i'm amaz'd at the signs
as i pass through the town,
to see the odd mixture,
“a magpie and crown,”
“the whale and the crow.”
“the razor and hen,”
“the leg and seven stars,”
“the bible and swan,”
“the axe and the bottle,”
“the tun and the lute,”
“the eagle and child,”
“the shovel and boot.”
[395] the proposed time for departure having pressed hard upon our friends, (who though determined to quit the gaieties of london, still seemed to linger, like the moth about the candle, unwilling to separate themselves from its delights,) preparations were at length decided and acted upon; the hon. tom dashall having ordered his servants to proceed on the road with the carriage, horses, and other appendages of his rank, giving time for arrival at the place of destination by easy stages, in order to avoid over fatiguing either his attendants or his horses, an example which was followed by sparkle and tallyho, who had mutually agreed to travel by the mail; for which purpose places were accordingly taken at the bull and mouth, which being announced to tallyho, he took occasion to ask his cousin for an explanation of so singular a sign for an inn.
“as far as i am able to learn,” replied tom, “it was originally the mouth of boulogne harbour, or boulogne mouth,—and from thence corrupted to the bull and mouth. there are, however, many curious signs, to trace the original derivation of which, has afforded me many amusing moments during my perambulation through the streets of the metropolis; indeed it has often struck me, that the signs in many instances are so opposite to the several professions they are intended to designate, that some remedy should certainly be applied.”
[396] “and how,” said sparkle, “would you propose to have the exhibition of signs regulated?”
“that,” said dashall, “as a subject of deep importance, ought to be subjected to the legislative body for decision: it will be enough for me to point out a few instances which have come under my own immediate notice.
“a short time back, as i was passing near smithfield, i was surprised at observing the sign of 'the cow and snuffers;' and whilst i was endeavouring to throw some light upon this subject, and puzzling myself in endeavouring to discover how it was possible for a cow to snuff a candle, or even a farthing rushlight; nay, even how it could happen that so strange an association should take place, i was diverted from my study on turning round, to find that some artist had exercised his ingenuity in painting a goat in jack boots. at first i conceived this must be intended as a satire on our old debauchees, many of whom hide their spindled shanks in the tasselled hessian. these proving inexplicable to my shallow understanding, i pursued my walk, and observed against a strong newbuilt house—'a hole in the wall;' and not far from the fleet prison, i perceived, with some surprise, 'a friend at hand.' over a house kept by nic. coward, i saw 'the fighting cocks;' and at a crimping rendezvous, remarked, 'the tree of liberty.'—'the jolly gardeners' were stuck up at a purl house; and i can assure you, it was with much mortification i detected 'the three graces' at a gin shop.”
“ha, ha, ha,” said tallyho, laughing, “very natural combinations of characters and subjects for a contemplative philosopher like yourself to exercise your ingenuity upon.”
“passing by a public-house,” continued tom, “the landlady of which was exercising her tongue with the most clamorous volubility, i could scarcely credit my eyes to find the sign of 'the good woman,' or, in other words, a woman without a head. entering a house for refreshment, i was told, after calling the waiter for near an hour, that i was at the sign of 'the bell;' and upon desiring the master of 'the hen and chickens,' to send [397] me home a fine capon, he shewed me some cambric, and assured me it was under prime cost. the most ominous sign for a customer, i thought, was 'the three pigeons;' and i own it was with considerable astonishment when, after ordering a bed at 'the feathers,' i was compelled to pass the night on a straw mattrass. i have breakfasted at ?the red cow,' where there was no milk to be had; and at the sign of 'the sow and pigs,' have been unable to procure a single rasher of bacon. at ?the bell savage,' (which by the way is said to be a corruption of la belle sauvage, or 'the beautiful savage,') i have found rational and attentive beings; and i have known those who have bolted through 'the bolt in tun,' in order to avoid being bolted in a prison.”
“vastly well, indeed,” exclaimed sparkle; “and after all there is much to be done by a sign as well as by an advertisement in the newspapers, however inappropriate. the custom is of very ancient date, having been made use of even by the romans; and not many years back a bush of ivy, or a bunch of grapes, was used for the purpose; nay, to the present day they may be met with in many places. the bush is perhaps one of the most ancient of public-house signs, which gave rise to the well-known proverb,
“good wine needs no bush.”
that is to say, it requires nothing to point out where it is sold. at country fairs, you will frequently see the houses in its vicinity decorated with a bush or a bough, from which they are termed bough houses, where accommodation may be found. this practice, i know, is still in use at boroughbridge, in yorkshire, during their annual fair in june, which lasts a week or ten days. but putting up boughs as a sign of any thing to be sold, was not confined to alehouses; for in old times, such as sold horses were wont to put flowers or boughs upon their heads, to reveal that they were vendible.{1}
1 in all probability from this practice originated the well
known proverb,
“as fine as a horse,”
an illustration of which, from the “life of mrs.
pilkington,” is here subjoined:—
“they took places in the waggon for chester, and quitted
london early on may morning; and it being the custom on the
first of this month to give the waggoner at every inn a
ribbon to adorn his team, she soon discovered the origin of
the proverb 'as fine as a horse;' for before they got to
the end of the journey, the poor beasts were almost blinded
by the tawdry party-coloured flowing honours of their
heads.”
[398] in scotland, a wisp of straw upon a pole, is or was some years ago the indication of an alehouse; and to this day a ship or vessel for sale may be discovered by a birch broom at the mast head. i remember reading, that in fleet market, on the eastern side, there were some small houses, with a sign post, representing two hands conjoined, with words, “marriages performed within” written beneath them, whilst a dirty fellow assailed the ears of the passengers with the reiterated and loud address of, “sir, will you walk in and be married,” (as if the dread of any stoppage in the trade of conjugality was threatening mankind with premature extinction,) and the parson was seen walking before his shop, ready to couple you for a dram of gin or a roll of tobacco.”
“those were the times for getting married,” exclaimed bob, “no affidavits, certificates, and exposures at church doors!”
“no,” continued sparkle, “those are signs of altered times. a witty wigmaker adopted the sign of absolom hanging to a tree, with king david lamenting at a distance, who was represented with a label issuing from his mouth, containing these words—
“o absolom! my son! my son!
had'st thou a peruke worn, thou had'st not been undone.”
this sign, if i remember right, was to be seen a few years since in union-street, borough, and is not uncommon even now in france, where you may also find the 'cochon sans tete,' (the pig without a head,) which is generally a restaurateur's sign, indicating that 'good pork is here—the useless animal's head is off,' illustrative of the negro's opinion of a pig in england—“de pig,” said mungo, “is de only gentleman in england—man workee, woman workee, horse workee, ass workee, ox workee, and dog workee—pig do nothing but eat and sleep—pig derefore de only gentleman in england.'”
[399] the conversation increased in interest as they proceeded, and tallyho was all attention; for it must be observed, that as his inquiry had occasioned it, he was willing to listen to all that could be advanced on the subject; and the hon. tom dashall determined to have his share in the explanation.
“the 'man in the moon,'” said he, “is derived from the old observation, that a tipsy person is 'in the wind,' or 'in the moon,' (a lunatic.) the sign may therefore be thought to give this advice, 'here is good drink, gentlemen, walk in and taste it; it will make you as happy as the man in the moon; that is to say, steep your senses in forgetfulness.'—'the bag of nails' was the sign of an inn at chelsea, which may perhaps be noticed as the ne plus ultra of ludicrous corruption, having originally been a group of bacchanals.”
here risibility could no longer be restrained, and a general laugh ensued.
“a group of bacchanals, however,” continued tom, “is certainly not an out of the way sign for an inn, nor do i conceive its corruption so very outre', when we look at others that have suffered much stranger metamorphoses; for who would have thought that time could have performed such wonderful changes as to have transformed a view of boulogne harbour into a black bull, and a tremendous mouth sufficiently large to swallow its neighbours, horns and all; or the name la belle sauvage, or beautiful savage, into a bell, and a gigantic wild man of the woods.”
“then again,” said sparkle, “taking up the subject, “the pole and bason, though no longer the exhibited emblems of a barber's occupation in london, are still very often to be met with in its environs and in the country, where they are ostentatiously protruded from the front of the house, and denote that one of those facetious and intelligent individuals, who will crop your head or mow your beard, 'dwelleth here.' like all other signs, that of the barber is of remote antiquity, and has been the subject of many learned conjectures: some have conceived it to originate from the word poll, or head; but the true intention of the party-coloured staff, was to indicate that the master of the shop practised surgery, and could breathe a vein, as well as shave a beard; such a staff being to this day used by practitioners, and put into the hand of the patient while undergoing the operation of phlebotomy: the white band, which no doubt you have observed encompassing the staff, was meant to represent the fillet, thus elegantly twined about it.
[400] “and this,” said sparkle, “appears to be the most reasonable conjecture of any i ever heard, as it is well known the two businesses were in former times incorporated together, and the practiser was termed 'a barber surgeon.' then as to their utility: the choice of a witty device, or splendid enluminure, was formerly thought of great consequence to a young beginner in the world; and i remember reading of an innkeeper at cassel, who having considerably profited by his numerous customers under the sign of 'the grey ass,' supposing himself well established in his trade and his house, began to be tired of the vulgar sign over his door, and availed himself of the arrival of the landgrave of hesse, to make (as he thought) a very advantageous change. in an evil hour, therefore, 'the grey ass' was taken down and thrown aside, in order to give place to a well painted and faithful likeness of the prince, which was substituted for it as a most loyal sign.
“a small and almost unfrequented house in the same town, immediately took up the discarded sign, and speculatively hoisted 'the grey ass.' what was the consequence? old codgers, married men with scolding avives at home, straggling young fellows, and all the 'fraternity of free topers,' resorted to the house, filled the tap-room, crammed the parlour, and assailed the bar: the grey ass had the run, and was all the vogue; whilst the venerable prince of hesse swung mournfully and deserted at the other place, and enticed no visitors, foreign or domestic; for it should be observed, that 'the grey ass' had such reputation all over germany, that every foreign nobleman or gentleman who came to cassel, was sure to order his coach or chaise to be driven to the inn of that name; and this order of course was still continued, for how was it to be known by travellers coming from vienna, hungary, or bohemia, that a certain innkeeper at cassel had altered his sign? to the inn, therefore, which was denominated ?the grey ass,' they still went.
“what could the poor deserted innkeeper do in such a case? to deface the fine portrait of his master, would have been high treason; yet losing his customers on the other hand was downright starvation. in this cruel dilemma he dreamt of a new scheme, and had it executed.
[401] the portrait of the prince was preserved, but he had written under it, in large characters,
?this is the original grey ass.'
“excellent!” exclaimed the hon. tom dashall, “though i must confess you have travelled a long way for your illustration, which is quite sufficient to shew the utility of signs. but i would ask you if you can explain or point out the derivation of many we have in london—such for instance as 'the pig and tinder-box'—'the prad and blower'—'the bird and baby'—'the tyrant and trembler'—'the fist and fragrance'”
“hold,” cried sparkle, “i confess i am not quite so learned.”
“they are novel at least,” observed tallyho, “for i do not recollect to have met with any of them.”
“ha, ha, ha!” exclaimed tom, “then you are not fly, and i must add something to your stock of knowledge after all. the pig and tinder-box is no other than the elephant and castle—the prad and blower, the horse and trumpeter—the bird and baby, the eagle and child—the tyrant and trembler, the lion and lamb—the fist and fragrance, the hand and flowers. then we have the book, bauble, and holler, which is intended to signify the bible, crown, and cushion.”
at this moment a thundering knock at the door announced a visitor, and put an end to their conversation.
in a few minutes a letter was delivered to dashall, which required an immediate answer: he broke the seal, and read as follows:—
“dear tom, “come to me immediately—no time to be lost—insulted and abused—determined to fight bluster—you must be my second—i'll blow his blustering brains out at one pop, never fear. at home at 7, dine at half-past; don't fail to come: i will explain all over a cool bottle of claret—then i shall be calm, at present i am all fire and fury—don't fail to come—half-past seven to a moment on table. you and i alone—toe to toe, my boy—i'll finish him, and remain, as ever,
“yours, sincerely,
“lionel laconic.”
[402] “here's a breeze,” said tom; “desire the messenger to say i shall attend at the appointed hour. death and the devil, this defeats all previous arrangement; but laconic is an old college friend, whom i dare not desert in a moment of emergency. i fear i shall not be able, under such circumstances, to leave town so early as was proposed.”
“sorry for it,” replied sparkle, “and more sorry to be deprived of your company now our time is so short; however, i depart according to the time appointed.”
“and i,” said tallyho, “having no honorable business to detain me in town, intend to accompany you.”
“if that be the case,” said tom, “i may perhaps be almost obliged to delay a few days, in order to adjust this difference between bluster and laconic, and will follow at the earliest moment. it is, however, a duty we owe each other to render what assistance we can in such cases.” “i thought,” continued tallyho, “you were no friend to duelling.”
“by no means,” was the reply; “and that is the very reason why i think it necessary to delay my departure. i know them both, and may be able to bring matters to an amicable conclusion; for to tell you the truth, i don't think either of them particularly partial to the smell of powder; but of that i shall be able to inform you hereafter; for the present excuse me—i must prepare for the visit, while you prepare yourselves for your departure.”
sparkle and tallyho wished tom a pleasant evening, took their dinner at the bedford coffee-house, and spent the evening at covent-garden theatre, much to their satisfaction, though not without many anticipations as to the result of their friend's interference between the two hot-headed duellists.
