sunday morning, may 7, 1944

dearest kitty,

father and i had a long talk yesterday afternoon. i cried my eyes out, and he cried too. do you know what he said to me, kitty?

"i've received many letters in my lifetime, but none as hurtful as this. you, who have had so much love from your parents. you, whose parents have always been ready to help you, who have always defended you, no matter what. you talk of not having to account to us for your actions! you feel you've been wronged and left to your own devices. no, anne, you've done us a great injustice!

"perhaps you didn't mean it that way, but that's what you wrote. no, anne, we have done nothing to deserve such a reproach!"

oh, i've failed miserably. this is the worst thing i've ever done in my entire life. i used my tears to show off, to make myself seem important so he'd respect me. i've certainly had my share of unhappiness, and everything i said about mother is true. but to accuse pim, who's so good and who's done everything for me-no, that was too cruel for words.

it's good that somebody has finally cut me down to size, has broken my pride, because i've been far too smug. not everything mistress anne does is good! any- one who deliberately causes such pain to someone they say they love is despicable, the lowest of the low!

what i'm most ashamed of is the way father has forgiven me; he said he's going to throw the letter in the stove, and he's being so nice to me now, as if he were the one who'd done something wrong. well, anne, you still have a lot to learn. it's time you made a beginning, in- stead of looking down at others and always giving them the blame!

i've known a lot of sorrow, but who hasn't at my age? i've been putting on an act, but was hardly even aware of it. i've felt lonely, but never desperate! not like father, who once ran out into the street with a knife so he could put an end to it all. i've never gone that far.

i should be deeply ashamed of myself, and i am. what's done can't be undone, but at least you can keep it from happening again. i'd like to start all over, and that shouldn't be difficult, now that i have peter. with him supporting me, i know i can do it! i'm not alone anymore. he loves me, i love him, i have my books, my writing and my diary. i'm not all that ugly, or that stupid, i have a sunny disposition, and i want to develop a good character!

yes, anne, you knew full well that your letter was unkind and untrue, but you were actually proud of it! i'll take father as my example once again, and i will improve myself.

yours, anne m. fran

k