(discusses how parents and elders may help the young to avoid unhappy marriages.)

i will make the assumption that you would like to have a trial of my cure for prostitution. you would like to do something right here and now, without waiting for the social revolution. very well: i propose that you shall find a few other parents of boys and girls who are in revolt against our system of hidden vice, and that you will meet and form a modern marriage club. only you won't call it that, of course; you will tactfully describe it as a literary society, or a social circle, or an epworth league. the parents who run it will know what it is for, just as they do today; the only difference being that it will exist to promote love matches instead of money matches. it happens that i am myself a tactless sort of a person, not skillful at avoiding saying what i mean. so, in this chapter, i shall content myself with setting forth exactly what this marriage club will do, and leaving it to more clever people to supply the necessary camouflage.

this club will begin by correcting the most stupid of all our educational blunders, the assumption of the necessary immaturity of the young. our young people nowadays have ten times as much chance to learn and ten times as much stimulus to learn as we had; and it is a generally safe assumption that they know much more than we think they do, and are ready to learn every sensible and interesting thing. i am carrying on an epistolary acquaintance with a little miss of twelve, who has read half a dozen of my books—among the "worst" of them—and writes me letters of grave appreciation. i have talked on socialism to a thousand school children, and had them question me for an hour, and heard just as worth while questions as i have heard from an audience of bankers. never in my life have i talked about real things with children that i did not find them proud to be treated seriously, and eager to show that they were worthy of that honor. a great part of our foolishness with children is due to the emptiness of our own heads.

these parents will delegate one man and one woman to make a thorough study of the sex education of the young. of course, there is knowledge about sex which has to be given to the very youngest child, and more and more must be given as they grow older and ask more questions. but what i have in mind here is that detailed and precise knowledge which must be given to the young when they approach the period of puberty. at this age of fourteen or fifteen the man will take each of the boys apart, and the woman will take each of the girls, and will explain to them what they need to know. this duty will not be trusted to parents, for parents have an imbecile fear of talking straight to their children, and try to get by with rubbish about bees and flowers. let every child know that the days of the hole-and-corner sex business is forever past, and that here is an instructed person, who talks real american, and knows what he is talking about, and will deal with facts, instead of with evasions.

this club will help to educate the youngsters, and also to give them a good time, developing both their minds and bodies, and learning to know them thoroughly. when they are sixteen each one will have another talk, this time about marriage and what it means; learning that it is not merely flirtations and delicious thrills, but a business partnership, and the deepest and best of all friendships. so when john finds that he likes mary best of all the girls he knows, this won't be a subject for "kidding" and sly innuendo, and blushes and simpering on mary's part, but an occasion for decent and sensible talk about what each of them really is, and what each thinks the other to be. if they think they are in love, then there will be a council of the elder statesmen, to consider that case, and what are the chances of happiness in that love. this may sound forbidding, but it is exactly what is done at present—only it is not done honestly and frankly, and therefore does not carry proper weight with the young people.

i am an opponent of long engagements, but i am also an opponent of no engagements at all; i know no truer proverb than "marry in haste and repent at leisure." it would be my idea that a very young couple should announce their engagement, and then wait six months, and be consulted again about the matter, and have a chance to withdraw with no hard feelings, if either party thought best. if they wished to go on, they might be asked to wait another six months, if their elders felt very certain there were reasons to doubt the wisdom of the match.

there are, of course, people who, because of disease or physical defect, should never be allowed to marry; and others who might marry, but should not be allowed to have children. there should be laws providing for such cases, requiring physical examination before marriage, and in extreme cases providing for a simple and harmless surgical operation to prevent the hopelessly unfit from passing on their defects to the future. but dealing for the moment with normal young persons, members of our modern marriage club, i should say that if, after they have listened to the warning of their elders, and have waited for a decent interval to think things over, they still remain of the opinion that they can make a successful marriage, then it is up to the elders to wish them luck. i have known of young couples who have refused to heed warnings, and regretted it; but i have known of others who went ahead and had their own way and proved they were right. there is a form of wisdom called experience and there is another form called love.

i hear the worldly and cynical rail at the blindness of "young love," and i can see the truth in what they say; but also i can see the deeper truth in the magic dreams of the young soul. here is a youth who adores a girl, and you know the girl, and it is comical to you, because you know she is not any of the things the youth imagines. but who are you that claim to know the last thing about a human soul? look into your own, and see how many different things you are! look back, if you can, to the time when you were young, and remember the visions and the hopes. they have lost all reality to you now; but who can say how many of them you might have made real if there had been one other person who believed in them, and loved them, and would not give them up?

i write this; and then i think of the other side—the fools that i have known in love! the trusting women, marrying rotten men to reform them! the pitiful people who think that fine phrases and sentimentality can take the place of facts! i implore my young couples to sit down and face the realities of their own natures, to decide what they are, and what they want to be—and if there is going to be any change, let it be made and tried out before marriage! i implore them to begin now to control their desires by their reason and judgment; to begin, each of them at the very outset, to carry their share of the burdens and do their share of the hard work. i implore them to value independence and self-reliance in the other, and never above all things to marry from pity, which is a worthy emotion in its place, but has nothing to do with sex, which should be an affair between equals, a matter of partnership and not of parasitism. i think that, on the whole, the most dreadful thing in love is the use of it for preying, for the securing of favors and advantages of any sort, whether by men or by women.