windsor castle september 1172 i had no time to recover from my meeting with alais, for the meal in the great hall would take place, whether i willed it or no. and i did will it, for it was the only chance that day that i would have to see henry, to remind him of our old alliance, and of his love for me. whatever alais did for him behind the curtains of his bed, i had done more and done better in my time. i had borne him living sons, and daughters to shore up his power, and the power of the realm. henry and i had been partners on the throne of england far longer than alais had been alive. i knew that even now he might still be brought to reason. i was late coming to the hall, but when i stepped inside, i saw that all my arrangements had taken place just as i had ordered them. jugglers and musicians performed below the high table, careful to include the king in their revelry, but always keeping their focus on the foot of the table, where richard and i would sit. richard was waiting for me. he had never found such things amusing, and as he sat across from henry, gazing at the woman who would have been his, he drank bitter dregs along with his mead. but i had coached him well, and he knew his role. he stood when i entered, and bowed to me, as if i were an empress. the rest of my people took up his gesture, bowing as if they had never seen me before and i had just come down to earth from the right hand of god. they did not kneel, for that would have been pushing things too far. as it was, henry raised a sardonic eyebrow at me, meeting my gaze above everyone’s heads. some of henry’s own men took up the conceit, and bowed to me as well, though not as low or as long. henry almost laughed to see them do it, and to see their confusion as they rose once more, looking first to one another and then to him for guidance. never before had our court been so openly divided.no one but my own people knew how to handle it gracefully, and they knew only because i had instructed them. just when it would have begun to seem defiance of the king and not love of me, my people rose from their obeisance and took their places at the high table and at the tables below the dais. my musicians began to play a softer tune, one more conducive to taking a meal, gentle, light music to aid digestion. there was much for me to swallow that night, and well henry knew it. henry stood to greet me with honor, and i faced him. “welcome, eleanor.” i had covered myself in splendor that night, wearing a new gown of the deepest green that brought out the emerald brilliance of my eyes. i smiled at him as if it were any other night, and raised one eweled hand, acknowledging his words. “i thank you, my lord king. you are kind to welcome me into my own hall.” henry did not smolder. anger did not rise behind his eyes. i wondered if he had heard from the pope already clearly, he had planned the next move in his game, and did not fear any retribution from me. “it is my hall, eleanor. it would do well for you to remember that.” i knew that if henry and i might speak alone, even now, the political situation might be salvaged. but i saw from the set of his clear gray eyes that he would not see me alone, that night or ever. we would have to play out this farce, as we had played out so many before, neither giving way. always before, i had deferred to him in the end, for always, he was king. but this time, i could not, and he knew it. this time we played for all or nothing, no middle ground between us. i saw that it saddened him a little to cast me aside, but when he turned to alais, and took her hand, i saw that he would do it. i said nothing more, but curtsied to henry, letting richard take my arm and seat me at the end of the high table. i sat at the very foot, facing henry directly. my presence elevated the lowly spot to one of beauty and graciousness. even in defeat, i smiled as if i knew it. my women came and sat around me, the ones who knew they would never gain position with the king. richard shared my trencher and his men flanked him. alais sat by henry, eating off his trencher, dressed once more in cloth of gold. henry had his dressmakers working during the weeks he and his lover were gone to deptford; my spies had reported back to me of the fortune henry was spending on new silks for the princess, the multicolored gowns that were cut from her old measurements. alais did not seem overweening in her pride, in spite of the fortune in jewels and silk she wore; she simply sat at henry’s side as if she belonged there. henry sat beside my rival and waved one hand. servers came at once and laid fresh meat and greens on my trencher, setting down a golden goblet full of my favorite wine. henry smiled on me as if i were his guest, and not his wife of over twenty years. prince john came into the hall then, drawing my eye away from the king. he had waited in the shadows to see how the scene between us played out. now that all was calm once more, he stepped forward onto the dais. john came to me first, bowing courteously to me and kissing my hand, as any good son might. but after he greeted me, he turned at once and knelt to the king. henry smiled, his eyes softening. i could see that john was still his favorite son. there was no dissembling in john’s face, no ploy to play one parent off against the other. a flash of irritation lit richard’s eyes, and henry noticed it as i did. he gazed down the table at his elder son before he gave john leave to rise. “you are welcome, john. come here and sit by me.” the gentleman at henry’s side vacated his position at once, and john sat down, his slanted eyes smiling at alais, as i had instructed him. “good evening, father. i see your rose is as lovely as she was an hour ago.” “two hours ago, john. no rose, even one just cut, would fade so quickly.” john served himself some pork. “the princess is as lovely as a fresh bloom, my lord. that is not merely a pretty courtesy.” the meal passed slowly as i paid my people the compliments they deserved, and as my musicians played on, knowing that i would pay them as well, once the meal was over. henry eyed me over the rim of his cup of mead. i still hoped that i might persuade him to speak to me. i raised my goblet to him in a mock toast, and henry laughed, raising his tankard to me. for a moment, the ember of the old love that had always been between us glowed once more. but henry turned from me almost in the same instant, and moved his hand beneath the table. no doubt he was caressing alais there in front of me. he raised his voice to be certain that i might hear him. “alais,” henry said, “will you not stand up for a dance with my son?” for one horrible moment, i thought he wanted her to stand with richard before all the court, dancing under his eye, as if they were still together, and happy alais thought the same thing, for she turned pale, her color returning only when henry spoke again. “john, take my betrothed among the dancers, if you are willing.” i heard the word henry used to my face, as did all the company all my people looked away, or called for wine or mead. henry met my eyes. he was set on this course, for good or ill. whether or not alais’ hand had put him there, he walked that path now of his own free will. i listened as my son answered him. “it would be my honor, my lord king.” john stood and bowed, first to henry, then to me. as i tried to regain my balance, to keep my smile in place, i wondered where john had gotten his worldly calm. it did not have a hint of henry behind it, nor of my own false warmth. john was a man unto himself, though he was still only a boy. john looked down on alais, his hand extended, then looked to me. as i met his eyes, i saw nothing in their hazel depths. a mask of smiling pleasure covered his thoughts as alais laid her hand in his. richard sat helpless as his brother led alais onto the dance floor. he watched them move together, his face a mask of misery. his man-at-arms john of northumberland spoke for him. “my lord. the king.” richard looked down the table and saw henry gloating at his pain. richard drew on all the powers of dissemblance i had ever tried to teach him, for he did not flush with fury, nor did he reach for the dagger at his wrist. instead, richard bowed his head to the king, then turned back to his tankard of mead. john was but a child, after all. henry moved to join my son and alais on the floor below our dais. he extended his hand to her, and alais took it, john bowing to them both as smoothly as any courtier, as if henry’s presence was just one more step in the dance. richard watched his father and his betrothed together, and i saw the pain behind his eyes, and the hatred behind that. henry saw it, too. henry took alais out of the hall. i rose to my feet when everyone else did, to watch him pass. alais did not meet my gaze, nor i, hers, yet in the moment before she disappeared, she was the only other person in the room for me. once they were gone, i sat down, heavily. henry had not spoken to me, nor even nodded, as he took his paramour out of my sight. but the night was still young, and i had my own moves to make. richard swallowed hard, taking in this poison, as i had taken in mine. it was a hard road we walked. he had not yet put his love for alais behind him. i began to see that he never would, for now she had become attached to his hatred for his father. gregory of lisle and john of northumberland were never far from my son’s side, especially in this court of his enemies. they sat on richard’s other side,as if to flank him, to protect his back as they would in time of war. i smiled my wicked smile at them, knowing that smile had brought many men to their knees over the years. both young men blushed, and i was well rewarded. my son kissed my cheek as if his pain was not deep, as if the poison inside him did not hinder him. i saw his pain, but i saw also that it might be remedied. he would always love alais, for she was the only woman on earth who was so like me, but there were other women who might comfort him. i leaned across richard and spoke to gregory. “you must see to it that richard takes a lover. he cannot moon after the princess any longer.” “madam, i have already told him so.” gregory met richard’s eyes, and tried not to smile. richard had done all he could for one night, and would take no more advice from me. “i am going to my rooms, mother. unless you have need of me.” “go, richard. i will see you in the morning.” “who will escort you to your rooms?” his solicitousness was sweet, as he always was. he was the greatest warrior in europe, but richard had a soft heart. he would shield me from the dark, as if that were all i had to fear. i smiled at richard’s man. “the lord northumberland will be kind enough to see me safe home.” john gulped, and a blush suffused his fair skin. “your majesty, it will be my honor.” richard looked into my eyes, searching for my motive. he did not find it. he kissed me once more, swiftly on the cheek, then turned to leave, as if he could not bear the sight of his father’s hall a moment longer. gregory followed him, for we all knew that it would not do to have the prince left alone in the dark halls of his father’s castle. gregory would bring my son a woman that night, and richard most likely would have none of her. i caught the eye of young margaret, who was still at court, though not as openly welcomed by richard as she once had been. i nodded to her, and she flushed, honored by my attention, for she had been banished from my women for over a month now. i raised one eyebrow, and inclined my head toward the door richard had departed from. margaret colored visibly, and leaped to her feet as if scalded. she bowed low to me, and hurried after richard. perhaps she was one woman my son would not turn away john of northumberland then led me out by the hand in front of my husband’s court. all the world knew that i had never taken a lover since marrying henry. all knew that it would not be worth my life to defy the king in such a way but tonight would be different. tonight i would indulge myself, and henry be damned. john of northumberland took me back to my own rooms, and my women withdrew as they had done in the past when henry would visit me, as silently as if john were the king himself. the young man stood tall, and looked frightened, as if he had never been alone in a room with a woman before. i thought at first he was simply overawed, for i was queen, the most beautiful woman in europe, the only woman to hold power in her own right in the whole of christendom. i thought to offer him some wine, to ask him about his adventures in war at my son’s side, but then i saw the truth. he honored me, but did not desire me. i was old enough to be his grandmother. i had never been one to lie to myself. i sighed, and drank my wine. “that is all, john. you may go.” he left at once, bowing low, knowing that i had gifted him with a reprieve. he knew, as i did, that all the court would believe him my lover, though he had not so much as touched my hand. i hoped it raised his standing among his comrades, as it once would have done. i would never know, for i would not ask my spies to tell me. though i had to be honest with myself, i did not have to listen to the honest opinions of others unless i wished to. one more advantage of being queen. so i sat alone, without my women to attend me, as i had always done since alais left me. no longer did i have her soft hands in my hair. no longer did i feel the gentle pull of her brush as she sat behind me, keeping my feet to the fire, that i might be comfortable as she tended me. alais had cared for me from love, and not from fear. she was the only woman who had ever done so. even my daughters feared me. even my sons. i lay down on my bed, but i did not sleep. i stared at the shadows that ran across my ceiling, the shadows that once would have shown the motion of me and my chosen lover, moving together in the half-light. those shadows once would have shown henry standing over me, leaning down to take my lips with his. tonight henry did attend a woman. once more, as it had been for many years, that woman was not me.