laurence renton’s state of mind when he left the manor immediately after his father’s death was very different from that of his brother ben. he was a different man altogether, as will be seen. he had that unconscious natural generosity of temper and unselfishness of disposition which is more a woman’s quality than a man’s. by instinct, he put himself, as it were, on the secondary level, and considered matters in general rather as they affected other people. it was no virtue in him, and he did not even know it. such a disposition could scarcely have existed with a passionate or energetic mind; and laurie was not energetic. he could no more have absorbed himself in a foolish passion as ben had done, than he could have set to work with the practical sense of his younger brother. he was lazy laurence under all circumstances; fond of philosophising over his mischances, taking most things very quietly; and he had a faculty of contenting himself with what was pleasant in whatsoever aspect it might{219} come, which is the very death of ambition in every shape and form. he had occupied some rooms at kensington, with a pretty studio attached to them, in his father’s lifetime, when money was plentiful. no wonder mrs. westbury had mourned over him, and denounced so luxurious a mode of bringing up. he was of course a younger son, and had no pretensions to lead an idle life. providence seemed indeed to have indicated a public office, or some such moderate occupation, which would have left him time for his favourite dilettantism and required no particular activity or exercise of intellect. but laurence had been a perplexing subject to deal with all his life. he had been one of those trying boys who have no particular bent one way or another. he was a bright, intelligent, indolent, inaccurate lad, utterly incapable of dates or facts in general, but full of social qualities,—good-natured, tender-hearted, ready to do anything for anybody. and then he had travelled a little, and drifted among an artist set, and from that day hoped and imagined himself capable of art. he had always had a certain facility in drawing, and everybody knows how easy it is to glide into the busy dawdling, the thousand pleasant trifles of occupation which fill the time of an amateur. it seemed to laurie, as it has seemed to many another, that a life made beautiful by that faculty of discovering beauty which the humblest artist prides himself on possessing,—and the privilege of claiming{220} a kind of membership with a noble craft,—was superior to the loftiest stool and the most dignified desk even in a foreign office. he was proud to call himself, as he often did, ‘a poor painter;’ and, alas! a poor painter in the literal sense of the words laurie was. he had no genius, poor fellow! only a tender, amiable, pleasant, little talent, which would have led him into verses had his turn been literary. his friends and relations would have been more deeply shocked still had they known what a toss-up it was whether laurie’s amateurship had taken the literary or artistic turn,—but fortunately it was the latter; and as he made pretty little sketches, and had given them away with charming liberality, and harmed nobody, it was only the high moralists, such as his aunt lydia, who found any fault with what he was fond of calling his ‘trade.’ and there was this to be said in his favour, that he had no expensive tastes, and that, given this mode of idleness, which he called work, laurie’s was about as harmless a life as a young man could lead;—‘especially as he will never need to maintain himself,’ people had been used to say.
all this, however, had changed for him as for his brother. even laurie’s modest establishment could not be kept on two hundred a-year; and he had been used to be liberal, and manage his money matters with an easy hand, always ready to help a comrade in distress. so that it was absolutely necessary for him now to{221} work. he went into his kensington rooms with feelings not unlike those which moved ben when he made his melancholy inventory of his things at the albany. there were accumulations of all kinds in the place. bits of old carpet, bits of ‘drapery,’ bits of still life, a little china, a little of everything; and a north light, perfect of its kind, in the studio. he had fitted it all up to suit himself, with a hundred handy devices,—stands for his portfolios, velvet-covered shelves, all sorts of nooks for the artistic trumpery which is supposed to be necessary in a studio; and the tiny little sitting-room into which the studio opened had a queer, little, round bow-window, looking into the park, which was something like a box at the opera without the music. all the world streamed under laurie’s bow-window coming and going, and many a nod and pleasant smile reached the artist.—save the mark!—in his velvet coat, as he came now and then from behind his fresh flowers to look out upon the fashion and beauty, sometimes with a palette in his hand or maul-stick, on which he leaned as he looked out. it gave him a certain pleasure to pose in this professional way. perhaps it was as well for the consistency of laurie’s philosophy that it was september when he came back to kensington gore. he went and sat down in his bow-window, and nobody passed,—nobody except the unknown people who stream about london streets all day long, and of whom no one takes any notice. no{222} doubt there were human figures enough; but the trees were very shabby in the park, and the grass, as far as he could see, was burnt to a pale yellow, and two nursemaids and one guardsman had all the expanse to themselves. in these circumstances, perhaps, it was easier to take leave of his pleasant little hermitage. he sat in his window and looked carelessly out, and mused on the change. a pot of china asters, showy enough, yet betokening the winter which approached, replaced all the roses and bright geraniums which generally filled the stand. the season was over, and this kind of thing was over, and the first part of life.
well! he said to himself,—and no particular harm either. life was not kensington gore. many admirable artists had lived and died in fitzroy square; and there was turner in queen anne street,—not that one would choose to be like turner. after all, it was but for half the year that kensington gore was desirable. when people were out of town, what did it matter? and then a smile crossed his face as it occurred to him that henceforward he was not likely to be one of those who go out of town. looking down, his vacant eye caught the succession of figures passing along the pavement; many very well-dressed, well-looking people, not having the least appearance of being outcasts of society. and yet such they must be, or else they would scarcely be there in such numbers in september. then he went{223} on to reflect what heaps of people he himself knew who lived in london all the year round, with the exception of a month or two, or a week or two, somewhere for health’s sake. most painters were of this class. it was but identifying himself more entirely with the art he had chosen; and in that point of view it would be good for him. an amateur is never good for anything, thought laurie; but a man who has to devote himself to his work without any vain interruptions has a chance to make something of it. then a gleam of pleasant and conscious vanity, for which he smiled at himself, flitted over his meditations. he could almost see the people pausing before a picture in the academy,—or two or three pictures for that matter,—why not?—when he had nothing else to do,—and telling each other how the painter had been maltreated by fortune, and how this was the result of it,—hard work and success, and substantial pudding and sweetest praise;—ay, and a reputation very different from that of the dilettante who strolled from his studio to the bow-window, and looked out in his professional costume to receive the salutations of the ladies. ‘there is poor laurie renton, who has been so foolish as to take to art and nonsense; but, fortunately, he will never need to be dependent on it.’ that was what the ladies used to say as they passed. how different it would be when they stood before the great picture in the academy, and read the name in the catalogue.{224} he saw the expression on certain faces as they read that name. ‘what, laurie renton! who would have thought he could ever have been good for anything?’ this was what laurie called thinking over his changed affairs.
there was one drop of bitterness, however, in his cup which had not been in ben’s. we have said that when mrs. westbury visited laurie in his room on the night of his father’s funeral, there were some little notes lying on his table, over which he was making himself miserable, with his face hidden in his hands. it is not necessary to mention her name, as she has, unfortunately, nothing to do with this story; but the fact was that there had been somebody whose little notes made laurie’s heart beat. they had been the simplest kind of letters:—‘dear mr. renton,—mamma bids me say that she will be very glad if you will come to dinner on thursday;’—nothing more: and yet he had tied them up very carefully together and preserved them,—the foolish fellow,—as if they were pearls and diamonds.
it was one of those might-have-beens, which are in every life. she had very good blood, and very sweet looks, and that perfect homely training of an english girl which people try to persuade us has vanished from the world,—had we not eyes of our own to see otherwise. she knew no latin nor greek, but she was more brightly intelligent than her brother, for instance, who was a fellow of all{225} souls. and she had not a penny; and if laurie renton had come in, as seemed likely, to as much money as would have produced him 1500l. or even 1000l. a-year——!
alas! that is how things happen in this life. laurie was not the kind of man, like ben, to dare the impossible and keep his love at all hazards. he knew well enough it would not do. years must pass before he painted that picture at which his friends should stare in the academy; and in the interval no doubt some one would come in who could give her everything she ought to have, and for whom her sweet face would brighten, and not for him. this had been the first thought that had occurred to laurie when his father’s will was read. he had seen her standing in her bridal veil beside some one else, five minutes after the sound of the lawyer’s voice had died on his ear. it had wrung his heart, but he had said, ‘god bless her!’ all the same. never word of love had passed between them. when the returning season brought her back to the little house in mayfair, she would wonder, perhaps sigh, perhaps ask what had become of mr. renton? but by that time laurie knew his little boat would have been so long gone down under the sea that there would not be even a circle left on the smooth, treacherous water. it might cost her a little gentle expectation or disappointment,—a wistful look here and there for the face that was not to be seen again.{226} unselfish as he was, laurie hoped it would cost her as much as that; but it would not cost her more. and long before the seven years were out or his great picture exhibited in the academy—to which, perhaps, her friends would object as much as to his poverty—she would be some one else’s wife. and it would be better for her. she had always been too good for laurie. some one who could give her rank, wealth, whatever heart could desire——! poor laurie’s heart contracted with a sudden pang, and forced the moisture to his eyes. he was only four-and-twenty, poor fellow! but it was to be so. not his the force or the passion to resist fate. it was one of the might-have-beens which gave so strange, so shadowy a character to this existence. strange to stand amid the unalterable laws of nature and see what caprice moves the fate of the chief of nature’s works. if aunt lydia had held her peace! if mr. renton had not changed his mind! we are such stuff as dreams are made of! laurie said to himself as he turned from the scentless china asters in his window and the empty park, and this concluded phase of life.
but still things might have been worse. this overthrow might have happened a year ago, at the moment when laurie had pledged all his credit, and given all his money to geoffrey sutton,—poor old fellow!—after the brigands sacked his little villa up{227} on lake nemi, and took everything he had in the world. when old geoff was going about, wild and penniless, girt round with pistols, to revenge his loss, without thinking that his life might go instead of masaccio’s, and that nobody would be left to pay his friends at home! what a business it would have been had this happened then! but in the meantime geoff’s old uncle had been so obliging as to die, and all was right again. or had it occurred that time when laurie took his last twenty pounds out of the bank to send harry wood to rome to nurse his lungs and pursue his studies! fortunately at this moment there was nothing in hand to make matters worse than they were by nature, which laurie reflected was the greatest good luck,—a chance which he scarcely deserved, imprudent as he was. so that on the whole, except for the necessity of leaving kensington gore, it would not make much difference. that he should feel a little, of course;—everything was so handy, so nice, so bright, and mrs. brown understood his ways. but after all, what did it matter where a man lived? a good light to paint by, any sort of a clean room to sleep in, and a friendly face now and then to look in upon his work. of that last particular he was always certain. indeed, laurie was fully aware that among his artist friends he was likely to be rather more than less popular when he ceased to be a ‘swell’ and amateur.{228}
such were the young man’s thoughts when he began to feel the ground under his feet again after his overthrow. poor ben! how hard it would be upon him! but after all for himself it was no such terrible business. art is long; and so, for that matter, is life too, at four-and-twenty, or at least appears so, which comes to much the same thing. laurie for his part would have been very glad to have stood by his brother and given him all the succour that brotherly sympathy can give, had the elder been so inclined; but, to tell the truth, ben had been morose when they parted, and had requested to be left alone, and that no attempt should be made to condole with or help him until he himself took the initiative. laurie went and made a sketch of the three fairy princes setting out on their travels, to solace himself when he had ‘thought over’ as above for a sufficiently long period. such little sketches were the best things he ever did, his friends said. there was young frank marching in advance on a noble steed, with the sun shining on his helmet and all his gorgeous apparel; and laurie himself following after with his easel on his shoulder, his portfolios, half-finished canvases, palettes, colour-boxes, and accompanying trumpery hung about his person. ben came last, with his coat buttoned, and his face set against the wind. poor ben! it was more difficult to make out how he would take it than{229} how it would affect the others. thus laurie, even in the first shock, made light of his own share. there were three beautifully distinct paths on which the three were setting out. in frank’s case the road was continuous, and led through sundry stormy indications of battle, and fantastic,—supposed,—indian towers, to where a coronet hung in mid air,—the infallible reward, as everybody knows, of energetic young soldiers who leave the guards for the line. in laurie’s own path, the glorious cupolas of the national gallery, with laughing little imps fondly embracing each pepper-pot, closed the vista. these were easy of execution; but what was to be the end of ben’s painful way? it lay up hill in his brother’s sketch, a perfect alp of ascent. but on the height, though so austere, stood renton manor in full sunshine, at one side; while on the other appeared a stately tudor interior, full of gentlemen in their hats, where some one with the features of the pedestrian below was addressing the interested audience. ‘for of course that is how it will end,’ laurie said to himself; and yet his heart melted, poor foolish fellow, over the rocks and glaciers in his brother’s way.
‘and i wonder which of them will meet the white cat,’ laurie said to himself, hanging over his drawing-block with his pencil in hand, giving here and there a touch; ‘frank, perhaps, as becomes a{230} soldier; but i wish it might be ben.’ and then he bent over his own part of the sketch, and did something to the imps on the national gallery and sighed. with that soft ache in his heart, poor fellow! enchanted primrose-paths were not for him. so the next thing he did was to plant a lovely little ideal figure on the rocks through which his elder brother was to make his way, beckoning to ben and cheering him on. that was how it should be. he spent a great deal of time over his drawing, and took pleasure in the comic burdens which were suspended from his own person,—brushes dangling at his heels, a lay figure suspended over his shoulder, and a little dog barking in amaze at the wonderful apparition. he laughed over it just as he had sighed. fate was good to laurie, who could find some way of extracting a little pleasure, a little amusement, out of everything. it was quite late in the afternoon when he put his drawing-block aside, placing it on the mantel-piece, where the drawing might catch his eye whenever he returned, and took his hat and went out. he was going to ask advice of old welby, an old r.a. of his acquaintance, as to what course of study he should adopt, and what would be best for him in general, in the way of art. ‘and there’s the padrona as well, who understands a fellow better than welby,’ he added to himself as he went out; and perhaps that was why he put one of mrs. brow{231}n’s monthly roses,—for lack of a better,—in his button-hole as he passed. for he was a young fellow who was fond of the society of women, and liked to appear well in their eyes, notwithstanding that ache in his heart.
