a wind blew steadily, in spite of the turns of the road, from the direction in which i was speeding. then the lamp-posts of the town began, and i had the sense to go somewhat more slowly for fear of being taken up, and so delayed. then, crossing the high street, i came to the square red-brick house.{133}
for an interminable time, so it seemed to me, i waited on the doorstep, and then the door was opened by an impassive man-servant. dr. carlton was at dinner, and there was a party, but as soon as he came out the message should be delivered; and i remember saying that i would go into the dining-room myself unless i could see him at once. then, after another interminable delay, dr. carlton, whom i knew slightly, came out.
‘come at once,’ i said—‘mrs. alington.’
‘not her confinement?’ he said, frowning.
‘she has just had news of dick’s death,’ said i, ‘and her mother told me that—that the baby might be born sooner than they expected. oh, man, don’t argue!’
‘how did you come?’ said he.
‘bicycle. it’s outside.’
he turned to his servant.
‘tell them to put the pony in at once,’ he said, ‘and bring it round. and’—he looked at me sharply a moment—‘bring some brandy.’
i suppose i made some gesture of impatience, for he laid his hand on my arm with a quieting force.{134}
‘now, be sensible,’ he said; ‘i am going to get what i may require, and shall go off on your bicycle. you will follow in the cart, and, until it is ready, you will sit down here and drink a wine-glassful of brandy—neat, mind: i order it.’
he nodded at me, pointing to a chair, and i stumbled towards it, conscious for the first time of an overpowering exhaustion. my blood beat through my temples very thin and far away, but with frightful rapidity, and something sang in my ears like the whistle of a distant train. then i became conscious that the butler had put a glass of brandy into my hand, and i drank it.
‘the cart will be round in ten minutes, sir,’ he said.
‘but dr. carlton?’ i asked.
‘rode off a couple of minutes ago, sir. i should sit still, sir, if i were you.’
it can hardly have been an hour from the time the telegram first came to when the cart with me inside it drew up at margery’s house. against the porch leaned my bicycle, the lamp still burning, and lights, i saw, were burning in her bedroom directly over the door. standing on a{135} chair inside the hall was dr. carlton’s hat and a small black bag; on the floor close by was the pink sheet of the telegram, which i must have dropped when i ran upstairs. even then i remember clinging in some desperate, dazed fashion to the hope that it was all a dream, and that the telegram would prove to be some trivial absurdity, and i picked it up and read it again.
then i sat down and waited.
from time to time there was some muffled sound of footsteps and movement above, then silence again, then more steps. then i heard a door open above, and a droning voice which i knew to be margery’s speaking in level, meaningless tones. then the doctor’s voice said sharply:
‘yes, it is in my bag. bring it all upstairs if you don’t understand.’
with the bag in my hand, i met the servant hurrying downstairs, sobbing in a helpless manner. she took the bag from me without a word, and went up again. and step by step, after i had heard the door close, i moved to the top of the stairs and sat there. below, the clock in the hall beat out metallic minutes, and once the hour{136}—twelve only—struck. through the fanlight above the front-door i could see the lamps of the doctor’s dogcart; three or four times they moved away, and after a minute or so returned again to the same spot. at intervals that terrible droning voice came from margery’s room.
how long these things lasted i cannot say, but it must have been less than two hours, for i knew the hall clock struck once only. then the droning voice ceased altogether, and in its place came short, incisive sentences in a man’s voice, the purport of which, of course, i could not hear. then came the cry of a child, and i knew that in the midst of death we are in life.
then, as if i had been drawn by cords, i crept nearer and nearer to the door of the room, and the crying of the child still sounded—the cry of dick’s child. and dick? oh, dick! if your brave, blithe spirit in the paradise of god, now free of its habitation of flesh, keeps watch, as it surely must, over those it loves, come here, come here, where there is so sore a need of you and your comforting. speak to her through that frail tabernacle of time and space; comfort the soul{137} you love, if the laws of your world permit it. come!
* * * * *
later in that long night dr. carlton told me all he could tell. the child had been born, and it lived. there was no reason why it should not live, for it was quite healthy, though it had been born before its time. about margery he could not say. she had not rallied satisfactorily. she had been perfectly conscious for a time after the birth of the child, but with her consciousness had returned the knowledge of her husband’s death, and she had relapsed again into a semi-comatose state. he proposed to wait, visiting her from time to time, till he could feel more happy about her.
twice before the dawn broke i tried to go to bed, and as many times i crept downstairs again to where dr. carlton sat in the drawing-room, his genial, florid face looking more anxious and troubled each time he returned from a visit upstairs. then, just as morning broke in thin red lines on the horizon, i heard his voice call to me, and i went upstairs. he beckoned to me to come in.{138}
margery was lying in bed, propped up on pillows, and her eyes were closed. i sat by the bedside and waited. they had taken the baby away, and only her mother knelt there, with her eyes fixed on margery’s face. suddenly she raised her head a little, opened her eyes, and saw me.
‘thank you,’ she said—‘thank you for being here, jack. dick is waiting for me. yes, dick!’
she raised herself a little more, and seemed to struggle for breath.
‘is it morning?’ she said. ‘let in the morning.’
and even as i pulled the curtains aside and raised the blinds there dawned on her the everlasting day.
