the meaning of mariette's attraction.
nekhludoff would have left petersburg on the evening of the same day, but he had promised mariette to meet her at the theatre, and though he knew that he ought not to keep that promise, he deceived himself into the belief that it would not be right to break his word.
"am i capable of withstanding these temptations?" he asked himself not quite honestly. "i shall try for the last time."
he dressed in his evening clothes, and arrived at the theatre during the second act of the eternal dame aux camelias, in which a foreign actress once again, and in a novel manner, showed how women die of consumption.
the theatre was quite full. mariette's box was at once, and with great deference, shown to nekhludoff at his request. a liveried servant stood in the corridor outside; he bowed to nekhludoff as to one whom he knew, and opened the door of the box.
all the people who sat and stood in the boxes on the opposite side, those who sat near and those who were in the parterre, with their grey, grizzly, bald, or curly heads--all were absorbed in watching the thin, bony actress who, dressed in silks and laces, was wriggling before them, and speaking in an unnatural voice.
some one called "hush!" when the door opened, and two streams, one of cool, the other of hot, air touched nekhludoff's face.
mariette and a lady whom he did not know, with a red cape and a big, heavy head-dress, were in the box, and two men also, mariette's husband, the general, a tall, handsome man with a severe, inscrutable countenance, a roman nose, and a uniform padded round the chest, and a fair man, with a bit of shaved chin between pompous whiskers.
mariette, graceful, slight, elegant, her low-necked dress showing her firm, shapely, slanting shoulders, with a little black mole where they joined her neck, immediately turned, and pointed with her face to a chair behind her in an engaging manner, and smiled a smile that seemed full of meaning to nekhludoff.
the husband looked at him in the quiet way in which he did everything, and bowed. in the look he exchanged with his wife, the master, the owner of a beautiful woman, was to be seen at once.
when the monologue was over the theatre resounded with the clapping of hands. mariette rose, and holding up her rustling silk skirt, went into the back of the box and introduced nekhludoff to her husband.
the general, without ceasing to smile with his eyes, said he was very pleased, and then sat inscrutably silent.
"i ought to have left to-day, had i not promised," said nekhludoff to mariette.
"if you do not care to see me," said mariette, in answer to what his words implied, "you will see a wonderful actress. was she not splendid in the last scene?" she asked, turning to her husband.
the husband bowed his head.
"this sort of thing does not touch me," said nekhludoff. "i have seen so much real suffering lately that--"
"yes, sit down and tell me."
the husband listened, his eyes smiling more and more ironically. "i have been to see that woman whom they have set free, and who has been kept in prison for so long; she is quite broken down."
"that is the woman i spoke to you about," mariette said to her husband.
"oh, yes, i was very pleased that she could be set free," said the husband quietly, nodding and smiling under his moustache with evident irony, so it seemed to nekhludoff. "i shall go and have a smoke."
nekhludoff sat waiting to hear what the something was that mariette had to tell him. she said nothing, and did not even try to say anything, but joked and spoke about the performance, which she thought ought to touch nekhludoff. nekhludoff saw that she had nothing to tell, but only wished to show herself to him in all the splendour of her evening toilet, with her shoulders and little mole; and this was pleasant and yet repulsive to him.
the charm that had veiled all this sort of thing from nekhludoff was not removed, but it was as if he could see what lay beneath. looking at mariette, he admired her, and yet he knew that she was a liar, living with a husband who was making his career by means of the tears and lives of hundreds and hundreds of people, and that she was quite indifferent about it, and that all she had said the day before was untrue. what she wanted--neither he nor she knew why--was to make him fall in love with her. this both attracted and disgusted him. several times, on the point of going away, he took up his hat, and then stayed on.
but at last, when the husband returned with a strong smell of tobacco in his thick moustache, and looked at nekhludoff with a patronising, contemptuous air, as if not recognising him, nekhludoff left the box before the door was closed again, found his overcoat, and went out of the theatre. as he was walking home along the nevski, he could not help noticing a well-shaped and aggressively finely-dressed woman, who was quietly walking in front of him along the broad asphalt pavement. the consciousness of her detestable power was noticeable in her face and the whole of her figure. all who met or passed that woman looked at her. nekhludoff walked faster than she did and, involuntarily, also looked her in the face. the face, which was probably painted, was handsome, and the woman looked at him with a smile and her eyes sparkled. and, curiously enough, nekhludoff was suddenly reminded of mariette, because he again felt both attracted and disgusted just as when in the theatre.
having hurriedly passed her, nekhludoff turned off on to the morskaya, and passed on to the embankment, where, to the surprise of a policeman, he began pacing up and down the pavement.
"the other one gave me just such a smile when i entered the theatre," he thought, "and the meaning of the smile was the same. the only difference is, that this one said plainly, 'if you want me, take me; if not, go your way,' and the other one pretended that she was not thinking of this, but living in some high and refined state, while this was really at the root. besides, this one was driven to it by necessity, while the other amused herself by playing with that enchanting, disgusting, frightful passion. this woman of the street was like stagnant, smelling water offered to those whose thirst was greater than their disgust; that other one in the theatre was like the poison which, unnoticed, poisons everything it gets into."
nekhludoff recalled his liaison with the marechal's wife, and shameful memories rose before him.
"the animalism of the brute nature in man is disgusting," thought he, "but as long as it remains in its naked form we observe it from the height of our spiritual life and despise it; and--whether one has fallen or resisted--one remains what one was before. but when that same animalism hides under a cloak of poetry and aesthetic feeling and demands our worship--then we are swallowed up by it completely, and worship animalism, no longer distinguishing good from evil. then it is awful."
nekhludoff perceived all this now as clearly as he saw the palace, the sentinels, the fortress, the river, the boats, and the stock exchange. and just as on this northern summer night there was no restful darkness on the earth, but only a dismal, dull light coming from an invisible source, so in nekhludoff's soul there was no longer the restful darkness, ignorance. everything seemed clear. it was clear that everything considered important and good was insignificant and repulsive, and that all the glamour and luxury hid the old, well-known crimes, which not only remained unpunished but were adorned with all the splendour which men were capable of inventing.
nekhludoff wished to forget all this, not to see it, but he could no longer help seeing it. though he could not see the source of the light which revealed it to him any more than he could see the source of the light which lay over petersburg; and though the light appeared to him dull, dismal, and unnatural, yet he could not help seeing what it revealed, and he felt both joyful and anxious.
聂赫留朵夫原定那天傍晚离开彼得堡，但他答应玛丽爱特到戏院里去看她。虽然明明知道不该去，但他还是违背理性，以履行诺言作为理由，到戏院去了。
“我抵挡得住那种诱惑吗？”他内心斗争着。“我再试一次吧。”
他换上礼服，来到剧场。这时，《茶花女》正好演到第二幕，那个从国外新来的女演员正用新的演技表现患痨病女人怎样渐渐死去。
剧场满座。聂赫留朵夫打听玛丽爱特的包厢在哪里，立刻就有人恭恭敬敬地指给他看。
走廊里有一个穿号衣的跟班，象见到熟人那样对聂赫留朵夫鞠了一躬，给他打开包厢门。
对面几个包厢里一排排坐着的和站在后面的人，那些在包厢旁边靠墙坐着的看客，正厅里的观众，有的白发苍苍，有的头发花白，有的头发全秃，有的头顶半秃，有的涂过发蜡，有的头发鬈曲，总之，全体观众都聚精会神地观看那个身裹绸缎和花边、瘦得皮包骨头的女演员扭扭捏捏、装腔作势地念着独白。包厢门打开时，有人嘘了一声，同时有两股气流，一股冷，一股热，向聂赫留朵夫脸上袭来。
包厢里坐着玛丽爱特和一个他不认识的女人，那女人身披红披肩，头上盘着又高又大的发髻。还有两个男人，一个是玛丽爱特的丈夫，一个是高大英俊的将军，神情严肃，莫测高深，生着鹰钩鼻子，胸部用棉花和土布胸衬垫得很高。另外一个男人头发浅黄，头顶半秃，留着威严的络腮胡子，下巴剃得很光洁。玛丽爱特妩媚，雅致，身材苗条，袒胸露肩的夜礼服显露出她那丰满的美人肩和脖子与肩膀之间的一块黑痣。聂赫留朵夫一走进包厢，她立刻回过头来，用扇子给他指指她身后的一把椅子，对他嫣然一笑，表示欢迎和感激，但他觉得她的笑还别有一番情意。她的丈夫若无其事地瞧了聂赫留朵夫一眼，点了一下头。从他的姿势，从他同妻子交换眼色的神气中都可以看出，他就是这个美人的主人和所有者。
女演员的独白一念完，剧场里就掌声雷动。玛丽爱特站起来，提起窸窣作响的绸裙，走到包厢后边，把聂赫留朵夫向丈夫介绍了一下。将军眼睛里一直含着笑意，嘴里说了一句“幸会，幸会！”就心平气和而又莫测高深地不再吭声。
“我本来今天要走，可是我答应过您，”聂赫留朵夫转身对玛丽爱特说。
“您要是不愿来看我，那么您就看看那个出色的女演员吧，”玛丽爱特针对他话中的话说。“她在最后一幕里演得太漂亮了，是吗？”她转身对丈夫说。
丈夫点点头。
“这戏打动不了我，”聂赫留朵夫说。“因为今天我看到了太多不幸的事……”
“您坐下来，讲一讲。”
她丈夫留神听着，眼睛里含着的讥笑越来越明显了。
“我去看过那个长期坐牢、刚刚放出来的女人。她完全垮了。”
“就是我对你说起过的那个女人，”玛丽爱特对丈夫说。
“是啊，她获得了自由，我很高兴，”他平静地说，摇摇头，在小胡子底下露出聂赫留朵夫认为显然是嘲讽的微笑。
“我出去吸吸烟。”
聂赫留朵夫坐下来，等待玛丽爱特对他讲她要告诉他的一些话，可是她什么话也没有对他讲，甚至没有要讲的意思，老是开着玩笑，谈着那个戏，说它一定会特别打动聂赫留朵夫的心1。
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1这里指《茶花女》中男主角同一个妓女的恋爱故事，以此影射聂赫留朵夫同玛丝洛娃的关系。
聂赫留朵夫看出她根本没有什么话要对他说，无非是要让他看看自己穿着夜礼服、露出肩膀和黑痣有多么迷人罢了。
他感到又愉快又嫌恶。
她那娇艳的外表原来遮盖了一切，如今在聂赫留朵夫面前虽不能说已经揭开，但毕竟让他看到了里面隐藏着的货色。他瞅着玛丽爱特，欣赏着她的姿色，但心里知道她是个虚伪的女人，她同那个用千百人的眼泪和生命猎取高官厚禄的丈夫生活在一起，完全无动于衷。他还知道她昨天说的都是谎话，她一味要把他迷往。至于为了什么，他不知道，她也不知道。他对她又迷恋又嫌恶。他几次拿起帽子想走，却又留下了。最后，她丈夫回到包厢里，浓密的小胡子散发着烟味，他居高临下、鄙夷不屑地对聂赫留朵夫瞧了一眼，仿佛不认得他似的。聂赫留朵夫不等包厢门关上，就来到走廊里，找到大衣，走出剧场。
他沿着涅瓦大街步行回家，发现有个女人在前面宽阔的人行道上悄悄地走着。这女人个儿很高，身段优美，装束妖冶。从她的脸上和整个体态上都可以看出，她知道自己具有一种婬荡的魅力。凡是迎面走来的人和从后面赶上去的人，个个都要瞧她一眼。聂赫留朵夫走得比她快，也情不自禁地向她的脸上打量了一下。她的脸擦过脂粉，很好看。她眼睛闪闪发亮，对聂赫留朵夫嫣然一笑。说也奇怪，聂赫留朵夫顿时又想到了玛丽爱特，因为他又象在剧场里那样产生了又迷恋又嫌恶的感觉。聂赫留朵夫匆匆赶到她的前头，不由得生自己的气。他转身拐到海军街，然后又来到滨河街，在那里来回踱步，引起警察的注意。
“刚才我走进剧场包厢的时候，那个女人也是这样对我嫣然一笑，”他心里想，“不论是那个女人的微笑，还是这个女人的微笑，含意都是一样的。差别只在于：这个女人直截了当地说：‘你需要我，那就可以摆布我。你不需要我，那就走你的路。’那个女人装模作样，仿佛根本没想到这种事而生活在高尚的情操中，其实骨子里都是一回事。这个女人至少老实些，那个女人却一味装假。何况这个女人是因为穷才落到这步田地，而那个女人却是放纵这种又可爱又可恶又可怕的情欲，寻欢作乐。这个街头女郎是一杯肮脏的臭水，是供那些口渴得顾不上恶心的人喝的；剧场里那个女人却是一剂毒药，谁接触她，谁就会不知不觉被毒死。”聂赫留朵夫想起他同首席贵族妻子的关系，可耻的往事一下子涌上心头。“人身上的兽性真是可憎，”他想，“当它赤裸裸地出现的时候，你从精神生活的高度观察它，就能看清它，蔑视它，因此不论你有没有上钩，你本质上不会受影响。不过，当这种兽性蒙上一层诗意盎然的美丽外衣，把你迷得神魂颠倒时，你就会对它敬若神明，跌进它的陷阱，分不清好歹。这才可怕呢。”
这一层聂赫留朵夫现在看得清清楚楚，就象他看见前面的皇宫、哨兵、要塞、河流、木船、交易所一样。
今天夜里地面上没有让人静心休息、催人安眠的黑暗，只有不知来自何处的朦朦胧胧的奇怪亮光1。聂赫留朵夫的心灵里同样不再存在愚昧的黑暗，使他昏然入睡。一切都是清清楚楚。事情很明白，凡是人们认为重要和美好的事物，往往是卑鄙龌龊，不值一提的。而所有那些光辉夺目、富丽堂皇的外衣，往往掩盖着司空见惯的罪行。这些罪行不但没有受到惩罚，而且风靡一时，被人们费尽心机加以美化。
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1指彼得堡白夜的光。
聂赫留朵夫很想把这些事忘掉，避开，但他不能视而不见。虽然他还没有看到替他照亮这一切的光是从哪里来的，正象他不知道照亮彼得堡的光是从哪里来的一样，虽然这种光显得朦胧，暗淡，古怪，他却不能不看见这种光替他照亮的东西。他心里感到又快乐又惶恐。
