(maintains that the art of love can be taught, and that we have the right and the duty to teach it.)
i assume now that our young couple have definitely made up their minds, and that the wedding day is near. they are therefore, both the man and the woman, in position to receive information as to the physical aspects of their future experience. this information is now for the most part possessed only by pathologists—who impart it too late, after people have blundered and wrecked their lives. the opponents of birth control ask in horror if you would teach it to the young; i am now able to answer just when i would teach it; i would teach it to these young couples about to marry. i would make it by law compulsory for every young couple to attend a school of marriage, and to learn, not merely the regulation of conception, but the whole art of health and happiness in sex.
perhaps the words, "a school of marriage," strike you as funny. when i was young i remember that pulitzer founded a school of journalism, and all newspaper editors made merry—they knew that journalism could only be learned in practice. but nowadays every city editor gives preference to an applicant who has taken a college course in reporting; they have learned that journalism can be taught, just like engineering and accounting. in the same way i assert that marriage can be taught, and the art of love, physical, mental, moral, and even financial; i think that the day will come when enlightened parents would no more dream of trusting their tender young daughter to a man who had not taken a course in sex, than they would go up in an aeroplane with a pilot who knew nothing about an engine.
the knowledge which i possess upon the art of love i would be glad to give you in this book; but unfortunately, if i were to do so, my book would be suppressed, and i should be sent to jail.
some ten or twelve years ago i received a pitiful letter from a man who was in state's prison in delaware, charged with having imparted information as to birth control. under our amiable legal system, a perfectly innocent man may be thrown into jail, and kept there for a year or two before he is tried, and if he is without money or friends, he might as well be buried alive. i went to wilmington to call on the united states attorney who had caused the indictment in this case, and had an illuminating conversation with him. the official was anxious to justify what he had done. he assured me that he was no bigot, but on the contrary an extremely liberal man, a unitarian, a progressive, etc. "but mr. sinclair," he said, "i assure you this prisoner is not a reformer or humanitarian or anything like that. he is a depraved person. look, here is something we found in his trunk when we arrested him; a pamphlet, explaining about sex relations. see this paragraph—it says that the pleasure of intercourse is increased if it is prolonged."
i looked at the pamphlet, and then i looked at the attorney. "do you think you have stated the matter quite fairly?" i asked. "apparently the purpose is to explain that the emotions of women are more slow to be aroused than those of men, and that husbands failing to realize this, often do not gratify their wives."
"well," said the other, "do you consider that a subject to be discussed?"
"pardon me if i discuss it just a moment," i replied. "do you happen to know whether the statement is a fact?"
"no, i don't. it may be, i suppose."
"you have never investigated the matter?"
the legal representative of our government was evidently annoyed by my persistence. "i have not," he answered.
"but then, suppose i were to tell you that thousands of homes have been broken up for lack of just that bit of knowledge; that tens of thousands of marriages are miserable for lack of it."
"surely, mr. sinclair, you exaggerate!"
"not at all. i could prove to you by one medical authority after another, that if the desire of a woman in marriage is roused, and then left ungratified, the result is nervous strain, and in the long run it may be nervous breakdown."
the above covers only one detail of the pamphlet in question. i read some pages of it, and argued them out with the attorney. it was a perfectly simple, straightforward exposition of facts about the physiology of sex; and one of the reasons a man was to be sent to jail for several years was—not that he had circulated such a pamphlet, not that he had showed it to young people, but merely that he had it in his trunk!
there is an honest and very useful book, written by an english physician, dr. marie c. stopes, entitled "married love," published by dr. wm. j. robinson of new york, a specialist of authority and integrity. the book deals with just such vital facts in a perfectly dignified and straightforward manner; yet dr. robinson has been hounded by the postoffice department because of it; he was convicted and forced to pay a fine of $250, and the book was barred from the mails!
i have so much else of importance to say in this book of love that it would not be sensible to jeopardize it by causing a controversy with our official censors of knowledge. therefore i will merely say in general terms that men and women differ, not merely as a sex, but as individuals, and every marriage is a separate problem. every couple has to solve it in the intimacy of their love life, and for this there are needed, first of all, gentleness on the part of the man, especially in the first days of the honeymoon; and on the part of both at all times consideration for the other's welfare and enjoyment, and above all, frankness and honesty in talking out the subject. reticence and shyness may be virtues elsewhere, but they have no place in the intimacies of the sex life; if men and women will only ask and answer frankly, they can find out by experience what makes the other happy, and what causes pain.
we are dealing here with the most sacred intimacy of life, and one of the most vital of life's problems. it is here, in the marriage bed, that the divorce problem is to be settled, and likewise the problem of prostitution; for it is when men and women fail to understand each other, and to gratify each other, that one or the other turns cold and indifferent, perhaps angry and hateful—and then we have passions unsatisfied, and ranging the world, breaking up other homes and spreading disease. so i would say to every young couple, seek knowledge on this subject. seek it without shame from others who have had a chance to acquire it. seek it also from nature, our wise old mother, who knows so much about her children!
be natural; be simple and straightforward; and beware of fool notions about sex. if you will look in the code of hammurabi, which is over four thousand years old, you will see the provision that a man who has intercourse with a menstruating woman shall be killed. in leviticus you will read that both the man and the woman are to be cast out from their people. you will find that most people still have some such notion, which is without any basis whatever in health. and this is only one illustration of many i might give of ignorance and superstition in the sex life. i would give this as one very good rule to bear in mind; your love life exists for the happiness and health of yourself and your partner, and not for hammurabi, nor moses, nor jehovah, nor your mother-in-law, nor anybody else on the earth or above it.
great numbers of people believe that women are naturally less passionate than men, and that marital happiness depends upon men's recognizing this. of course, there are defective individuals, both men and women; but the normal woman is every bit as passionate as a man, if once she has been taught; and if love is given its proper place in life, and monkish notions not allowed to interfere, she will remain so all through life, in spite of child-bearing or anything else. i say to married couples that they should devote themselves to making and preserving passionate gratification in love; because this is the bright jewel in the crown of marriage, and if lovers solve this problem, they will find other problems comparatively simple.
