"i, you, and god can comprehend each other."
it was two months after allegra's wedding-day, and martin disney had been warned that the closing hour of the young life he had watched so tenderly was not far off. it might come to-morrow; or it might not come for a week; or the lingering flame might go flickering on, fainting and reviving in the socket, for another month. he must hold himself prepared for the worst. death might come suddenly at the last, like a thief in the night; or by stealthy, gradual steps, and slowest progress from life to clay.
he sat beside isola's sofa in the roman lodging as he had sat beside her bed in that long illness at trelasco, when her wandering mind appalled him more than her bodily weakness. he watched as faithfully as he had watched then, but this time without hope.
father rodwell had been with her at seven o'clock upon the last three mornings, and had administered the sacrament to her and to her husband, and to the faithful tabitha, one with them in piety and love. the priest thought that each celebration would be the last; but she rallied a little as the day wore on, and lived till sunset; lived through the long painful night; and another day dawned, and he found her waiting for him in the morning, ready to greet him with her pale smile when he appeared upon the threshold of her room, after going up the staircase in saddest apprehension, dreading to hear that all was over, except the funeral service and the funeral bell.
she insisted upon getting up and going into the drawing-room, feeble as she was. tabitha was so handy and so helpful that the fatigue of an invalid's toilet was lightened to the uttermost. tabitha and the colonel carried her[pg 319] from the bedroom to the drawing-room upon her couch, and carried the couch back to the bedside in the evening. before noon she was lying in the sunlit salon, surrounded with flowers and photographs and books and newspapers, and all things that lighten the monotonous hours of sickness.
nor was companionship ever wanting. martin disney devoted himself to her with an unfailing patience. upon no pretence would he leave her for more than half an hour at a time—-just the space of a walk to the hill of gardens, or the length of the via de' condotti and the corso; just the space of a cigar in the loggia.
he read to her, he talked to her, he waited upon her. tabitha and he were her only nurses; for l?ttchen was a young woman of profound concentration of motive, and had early taken unto herself the motto, one baby, one nurse. she conscientiously performed her duty to her infant charge; but she rarely lifted a finger to help any one else.
it was drawing towards the end of july; the weather had been lovely hitherto—hot, and very hot, but not insupportable for those who could afford to dawdle and sleep away their mid-day and afternoon existence—who had horses to carry them about in the early mornings, and a carriage to drive them in moonlit gardens and picturesque places. in the suburbs of the great city, across the arid campagna yonder, at tivoli, and frascati, and albano, and castel gandolfo, people had been revelling in the summer, living under jove's broad roof, with dancing and sports, and music and feasting, and rustic, innocent kisses, snatched amidst the darkness of groves whose only lamps are fireflies—deep woods of ilex, where the nightingale sings long and late, and the grasshopper trills his good night through the perfumed herbage.
here, in rome, the heat was more oppressive, and the splashing of the city's many fountains was the only relief from the glare and dazzle of the piazzas, the whiteness of the[pg 320] great blocks of houses in the new streets and boulevards. blinds were lowered, and shops were shut, in the blinding noontide heat, and through the early afternoon the eternal city was almost as silent and reposeful as the sleeping beauty—to awaken at sundown to movement, and life, and music, and singing, in lighted streets and crowded cafes.
suddenly, in the dim grey of the morning, the slumberous calm of summer changed to howling wind and tropical rain—torrential rain, that filled every gutter, and splashed from every housetop, and ran in wild cascades from every alley on the steep hillsides. the campagna was one vast lake, illumined with flashes of lightning, and the thunder pealed and reverberated along the lofty parapets of the ruined aqueducts. the tall cypresses in the pincian gardens bent like saplings before that mighty wind, which seemed to howl and shriek its loudest as it came tearing down from the hill to whistle and rave among the housetops in the piazza di spagna.
"one would think the ghost of nero were shrieking in the midst of the tempest," said isola, as she listened to the fitful sobbing of the wind late in the dull grey afternoon, while her husband and father rodwell sat near her couch, keeping up that sad pretence of cheerfulness which love struggles to maintain upon the very edge of the grave—the brokenhearted make-believe of those who know that death waits at the door. "there comes a shrill cry every now and then like the scream of a wicked spirit in pain."
"rome is full of ghosts," answered the priest, "but there are the shadows of the good and the great as well as of the wicked. walking alone in twilight on the aventine, i should hardly be surprised to meet the spirit of gregory the great wandering amidst the scenes of his saintly life; nor do i ever go into the pantheon at dusk without half expecting to see the shade of raffaelle. and there are others—some i knew in the flesh—wiseman and antonelli, gibson, the sculptor, consummate artist and gentlest of men—yes, rome[pg 321] is full of the shadows of the good and the wise. one can afford to put up with nero."
"you don't mean me to think that you believe in ghosts?" asked isola, deeply interested.
it was only five o'clock, yet the sky was grey with the greyness of late evening. here in this land of sunshine there had been all day long the brooding gloom of storm-clouds, and a sky that was dark as winter.
"i won't analyze my own feelings on the subject; i will quote the words of a man at whose feet it was my happiness to sit sometimes when i was a lad at oxford. canon mozley has not shrunk from facing the great problem of spiritual life in this world—of an invisible after-existence upon the earth when the body is dust. 'is the mother of our lord now existing?' he asks, and answers, 'yes. i believe that all fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters are now existing. nature has disposed of their bodies as far as we can trace her work; but their souls remain. so i read in homer, in virgil, and in the new testament. this existence i am permitted to believe is a conscious and active existence.' canon mozley, the man who wrote those words, and much more in the same strain, was not an idle visionary. if he could afford to believe in the presence of the dead among us, why, so can i. and i believe that gregory the great has whispered at the ear of many a holy father in the long line of his successors, and has influenced many a cardinal's vote, and has been an invisible power in many a council."
"i like to believe in ghosts," said isola, gently. "but i thank god those that i love are still in this life."
she held out her hand with a curiously timid gesture to her husband, who clasped it tenderly, bending his lips to kiss the pale thin fingers. oh, death, pity and pardon are so interwoven with thine image that neither pride nor anger has any force against thy softening influence. she had been false. she had wronged him and dishonoured herself, cruelly, cruelly, most cruelly; but she had suffered and repented,[pg 322] and she was passing away from him. let the broken spirit pass in peace!
that day wore itself out in storm and tempest, and the night came on like a fierce death-struggle; and the wind raved and shrieked at intervals all through the night; and again next day there were gloom and darkness, and a sky heaped up with masses of lead-coloured cloud; and again the torrential rain streamed from the housetops and splashed in the streets below; a dreary day to be endured even by the healthy and the happy—a day of painful oppression for an invalid. isola's spirits sank to the lowest depth, and for the first time since allegra's marriage she talked hopelessly of their separation.
"if i could only see her once more before i die," she sighed.
"my dear love, you shall see her as soon as the railway can bring her here. remember, it is you who have forbidden me to send for her. you know how dearly she loves you—how willingly she would come to you. i'll telegraph to her within half an hour."
"no, no, no," isola protested hurriedly. "no, we can never meet again in this world. i took my farewell of her in the church. i meant it to be farewell. i was very happy for her sake when i saw her married to the man she loved. it was a selfish repining that made me ask for her just now. i would not have her summoned here for worlds. she is so happy at venice—happy in her honeymoon dream. tell her nothing, martin—nothing till you can tell her that my days have ended peacefully. she has borne her burden for me in the past. i want her to be free from all care about me—but not to forget me."
"she will not forget, isola. she loves you fondly and truly."
"yes, i am sure of that. she was dearer to me than my own sister—cared for me much more than gwendolen ever cared, though gwen and i were always good friends. poor[pg 323] feather-headed gwen! she writes me affectionate letters, hoping she may get to italy in the autumn, though it is impossible for her to come just now. and mother and father write to me just in the same way—mother regretting that her health won't allow her to leave dinan; father hoping to see me in the autumn. their letters are full of hopefulness," she concluded, with a faint touch of irony.
her husband read to her for the greater part of the long gloomy day. he read st. thomas à kempis for some part of the time. the book had been on the little table by her side throughout her illness. he read two or three of frederick robertson's sermons, and for occasional respite from too serious thought he read her favourite poems—adona?s, alastor, and some of shelley's lovely lyrics, and those passages in childe harold which had acquired a new charm for her since she had grown familiar with rome.
"read to me about venice," she said, "and let me think of allegra and captain hulbert. i love to fancy them gliding along those narrow, picturesque streets, in the great, graceful, ponderous gondola i remember so well. it is so nice to know of their happiness—and to know that they need never be parted."
so the long summer day—without the glow and glory of summer—wore on, and except for her excessive languor and feebleness there were no indications that the patient's state was any worse than it had been for some weeks. the doctor came late in the afternoon, and felt her pulse, and talked to her a little; but it was easy to see that his visit was only a formula.
"you have such an excellent nurse, mrs. disney, that i consider my position almost a sinecure," he said, smiling at the faithful tabitha, who stood waiting for his instructions, and who never forgot the minutest detail.
tabitha came in from the adjoining bedroom every now and then, and adjusted the pillows on the sofa, and sprinkled eau de cologne, or fanned the invalid with a large japanese[pg 324] fan, or arranged the silken coverlet over her feet, or brought her some small refreshment in the way of a cup of soup or jelly, and tenderly coaxed and assisted her to take it, talking just as much or as little as seemed prudent, always careful neither to fatigue nor excite her charge.
it was between eight and nine in the evening, and there was a gloomy twilight in the loggia, and in the garden beyond. the wind which had dropped in the afternoon had begun to rage again, as if not only nero but all the wicked emperors were abroad in the air.
isola had begged that one of the windows might be opened, in spite of the tempestuous weather; and the cold damp breath of the storm crept into the room and chilled martin disney as he sat by his wife's sofa, reading a london paper that had come by the evening post.
tho only artificial light in the room was a reading-lamp at the colonel's elbow, shaded from the draught by the four-leaved screen which protected the invalid. the gloomy grey daylight had not quite faded, and through the half-open door opposite him martin disney saw the white marble wall of the staircase, and some oleanders in stone vases that stood on the spacious landing.
he had been reading to isola nearly all day. he was reading to himself now, trying to forget his own grief in the consideration of a leading article which prophecied a european war, and the ultimate extinction of english influence in continental politics.
there was perfect stillness in the room. isola had been lying with closed eyes a little time before, and he fancied that she was sleeping.
the silence had lasted for nearly an hour, broken only by the shriek of the wind, and by the chiming of the quarters from the church of la trinità de' monti, when colonel disney was startled by his wife's hand clutching his arm, and his wife's agitated whisper sounding close to his ear.
"martin! did you see him?"
she had lifted herself into a sitting position, she who had not been able to sit up for many days past.
the hectic bloom had faded from her cheeks and left them ashy pale. her eyes seemed almost starting from her head, straining their gaze as if to penetrate the deepening shadows on the landing beyond the half-open door.
"my love, you have been dreaming," said disney, soothing her with womanly gentleness. "lie down again, my poor dear. see, let me arrange the pillows and make you quite comfortable."
"no, no! i was not dreaming. i have not been asleep. he was there. i saw him as plainly as i see you. he pushed the door a little further open and looked in at me. i saw his face in the lamplight, very pale."
disney glanced at the door involuntarily. yes, the aperture was certainly wider than when he looked at it last; just as if some one's hand had pushed the door a little further back. the hand of the wind, no doubt.
"my dear girl, believe me, you were dreaming. no one could have approached that doorway without my hearing them."
"i have been lying awake thinking all the time you have been reading your paper, martin. i never had less inclination to sleep. i know that he was there looking in at me, with a smile upon his pale face. but he has gone. thank god, he has gone! only i can't help wondering how he came there, without our hearing his step upon the stone stair."
"who was it, isola?"
he knew what the answer would be. he thought her mind was wandering, and he knew there was only one image which could so agitate her.
"lostwithiel."
"a delusion, isa. lord lostwithiel is far away from rome. come, dear love, let me read to you again, and let us have our good tabitha in to cheer you with a cup of[pg 326] tea, and to brighten up the room a little. we have been growing low-spirited under the influence of the gloomy weather."
he went out of the room on pretence of summoning tabitha, and having sent her to watch beside his wife, he ran quickly downstairs to find out if the street door were open or closed. the door was shut and bolted. the servants on the ground floor had not opened the door to any one after five o'clock. there was no possibility of any stranger having entered the house since that hour.
the end came that night, with an appalling suddenness. isola had refused to be carried back to her bedroom at the usual time. she seemed to have a horror of going back to that room, as if the shadows lurking there were full of fear. even father rodwell's presence, which generally had a soothing effect upon her nerves and spirits, failed to comfort her to-night. she refused to lie in her usual position, and insisted upon sitting up, supported by pillows, facing the doorway at which her fancy had evoked lostwithiel's image. she would not allow the door to be shut, and there was the same strained look in her too brilliant eyes all the evening.
father rodwell read aloud to her, continuing a history of st. cecilia, in which she had been warmly interested; but to-night he could see that her thoughts were not with the book. he read on all the same, hoping that the sound of his voice might lull her to sleep. the wind had gone down as the night advanced, and the stars were shining in the strip of sky above the pincian gardens. colonel disney was pacing up and down the loggia, smoking his pipe in the cool darkness—full of saddest apprehensions.
her mind had been wandering, surely, when she had that fancy about lostwithiel, he told himself. it was something more than a dream. and then he remembered those long nights of delirium after her boy was born—and above all, that one night, when she had fancied herself at sea in a[pg 327] storm, when she had tried to fling herself overboard. he knew now what scene she had re-acted in that delirium, what the vision was which a mind distraught had conjured out of empty darkness.
the priest left them before eleven o'clock, and martin disney sat with his wife till long after midnight—tabitha waiting quietly in the next room—before he could persuade her to go to bed. isola was more wakeful than usual—though her slumbers had been much broken of late—and there was a restlessness about her which impressed her husband as a sign of evil.
"is the storm over?" she asked, by-and-by, with her face turned towards the loggia and the starlight above the garden.
"yes, dearest, all is calm now."
"and the boy?" she said, suddenly looking up at the ceiling above which the child slept with his nurse. "he is asleep, of course."
"i hope so. i went upstairs at nine o'clock, while father rodwell was reading to you, and gave him my goodnight kiss. he was fast asleep."
"i wonder whether he will ever think of me when he is a man?" she said musingly.
"can you doubt that? you will be his most sacred memory."
"ah," she replied, "he will never know——"
the sentence remained unfinished.
"will you carry me to my bed, martin? the room begins to grow dark," she whispered faintly. "i can hardly see your face."
he lifted the wasted form in his arms, and carried her with tenderest care into the next room, and to the pure white bed which had been made ready for her, the long net curtains parted, the coverlet turned down. he laid her there, as he had done many a night during that slow and monotonous journey towards the grave; but her gentle acknowledgment of his carefulness was wanting to-night.[pg 328] her head sank upon the pillow, her pale lips parted with a fluttering sigh, and all was still.
this was how the end came—suddenly, painlessly. she died like an infant falling asleep.
colonel disney laid his wife in the place she had loved, the cemetery under the shadow of the old roman wall, in a verdant corner near shelley's grave.
burial follows death with dreadful swiftness in that southern land, and the earth closed over isola before noon of the day after her death.
martin disney waited to see the new-made grave covered with summer's loveliest blossoms before he left the cemetery and went back to the house to which he had taken his fading wife in the radiant italian springtime. he paced the desolate rooms, and wandered in and out between the drawing-room and the sunny bedroom, with its snowy curtained bed, and looked at this object and that with tear-dimmed eyes and an aching heart.
she was gone. that page of his life was closed for ever. and now he had but one purpose and one desire—to settle his account with the scoundrel who had destroyed her. he had waited till she was at rest: and now the long agony of waiting was over. nothing could touch her more; and he was free to bring her seducer to book.
he had telegraphed in the morning to captain hulbert at venice, but there had been no reply so far; and he could only suppose that allegra and her husband had left the city upon one of those excursions which his sister had described to him as diversifying their quiet life in their palace on the grand canal. he had not been at home long, and his tired eyes were still dazed and blinded by the flood of sunlight which the servants had let in upon the rooms after the funeral, when a telegram was brought to him.
it was from brindisi.
"the eurydice went down with all hands last night, off smyrna. my brother was on board. i am on my way to greece. if you can be spared go to allegra.—hulbert."
martin disney knew later that it was between eight and nine o'clock that the eurydice struck upon a rock, and every soul on board her perished.
the boy and his nurse went back to trelasco under tabitha's escort, and they were followed to cornwall soon afterwards by the new lord lostwithiel and his wife, who established themselves at the mount, to the great satisfaction of the neighbourhood, where it was felt that the local nobleman had again become a permanent institution. allegra and her husband took martin disney's son under their protection in the absence of his father, who carried a heavy heart back to the jungle and the tent, trying to find distraction and forgetfulness in the pursuit of big game, and who did not revisit the angler's nest till two years after his wife's death, when he returned to live a tranquil life among the books in the library which he had built for himself, and to watch the growth of his son, whose every look and tone recalled the image of his dead wife. sometimes, on drowsy summer afternoons, smoking his pipe under the tulip tree, while the fowey river rippled by in the sunshine, it seemed to him as if isola's pensive loveliness, and the years that he had lived with her, and the tears that he had shed for her, and the infinite pity which had blotted out all sense of his deep wrong, were only the transient phases of a long sad dream—the dream of a love that never was returned.
"and yet, and yet," he said to himself, after lengthened meditation, with unseeing eyes fixed upon the movement of the tide, "i think she loved me. i think her heart was mine from the hour her tears welcomed me back to this house, until her last sigh. god help all young wives whom their[pg 330] husbands leave alone in their youth and beauty to stand or fall in the hour of temptation!"
idly exploring the contents of the secretaire in the drawing-room one day, martin disney found the telegraphic message which his wife had written—and left unsent—before the hunt ball.
