21 darrell puts things right
where was ruth? she wasn’t in the common-room or the dormy or the classroom. where could she be?
“anyone seen ruth?” asked darrell, when she met any girls in her search. nobody had. but at last a second-former said she thought she had seen ruth going into the gardeners’ shed by the stables.
darrell sped off to look. she came to the shed, where the gardeners kept their tools, and stopped outside the door to try and think what she was to say.
as she stood there, she heard a curious sound. somebody was certainly in the shed—and the sound was like a kind of groan. darrell pushed open the door quietly and looked in.
ruth was there, right at the back, sitting on some sacks. in her hand she held the cut and broken riding-whip, which she had obviously been trying to mend.
she didn’t see darrell at first. she put her hand over her face and made another sound—either a groan or a sob, darrell didn’t know which.
“ruth,” said darrell, going up. “ruth! what’s the matter?”
ruth leapt up in fright. when she saw it was darrell she sat down on the sacks again, and turned her face away, still holding the broken whip.
“ruth,” said darrell, going right up to the girl, “why did you spoil that lovely whip of connie’s?”
ruth looked up quickly, amazement and dismay on her face. “what do you mean?” she said. “i didn’t spoil it! who said i did? who said so? did connie?”
“no. nobody said so. but i know you did,” said darrell. “and it was you who did all the other horrid things, wasn’t it?—took this and that, hid things, and broke things, anything you could get hold of that belonged to connie.”
“don’t tell anyone,” begged ruth, clasping darrell’s hand tightly. “please don’t. i won’t do it again, ever.”
“but ruth—why did you do it?” asked darrell, very puzzled. “anyone would think that you hated your twin!”
ruth slapped the broken whip against the sacks. she looked sulky. “i do hate her!” she said. “i always have done—but oh, darrell, i love her, too!”
darrell listened to this in surprise. “but you can’t love a person and hate them at the same time,” she said, at last.
“you can,” said ruth, fiercely. “you can, darrell. i love connie because she’s my twin—and hate her because—because—oh, i can’t tell you.”
darrell looked for a long time at ruth’s bent head, and saw the tears rolling off her cheeks. “i think i know why you hate connie,” she said at last. “isn’t it because she’s so domineering—always answering for you, doing things for you that you’d rather do yourself—pushing herself in front of you—as if she was at least two years older?”
“yes,” said ruth, rubbing her wet cheeks. “i never get a chance to say what i think. connie always gets in first. of course, i know she must have a better brain than i have, but . . .”
“she hasn’t,” said darrell, at once. “actually she ought to be in the lower fourth, not in the upper. i heard miss williams say so. they only put her with you in the upper class because you were twins, and your mother said you wouldn’t like to be separated. connie only keeps up with the form because you help her so much!”
there was a silence. darrell thought about everything all over again. how very queer this was! then a question arose in her mind and she asked ruth at once.
“ruth—why did you suddenly begin to be so beastly to connie? you never were before, so far as i noticed. it all seemed quite sudden.”
“i can’t tell you,” said ruth. “but oh—i’m so miserable about it.”
“well, if you won’t tell me, i shall go and ask connie,” said darrell, getting up. “something’s gone awfully wrong, ruth, and i don’t know if i can put it right, but i’m going to have a jolly good try.”
“don’t go to connie,” begged ruth. “i don’t want you to tell her it was me that was so beastly all the time. and oh, darrell, i was so sorry for connie, too, when i saw how upset she was at losing her things. it’s dreadful to hate somebody and make them unhappy, and then to know you love them, and try to comfort them!”
“i suppose that’s why you kept giving connie your own things,” said darrell, sitting down on a tub. “queer business, this! first you hate your twin and do something to upset her, like spoiling the riding-whip she loved—and then you love her and are sorry—and come to give her your own riding-whip! i could see you were upset when she didn’t take it.”
“darrell—i will tell you why i hated connie so much lately,” said ruth, suddenly, wiping her eyes with her hands. “i feel i’ve got to tell someone. well—it was something awful.”
“whatever was it?” said darrell, curiously.
“you see—connie adores me, and likes to protect me and do everything for me,” began ruth. “and so far we have always been in the same class together. but connie was afraid she would fail in school cert. and felt sure i would pass.”
“so you would,” said darrell. “and connie would certainly fail!”
“well—connie thought that if she failed and i passed, i’d go up into the lower fifth next term, and she would have to stay down in the upper fourth and take the exam again another term,” went on ruth. “and that would mean she wouldn’t be with me any more. so she asked me to do a bad paper, so that i would fail, too—and then we could still be together!”
darrell was so astonished at this extraordinary statement that she couldn’t say a single word. at last she found her tongue.
“ruth! how wicked! to make you fail and feel humiliated when you could so easily pass! she can’t love you.”
“oh, but she does—too much!” said ruth. “anyway, i said i would do a bad paper—somehow i just can’t help doing what connie wants, even if it’s something horrid like that—so i did do a bad paper—and then afterwards i hated connie so much for making me do it that i did all these horrible things to her!”
poor ruth put her face in her hands and began to sob. darrell went and sat on the sacks beside her and put her strong comforting arm round ruth’s shoulders.
“i see,” she said. “it’s all very peculiar and extraordinary, but somehow quite understandable. it’s because you’re twins, i expect. connie should have been your elder sister, then it wouldn’t have mattered! you could have loved each other like ordinary sisters do, and you’d have been in different forms, and things would have been all right. cheer up, ruth. it’s all been frightening and horrible to you, but honestly i can see quite well how it all happened.”
ruth looked up, comforted by darrell’s simple explanation. she pushed her hair back and sniffed.
“darrell, please, please don’t tell connie i did all those things,” she said. “i’m awfully sorry now that i did. she wouldn’t understand, and she’d be awfully upset and unhappy. i couldn’t bear that.”
“yes—but you can’t go on like this—being bossed by connie, and being just an echo for her,” said darrell, sensibly. “i don’t see any way of stopping it except for us to tell her. i’ll come with you if you like.”
but ruth began to sob so much when darrell suggested this that darrell had to give up the idea. a distant bell sounded and she got up. “you’d better go and bathe your eyes,” she said kindly. “i’ll try and think of some way to put things right without telling connie—but it’s going to be difficult!”
ruth went off, sniffing, but much comforted. darrell rubbed her nose hard, as she often did when she was puzzled. “there’s only one thing to do!” she said. “and that’s to tell miss williams. something’s got to be done!”
so that evening, after supper, miss williams was astonished to find darrell at her door, asking for an interview. she wondered if darrell had come to beg to have her position as head-girl restored to her. but it wasn’t that.
darrell poured out the strange story of the twins. miss williams listened in the greatest amazement. the things that could go on in a school, that nobody knew about, even though the girls concerned were under her nose all day long!
“so, you see, miss williams,” finished darrell, “if ruth can’t bear connie to be told, everything is as bad as before! they’ll both fail the exam, they’ll both stay down in the upper fourth, instead of going up next term, and poor ruth will go on being domineered over, and will hate and love connie at the same time. it must be horrible.”
“very horrible,” thought miss williams, horrified. “and very dangerous. things like this often lead to something very serious later on.” she did not say this to darrell, who sat earnestly watching her, waiting for some advice.
“darrell, i think it was very clever of you to find this out,” said miss williams, at last. “and you have acted very wisely all through. i do really feel very pleased with you.”
darrell went red and looked pleased. “can you think how to put things right?” she asked. “oh, miss williams, wasn’t it a pity that ruth did a bad exam paper! if she hadn’t, things would have got right of themselves—the twins would have been in different forms.”
“darrell,” said miss williams after a pause, “what i am going to say now is between you and me. i glanced at all the exam papers before sending them up—and ruth didn’t do quite as bad a one as she thought! in fact, i feel pretty certain she will scrape through.”
“oh good!” said darrell, delighted. “i never thought of that. so they’ll be in different forms next term after all, then!”
“i think so,” said miss williams. “that will give ruth a chance to stand on her own feet and develop a personality of her own, instead of being connie’s shadow—and connie will have to stop domineering over her—it will all disappear naturally and gradually, which is the best thing that could happen, in this curious case.”
“won’t connie know anything then?” asked darrell. “won’t she have to be told?”
“that will be ruth’s business, and no concern of anyone else’s,” said miss williams. “some day, when the right time comes, she may choose to confess to connie—and perhaps they will even laugh at it all. keep an eye on ruth for me, will you, darrell, for the rest of the term? you’re in her confidence now and i shall trust you to see that nothing else goes wrong between the twins.”
“oh, i will,” said darrell, pleased to be asked this. “i’d love to. i like ruth.”
“and darrell—i shall make you head-girl again in two days’ time,” said miss williams. “and this time i shall be very, very proud of you!”
