chawton, sunday (march 23).
i am very much obliged to you, my dearest fanny, for sending me mr. w.'s conversation; i had great amusement in reading it, and i hope i am not affronted, and do not think the worse of him for having a brain so very different from mine; but my strongest sensation of all is astonishment at your being able to press him on the subject so perseveringly; and i agree with your[313] papa that it was not fair. when he knows the truth, he will be uncomfortable.
you are the oddest creature! nervous enough in some respects, but in others perfectly without nerves! quite unrepulsable, hardened, and impudent. do not oblige him to read any more. have mercy on him, tell him the truth, and make him an apology. he and i should not in the least agree, of course, in our ideas of novels and heroines. pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked; but there is some very good sense in what he says, and i particularly respect him for wishing to think well of all young ladies; it shows an amiable and a delicate mind. and he deserves better treatment than to be obliged to read any more of my works.
do not be surprised at finding uncle henry acquainted with my having another ready for publication. i could not say no when he asked me, but he knows nothing more of it. you will not like it, so you need not be impatient. you may perhaps like the heroine, as she is almost too good for me.
many thanks for your kind care for my health; i certainly have not been well for many weeks, and about a week ago i was very poorly. i have had a good deal of fever at times, and indifferent nights; but i am considerably better now, and am recovering my looks a little, which have been bad[314] enough,—black and white, and every wrong color. i must not depend upon being ever very blooming again. sickness is a dangerous indulgence at my time of life. thank you for everything you tell me. i do not feel worthy of it by anything that i can say in return, but i assure you my pleasure in your letters is quite as great as ever, and i am interested and amused just as you could wish me. if there is a miss marsden, i perceive whom she will marry.
evening.—i was languid and dull and very bad company when i wrote the above; i am better now, to my own feelings at least, and wish i may be more agreeable. we are going to have rain, and after that very pleasant genial weather, which will exactly do for me, as my saddle will then be completed, and air and exercise is what i want. indeed, i shall be very glad when the event at scarlets is over, the expectation of it keeps us in a worry, your grandmamma especially; she sits brooding over evils which cannot be remedied, and conduct impossible to be understood.
now the reports from keppel st. are rather better; little harriot's headaches are abated, and sir evd. is satisfied with the effect of the mercury, and does not despair of a cure. the complaint i find is not considered incurable nowadays, provided the patient be young enough not to have the head hardened. the water in that case may be drawn[315] off by mercury. but though this is a new idea to us, perhaps it may have been long familiar to you through your friend mr. scud. i hope his high renown is sustained by driving away william's cough.
tell wm. that triggs is as beautiful and condescending as ever, and was so good as to dine with us to-day, and tell him that i often play at nines and think of him.
the papillons came back on friday night, but i have not seen them yet, as i do not venture to church. i cannot hear, however, but that they are the same mr. p. and his sister they used to be. she has engaged a new maidservant in mrs. calker's room, whom she means to make also housekeeper under herself.
old philmore was buried yesterday, and i, by way of saying something to triggs, observed that it had been a very handsome funeral; but his manner of reply made me suppose that it was not generally esteemed so. i can only be sure of one part being very handsome,—triggs himself, walking behind in his green coat. mrs. philmore attended as chief mourner, in bombazine, made very short, and flounced with crape.
tuesday.—i have had various plans as to this letter, but at last i have determined that uncle henry shall forward it from london. i want to see how canterbury looks in the direction. when[316] once uncle h. has left us, i shall wish him with you. london has become a hateful place to him, and he is always depressed by the idea of it. i hope he will be in time for your sick. i am sure he must do that part of his duty as excellently as all the rest. he returned yesterday from steventon, and was with us by breakfast, bringing edward with him, only that edwd. stayed to breakfast at wyards. we had a pleasant family day, for the altons dined with us, the last visit of the kind probably which she will be able to pay us for many a month.
i hope your own henry is in france, and that you have heard from him; the passage once over, he will feel all happiness. i took my first ride yesterday, and liked it very much. i went up mounter's lane and round by where the new cottages are to be, and found the exercise and everything very pleasant; and i had the advantage of agreeable companions, as at. cass. and edward walked by my side. at. cass. is such an excellent nurse, so assiduous and unwearied! but you know all that already.
very affectionately yours,
j. austen.
miss knight,
godmersham park, canterbury.
