tuesday, march 28, 1944

my dearest kitty,

as much as i'd like to write more on politics, i have lots of other news to report today. first, mother has virtually forbidden me to go up to peter's, since, according to her, mrs. van daan is jealous. second, peter's invited margot to join us upstairs. whether he really means it or is just saying it out of politeness, i don't know. third, i asked father if he thought i should take any notice of mrs. van daan's jealousy and he said i didn't have to.

what should i do now? mother's angry, doesn't want me going upstairs, wants me to go back to doing my homework in the room i share willi dussel. she may be jealous herself. father doesn't begrudge us those few hours and thinks it's nice we get along so well. margot likes peter too, but feels that three people can't talk about the same things as two.

furthermore, mother thinks peter's in love with me. to tell you the truth, i wish he were. then we'd be even, and it'd be a lot easier to get to know each other. she also claims he's always looking at me. well, i suppose we do give each other the occasional wink. but i can't help it if he keeps admiring my dimples, can i?

i'm in a very difficult position. mother's against me and i'm against her. father turns a blind eye to the silent struggle between mother and me. mother is sad, because she still loves me, but i'm not at all unhappy, because she no longer means anything to me.

as for peter. . . i don't want to give him up. he's so sweet and i admire him so much. he and i could have a really beautiful relationship, so why are the old folks poking their noses into our business again? fortu- nately, i'm used to hiding my feelings, so i manage not to show how crazy i am about him. is he ever going to say anything? am i ever going to feel his cheek against mine, the way i felt petel's cheek in my dream? oh, peter and petel, you're one and the same! they don't understand us; they'd never understand that we're content just to sit beside each other and not say a word. they have no idea of what draws us together! oh, when will we overcome all these difficulties? and yet it's good that we have to surmount them, since it makes the end that much more beautiful. when he lays his head on his arms and closes his eyes, he's still a child; when he plays with mouschi or talks about her, he's loving; when he carries the potatoes or other heavy loads, he's strong; when he goes to watch the gunfire or walks through the dark house to look for burglars, he's brave; and when he's so awkward and clumsy, he's hopelessly endearing. it's much nicer when he explains something to me than when i have to teach him. i wish he were superior to me in nearly every way!

what do we care about our two mothers? oh, if only he'd say something.

father always says i'm conceited, but i'm not, i'm merely vain! i haven't had many people tell me i was pretty, except for a boy at school who said i looked so cute when i smiled. yesterday peter paid me a true com- pliment, and just for fun i'll give you a rough idea of our conversation.

peter often says, "smile!" i thought it was strange, so yesterday i asked him, "why do you always want me to smile?"

"because you get dimples in your cheeks. how do you do that?"

"i was born with them. there's also one in my chin. it's the only mark of beauty i possess."

"no, no, that's not true!"

"yes it is. i know i'm not beautiful. i never have been and i never will be!"

"i don't agree. i think you're pretty."

"i am not."

"i say you are, and you'll have to take my word for it." so of course i then said the same about him.

yours, anne m. fran

k