not a sound in the house; nor outside the house. not a clock nor a watch going in the house. mr. earlforward had listened interminably to get the time from the church, but without success. he knew only from the prolonged silence of the street that the hour must be very late. "work!" he murmured to himself in the vast airless desert and void created by the death of violet. "that's the one thing—the one thing." his faculty for compromising with destiny aroused itself for a supreme achievement. it was invincible. he would not think himself into hell or madness or inanition by yielding feebly to the frightful grief caused by the snatching away of that unique woman so solicitous about him, so sensible, so vivacious, so agreeable, so energetic, so enterprising, so ready to adopt his ideas—and yet so independent. her little tantrums—how exquisite, girlish! there had always been a girl in her. the memory of her girlishness desolated him more than anything.
"insufficient nourishment"? no! it could not have been that. had he ever, on any occasion, in the faintest degree, discouraged her from satisfying her appetite? or criticized her housekeeping accounts? no! never had he interfered. moreover she had plenty of money of her own and the absolutely unfettered use of it. he would give her such a funeral as had not been seen in clerkenwell for many a year. the cost, of course, might be charged to her estate, but he would not allow that—though, of course, it would all be the same in the end.
he could not bear to lie in the bed which she had[pg 296] shared with him. the feel of the empty half of it, when he passed his hand slowly over the lower blanket in the dark, tortured him intolerably, and yet he must somehow keep on passing his hand over it. futile and sick indulgence! he got out of bed, drew aside the curtains and drew up the blind. he could not see the moon, but it was lighting the roofs opposite, and its light and that of the gas-lamp lit the room sufficiently to reveal all the principal features of it. animated by the mighty power of his resolution to withstand fate he felt strong—he was strong. his cold legs were quite steady. yes, though he still had a dull pain, the attack of indigestion was declining. he had successfully taken bovril. to work, seated at his desk, could not tire him, and ought to do him good.
a queer affair, that indigestion! he had never suffered from indigestion until the day after his wedding-night, when he had eaten so immoderately of elsie's bride-cake. the bride-cake seemed to have been the determining cause, or perhaps it was merely the occasion, of some change in his system. (but naturally he had said nothing of it.) however, he was now better. a little pain in the old spot—no more.
he opened the wardrobe to get his new shirt and new suit, and saw in the pale gloom violet's garments arranged on their trays. the sight of them shook him terribly. he must assuredly save himself by the labour of reconstituting his existence. it was impossible for him to remain in the bedroom. he dressed himself in the new clothes, putting a muffler round his neck instead of a collar. then he filled his pockets with his personal belongings from the top of the chest of drawers. none was missing. he picked up the pile of correspondence, which he had laid neatly on the pedestal. he could walk without discomfort. he must work. the grim intention to work was irresistibly monopolizing his mind, and driving all else out of it. he left the bedroom—a deed in itself.
on the landing, as he looked upwards, he could see[pg 297] light under elsie's bedroom door. the candles that girl must be burning! he would correct her. should he? supposing she rebelled! elsie had changed; he did not quite know where he was with her; and he did not want to lose her. she was his mainstay in the world. still, it would never do to be afraid of correcting a servant. he would correct her. he would knock at her door and tell her—not for the first time. he mounted two steps, but his legs nearly failed him. he could walk downstairs but not up. besides, if she knew that he was out of bed there might be trouble, and he wished to avoid trouble. therefore, he turned and limped downstairs into the shop and lit it.
to see the shop was like revisiting after an immense period the land of his youth. he recognized one by one the landmarks. here was the loaded bookstand, with its pair of castors, which she had devised. the shop was like a mausoleum of trade. his trade had ceased. it had to be brought back to life, galvanized into activity. could he do it? he must and he would do it. he was capable of the intensest effort. his very sorrow was inspiring him. on the floor at the entrance lay some neglected correspondence which bore footmarks. servants were astounding. elsie had been too negligent even to pick the letters up. she probably never would have picked them up. she would have trod and trod them into the dirty boards—demands for books, offers of books, possibly cheques—the stuff itself of trade. he picked them up with difficulty, and padded into the office, which also he lit. cold! he shivered.
"i'm not entirely cured yet," he thought, and began to doubt himself. the fire was prepared—violet's influence again. fires had never been laid in advance till she came. he put a match to the fire and felt better. undecided, he stroked his cheek. stubble! how long was it since he had shaved? his face must look a pretty sight. happily there was no mirror in either the office or the shop, so that he could not inspect himself. work! work! memories were insinuating themselves anew in[pg 298] his mind. he must repulse them. fancy her running off like that, without a word of good-bye, to the hospital, and now she was irrevocably gone! it was incredible, monstrous, the most sinister piece of devil's magic that ever happened.... chloroform. the knife. fibroid growth.... dead. vanished. she with her vivacity and her optimism.... he was fatigued. the pain had recurred. it was very bad. perhaps he had been ill-advised to come downstairs, for he could not get upstairs again. he cautiously skirted the desk, holding on to it, and sat in his chair. work! work! the reconstruction of his life!
he fingered the letters. with one of them was a cheque, and it must go into the safe for the night. he would endorse it to-morrow. never endorse a cheque till you paid it into the bank, for an endorsed cheque might be the prey of thieves. he bent down sideways to his safe with a certain pleasure. her safe was upstairs in the bathroom. he would have to obtain her keys and open it and examine its contents. he took his own keys from his pocket, and, not very easily, unlocked his safe, and swung forward its door. the familiar act soothed him. the sublime spectacle of the safe, sole symbol of security in a world of perils, enheartened him. after all ...
then he noticed that the silver bag was not precisely in its customary spot on the ledge over the nest of drawers. he started in alarm and clutched at the bag. it was not tied with his knot. he unloosed it and felt crumpled paper within it. "6d"! elsie's clumsy hand-writing, which he knew so well from having seen it now and then on little lists of sales on the backs of envelopes! no! it was not the loss of sixpence that affected him. he could have borne that. what so profoundly, so formidably, shocked him was the fact that elsie had surreptitiously taken his keys, rifled the safe, and returned the keys—and smiled on him and nursed him! there was no security at all in the world of perils. the foundations of faith had been destroyed. elsie![pg 299]
but in the agony of the crisis he did not forget his wife. he moaned aloud:
"what would violet have thought? what would my poor violet have thought of this?"
his splendid fortitude, his superhuman courage to recreate his existence over the ruins of it and to defy fate, were broken down. life was bigger, more cruel, more awful than he had imagined.
