sunday, july 11, 1943

dear kitty,

to get back to the subject of child-rearing (for the umpteenth time), let me tell you that i'm doing my best to be helpful, friendly and kind and to do all i can to keep the rain of rebukes down to a light drizzle. it's not easy trying to behave like a model child with people you can't stand, especially when you don't mean a word of it. but i can see that a little hypocrisy gets me a lot further than myoid method of saying exactly what i think (even though no one ever asks my opinion or cares one way or another). of course, i often forget my role and find it impossible to curb my anger when they're unfair, so that they spend the next month saying the most impertinent girl in the world. don't you think i'm to be pitied sometimes? it's a good thing i'm not the grouchy type, because then i might become sour and bad-tempered. i can usually see the humorous side of their scoldings, but it's easier when somebody else is being raked over the coals.

further, i've decided (after a great deal of thought) to drop the shorthand. first, so that i have more time for my other subjects, and second, because of my eyes. that's a sad story. i've become very nearsighted and should have had glasses ages ago. (ugh, won't i look like a dope!). but as you know, people in hiding can't. . .

yesterday all anyone here could talk about was anne's eyes, because mother had suggested i go to the ophthalmologist with mrs. kleiman. just hearing this made my knees weak, since it's no small matter. going outside! just think of it, walking down the street! i can't imagine it. i was petrified at first, and then glad. but it's not as simple as all that; the various authorities who had to approve such a step were unable to reach a quick decision. they first had to carefully weigh all the difficulties and risks, though miep was ready to set off immediately with me in tow. in the meantime, i'd taken my gray coat from the closet, but it was so small it looked as if it might have belonged to my little sister. we lowered the hem, but i still couldn't button it. i'm really curious to see what they decide, only i don't think they'll ever work out a plan, because the british have landed in sicily and father's all set for a "quick finish."

bep's been giving margot and me a lot of office work to do. it makes us both feel important, and it's a big help to her. anyone can file letters and make entries in a sales book, but we do it with remarkable accuracy.

miep has so much to carry she looks like a pack mule. she goes forth nearly every day to scrounge up vegetables, and then bicycles back with her purchases in large shopping bags. she's also the one who brings five library books with her every saturday. we long for saturdays because that means books. we're like a bunch of little kids with a present. ordinary people don't know how much books can mean to someone who's cooped up.

our only diversions are reading, studying and listening to the radio.

yours, anne