that night elsie sat in the parlour (as she still to herself called the dining-room) by the gas-fire which she had lighted on her own responsibility. an act and a situation which a few days earlier, two days earlier, would have been inconceivable to her! but joe's clothes had refused to dry in the kitchen; the gas-ring there was incapable of drawing the water out of them in the damp weather. now they were dry; some of them were folded on a chair; upon these were laid the braces which she had given to him on his birthday, and which evidently he had worn ever since. to elsie now these soiled and frayed braces had a magic vital quality. they seemed, far more than the clothes, to have derived from him some of his individuality, to be a detached part of him; she was sewing a button on the lifeless old trousers, and she had taken the button, and the thimble, needle, and thread from mrs. earlforward's cardboard sewing-box in the left-hand drawer of the sideboard. she was working with the tools of a dead lady. at moments this irked and frightened her; at other moments she thought that what must be must be, and that, anyhow, the clothes ought to be put in order; and she could not go upstairs and disturb joe by searching for her own apparatus—which certainly did not comprise trouser buttons. she tried to be natural and not to look ahead. she would not, for instance, dwell upon the apparently insoluble problem of arranging a proper funeral for mrs. earlforward. how could she, the servant, do anything towards that? she dared not leave her patients. she knew nothing about the organization of funerals. she had never even been to a funeral. she[pg 291] had no knowledge of possible relatives of the earlforwards.
"to-morrow! to-morrow! not till to-morrow—all that!" she said doggedly.
but she failed to push away everything. in the midst of her great grief for the death of mrs. earlforward (a perfect woman and a martyr) the selfish thought of her own future haunted her and would not be dismissed. would joe ever again wear those clothes which she was mending? he had taken some bovril (mr. earlforward also), but she could not persuade herself that he was really better. she was terror-struck by the varied possibilities attending his death. a dead man secretly in her bed! what a plight for her! she determined afresh to confide the secret of joe to mrs. belrose to-morrow morning. not that the mere inconveniences of death deeply troubled her. no! in truth they were naught. or rather, if he died they would have absolutely no importance to her compared with the death itself. having found joe, was she to lose him again? she could not face such a prospect....
and then mr. earlforward. she was beginning to be convinced that the master really was better. he had taken the bovril. he had opened one or two of his letters. the shock of the news about mrs. earlforward, instead of shattering him to pieces, had strengthened him, morally if not physically. he might recover—he was an amazing man! and, of course, she desired him to recover. could she wish anyone's death? she could not be so cruel, so wicked! and yet, and yet, if he lived, she was his slave for ever; she was a captive with no hope of escape. a slave, either bowed down by sorrow for the death of joe, or fatally desolated by the eternal reflection that joe was alive and she could not have him because of her promise to mr. earlforward! she saw no hope; she made no reserves in the interpretation of her vow to the master. she could not see that circumstances inevitably, if slowly, alter cases.
she yawned heavily in extreme exhaustion.[pg 292]
then her ear caught a faint, cautious tapping below. all trembling she crept downstairs. jerry was at the shop-door. in the turmoil of distress she had forgotten that she had commanded him to call for orders. she was glad to have someone to talk to for a little while, and she brought him into the office. she saw in front of her, on the opposite side of the desk, a young lad who had most surprisingly and touchingly put on his best clothes for important events. also he had washed himself. also he was smoking a cigarette.
jerry, who was thin and pinched in the face, saw in front of him an ample and splendid young woman—not very young to him, for his notion of youthfulness was rather narrow, but much younger than his mother, though much older than nell, his fancy of the square, whose years did correspond with his notion of youthfulness. elsie was slightly taller than himself. he thought she had the nicest, kindest face he had ever seen. he loved her brow when she frowned in doubt or anxiety; for him even her aprons were different from any other woman's aprons. he was precocious, in love as in other matters, but he did not love elsie, did not aspire to love her. she was above him, out of his reach; he went in awe of her; he liked to feel that she was his tyrant. she was the most romantic, mysterious, and beautiful of all women and girls. elsie very well understood his attitude towards her.
"i thought i might want yer to run down to the hospital for me, jerry my boy," she said. "but i shan't now. mrs. earlforward died this afternoon."
"it's all over the square," said jerry, spitting negligently into the dark fireplace, and pushing his cap further back on his head.
elsie saw that he did not understand death.
"yes," said she, "i suppose it is." she said no more, because of the uselessness of talking about death to a simple-minded youth like jerry.
"it was very nice of you to bring me my umbrella like that," she said.[pg 293]
"oh!" said he, falsely scornful of himself. "it was easiest for me to bring it along like that."
he had been standing with his legs apart; at this point he sat down familiarly and put his elbows on the desk and his jaw in his hands; the cigarette hung loosely in his very mobile lips. they were silent; jerry was proud and happy, and had nothing in particular to say about it. elsie had too much to say to be able to talk.
"then ye haven't got anything for me to do?" he asked.
"no, i haven't."
"oo!" he was disappointed.
"but i might have to-morrow. you'll be off at two o'clock to-morrow, won't yer?"
"that's me."
"very well then." she rose.
jerry was extraordinarily uplifted by this brief sojourn alone with elsie in the private office of t. t. riceyman's. he felt that he was more of a grown man than ten thousand cigarettes and oaths and backchat with fragile virgins in the square could make him. he sprang from the chair.
"give me a kiss, elsie," he blurted out audaciously. he was frightened by his own cheek.
"jerry perkins!" elsie admonished him. "aren't ye ashamed of yerself? mrs. earlforward dead! and them two so ill upstairs!"
"what two?" jerry asked, rather to cover his confusion than from curiosity.
"i mean mr. earlforward," said elsie. she was not abashed at her slip. with jerry she had a grandiose r?le to play, and no contretemps could spoil her performance.
jerry guessed instantly that she had got joe hidden in the house, but he never breathed a word of it. he even tried to look stupid and uncomprehending, which was difficult for him.
"aren't ye ashamed of yerself?" she solemnly repeated.[pg 294]
he moved towards the door. elsie's glance followed him. she was sorry for him. she wanted to be good to somebody. she could not help mr. earlforward. she could do very little for joe. mrs. earlforward was dead, and she could so easily give jerry delight.
"here!" she said.
he turned. she kissed him quietly but fully. there were no reservations in her kiss. jerry, being too startled by unexpected joy, could not give the kiss back. he lost his nerve and went off so absorbed in his sensations that he forgot even to thank the sweet benefactress. in the square his behaviour to the attendant nell was witheringly curt. nell did not know that she now had to cope with a genuine adult.
