it was night, and i thought i would stop on board all night, but the friends who gave me the letters to manchester came on the ship to see me and had my luggage taken to their place. i was glad, as mrs. alstone was going to some friends. i sent word to my people where they would find me in the morning. my few relatives were by my side when i awoke in the morning, and seeing how happy they were i forgot my own sorrow. i knew that life had once more its depths that not even the nearest could sound. it would not bear thinking about. it was only to be borne. i felt i must work, although i did not think i would begin that day, but i did. before i got out of the train at the adelaide station the gentleman who had the management of the club at the port where i lived up to the time i went as stewardess came to me and said he was in trouble for the want of someone to help at a banquet at the semaphore. he had been to adelaide and could not find any skilful help. would i come back with him, he said; and i did; and let my friends take care of my belongings. i had really done no work of that kind all the time i was away, and after three months on the rolling ship it was so strange to find everything firm under my foot. both this gentleman and his dear wife were friends to me through after years.

so i began work the first day i came back, and i have had to stick to it ever since. sometimes i have been in actual need of money. i had always lent a helping hand in the years gone by, and sometimes those i wanted to help did not seem to have the energy they might have had. what knowledge i had gained i have paid a high price for, and i must confess that the kindly appreciation that i have received from people of the highest culture has often given me joy. if i could not get the kind of place i wanted i determined to take anything to keep me going. a position as cook at the adelaide hospital was offered to me. a woman-cook could do the work then, and i went at good wages. i liked it all right, except that it was so depressing. i saw too much of sufferings, for i went all about the wards, and if anyone was brought in whom i knew, whether it was fever or anything else, when i could[pg 113] get the chance i would go and see them. if i was caught by the doctors i would be severely reproved.

there were no indications that the broken pieces of my life as a wife would be mended. still a castaway, i went and saw my husband. he did not want me. he lived with his aunt, and his cousin was there too. if a husband is one to protect you, to watch over and defend and love you; if such be a husband, then i have never known what it is to have one. for me there was only solitude and bitter anguish, and yet nobody must be made acquainted with the fact. i must put on a smiling face and go wherever i might so long as i did not come in where i was not wanted. i was not afraid of misery, but only of sin. i would not do anything wrong, and i wanted to know how to do right when others do me a wrong. i determined that i would try and get through life without reproach or any stain on my reputation, and make the most of what i knew. i had lessons on one thing and another. i liked to be dainty in my home and person and dress, as well as i could in every detail. i am fond, too, of being a good housekeeper. my employers spoilt me and often made a friend of me.

some are here still who remember that i had the kind regard both of the doctors and the nurses, as well as of the patients at the adelaide hospital. they liked the way i did their food. it looked a big thing for me to take in hand; but it was not so heavy as some would think, there being three men in the kitchen to do all the cleaning. i had not a heavy thing to lift. the only drawback was that the floor were stone and so hard to stand on. the place has been much built upon since then, and is so changed in the manner of employment in the office. when i pass the place now all comes back to me so plain. in particular one night stands out. i always left a jet of gas burning in my room. once a woman patient came in with her clothing tied up in a bundle and asked me if i would come with her to catch the train. i could see that she was off her head, so i quietly dressed and got the night-nurse. how she got on afterwards i never knew. there are some things which i shall never forget. i became accustomed to the situation and stopped at the hospital for some time. it did not matter where i was in my tangled affairs.

i wrote to my brother-in-law's brother in geelong and told him about my visit to his relatives in slamannan, and i made known to him that i would like to see his nice place in geelong, and his wife and family, for they had twelve children. so he wrote and told me he would come to adelaide and bring one of his daughters with him, and[pg 114] take me back with them to geelong. before they came i had got the position of housekeeper at messrs. j. miller anderson & co.'s in hindley-street, and for more than two years everything went on smoothly. how delightful it would have been except for some things i saw and heard. the theatre royal was so close that i could see the cast of characters from my bedroom window at night. there were more than a hundred assistants to provide for, but only twelve for breakfast. i had a girl to help. the sweet memory of those times remains. how earnest everyone was to make me happy. my employers did not know that i was a discarded wife till i was there for over two years. it was more to my taste than the adelaide hospital, there being always something amusing to divert me. on more than one occasion people have come into my sitting-room to enquire the way back to the theatre. they got out in the right-of-way and got lost.

my friend and his daughter came from geelong. it was a break for me, and he was glad to learn something of the old home. i promised that i would go to his place when i left hindley-street, for it was rumored that the place used as dining-rooms and for sleeping purposes would have to be taken into the business premises. then, as in all the other business houses, the assistants would have to dine out. how i would like to give a full account of those times. i was sorry and reluctant to say a last good-bye. they all gathered together and gave me a generous present. then i went to mr. macharry's place at lara, near geelong. i thought if i liked it there i would try and get something to do. they were just building the railway to that part then. i went by steamer, and mr. macharry came to melbourne to meet me. his house looked a nest of comfort i could see as we drew near. it was part farmhouse, and i was perfectly at home with the hostess and her family at once. both the daughters and the sons had horses, and could ride and drive. not only that, but those girls could make their own bread and play the piano and sing. so i had entertainers, and such lovely home-made bread. the you yangs mountains were near. if i could have got to the top what a sight it would have been. i did not care much for geelong. it was all so quiet, and i could see nothing to suit me, so that question was settled. those friends showed to me all the places of interest, and, in particular, all the mills where blankets and other woollens and tweeds were made. mr. macharry was one of the town councillors, and no stranger wherever he went. it was quite right about him being a rich man. he made money by lime-burning. i have been there since by rail, and it is a nice place. you can go fishing or shooting so close to geelong and melbourne.

there was only one thing to be said, and that concerns the impossibility of breaking away from my relationships. the time came when i could not bear to think that john should think them beneath him. what was in himself that he was entitled to scorn my poor relations? everyone may not have the marvellous gifts that some think they have, but, at least, we are human beings with our own necessities and demands no less important than those of such marvellous persons. that is why we must remember our obligations.