mothers were like that,—calculating, merchandising creatures, not worthy to unloose the shoes of the fair and innocent angels who, by some strange chance, were in their hands,—sordid beings whom it was just, and even virtuous, to balk and deceive. if this were not the case, then most books were false, and most sketches of contemporary life founded on a mistake. ben renton was not more given to novels than most men, but if there is one fact to be learned from the best studies of the best humorists, is it not this? and there was much comfort in the thought. it stopped him short in the course of disenchantment, which otherwise would have wrung his heart cruelly, and perhaps convinced him. she was not to blame. she had opened her heart to him, poor darling!—she could not help it. and now she was separated from him by an agony of embarrassment and shame, his money standing like a ghost between him,—who had thought of nothing but of serving her on his knees, like a slave,—and her delicacy, her pride, the revul{153}sion of all her fine and tender instincts against the burden of such a vulgar obligation! this was how he managed to free himself from all doubts of millicent. her mother, it was clear, was a mercenary, poverty-stricken, scheming, sordid ‘campaigner,’—but then most mothers are so;—and she herself was as spotless as she was lovely,—the soul of tender honour, the ideal and purest type of woman. god bless her! he said in his heart. even the cloud he had seen on her face endeared her more to him. and if it should be his to deliver this noble creature from her mean surroundings, to take her from the society of the poor mercenary mother, to enrich her with everything that was fair and honest, and of good report! ben’s foot spurned the ground as this anticipation came upon him. he felt himself able to conquer everything, thrilling with the strength of a hundred men. who said it was hard? if it were not hard it would be too sweet, too delicious, the day’s work of paradise amid the yielding roses and golden apples, not bitter sweat of the brow and mortal toil.
two or three days passed, however, before the interview he had determined upon, and to which millicent assented as a matter of course, could come to pass. mrs. tracy staved it off with an alarm which was partly selfish and partly affectionate. her own conversation with ben had been of a character quite unprecedented in her experience, and had{154} taken, as she admitted, a great deal out of her; and she was reluctant to expose her daughter to a similar experience. and then millicent was still young, and there had been curious signs about her for some time back,—signs of something unknown, which her mother was afraid of. such things had been heard of as that a girl, even in circumstances as important as millicent’s, with everything, so to speak, hanging upon her decision, and a good marriage the one thing indispensable in the world, should cheat all her friends and ruin her own hopes by falling in love with an objectionable suitor. mrs. tracy almost blushed at the thought; but still, as an experienced woman, she could not shut her eyes to the possibility. and millicent certainly was not quite like herself. sometimes she could not bear to hear ben renton’s name; but again, if he were spoken slightly of, would flash up. and she was cross and uneasy and restless, exacting about the grenadine and the little things she wanted,—not easy to manage in any way. it might be dangerous to leave them alone together. for these very different reasons mrs. tracy exercised all her diplomatic skill to delay, and, if possible, put off altogether, this unlucky interview. and in the meantime all the boxes were packed, and such of the tradespeople as she could not help paying were paid. a hundred pounds is not a very large sum of money after all. she took care to point out to the landlady that she was only going for the baths, and might be{155} expected back again, so that people were not so very sharp about their accounts as perhaps they might have been. and she went so far as to leave her superfluous luggage in guildford street,—an unmistakable sign of probity. if the end of all their schemes were attained in homburg, why then there would,—no doubt,—be money for everything; and, if not, why it was no use burning their ships until they saw how things would go. it was on the last evening that ben found his way to the drawing-room with a smouldering fire of excitement in his heart. not all mrs. tracy’s skill could balk him of that last gratification; but she had succeeded in postponing it to the last night.
millicent was seated where she had been the first time he saw her,—where she had been on that memorable day when she told him their need,—on a low, straight-backed chair in the corner, against the wall, with the light coming in on her from under the half-lowered blind. she was innocent of any consciousness of that perfection of effect. the blind was down only because mrs. tracy felt that it looked well from the outside, neither of them being sufficiently skilled to know how cleverly this device concentrated the light upon the beautiful head. she had some work in her hands, as usual, by way of relief and refuge in what was likely to be an agitating interview. and yet millicent did not look much as if she should herself be agitated. her lips were drawn{156} in the least in the world; her forehead had the ghost of a line on it; her foot patted in soft impatience upon the carpet. she was anxious, very anxious to have it over. what was the use of talk? she was ready to see him, ready to please him so far as she could, and yet she could not but be irritated with the man who had disappointed her,—could not but feel that his hundred pounds was a very paltry substitute for what she had expected of him. millicent was not beginning her new campaign with any very brilliant hopes. she was ready, even now, to cry with vexation and disappointment. she never had brought a man to the point and felt that she could put up with him, and might have a comfortable life before her, but he went and got himself disinherited! it was all very well for the others, who had no particular trouble in the matter; and nobody sympathised sufficiently with millicent to see that the very sight of him was tantalising to her, now that he was no good! at the same time, she was used to commanding herself, and did not betray these emotions. ben went into the room with the noiseless rapidity of passion. she did not know he was coming until he was there, leaning against the window, gazing down upon her. mrs. tracy was out of the room, though she had not meant to be so. he had seized upon the moment, determined, at least for this once, to have everything his own way.{157}
‘oh, mr. renton, how you startled me!’ said millicent. ‘i never heard you come up-stairs.’
‘i did not mean you should,’ said ben. he had come up very wild in his passion, with a hundred violent, tender words on his lips to say; but when he came before her, and gazed down on her passionless face, somehow the fire went out of him. a kind of wonder stole over his mind,—a wonder not unusual to men before such a woman. was it anything to her at all,—anything out of the ordinary way? the meeting, the parting,—which shook his very being,—was it merely an every-day incident with her, saying, ‘good-bye to poor mr. renton?’ he stood and gazed, with his heart in his eyes, at the calm creature. the very marble warms a little on its surface, at least, under the shining of the sun. when she raised her lovely eyes to him,—undimmed, unbrightened, no haze of feeling nor sparkle of excitement in them,—shining calmly, as they always did, a sense of half adoration, half scorn, awoke in ben’s mind. was she chillier than the marble, then? or was not this passionless sweetness of the woman, before the fiery love which blazed about her, a something half divine? ‘you do not care much,’ he said. ‘i was a fool to think you would care; and yet i have been counting the moments till this moment should come.’
‘it is very kind of you to think so much of me,’ said millicent; ‘and i did want to see you, mr.{158} renton. i wanted to tell you that i never for one moment thought,—never imagined you would do anything, like what you have done. i should not have told you, had i thought so; i should have died sooner.’
‘oh, millicent! is this all you have to say to me?’ cried her lover. ‘i wish it was at the bottom of the sea;—i wish—— never mind. think for one moment, if you can, that i have never done anything—except—love you. that does not sound much,’ the young man went on, stooping down, almost kneeling before her, that his eyes might help his words. a smile of half disdain at himself broke over his face as he caught her eye. ‘it does not sound much,’ he cried. ‘you will say to yourself, small thanks to him,—everybody does that; but it is everything in the world to me. have you nothing to say to me for that, millicent?—not one word?’
‘it is very kind of you. you are very good,—you always were very good to me,’ said millicent, hurriedly under her breath, with a glance at the door. undoubtedly, mrs. tracy’s presence would have been a relief now.
‘kind!’ he cried, with a sort of groan,—‘good to you! then that is all i am to have by way of farewell?’
‘mr. renton,’ said millicent, rousing herself up, ‘i don’t know what you think i can say. you know what you told me last time we spoke of this. you{159} said you were disinherited. you said you had nothing to offer me. well, then, what can i answer? it is very good of you to—care for me. i shall always feel you have done me an honour. but there is nothing to give an answer to that i know of; and, indeed, i can’t tell what else to say.’
‘ah, if it is only that there is nothing to answer!’ cried ben. ‘millicent, tell me i am to work for you,—tell me that when i have changed all this,—when i have made my way in the world,—when i have something to offer,—that i am to come back to you. tell me so,—only that i am to come!’
with a little laugh, half of natural embarrassment, half of art, millicent glanced at, and turned away from her lover, who was now fairly on his knees before her, looking up with eager, pleading, impassioned eyes into her face. ‘that would be very like making you an offer,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘you cannot expect me to do that.’
‘but i may come?’ said ben. he took her calm, soft hands into his, which burned and trembled. he kissed them with his quivering, passionate lips. oh, what a fool he was! that was the uppermost thought in the mind of the beautiful creature at whose feet he thus threw himself. a man of the world, too, who ought to have seen through her,—who ought to have known that she was not the sort of woman to wait years and years on such a vague, nay, hopeless prospect. yes, he might come if he{160} liked. what did it matter? if he was to make his own way in the world, no doubt it would be years and years first, and by that time his feelings would have changed, of course. it was easier to pretend to yield to him, and satisfy him for the moment, than to set the truth plainly before him and make a scene. thus millicent reasoned, not without compassion, not without kindness, for the foolish fellow who held her hands in such a tremulous, passionate embrace. there lay the special hardness of her fate. she could have liked him had everything been as it ought to be. she was sorry for him even now; but, after all, what did it matter? it must be years and years before he could have anything to offer, and of course his feelings would have changed a dozen times before that. it was best to smooth over matters, and make him happy now. thus ben came off victorious from both mother and daughter,—victorious,—conqueror of all real obstacles that could stand between him and his love. so he thought.
when he went down stairs again he found the vulgarest little envelope on his table,—dirty, crumpled, with his name scrawled on it in a style he was quite familiar with,—his weekly bill,—and he had not anything to pay it with,—not a shilling in the world!
