i never can understand upon what principle the rate of a groom’s wages is always inversely proportioned to the work he performs. for instance, major brush’s excellent domestic—a bat-man, of lengthy proportions and military exterior—brushed his master’s clothes, prepared his master’s breakfast, took the first horse to covert, and rode the second on occasion, cleaning either or both, if necessary, when they came in, upon a stipend which would barely have kept mr. tiptop in cavendish and blacking.
the latter worthy, with a whole troop of helpers under his command, never seemed to have a moment to spare for anything but the routine duties of his station. as for riding a second horse, or remaining out on a wet day, beyond his accustomed dinner-hour, his master would as soon have thought of bidding him dig potatoes! no: if mr. tiptop went out hunting at all, it was generally on a third horse in excellent condition, that wanted a couple of hours’ preparation for the day after to-morrow, when the rider, in a long-backed coat, a shaved hat, and the best boots and breeches the art of man can compass, might be seen at intervals, during a run with the first fox, now opening a hand-gate, now creeping cautiously through a gap, and anon cantering, with a newmarket seat, and his hands down, up some grassy slope, in front of soldiers, statesmen, hereditary legislators, and justices of the peace, as if not only the field, but the country, was his own.
old isaac, on the contrary, though subject to occasional “rustiness,” and imbued with a strong aversion to what he called being “put upon,” was ready and willing to turn his hand to anything, if he thought such versatility would really conduce to mr. sawyer’s advantage. with the assistance of the boy—who, indeed, since his arrival at harborough, had been constantly inebriated—the old man looked after the three hunters, the hack, and his master, with considerable satisfaction. he had even spare time on his hands, now that he was removed from the responsibility of the pigs, the poultry, and potatoes at the grange.
it was in one of these moments of leisure that the bold idea of getting the better of mr. tiptop entered the old groom’s mind. i need not, therefore, specify that, under his calm demeanour, isaac concealed a disposition of considerable enterprise and audacity.
now the manner in which he proposed to take advantage of the acquaintance he had lately struck up with mr. tiptop was as follows:—by dint of his own sagacity and diplomatic reticence, he resolved that he would prevail on that gentleman to persuade his master that the redoubtable bay horse marathon should be transferred to his own stables; and, to explain isaac’s anxiety for this consummation, i must be permitted to describe the appearance and general capabilities of that peculiar animal.
marathon, then, was a long bay horse, about fifteen-two, with short legs, a round barrel, well ribbed up, and an enormous swish-tail, of which he made considerable use. he was one of those doubtfully-shaped animals which are condemned alike by the eye of the totally inexperienced and the consummate judges of horseflesh, but which are much coveted by that large class of purchasers with whom “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.”
and here i must remark how correct is usually our first impression of a horse; and how seldom ladies—who judge of these, as of all other articles, at a glance—are mistaken in their opinion of the noble animal, if indeed they condescend to turn their attention to his “make-and-shape.”
the worst point about marathon was his head, which was coarse, and denoted a sulky temper; but he carried a beautiful coat; could stride away for a mile or so, on light ground, with his hind legs under him, in the form of a racehorse; and in short was never so graphically described as by mr. job sloper, when he sold him for sixty guineas and a set of phaeton harness to his present owner: “if that there horse aint worth five hundred, why, he aint worth fifteen sovereigns—that’s all.”
and mr. sawyer has since confessed to himself, on more than one occasion, that job sloper was right.
mr. tiptop liked isaac, because he thought him an original; and the swell groom, who was as epicurean in his tastes as if he had been a peer, took the pleasure of his friend’s society over a can of egg-flip and a pipe of cavendish daily, after evening stables; during which convivialities, the hard-headedness peculiar to the aborigines of the old country was of infinite service to the latter, who wormed out all the secrets of the honourable crasher’s stable, without betraying his own.
“and there is some talk of a steeple-chase amongst these nobs, is there?” said isaac, ordering at the same time a third call of “the flip,” and knocking the ashes from his pipe with an exceedingly horny finger.
“talk of it! indeed there is,” answered mr. tiptop, whose face was beginning to redden with his potations. “and a precious exhibition it will be, too. ride! there isn’t one of ’em as don’t believe he’s down to every move in the game; and i’d take that boy of yours—though he is but a boy, and not the best of hands, neither—and teach him to outride every man of ’em in a fortnight! such a mess as they made of it last year! blessed if i wasn’t quite ashamed of the honourable, to see him rollin’ about in a striped jacket, like a zebra in convulsions! what’s the use getting a horse fit, when the man’s blown in three fields? but i don’t mind telling you, now,” added he, confidentially, and fixing his eyes on the tallow candle that stood between them—“i don’t mind telling you; for there’s money to be made of it. he’ll win it this year, if he’ll only sit still!”
“win it, will he?” rejoined isaac. “well, i shouldn’t wonder, so as he comes in first. but it takes a smartish nag, mr. tiptop, to win a steeple-chase. have you tried yours to beat everything in the town?”
“well, i think i’ve the length of most on ’em,” answered mr. tiptop, smiling at the candle with a most reflective expression of countenance. “you’ve got a bay as might run up, if he was lucky. why don’t you make your master put him in?”
“he’s as deep as a well, is my master,” answered old isaac. “nobody never knows what he’s up to. bless you! i can’t help thinking as he must have bought the bay a-purpose for this here race: but i don’t know, no more than the dead; and i dursn’t ask him, neither.”
mr. tiptop reflected profoundly for several minutes, during which period isaac’s countenance would have been a study for an artist who wished to represent a face totally devoid of thought. then he asked—
“have you ever tried the bay?”
“never,” answered the senior, who piqued himself on his veracity. “master brought him back from stockbridge, last spring, pretty nigh done; and when i asked him what he’d been up to, he bid me mind my own business. the poor critter! he’d had a benefit, sure-lie!”
this was undoubtedly true, marathon having turned restive at a cross-road on the occasion in question, and, after a quarter of an hour’s fight, given in, completely exhausted.
“if he can beat our mare a mile, at even weights, he’ll win it, as safe as safe!” observed mr. tiptop, now speaking very thick, and with a good deal of gravity.
“i dursn’t give him a mile,” answered isaac, with an emphasis on the substantive which argued that he was open to persuasion for a shorter distance.
mr. tiptop regarded him attentively for several seconds, during which time he thought him first a flat, then the sharpest customer he had ever come across, and lastly an ignorant yokel and greenhorn once more.
“if you’ll chance it,” said he, “i’ll chance our mare. we might try them early to-morrow morning.”
old isaac pretended not to understand. mr. tiptop, with many flourishes, rose to explain.
“you go to exercise,” said he, “a little before it’s light, in the big close just outside the town. put a fourteen-pound saddle on your nag; and don’t say nothing to nobody. i’ll be there in good time, just to give our mare a turn up the close. nobody needn’t be a ha’porth the wiser. once we know the rights of it exactly, we can do what we like. you’re game to the back-bone, old cock, i know! you won’t split!”
“but master’s going to hunt the bay horse to-morrow,” interposed isaac, preserving his appearance of puzzled integrity with admirable composure.
“never mind,” answered mr. tiptop: “you come all the same.” and, leering grimly at the tallow candle, mr. tiptop made his exit, and betook himself heavily to bed.
in the meantime, the hunting gentlemen, at their hotel, had been talking over the probabilities of getting up a steeple-chase, and the chances of the different horses and riders, whose merits they discussed with considerable freedom, and no small amount of that playful badinage which moderns term “chaff.”
struggles, who rode over sixteen stone, was repeatedly entreated to enter, and cordially assured that he would carry all the money of the party; but struggles, besides his enormous weight, was too good a sportsman to take pleasure in such a mongrel affair as a horse-race across a country.
“i’d sooner go to a badger-bait,” said he, “or a cockfight. i’d sooner hunt a cat in a kitchen, or a rat in a sewer. it’s neither one thing nor the other; and i’ll have nothing to do with it!” an announcement which was received with derisive cheers by his companions, amongst which struggles calmly lit a fresh cigar, and filled his tumbler once more with brandy-and-soda.
the committee, as they called themselves, had met, according to custom, for their nightly weed. they were indulging freely in the use of narcotics and stimulants, to the detriment of their digestions, and the destruction of their nerves. they lived by rule, these choice spirits, and restricting themselves, as they believed, with considerable self-denial, to about a bottle-and-a-half of wine apiece at dinner, considered that such abstinence entitled them to smoke any quantity of cigars, and drink any amount of pale brandy, choice hollands, and such alcoholic fluids diluted with soda-water, out of glasses the size of stable-buckets.
men who spend their evenings after this fashion, are apt to be surprised that they cannot cross a country with the coolness and judgment of their earlier years. they wonder why they are beat by farmer styles, who rides a raw four-year-old, but who gets up with the sun, and has his beer with his dinner at one o’clock. they envy my lord’s iron nerves and fresh-coloured face, notwithstanding his grizzled hair, and do not consider that the peer has gone to bed with a clear head and a good conscience every night for the last forty years. some days they get their courage up, and go as well as ever; but these inspiriting occasions become fewer and fewer, and at last they either give up their favourite amusement altogether, or, worse still, spend a large proportion of their time and income in a pursuit from which they have long ceased to derive either pleasure or profit.
the honourable crasher, though he smoked a great deal, had neither spirits nor inclination to drink much; consequently, notwithstanding his languor and apparent debility, he had preserved the integrity of his nervous system. mr. sawyer too, with a vigorous constitution, unimpaired by previous excesses, was not materially affected by these orgies, although his mouth was very dry in the mornings. all the rest, for the first ten minutes, rode more or less in a funk.
nevertheless, volumes of smoke curled around the committee, and the thirst for brandy-and-soda seemed unquenched, unquenchable.
they had discussed the usual topics which enliven the dullness of a bachelor party. they had gone through the different subjects which arise in inevitable rotation. from the merits of horses and the shortcomings of riders, they had proceeded to the fascinations of the other sex, and from that again had, of course, returned to the inexhaustible theme, the merits of horses, once more.
major brush, slightly excited, was the first to cross-question mr. sawyer about his stud. hitherto they had treated our friend with the deference due to a stranger; but he was now to be considered one of themselves, and bantered or otherwise accordingly.
“you never ride that bay horse of yours, sawyer,” said the major, in an off-hand, free-and-easy sort of way. “i like him in the stable, better than anything you’ve got.”
“good horse,” replied mr. sawyer laconically. “goes as fast as you can clap your hands.”
now considerable anxiety had already been excited amongst the grooms of harborough concerning the powers of the said bay horse. old isaac, by an affectation of extreme secrecy, had led one and all to believe there was what they termed “something up” about marathon; and it was but that morning the major’s faithful bat-man had thought it right to give his master a hint that “muster sawyer had one as they were keepin’ dark,” so that the subject created immediate interest amongst the party. mr. savage put down the evening paper, behind which he had been observing his friends, with a certain satirical amusement; struggles paused in the act of raising his tumbler to his lips; and even the honourable crasher roused himself sufficiently to turn in his rocking-chair, and gaze with an expression of sleepy curiosity at the owner of the mysterious bay horse. major brush pursued his inquiries:
“have you ever hunted him?” said he, “or do you keep him to look at?”
dark and grim on mr. sawyer’s mind rose many a vision of disappointment and discomfiture, and sporting casualties, such as come under the generic term “grief,” originating in marathon’s incapacity; but he only replied—
“i’ve too few to keep any for show. i leave that to you swells with your large studs. all mine are forced to come out in their turn.”
the careful ambiguity of our friend’s answer put the whole company on the qui vive. there was evidently something about this nag that was to be kept dark. even struggles, the simplest and frankest of men, began to think mr. sawyer was what he called “a deep ’un.” the astute savage now stepped in for cross-examination.
“shall you enter one for our steeple-chase, sawyer?” said he, with an off-hand air. “anything that can really gallop would be sure to win; and as it is to be entirely amongst ourselves, and we shall all ride, it will be rather good fun.”
“when is it?” asked mr. sawyer, with admirable simplicity, as if this very steeple-chase, and a certain ball which he had made up his mind to attend, were not the two topics by which he had of late been chiefly engrossed.
everybody now spoke at once. “time not fixed,” said one. “directly the weights are out,” said another. “whenever we can find a handicapper to give universal satisfaction,” sneered a third; whilst the honourable crasher, turning once more in the rocking-chair, and losing a slipper in the effort, quietly remarked, he “would take ten to one even then that he named the winner.”
“take him, sawyer!” exclaimed major brush. “take him at once! and enter the bay horse. owners to ride, of course. he’s got nothing but chance, now that catamount’s lame,” added the gallant officer, in a stage whisper, and with a degree of friendly empressement born of rosy wine.
the honourable smiled feebly, but vouchsafed no reply. it was indeed too true, and as he had rather set his heart on winning this steeple-chase, the truth was unacceptable, as usual. mr. sawyer seemed to ponder deeply on what he had heard.
“i should lose so much hunting,” said he, after a pause, during which he had smoked with considerable perseverance and an aspect of profound reflection. “why, a horse would not have the ghost of a chance, would he, unless he was put to training?”
doctors differ upon most subjects. “no training like regular hunting,” said struggles, who meant to have nothing to do with it. “take him out often, and send him home early,” advised major brush, who was generally of opinion that nothing more would be done after 1 p.m. “the half-bred ones seldom stand regular preparation,” opined mr. savage, “i should keep him here under my own eye;” while the honourable crasher murmured something about “newmarket being the only place to get a donkey fit.”
mr. sawyer turned from one to the other, as if weighing carefully what each had said; then he flung his cigar-end into the grate, finished his liquor at a gulp, and observing, “well, i must think about it; in the meantime i’m going to hunt him to-morrow,” wished his friends “good-night,” and departed for what he was pleased to term his “downy.”
as struggles and brush, who occupied adjoining bedrooms, shouldered each other up the narrow passage that led to their apartments, the former declared with a stupendous yawn, “he didn’t quite know what to make of their new friend, but fancied, whether the bay was a dark one or not, his owner was well able to take care of himself.” to which the major, whose eyes seemed much dazzled by the candle in his hand, of which he was spilling the wax with considerable liberality over the passage-carpet, replied, “we shall find out all about him to-morrow, old boy, if we keep our eyes open—that’s all: if we only keep our eyes open!” and for the better furtherance of this wide-awake scheme, the major, whose eyes were already nearly closed, proceeded to turn in, after an attempt to undress, in which he only partially succeeded.
mr. sawyer, winding up his watch and depositing it carefully on his toilet-table, observed a face of considerable wisdom in his looking-glass, as he reflected on the interest which seemed to have been created about marathon. he balanced the pros and cons: he enumerated, not without disgust, the numerous failings of the horse; then he shook his head twice or thrice, gravely, as was his habit, when, to use his own expression, “he thought he saw his way.”
