monday, april 17, 1944
dearest kitty,
do you think father and mother would approve of a girl my age sitting on a divan and kissing a seventeen-and- a-half-year-old boy? i doubt they would, but i have to trust my own judgment in this matter. it's so peaceful and safe, lying in his arms and dreaming, it's so thrilling to feel his cheek against mine, it's so wonderful to know there's someone waiting for me. but, and there is a but, will peter want to leave it at that? i haven't forgotten his promise, but. . . he is a boy!
i know i'm starting at a very young age. not even fifteen and already so independent -- that's a little hard for other people to understand. i'm pretty sure margot would never kiss a boy unless there was some talk of an engagement or marriage. neither peter nor i has any such plans. i'm also sure that mother never touched a man before she met father. what would my girlfriends or jacque say if they knew i'd lain in peter's arms with my heart against his chest, my head on his shoulder and his head and face against mine!
oh, anne, how terribly shocking! but seriously, i don't think it's at all shocking; we're cooped up here, cut off from the world, anxious and fearful, especially lately. why should we stay apart when we love each other? why shouldn't we kiss each other in times like these? why should we wait until we've reached a suitable age? why should we ask anybody's permission?
i've decided to look out for my own interests. he'd never want to hurt me or make me unhappy. why shouldn't i do what my heart tells me and makes both of us happy?
yet i have a feeling, kitty, that you can sense my doubt. it must be my honesty rising in revolt against all this sneaking around. do you think it's my duty to tell father what i'm up to? do you think our secret should be shared with a third person? much of the beauty would be lost, but would it make me feel better inside? i'll bring it up with him.
oh, yes, i still have so much i want to discuss with him, since i don't see the point of just cuddling. sharing our thoughts with each other requires a great deal of trust, but we'll both be stronger because of it!
yours, anne m. frank
p.s. we were up at six yesterday morning, because the whole family heard the sounds of a break-in again. it must have been one of our neighbors who was the victim this time. when we checked at seven o'clock, our doors were still shut tight, thank goodness!
