thursday, september 16, 1943
dearest kitty,
relationships here in the annex are getting worse all the time. we don't dare open our mouths at mealtime (except to slip in a bite of food), because no matter what we say, someone is bound to resent it or take it the wrong way. mr. voskuijl occasionally comes to visit us. unfortunately, he's not doing very well. he isn't making it any easier for his family, because his attitude seems to be: what do i care, i'm going to die anyway! when i think how touchy everyone is here, i can just imagine what it must be like at the voskuijls'.
i've been taking valerian every day to fight the anxiety and depression, but it doesn't stop me from being even more miserable the next day. a good hearty laugh would help better than ten valerian drops, but we've almost forgotten how to laugh. sometimes i'm afraid my face is going to sag with all this sorrow and that my mouth is going to permanently droop at the corners. the others aren't doing any better. everyone here is dreading the great terror known as winter.
another fact that doesn't exactly brighten up our days is that mr. van maaren, the man who works in the warehouse, is getting suspicious about the annex. a person with any brains must have noticed by now that miep sometimes says she's going to the lab, bep to the file room and mr. kleiman to the opekta supplies, while mr. kugler claims the annex doesn't belong to this building at all, but to the one next door.
we wouldn't care what mr. van maaren thought of the situation except that he's known to be unreliable and to possess a high degree of curiosity. he's not one who can be put off with a flimsy excuse.
one day mr. kugler wanted to be extra cautious, so at twenty past twelve he put on his coat and went to the drugstore around the corner. less than five minutes later he was back, and he sneaked up the stairs like a thief to visit us. at one-fifteen he started to leave, but bep met him on the landing and warned him that van maaren was in the office. mr. kugler did an about-face and stayed with us until one-thirty. then he took off his shoes and went in his stockinged feet (despite his cold) to the front attic and down the other stairway, taking one step at a time to avoid the creaks. it took him fifteen minutes to negotiate the stairs, but he wound up safely in the office after having entered from the outside.
in the meantime, bep had gotten rid of van maaren and come to get mr. kugler from the annex. but he'd already left and at that moment was still tiptoeing down the stairs. what must the passersby have thought when they saw the manager putting on his shoes outside? hey, you there, in the socks!
yours, anne
