concerning love and grief—how love is made in new guinea, and some of the charms used to ensure love and constancy—the grief of a new guinea widow.
to the marriageable young lady in civilised countries, leap year, and with it her chance of proposing, comes but a few times before she is “on the shelf,” but in some parts of new guinea the proposal of marriage always comes from the girl.
some may think that this sort of love-making and marriage lacks romance, but to the papuan it is the event of his or her life. it is in the hope of receiving a proposal that a man will go through endless adventures; it is to win the admiration of some good buxom girl that he risks his life head-hunting, and it is with pride and glory that he glances at his string of skulls which hangs from the poles of his hut, because he knows how brave the women will think him. {38}
it is for this same object that he studies the art of dancing, that he cultivates his bushy hair (after he is married he often sells it) and the fine, healthy glow of his skin. his lithe limbs also come in for a deal of attention, and, as he struts proudly about, it is always with the hope that his superior charms and manhood may bring him the love and admiration of a young maiden.
when a papuan boy comes of age an interesting ceremony takes place. at about twelve years old, if he is of good stature, healthy and generally fit, his parents think it is time to prepare him for marriage, or, in their own language, make him ibitoe. the initial stage of this ceremony is merely a form of introduction to youths of his own age who are also ibitoe. in england more or less the same thing happens when a girl “comes out.” she is then supposed to be on a footing with “grown-ups,” and this is practically what happens to the youth of british new guinea. from the day of his “coming out” he occupies his hours in pleasure-seeking and has a good time generally; this goes on for a certain period and then he sallies forth alone into the bush to make his drum. this drum-making is the most serious part of his “coming out,” and is conducted with a deal of {39} formality and ceremony which is quaintly mixed with superstition.
drums seem to be the most important possession a young papuan has; in shape they are not unlike a golf bag on a somewhat larger scale. one end is covered with lizard skin drawn taut and bound round the end of the drum with fibre, leaving a frill below the binding; the other end is open, and at about the centre the instrument narrows off and a handle carved out of the wood protrudes. by this the drum is held when being beaten.
the making of this musical instrument is an arduous task; it is hewn out from a solid block of wood by means of the crudest instruments, the hollow centre is made by burning it out with cinders of red-hot wood.
in order to manufacture one of these the young native retires into the bush, cutting himself off from all intercourse with human beings. his food is brought to him by his friends and left in some secret places which are decided on before he takes his departure. this is done so that the young man can secure it without catching sight of those who bring it, for it is believed by the papuan that if any human being sees him, or is seen by him, during this period of ibitoe that his drum will {40} be spoiled, or that when it is completed it will sound as if it were cracked. many other curious superstitions relating to the eating of certain foods are attached to this operation; for instance, if a man who is ibitoe eats food cooked in the wrong way, he will grow fat and be a laughing-stock to the girls; whilst if he drinks fresh water it will quench the fire with which he is trying to hollow out his drum, and other things too numerous to mention will happen if equally trifling details are not adhered to; but provided he comes through this important time without any calamities, and completes his drum to his own satisfaction, he steps forth from his seclusion to conquer the heart of a maiden.
in the different tribes and parts of the country the customs relating to love and matrimony vary. in some the young men waylay the girls they admire, and endeavour, by force or persuasion, or the offering of presents, to obtain their consent. this method often leads to amusing incidents, as the girls have the privilege of scratching and fighting their would-be lovers to any extent, and the lover may not retaliate, or he would bring down upon his woolly head the anger of the girl’s parents. {41}
sweet music of a sensuous nature is often resorted to by the lovesick swain, and, leaning against a tree, he will stand and play all day long, hoping to attract the attention of his inamorata and bring from her a proposal of marriage.
tight-lacing and other forms of personal adornment are also indulged in by these amorous youths, and a more ridiculous sight could not be seen than a young native with his waist so strapped in as to form an enormous, ugly bulge above and below his belt, but it is greatly admired by the girls and shows he wants a wife badly.
in those parts of the western islands, already alluded to, where the women propose, directly a girl falls in love with a man she makes him a string armlet, which, according to professor haddon, she presents to his sister or to one of his confidential friends. the confidential friend bides her time, and when an opportunity arises she goes to the man and says:
“i’ve got something for you.”
“show it to me,” replies the young man if he is anxious.
this the friend does.
after learning the girl’s name, and being satisfied that he is not throwing himself away, the youth {42} will accept the armlet and in return make a present of two leglets to his fiancée.
another custom in vogue is for the girl to send food for the young man. at first on receiving it he is generally obstinate and refuses to eat it, as he has no desire to be caught—or pretends he has none—but really he is very proud that at last he has been noticed. the woman understands all this and does not despair, but steadily pursues her course, and day after day sends food to her lover, until her constancy makes the parents of the young man feel satisfied that he is not being led astray or fooled by a changeable woman. as soon as the parents feel sure of this, they go to their son and command him to eat the food.
this is the signal which the girl’s friend has been wanting, and she hurries to bear the news to the waiting girl, who immediately prepares more food which she sends him. now the critical time is past, and she knows he will be allowed to see her.
all arrangements for the meeting are conducted by the go-between, and when the young man is presented to her, she hands him fresh food which he takes from her and eats. at this act of condescension great joy is shown on both sides, and {43} the two lovers retire to the seclusion of their hut, and without any further ceremony they become man and wife.
the divorce laws of new guinea are similar to those of america, and a man or woman can get a divorce on the slightest provocation—the general cause is incompatibility of temper. plurality of wives is allowed if a man be rich enough to support more than one. the first one, however, is chief amongst them all and her word is law; the last one acts as a go-between; she carries the messages of number one to the others and sees that they are properly attended to. if any of the wives refuse to obey her, she and her husband are laughed at, as it is generally considered that he has undertaken more than he can manage.
the following is an interesting sample of a missionary-taught, native girl’s love-letter, or form of proposal. it was shown to professor haddon when he was studying in those islands. the letter was written to one peter by name, whose own translation of it reads thus:—
“peta, what do you say? i try you. my heart he like very bad for you. you send me back a letter. yes this talk belong me. pita you good-bye. me magena.” {44}
peter’s affirmative reply was:
“magena i make you know. me just the same, i want very bad for you. my talk there. if you true like me, all right just the same; good for you, good for me. yes all right. finish. you, magena. good-bye. me pita.”
the natives of new guinea, like all other savage races, still have their love charms, and when a man or maid fails to win the heart of the one they love by ordinary methods, they try the sorcerer and, then, if that love they are seeking for cannot be so obtained, their affection turns to hate and a desire for revenge fills them, and they seek the other’s death by resort to magic. there is a wonderful similarity in human beings all over the world, be they white or black, savage or civilised. but the extraordinary part of the magic in savage lands is that it always works, and if men or women are properly cursed and their death prophesied by the magician, they die, and in the way their death has been foretold. the same strange superstition is noticeable amongst the maoris. i once was at the death-bed of an old chief, who was supposed to be dying of typhoid, but the real cause of his death was fear. in some way he had offended another chief, and that man had him cursed by a tohunga {45} or priest. i was unable to ascertain exactly what he had done, but the result of it was that an image made of clay, which was supposed to represent him, was placed in a creek, and as the water washed away the figure, so the chief gradually sank; and, when the last particle was softened by the slowly trickling water and vanished down the stream, so that moment the soul of the old chief passed over the border.
so strong is the superstition regarding these things that a man who is cursed never dreams of attempting to overcome the disaster foretold him; he simply goes home and dies, and it is in this way that this particular superstition, and others like it, live. no one has the pluck or the common sense to try and oppose their influence. in new zealand this kind of witchcraft is termed tohunganism, and in spite of the civilised condition of the maoris of to-day, there are still cases of death recorded and put down to it.
in the same certain way that death is brought about by a mental process—cursing—so miraculous cures are effected, and urio moquru is one of the most useful gods in new guinea for this sort of thing. when a person of importance falls sick, food is placed before this grotesque image, and the friends {46} and relations beseech urio to remove the evil spirit from their beloved one. but should the god fail and the sick one die, the natives do not lose faith in their god, but decide that the patient was either too good to live, or so bad he had to die.
when death does visit a village there is a terrible time of mourning, the women sit and cry round the death-bed all day, and in the streets they can be seen squatting in corners moaning. you can meet women all huddled up giving vent to the most despairing groans, and they look as if they were literally wrapped up in grief; yet they may have never cared a snap of the fingers for the dear departed. but it is the custom for the women to mourn; and a more awful sight and sound than this moaning cannot be heard. the men show very few signs of grief, and evidently trust to their women-folk to do a double share.
when a woman loses her husband she goes into mourning and will on no account be disturbed; for this rite her dress varies; certainly she looks a terrible fright, and i’m not surprised at her shrinking from public gaze. there is a special dress and general attire for this state of grief. they shave their heads completely, cover themselves all over with charcoal, and then put on long petticoats with {47} tassels of seeds. they also cover their necks with necklaces and their arms with trinkets. having done all this they retire into a corner of their hut and remain there, away from the gaze of the public, until their sorrow is worn out or they are tired of being alone.
one thing noticeable is that, however loud their moaning is, however hard they are crying, they will always stop to answer any question you like to put to them about their “late lamented,” if you have courage enough to beard them and refuse to go away. then, as soon as you have gained all the information you require, they will quickly resume their tears as if nothing had happened to interrupt them. but this is not unique to the savage of new guinea. i have met with the same extraordinary species of grief amongst the women of great britain,—it is world-wide, this interruptable grief.
